And now it's time for...ABSURD CELEBRITY THEATRE!
DAVID BORNEAZ: *takes center stage. cue spotlight and band, sings* "Every night she walks right in my dreams,
Since I met her from the start,
I'm so proud I am the only one
who is special in her heart the girl is mine...
The doggone girl is mine.
I know she's mine,
Because the doggone girl is mine."
JAMES MARSTERS: *enters stage right, singing* "I don't understand the way you think,
Sayin' that she's yours not mine,
Sending roses and your silly dreams
Really just a waste of time because she's mine...
The doggone girl is mine.
Don't waste your time,
Because the doggone girl is mine."
SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR: *enter stage left* "Hey guys, whatcha doin'?"
JAMES: *runs over, puts a arm around Sarah, sings* "I love you moooooore than he!"
MICHELLE TRACHTENBERG and ALLYSON HANNIGAN: *pop up and sing backup* "take you anywhere!"
DAVID: *drops to one knee* "But I love you endlessly!"
MIHELLE and ALLYSON: "Lovin' we'll share!"
SARAH: *looks horrified* "...Oooooo-kay then...?"
DAVID and JAMES: "So come and gooooo with me, to one town!"
DAVID: *Squares off with James* "But we both cannot have her,
So it's one or the other!
And one day you'll discover,
That she's my girl forever and ever!
SARAH: *silently mouths "what the fuck!"
JAMES: *Waves dismissively* "Ah, don't build your hopes to be let down,
'Cause I Really Feel it's time--"
DAVID: *pokes james in the chest* "I know she'll tell you i'm the one for her,
'cause she said I blow her mind the girl is mine!
The doggone girl is mine!
Don't waste your time,
Because The doggone girl is mine!"
SARAH: *Gestures off stage* "Am...I interrupting something? 'Cause I can come back later..."
JAMES and DAVID: *Alternating* "She's mine!" "She's mine!" "The girl is mine!"
"No, no, no, she's mine!"
"The girl is mine!" "The girl is mine!"
"The girl is mine!" "The girl is mine!"
"The girl is mine!" ("mine mine!") "yes she's mine." ("mine mine!")
DAVID: *thumps his chest* "Don't waste your time,
Because the doggone girl is mine!"
SARAH: "Am I on Candid Camera?!"
JAMES: "Michael, we're not going to fight about this, okay?"
DAVID: "Paul, I think I told you, I'm a lover not a fighter!"
NICHOLAS BRENDAN: *Enters stage left, escorts Sarah off-stage* "Come on. It's okay, I gotcha. Don't look back."
JAMES: "I've heard it all before, michael. She told me that I'm her forever lover, you know, don't you remember?"
DAVID: *Grins* "Well, after loving me, she said she couldn't love another."
JAMES: *snorts* "Oh, is that what she said."
DAVID: "Yeah, she said it, You keep dreaming."
JAMES: "I don't belieeeeeve it!" *exit both stage right, fade out*
HINTON BATTLE: *Enters stage left* "Awww, come on! Once more with feeling!" *exits stage right*