Attachment Theory

[gnikniht_tuoba]

Last weekend, I read a very interesting book entitled, "Hold on to your Kids, Why parents need to matter more than peers," by Gordon Neufeld. The book seeks to answer the following question

Comments

[oldshaghat]

I don't really have anything to add, but I did want to mention that the post was, as you say, a fascinating read.

Is a solution to bullying, then, to be more of an adult role model for them? Or is it just too late to do very much?

[gnikniht_tuoba]

It's not too late. But it's very hard to pull them back in. Keeping them in almost exclusive contact with adults is difficult, to say the least, but it's a start. There's also another factor. According to this theory, these kids are so starved for the attachment they aren't getting, that they are rejecting the whole idea. The only way they interact with people is dominance/submission. When they can dominate, they do. Otherwise they react in a submissive fashion.

The thing that needs to happen is that they need to remember/relearn or explore what happens when people interact in a positive, friendly way. How does that interaction feel? What do they feel like when someone helps them, or is kind? How do their kind actions (even if those actions are scripted by an adult) affect other children?

I'm not explaining this well. I'll probably take another stab at it later.