#1 "Oh Great Unifying Principle, what is it you would have me be?"

#2 "..."

#1 "speak to me, incandescent truth, how am I to fit into this great and glorious Universe"

#2 "..."

#1 "I see! I interpret! I Pray! I Know!"

Most of my closest friends are Christians....I am not. It's a source of great interest for me. I'm not an atheist, I'm not an agnostic, I ( Read more... )

I want to run.
I want to drive, or maybe hop on a train.
I want to keep pens, or cigarettes, or joints, or flowers in my hands at all times
I want to dress in scandalous cotton dresses, and men's clothing made of leather, and beaded vests
I want to drink whiskey while wearing a cowboy hat, and never let a soul see my eyes.
I want to play piano in a ( Read more... )

Feeling particularly uninspired today.

Or I'm inspired, but by all the wrong things.
There's only so much you can control, even at the level of your own life. You can choose your partner carefully. You can choose your words carefully. At the end of the day, that's not going to stop the stumbling and raging inevitable in a realm controlled by ( Read more... )

I'm bridled by choice, or fear, and that used to disturb me.

And then, I figure, why not? It's fine to be afraid. It's a symptom of deeper impulse to self-preservation. And the low self-esteem thing? Well, that's just proof that I'm not suffering from the god-complex so epidemic in a society defined by a false sense of superiority.

So if I have to ( Read more... )

Why, oh why did it take me so long to fall in love with this instrument?
Was it pride?
I think it was pride. I think it was because I wanted to be different. I wanted to play the cello. I just had to be different.

But this, as awkward, as gigantic and cumbersome, even compared to the cello, as terribly intrusive as the piano is...it's perfect.
I tried ( Read more... )

There is no comfort here.

I'm so bone-tired, flesh-weary and re-eyed from this sensation of alienation of my life from my self. I feel vaguely embarrassed walking down the street, as though there was a big brightly colored arrow pointing at all times to the small of my back to alert people. I feel, at best, like a novelty among friends or like an ( Read more... )

give me something to sing about. Something to spin about. give me something to celebrate, for the world comes down in bits and pieces like rubble, splashing and piling around my feet until moving requires more effort than it's ever worth.

rest assured, I've left no pocket unturned ( Read more... )

I'm trying to count them like fingers on my hands.

I'm now in front of a piano
last year I was falling in love.
year before, a comedy club and a Shirley temple, of all, things, in my hands.
back three more... a museum. Boots and salt-encrusted wool.
Back two more...out of state, silent in an icy car with a broken radio
one more...I was home. Alone. I ( Read more... )

I'm seeing music, everywhere.
Is that weird?
I promise, no substance induced hallucinations. I can't promise I'm not hallucinating, because we never have a total guarantee of the reliability of our perception. My consciousness is contained in an impossibly exclusive perception point.

But nevertheless: I'm seeing music everywhere.

She turns off the ( Read more... )