(no subject)
Story: It's Only You, Beautiful (Chapter 10) Double digits, yo.
Rating: PG
Pairing: Tony/Jesse
Summary: HS fic
Disclaimer: It's fakkkeee. Yep.
Dedication: boysandbruises Because she's the John to my Jesse. *hugs* <33
Notes: Yeah hi. I'm back. No, i'm not dead. The other chapters are on my LJ seeing how there is a word limit. Sorry.
Ch. 10 -
On the surface, it’s perfect, everything you ever wished for maybe. There’s a slight wind that blows into your face as you and Tony swerve around a curve in the road. You take in a deep breath of that air, which is probably thick from carbon monoxide and other dangerous chemicals. It only has the illusion of being “fresh air” because people want to think that. Just like you want to think that this is all perfect.
It really should be you know. You’re in a sleek, Mercedes convertible car, sitting next to a hot boy with a yearlong perfection and eyes that could melt away glaciers if he really wanted to. You can hear the lead singer from The Smith’s voice from the built in CD player of the car, lulling you into a soft daze. You can feel Tony’s fingers begin to intertwine with yours, forming a tight clasp. You can hear the sound of puckered lips to soft skin as Tony’s thin lips press against your body whenever he gets a chance to.
It’s all beautiful and serene but you can’t accept it. And no, it’s not because you’re some really sensitive emo kid that thinks that life is only meant to be about suicide, unhappiness, and a lifetime supply of Bright Eyes’ CD’s. It goes deeper than that, to the look in Tony’s eyes that you saw. Whenever you close your own eyes you can see it and you shiver slightly, not enough for Tony to feel it or else he would have offered you his black hoodie that lies swung over the back seat. And maybe it’s not the actual glint in his eye that gets to you but what that glint really meant. The fact that he knew that you weren’t ready but still proceeded trying to go through with the whole act makes you feel used…dirty.
And now you’re thinking about how ugly the world really is. Just one big ugly ball of blue and brown, which people try to beautify with splashes of color even though they just end up making it worse. Sometimes though, it disguises itself well, the ugliness is able to blend in…that’s why there are nature freaks. Those people who go on and on about how the human race is destroying the environment with apartments, shopping complexes, etc. but these are also the people that go home to their two room apartments, buy commercial goods, and other things that do promote the “killing” of the earth’s beauty.
So maybe this wasn’t the best analogy for the earth because you were the one who was just telling Tony how beautiful the lake was and just how much it belonged in a fairytale. You could just be another one of these nature freaks so you really shouldn’t be talking. It occurs to you that while this analogy didn’t exactly quite fit with describing the earth, it does however fit Tony. Except the being a ball of ugliness part. Because that is obviously not true.
Tony Lovato is from a glance perfection and everything else that comes with it. The charming boyish look, smooth tones…he is the whole nine yards, as good as it gets some may argue. You used to be one of those people…who worshipped his every move and this was only because you only ever saw him from a glance. Not literally speaking of course because you have been close enough to him to have memorized his body, every mole that lined him.
You knew all of these things but you only realize now that none of these things really matter. It doesn’t matter if you know how many strands of bleached blonde hair he has on his head. It doesn’t matter if you know the exact spot of every scar and blemish on his body. They just don’t because they’re all on the surface. And the surface is not what he’s all about.
He’s like a painting that only looks like a masterpiece from a distance you realize. But as soon as you go closer, as soon as your eyes are able to narrow in on all the small details, it clearly shows that Tony is not God. If he were a painting, some of the colors would be overlapping harshly and the lines would be wobbly when they were supposed to be straight.
This weekend did allow you to get to know Tony better. You got to see the vulnerable side of him, the side that reminds you of yourself and it’s that side that makes you want to help him. If he’ll let you that is. His lips go to graze your cheek once again and there’s a feeling that’s so tangible but you can’t put your finger on it. It’s at the tip of your tongue but you’re just missing it.
You still feel dirty and you’re still wondering if Tony is only using you for sex because at the moment it really seems like it is. Trying to forget about something is the hardest thing to do and it never works. It’s like a simple rule of life, the more you want to forget, the more you will remember. Every detail sticks out in your head vividly, the way the grass still had fragments of morning dew, the way his shoes were placed…
But most of all, it’s the desperation in Tony’s eyes when he looked at you that you remember most. It could be that he’s just a sex-crazed teenager as many people would agree with because it just seems more believable. And again, people will always agree with something they feel comfortable with. But….you’re not so sure that was all there was to it; the look was much too intense.
Tony’s eyes are on you, you can feel them as if they’re burning air holes into you. You don’t look at him though, too scared that your eyes will give away too much of what you’re feeling. That Tony will be able to read you like a book…he’s done it before, he can probably do it again. So you continue to stare out the window and he continues to stare you down.
It stays somewhat like this until he finally pulls up to your broken down house with the rotting paint. It’s late and shadows are playing along the walls, almost like a game of tag. He pulls right up to your driveway and stops the engine so that the one sound that fills up the silence is your own breathing. Blink twice and finally allow your gaze to settle on him.
“Thanks Tone…I had a really good time,” you murmur softly, wondering if he can really make out your words.
But he nods so you assume he can. He leans towards you slowly, his hand reaching forward and at first you think he’s going for the seatbelt clasp, but it ends up on your thigh, rubbing smooth circles that extend inward. His mouth hovers in the space near yours, so close that you are able to smell the peppermint in his breath, and it’s still coming nearer by the second. You don’t move though, just watch as Tony works his way to you, places his soft lips on yours. You feel his tongue nudging gently against your teeth, but you don’t relent instead you pull away gently.
His forehead is resting against yours and he’s trying to look like it didn’t bother him, but his eyes give him away. Your head goes forward, meaning to give him a kiss on the cheek to reassure him, but he turns so you end up pressing your lips to the side of his nose.
Pull away for the last time, release yourself from the seatbelt, and grab your bag from the back. Stand outside the car, your hands making a waving motion, curling slightly, as Tony reverses out of the driveway. When he’s gone, you sigh loudly again, turning around to start walking to your house.
As soon as you turn, you feel your heart jump and skip a few beats. Craig is standing in front of the door, his eyes shocked, jaw clenched stubbornly. Your mind is racing with ideas and thoughts so you shake your head trying to clear them. Continue walking up the driveway, your eyes on your brother as he glares back at you.
When you’re two feet away from him, he reaches forward and grabs your shoulders, shaking you furiously.
“Jesse, what the hell was that?” he asks, voice trembling with what you guess is anger.
You fight to get out of his grip while he fights to keep you in it. Craig was always the better one…at everything so you quit trying and hang your head.
“Answer me.” You can hear from his low tone that he’s getting control over himself again.
Sigh again, smooth your hair back with your left hand, and look up once more. “It was nothing Craig. Now let me-“
“You were kissing a guy! Don’t give me this bullshit that it was nothing,” he hisses at you, eyes narrowing in and you feel like a bug under a microscope.
“This isn’t any of your business Craig. So just butt out of it…” You trail off as his hand goes forward quickly, seeming like he’s going to punch you, but instead his fist curls around your shirt collar pulling you even closer.
“You’re my little brother Jesse. I’m related to you, what you do does involve me, whether you like it or not.”
You suddenly understand it, like a light bulb just flickered on. “Oh, so I guess it’s not good for your reputation to have a gay younger brother huh? I should’ve guessed.”
His next response shows that it was the wrong light bulb that just turned on.
Craig does punch you this time, lightly on the jaw, eyes glaring dangerously. He’s breathing heavily and it’s not from his weak punch at you.
“Shut the hell up. How dense do you think I am kid? That this is all over my reputation…news flash, it already got destroyed with Dad. Do you even know this Lovato kid?”
You stutter when you talk. “Y-yes.”
“Oh so you know that he got arrested with his cousin last spring for almost killing a guy with a baseball bat?”
Your response is soft and you hope he didn’t hear it. “No.”
“That the kid he beat up is now in the hospital, trying to recover from several broken ribs, both legs broken, and multiple minor injuries?”
You shake your head, feeling dumber by the moment.
“That his doctors don’t even know if he’ll be able to walk again because it was so bad?”
Again, shake your head.
“That the only reason he and his cousin are in our school is because none of the private schools would actually take them in due to violent records?”
This time you don’t give a response, just stare up at him.
He sighs when he sees the look that casts itself upon your face. “These Lovato kids mean trouble Jess. They’re covered in it, you shouldn’t…can’t hang out with them, especially not date one.”
“But…Craig, Tony wouldn’t hurt me. Really…” You’re aware of how pathetically weak you sound. But you can’t change that now.
Craig sighs exasperatedly, shaking his head twice. “Stop being so naïve Jesse…”
The phone has started to ring in the house, so you push forward inside, running to get it, which in turn forces your talk with Craig to come to an end…for now at least.
Your brother reaches the phone before you, leaving you to watch him as he picks up the phone. You’re pleading softly to God that it is not Tony. Please…
“Hello?” Go up closer to Craig so that you’re right beside him. Still pray fervently.
“Who are you?” Your mind freezes, crying out almost.
“Oh, wait a second, I’ll call him…” It is Tony. You can hear from the coldness and apathy from Craig’s voice that it is.
Take the phone from him, biting down on your lip and you want to wish Craig away right now.
“Hey Tone…”
“Jesse. Hey man. I know we just saw each other and whatever. But take this as I just can’t get enough of you…” His voice is too high. He’s talking too fast. Something’s going on but you can’t figure it out…not with Craig burning holes into your head anyway.
You laugh nervously into the phone.
“Yeah so, Lara’s having this totally rad party at her house. Her parent’s are gone for the weekend and I was hoping you’d come.” His voice sounds so desperately hopeful now and you just can’t say no to that.
“Uh…sure Tone. I’ll see you there. Bye.” You hang up fast, wincing at the sound it makes from being slammed down so hard.
You try your best to pretend that nothing happened or is going to happen. Grab your jacket from the bed with shaky fingers, ignoring the look of unbelief which illuminates Craig’s eyes. He’s not saying anything yet and you’re glad because the sooner you get out of the room, the better.
Just when your hand reaches the door knob you hear him call out your name and forcing you to stop.
“What? You’re still going? Even after what I just told you?”
You sigh and face him. “Craig, I like Tony. He likes me too. I promise you that nothing bad will happen.”
Again you twist the knob, still trembling and hoping with everything inside of you that you are right.
“Yeah whatever. Where are you going anyway?” he asks, you can hear from his tone that he is doubtful still. But Craig always knew when to stop.
“That girl…Lara’s house…she’s holding some kinda party. Tony invited me…” You trail off, aware of how stupid this is all sounding because Craig knows how much you hate these things.
“Jess, I’m going to ask you one more time to not go. After that, it’s not my problem.”
He’s serious, everything about him tells you that. The way he’s standing, looking at you, just everything. But you can’t let Tony down.
You pause, the door’s halfway open now. You nod once, it was such a small movement but you know he caught it.
And you leave.
Rating: PG
Pairing: Tony/Jesse
Summary: HS fic
Disclaimer: It's fakkkeee. Yep.
Dedication: boysandbruises Because she's the John to my Jesse. *hugs* <33
Notes: Yeah hi. I'm back. No, i'm not dead. The other chapters are on my LJ seeing how there is a word limit. Sorry.
Ch. 10 -
On the surface, it’s perfect, everything you ever wished for maybe. There’s a slight wind that blows into your face as you and Tony swerve around a curve in the road. You take in a deep breath of that air, which is probably thick from carbon monoxide and other dangerous chemicals. It only has the illusion of being “fresh air” because people want to think that. Just like you want to think that this is all perfect.
It really should be you know. You’re in a sleek, Mercedes convertible car, sitting next to a hot boy with a yearlong perfection and eyes that could melt away glaciers if he really wanted to. You can hear the lead singer from The Smith’s voice from the built in CD player of the car, lulling you into a soft daze. You can feel Tony’s fingers begin to intertwine with yours, forming a tight clasp. You can hear the sound of puckered lips to soft skin as Tony’s thin lips press against your body whenever he gets a chance to.
It’s all beautiful and serene but you can’t accept it. And no, it’s not because you’re some really sensitive emo kid that thinks that life is only meant to be about suicide, unhappiness, and a lifetime supply of Bright Eyes’ CD’s. It goes deeper than that, to the look in Tony’s eyes that you saw. Whenever you close your own eyes you can see it and you shiver slightly, not enough for Tony to feel it or else he would have offered you his black hoodie that lies swung over the back seat. And maybe it’s not the actual glint in his eye that gets to you but what that glint really meant. The fact that he knew that you weren’t ready but still proceeded trying to go through with the whole act makes you feel used…dirty.
And now you’re thinking about how ugly the world really is. Just one big ugly ball of blue and brown, which people try to beautify with splashes of color even though they just end up making it worse. Sometimes though, it disguises itself well, the ugliness is able to blend in…that’s why there are nature freaks. Those people who go on and on about how the human race is destroying the environment with apartments, shopping complexes, etc. but these are also the people that go home to their two room apartments, buy commercial goods, and other things that do promote the “killing” of the earth’s beauty.
So maybe this wasn’t the best analogy for the earth because you were the one who was just telling Tony how beautiful the lake was and just how much it belonged in a fairytale. You could just be another one of these nature freaks so you really shouldn’t be talking. It occurs to you that while this analogy didn’t exactly quite fit with describing the earth, it does however fit Tony. Except the being a ball of ugliness part. Because that is obviously not true.
Tony Lovato is from a glance perfection and everything else that comes with it. The charming boyish look, smooth tones…he is the whole nine yards, as good as it gets some may argue. You used to be one of those people…who worshipped his every move and this was only because you only ever saw him from a glance. Not literally speaking of course because you have been close enough to him to have memorized his body, every mole that lined him.
You knew all of these things but you only realize now that none of these things really matter. It doesn’t matter if you know how many strands of bleached blonde hair he has on his head. It doesn’t matter if you know the exact spot of every scar and blemish on his body. They just don’t because they’re all on the surface. And the surface is not what he’s all about.
He’s like a painting that only looks like a masterpiece from a distance you realize. But as soon as you go closer, as soon as your eyes are able to narrow in on all the small details, it clearly shows that Tony is not God. If he were a painting, some of the colors would be overlapping harshly and the lines would be wobbly when they were supposed to be straight.
This weekend did allow you to get to know Tony better. You got to see the vulnerable side of him, the side that reminds you of yourself and it’s that side that makes you want to help him. If he’ll let you that is. His lips go to graze your cheek once again and there’s a feeling that’s so tangible but you can’t put your finger on it. It’s at the tip of your tongue but you’re just missing it.
You still feel dirty and you’re still wondering if Tony is only using you for sex because at the moment it really seems like it is. Trying to forget about something is the hardest thing to do and it never works. It’s like a simple rule of life, the more you want to forget, the more you will remember. Every detail sticks out in your head vividly, the way the grass still had fragments of morning dew, the way his shoes were placed…
But most of all, it’s the desperation in Tony’s eyes when he looked at you that you remember most. It could be that he’s just a sex-crazed teenager as many people would agree with because it just seems more believable. And again, people will always agree with something they feel comfortable with. But….you’re not so sure that was all there was to it; the look was much too intense.
Tony’s eyes are on you, you can feel them as if they’re burning air holes into you. You don’t look at him though, too scared that your eyes will give away too much of what you’re feeling. That Tony will be able to read you like a book…he’s done it before, he can probably do it again. So you continue to stare out the window and he continues to stare you down.
It stays somewhat like this until he finally pulls up to your broken down house with the rotting paint. It’s late and shadows are playing along the walls, almost like a game of tag. He pulls right up to your driveway and stops the engine so that the one sound that fills up the silence is your own breathing. Blink twice and finally allow your gaze to settle on him.
“Thanks Tone…I had a really good time,” you murmur softly, wondering if he can really make out your words.
But he nods so you assume he can. He leans towards you slowly, his hand reaching forward and at first you think he’s going for the seatbelt clasp, but it ends up on your thigh, rubbing smooth circles that extend inward. His mouth hovers in the space near yours, so close that you are able to smell the peppermint in his breath, and it’s still coming nearer by the second. You don’t move though, just watch as Tony works his way to you, places his soft lips on yours. You feel his tongue nudging gently against your teeth, but you don’t relent instead you pull away gently.
His forehead is resting against yours and he’s trying to look like it didn’t bother him, but his eyes give him away. Your head goes forward, meaning to give him a kiss on the cheek to reassure him, but he turns so you end up pressing your lips to the side of his nose.
Pull away for the last time, release yourself from the seatbelt, and grab your bag from the back. Stand outside the car, your hands making a waving motion, curling slightly, as Tony reverses out of the driveway. When he’s gone, you sigh loudly again, turning around to start walking to your house.
As soon as you turn, you feel your heart jump and skip a few beats. Craig is standing in front of the door, his eyes shocked, jaw clenched stubbornly. Your mind is racing with ideas and thoughts so you shake your head trying to clear them. Continue walking up the driveway, your eyes on your brother as he glares back at you.
When you’re two feet away from him, he reaches forward and grabs your shoulders, shaking you furiously.
“Jesse, what the hell was that?” he asks, voice trembling with what you guess is anger.
You fight to get out of his grip while he fights to keep you in it. Craig was always the better one…at everything so you quit trying and hang your head.
“Answer me.” You can hear from his low tone that he’s getting control over himself again.
Sigh again, smooth your hair back with your left hand, and look up once more. “It was nothing Craig. Now let me-“
“You were kissing a guy! Don’t give me this bullshit that it was nothing,” he hisses at you, eyes narrowing in and you feel like a bug under a microscope.
“This isn’t any of your business Craig. So just butt out of it…” You trail off as his hand goes forward quickly, seeming like he’s going to punch you, but instead his fist curls around your shirt collar pulling you even closer.
“You’re my little brother Jesse. I’m related to you, what you do does involve me, whether you like it or not.”
You suddenly understand it, like a light bulb just flickered on. “Oh, so I guess it’s not good for your reputation to have a gay younger brother huh? I should’ve guessed.”
His next response shows that it was the wrong light bulb that just turned on.
Craig does punch you this time, lightly on the jaw, eyes glaring dangerously. He’s breathing heavily and it’s not from his weak punch at you.
“Shut the hell up. How dense do you think I am kid? That this is all over my reputation…news flash, it already got destroyed with Dad. Do you even know this Lovato kid?”
You stutter when you talk. “Y-yes.”
“Oh so you know that he got arrested with his cousin last spring for almost killing a guy with a baseball bat?”
Your response is soft and you hope he didn’t hear it. “No.”
“That the kid he beat up is now in the hospital, trying to recover from several broken ribs, both legs broken, and multiple minor injuries?”
You shake your head, feeling dumber by the moment.
“That his doctors don’t even know if he’ll be able to walk again because it was so bad?”
Again, shake your head.
“That the only reason he and his cousin are in our school is because none of the private schools would actually take them in due to violent records?”
This time you don’t give a response, just stare up at him.
He sighs when he sees the look that casts itself upon your face. “These Lovato kids mean trouble Jess. They’re covered in it, you shouldn’t…can’t hang out with them, especially not date one.”
“But…Craig, Tony wouldn’t hurt me. Really…” You’re aware of how pathetically weak you sound. But you can’t change that now.
Craig sighs exasperatedly, shaking his head twice. “Stop being so naïve Jesse…”
The phone has started to ring in the house, so you push forward inside, running to get it, which in turn forces your talk with Craig to come to an end…for now at least.
Your brother reaches the phone before you, leaving you to watch him as he picks up the phone. You’re pleading softly to God that it is not Tony. Please…
“Hello?” Go up closer to Craig so that you’re right beside him. Still pray fervently.
“Who are you?” Your mind freezes, crying out almost.
“Oh, wait a second, I’ll call him…” It is Tony. You can hear from the coldness and apathy from Craig’s voice that it is.
Take the phone from him, biting down on your lip and you want to wish Craig away right now.
“Hey Tone…”
“Jesse. Hey man. I know we just saw each other and whatever. But take this as I just can’t get enough of you…” His voice is too high. He’s talking too fast. Something’s going on but you can’t figure it out…not with Craig burning holes into your head anyway.
You laugh nervously into the phone.
“Yeah so, Lara’s having this totally rad party at her house. Her parent’s are gone for the weekend and I was hoping you’d come.” His voice sounds so desperately hopeful now and you just can’t say no to that.
“Uh…sure Tone. I’ll see you there. Bye.” You hang up fast, wincing at the sound it makes from being slammed down so hard.
You try your best to pretend that nothing happened or is going to happen. Grab your jacket from the bed with shaky fingers, ignoring the look of unbelief which illuminates Craig’s eyes. He’s not saying anything yet and you’re glad because the sooner you get out of the room, the better.
Just when your hand reaches the door knob you hear him call out your name and forcing you to stop.
“What? You’re still going? Even after what I just told you?”
You sigh and face him. “Craig, I like Tony. He likes me too. I promise you that nothing bad will happen.”
Again you twist the knob, still trembling and hoping with everything inside of you that you are right.
“Yeah whatever. Where are you going anyway?” he asks, you can hear from his tone that he is doubtful still. But Craig always knew when to stop.
“That girl…Lara’s house…she’s holding some kinda party. Tony invited me…” You trail off, aware of how stupid this is all sounding because Craig knows how much you hate these things.
“Jess, I’m going to ask you one more time to not go. After that, it’s not my problem.”
He’s serious, everything about him tells you that. The way he’s standing, looking at you, just everything. But you can’t let Tony down.
You pause, the door’s halfway open now. You nod once, it was such a small movement but you know he caught it.
And you leave.