Hit the Ground Running On Empty (Four Brothers, Bobby/Jack)
Title: Hit the Ground Running On Empty
Fandom: Four Brothers
Characters: Bobby/Jack
Word Count: 2278
Rating/Warnings: R for non-biological brothercestin'
Notes: Written for yuletide (originally archived here.) Title stolen from an Alkaline Trio song. Concrit makes me happy.
If there's one thing Bobby's learned, it's that family doesn't always mean who you were born with. If there's a second thing he's learned, it's that his definition of family has gotten a little...skewed over the years.
--
Jack joins their family a few years after Angel, a few years after they've all settled in together. He's not like them. Not any of them. He's not Bobby, who had it rough but came out of it stronger, and he's not Jeremiah, who never let any of the shit he went through get to him, and he's not Angel, who just pretends most of the bad stuff never happened.
Jack is Jack, who had it rough, and lets it get to him, because there's no way he can pretend it away. There are some things in life too terrible to forget.
Bobby doesn't find out until Jack's been with them for about a year. He cracks jokes about Jack and his pretty mouth and his pretty face and his girlishness and he watches as Jack learns that that's what having brothers is all about - getting ragged on. But they never tease him in front of Evelyn, so he doesn't find out until later that Jack's pretty mouth and his pretty face and his girlishness is what got him put in foster care.
He doesn't know the extent of it until one night when Jack wakes up screaming, screaming so loud the neighbors call to make sure someone didn't die, and Bobby's the first one there, the first one Jack has to hold onto. Bobby doesn't like shit like that, hugging and cuddling and comforting and all that bullshit, because he's still young and he thinks it means you're a queer. But he lets Jack hold onto him anyway, lets him cry and snot all over him, even though Jerry and Angel are standing right out in the hallway, watching, and he tells Jack it's gonna be ok now.
He doesn't know how bad it was until Evelyn sits him down, after Jack is back to sleep, and tells him that his stepdad took a liking to Jackie boy, took an unnatural liking to him, kept him home from school he liked him so much, and it took a few months for the school system to figure out Jack wasn't just real sick and send someone knocking. It took a lot of cops to get Jack out of the house when his stepdad didn't want him to go, when he locked Jack in a bathroom and threatened to kill his mom. It took a lot of doctors to hold Jack down when they realized his stepdad had been doing a lot more than just hitting him.
Jackie boy came to them broken, and Evelyn thinks they can help. She thinks Bobby can help most, because he's the oldest, and the most mature - which isn't actually saying much for any of them - and Jack needs a man in his life who isn't going to screw him over.
Bobby gives it a shot, thinks, why the hell not? and it's like having a puppy for a while. Jack follows him around, stays in his shadow, doesn't say much, and Bobby thinks it's pretty easy. It's pretty easy being a role model. He doesn't let Jack follow him into parties, but he makes sure he gets to school, and that's about the extent of his guidance. He doesn't even notice Jack around, most of the time. He just always is.
Bobby doesn't realize how much he loves that kid until the stepdad shows up one day, looking for what he thinks he lost out on. See, the guys that fuck their stepsons and hold their wives hostage and threaten to kill themselves along with her get sent to mental institutions, not jail, and when they get out, they're just as crazy as when they went in.
Evelyn's not home, but Jack is, and he answers the door. It's the same scream that woke Bobby up that first night that sends him running, and it's a good thing he's been working out, because that fucker is big, and he's crazy, and he wants Jack like his life depends on it. But see, Bobby wants Jack too, and he thinks maybe his life does depend on saving that kid, so he fights dirty and when all is said and done, that prick is gonna be in an institution again, but he's not gonna know what it is he wants because half of his head is caved in.
Jack doesn't sleep after that, he's just awake all the time, half dazed and half terrified, won't sleep, keeps looking at the door like it's gonna swing open all on it's own and let the bogeyman inside.
Evelyn keeps giving Bobby these looks, like, come on, you saved his life, the least you can do is follow up and make sure he's got a life worth living. But frankly, Bobby's scared as hell, because he didn't realize that being a hero meant being responsible for somebody else, and he's not sure he likes feeling like his life wouldn't be worth living if that scrawny kid wasn't in it.
So when the next kid who's got nowhere else to go ends up at their house, Evelyn sticks them in Bobby's room instead of on the couch, and tells Bobby this new one needs his space. It's a pretty blatant excuse, but it's Mom and he's not going to argue, so he bunks up with Jack, and he tries not to mind when a hand works its way into the front of his shirt, twisting and holding on like it's a lifeline. He tries not to say anything when a knee wedges itself between his knees, and he tries not to roll away when Jack scooches up close to him on the pillow and breathes so close to him he can smell the toothpaste.
He can feel those eyes on him, those eyes that have been following him around since the night he took on the job of fixing this kid, except now it's not so fun to have his own little one-man fan club. Because he feels like he's gotta do something to earn it, and saving Jack's life wasn't really heroic, not when it was the only thing he could do. It's only brave if you're scared, he heard that once, and he wasn't scared, not for a second. He was going to kill that fucker or be killed, that was just the way it was, and lucky for him it worked out in his favor.
He whispers to Jack to stop staring at him like some lovesick puppy and get to sleep, but Jack either doesn't hear him or doesn't listen, because he just scoots closer and his eyes get huge, like they take up his whole face, and he licks his lips like he's going to say something, and then he kisses Bobby.
Bobby ain't never been queer, and he ain't queer for his brother, and he ain't queer for some kid of all things, and he says that, but he doesn't think it makes much sense since his tongue is in Jack's mouth.
Jack's the one that stops kissing first, just stops, pulls back, and smiles. “Thought maybe you didn't like me no more,” he says, and goes to sleep.
Bobby doesn't sleep.
He starts sleeping with Jack every night, even when the new kid ends up finding a new home, and Evelyn doesn't seem to mind, especially since Jack starts sleeping full nights and eating full meals again.
Jack kisses him every night before he goes to sleep, kisses him and watches him real close afterwards, and then goes to sleep. Bobby's no genius, but he knows it can't be normal. He knows it's gotta have something to do with what happened to him before, before, but he doesn't know how to fix this. He doesn't think just letting Jack follow him around is gonna make this better. He's doubly fucked, too, because he's not sure he hates it. He definitely hasn't done anything to stop it.
--
By the time Jack turns fifteen, Bobby is sleeping in his own room again, but that doesn't mean he and Jack don't kiss anymore. Bobby stopped thinking about it a while ago, because Jack seems happy and that's something he thought he'd never see, and he doesn't know if it's Evelyn or Bobby or the kissing or just having a family that's making him that way, but he doesn't want to jinx it and see that broken kid again any time soon.
They throw a party for Jack's birthday, and Evelyn leaves them alone for the night with a half-hearted warning about parties and booze and girls. When the floor is littered with bottles and Jeremiah and Angel are off with their hoochie mamas, Bobby carries Jack upstairs. Jack's gone, just totally wasted, laughing his ass off at everything and making crude jokes. Bobby throws him into bed and tries to leave, but Jack is nothing if not stubborn, and it's been a while since they spent the night in a bed together, so Bobby relents. It's the kid's birthday, who is he to say no? Jack is a hyper drunk, squirming out of his clothes and talking nonstop.
“You used to call me 'fairy',” Jack says, a little slurred, like the words are too slippery to get his tongue around. He wants to know why Bobby stopped.
Bobby's not sure how to go about explaining that it isn't really ok to joke about somebody being queer when they were put through the things Jack was, he's not sure how to explain awkwardness and tact and inappropriateness when they've both been drinking and when Bobby's never really been totally clear on the concepts anyway. He just knows it feels wrong to joke about that shit now.
So he doesn't say anything, keeps his breathing steady, hopes Jackie boy will just think he's gone to sleep. But Jack isn't stupid, not even when he's drunk, and he punches Bobby in the side. Says it used to make him feel like part of the family. Says now he feels like people try too hard, especially Bobby. Says he never minded when Bobby treated him like a dumb little brother.
Bobby says he is a dumb little brother.
Jack tells him that's more like it, and then he's fumbling with his pants, trying to push them off, saying his fingers feel fat and laughing like that's hysterical. Bobby rolls his eyes and helps him, and he's not totally surprised to see Jack's hard, 'cause hey, booze does that to him, too. He is surprised when Jack insists on taking his boxers off too, complaining that it's like a jungle in his room, and Bobby doesn't quite get that reference, but he assumes Jack means it's hot. He lets Jack take them off himself and stretches out, the buzz making him faintly sleepy and Jack's hard on making him faintly horny, but that's not something he's-
And then Jack's hand is on him, and after that it's a no holds barred hormone-and-beer-fueled makeout session, hands all over and teeth clacking together and awkward fumbling on Jack's part. It's obvious he's never been on the giving end before, and that's ok by Bobby. Everything's ok by Bobby, because Jack's looking at him the whole time like he's God, or a god at least, and it makes Bobby feel like somebody. Makes him feel like he's not such a fuck up if someone can look at him like that. Starts thinking this is something he could get used to.
Bobby doesn't even get off, just helps Jack out a little bit, still turning this whole idea of somebody needing him around in his head. Jack promptly falls asleep right after, and Bobby's left to clean up the mess and figure out why there's a knot in his stomach.
--
The next morning, Bobby wakes up alone, and when he goes downstairs, Jack's already cleaning up. He grins and calls Bobby lazy, and Bobby replies that yeah, he's lazy, but he's got his own little Merry Maid to clean up, and where's his little fluffy duster thing and fishnets?
Jack grins and knows that in this family, the only correct response to that is a middle finger in the air.
--
Bobby leaves not long after that, leaves Jack to Evelyn and Jerry and Angel. Evelyn looks disappointed when Bobby says he's going, but she also looks like maybe she understands. She kisses his cheek and tells him he's a good boy and he did a good job, and he doesn't have to ask her what she's talking about.
Jack tells him goodbye too, even though Bobby can tell he's pissed off and probably a little hurt. He's not kidding himself, so he doesn't know why he tries. Jackie's a lot hurt. But Bobby's not going to screw this kid over, and every time he looks at him all he wants is him naked and needy and just broken enough to need a hero. And he's not gonna stick around if that's all he can help Jack become.
Bobby tells Jack he's a fairy for getting all girly on him about leaving, and Jack tries to punch him but there's a smile there and Bobby buries his guilt and leaves. He doesn't come home until he's sure he won't be Jack's downfall. He doesn't come home until he's sure Jack won't be his. He doesn't come home for a long time.
Fandom: Four Brothers
Characters: Bobby/Jack
Word Count: 2278
Rating/Warnings: R for non-biological brothercestin'
Notes: Written for yuletide (originally archived here.) Title stolen from an Alkaline Trio song. Concrit makes me happy.
If there's one thing Bobby's learned, it's that family doesn't always mean who you were born with. If there's a second thing he's learned, it's that his definition of family has gotten a little...skewed over the years.
--
Jack joins their family a few years after Angel, a few years after they've all settled in together. He's not like them. Not any of them. He's not Bobby, who had it rough but came out of it stronger, and he's not Jeremiah, who never let any of the shit he went through get to him, and he's not Angel, who just pretends most of the bad stuff never happened.
Jack is Jack, who had it rough, and lets it get to him, because there's no way he can pretend it away. There are some things in life too terrible to forget.
Bobby doesn't find out until Jack's been with them for about a year. He cracks jokes about Jack and his pretty mouth and his pretty face and his girlishness and he watches as Jack learns that that's what having brothers is all about - getting ragged on. But they never tease him in front of Evelyn, so he doesn't find out until later that Jack's pretty mouth and his pretty face and his girlishness is what got him put in foster care.
He doesn't know the extent of it until one night when Jack wakes up screaming, screaming so loud the neighbors call to make sure someone didn't die, and Bobby's the first one there, the first one Jack has to hold onto. Bobby doesn't like shit like that, hugging and cuddling and comforting and all that bullshit, because he's still young and he thinks it means you're a queer. But he lets Jack hold onto him anyway, lets him cry and snot all over him, even though Jerry and Angel are standing right out in the hallway, watching, and he tells Jack it's gonna be ok now.
He doesn't know how bad it was until Evelyn sits him down, after Jack is back to sleep, and tells him that his stepdad took a liking to Jackie boy, took an unnatural liking to him, kept him home from school he liked him so much, and it took a few months for the school system to figure out Jack wasn't just real sick and send someone knocking. It took a lot of cops to get Jack out of the house when his stepdad didn't want him to go, when he locked Jack in a bathroom and threatened to kill his mom. It took a lot of doctors to hold Jack down when they realized his stepdad had been doing a lot more than just hitting him.
Jackie boy came to them broken, and Evelyn thinks they can help. She thinks Bobby can help most, because he's the oldest, and the most mature - which isn't actually saying much for any of them - and Jack needs a man in his life who isn't going to screw him over.
Bobby gives it a shot, thinks, why the hell not? and it's like having a puppy for a while. Jack follows him around, stays in his shadow, doesn't say much, and Bobby thinks it's pretty easy. It's pretty easy being a role model. He doesn't let Jack follow him into parties, but he makes sure he gets to school, and that's about the extent of his guidance. He doesn't even notice Jack around, most of the time. He just always is.
Bobby doesn't realize how much he loves that kid until the stepdad shows up one day, looking for what he thinks he lost out on. See, the guys that fuck their stepsons and hold their wives hostage and threaten to kill themselves along with her get sent to mental institutions, not jail, and when they get out, they're just as crazy as when they went in.
Evelyn's not home, but Jack is, and he answers the door. It's the same scream that woke Bobby up that first night that sends him running, and it's a good thing he's been working out, because that fucker is big, and he's crazy, and he wants Jack like his life depends on it. But see, Bobby wants Jack too, and he thinks maybe his life does depend on saving that kid, so he fights dirty and when all is said and done, that prick is gonna be in an institution again, but he's not gonna know what it is he wants because half of his head is caved in.
Jack doesn't sleep after that, he's just awake all the time, half dazed and half terrified, won't sleep, keeps looking at the door like it's gonna swing open all on it's own and let the bogeyman inside.
Evelyn keeps giving Bobby these looks, like, come on, you saved his life, the least you can do is follow up and make sure he's got a life worth living. But frankly, Bobby's scared as hell, because he didn't realize that being a hero meant being responsible for somebody else, and he's not sure he likes feeling like his life wouldn't be worth living if that scrawny kid wasn't in it.
So when the next kid who's got nowhere else to go ends up at their house, Evelyn sticks them in Bobby's room instead of on the couch, and tells Bobby this new one needs his space. It's a pretty blatant excuse, but it's Mom and he's not going to argue, so he bunks up with Jack, and he tries not to mind when a hand works its way into the front of his shirt, twisting and holding on like it's a lifeline. He tries not to say anything when a knee wedges itself between his knees, and he tries not to roll away when Jack scooches up close to him on the pillow and breathes so close to him he can smell the toothpaste.
He can feel those eyes on him, those eyes that have been following him around since the night he took on the job of fixing this kid, except now it's not so fun to have his own little one-man fan club. Because he feels like he's gotta do something to earn it, and saving Jack's life wasn't really heroic, not when it was the only thing he could do. It's only brave if you're scared, he heard that once, and he wasn't scared, not for a second. He was going to kill that fucker or be killed, that was just the way it was, and lucky for him it worked out in his favor.
He whispers to Jack to stop staring at him like some lovesick puppy and get to sleep, but Jack either doesn't hear him or doesn't listen, because he just scoots closer and his eyes get huge, like they take up his whole face, and he licks his lips like he's going to say something, and then he kisses Bobby.
Bobby ain't never been queer, and he ain't queer for his brother, and he ain't queer for some kid of all things, and he says that, but he doesn't think it makes much sense since his tongue is in Jack's mouth.
Jack's the one that stops kissing first, just stops, pulls back, and smiles. “Thought maybe you didn't like me no more,” he says, and goes to sleep.
Bobby doesn't sleep.
He starts sleeping with Jack every night, even when the new kid ends up finding a new home, and Evelyn doesn't seem to mind, especially since Jack starts sleeping full nights and eating full meals again.
Jack kisses him every night before he goes to sleep, kisses him and watches him real close afterwards, and then goes to sleep. Bobby's no genius, but he knows it can't be normal. He knows it's gotta have something to do with what happened to him before, before, but he doesn't know how to fix this. He doesn't think just letting Jack follow him around is gonna make this better. He's doubly fucked, too, because he's not sure he hates it. He definitely hasn't done anything to stop it.
--
By the time Jack turns fifteen, Bobby is sleeping in his own room again, but that doesn't mean he and Jack don't kiss anymore. Bobby stopped thinking about it a while ago, because Jack seems happy and that's something he thought he'd never see, and he doesn't know if it's Evelyn or Bobby or the kissing or just having a family that's making him that way, but he doesn't want to jinx it and see that broken kid again any time soon.
They throw a party for Jack's birthday, and Evelyn leaves them alone for the night with a half-hearted warning about parties and booze and girls. When the floor is littered with bottles and Jeremiah and Angel are off with their hoochie mamas, Bobby carries Jack upstairs. Jack's gone, just totally wasted, laughing his ass off at everything and making crude jokes. Bobby throws him into bed and tries to leave, but Jack is nothing if not stubborn, and it's been a while since they spent the night in a bed together, so Bobby relents. It's the kid's birthday, who is he to say no? Jack is a hyper drunk, squirming out of his clothes and talking nonstop.
“You used to call me 'fairy',” Jack says, a little slurred, like the words are too slippery to get his tongue around. He wants to know why Bobby stopped.
Bobby's not sure how to go about explaining that it isn't really ok to joke about somebody being queer when they were put through the things Jack was, he's not sure how to explain awkwardness and tact and inappropriateness when they've both been drinking and when Bobby's never really been totally clear on the concepts anyway. He just knows it feels wrong to joke about that shit now.
So he doesn't say anything, keeps his breathing steady, hopes Jackie boy will just think he's gone to sleep. But Jack isn't stupid, not even when he's drunk, and he punches Bobby in the side. Says it used to make him feel like part of the family. Says now he feels like people try too hard, especially Bobby. Says he never minded when Bobby treated him like a dumb little brother.
Bobby says he is a dumb little brother.
Jack tells him that's more like it, and then he's fumbling with his pants, trying to push them off, saying his fingers feel fat and laughing like that's hysterical. Bobby rolls his eyes and helps him, and he's not totally surprised to see Jack's hard, 'cause hey, booze does that to him, too. He is surprised when Jack insists on taking his boxers off too, complaining that it's like a jungle in his room, and Bobby doesn't quite get that reference, but he assumes Jack means it's hot. He lets Jack take them off himself and stretches out, the buzz making him faintly sleepy and Jack's hard on making him faintly horny, but that's not something he's-
And then Jack's hand is on him, and after that it's a no holds barred hormone-and-beer-fueled makeout session, hands all over and teeth clacking together and awkward fumbling on Jack's part. It's obvious he's never been on the giving end before, and that's ok by Bobby. Everything's ok by Bobby, because Jack's looking at him the whole time like he's God, or a god at least, and it makes Bobby feel like somebody. Makes him feel like he's not such a fuck up if someone can look at him like that. Starts thinking this is something he could get used to.
Bobby doesn't even get off, just helps Jack out a little bit, still turning this whole idea of somebody needing him around in his head. Jack promptly falls asleep right after, and Bobby's left to clean up the mess and figure out why there's a knot in his stomach.
--
The next morning, Bobby wakes up alone, and when he goes downstairs, Jack's already cleaning up. He grins and calls Bobby lazy, and Bobby replies that yeah, he's lazy, but he's got his own little Merry Maid to clean up, and where's his little fluffy duster thing and fishnets?
Jack grins and knows that in this family, the only correct response to that is a middle finger in the air.
--
Bobby leaves not long after that, leaves Jack to Evelyn and Jerry and Angel. Evelyn looks disappointed when Bobby says he's going, but she also looks like maybe she understands. She kisses his cheek and tells him he's a good boy and he did a good job, and he doesn't have to ask her what she's talking about.
Jack tells him goodbye too, even though Bobby can tell he's pissed off and probably a little hurt. He's not kidding himself, so he doesn't know why he tries. Jackie's a lot hurt. But Bobby's not going to screw this kid over, and every time he looks at him all he wants is him naked and needy and just broken enough to need a hero. And he's not gonna stick around if that's all he can help Jack become.
Bobby tells Jack he's a fairy for getting all girly on him about leaving, and Jack tries to punch him but there's a smile there and Bobby buries his guilt and leaves. He doesn't come home until he's sure he won't be Jack's downfall. He doesn't come home until he's sure Jack won't be his. He doesn't come home for a long time.