time is out
diversity day is tomorrow. all tonight i will be working on the last minute projects i promised everyone i would do. i'm actually really excited about tomorrow and at the same instant worried. we've all worked so hard for months now to get this going, and it would be a shame if people just disgraced our efforts because they felt they could have done a better job if they had been the ones doing the work. sarah said she might come over after work anywhere between 7-8 pm to help me with the FFA poster. which would be so fabulous because i need all the help i can get. i'm running out of ideas.
gib's allowing me to read "Thich Nhat Hanh". he just got it, so i feel honored being able to read it. i actually read one part where he told me not to read, for the simple fact i didn't understand the excerise he gave me this morning. he hands me a white piece of paper and tells me to find the cloud. so i stare at the paper, i see the cloud in my mind. and then he asked me why the cloud was there? how was i forming the cloud? so i told him that in relation to how i was holding the paper formed the shape of the cloud while i was being mindful of the paper itself. he told me i was incorrect. and since i wanted to know why i was incorrect i read a little piece that helped clearify it all for me, since gib refused to. i hope i didn't ruin it for myself. i don't think i did, but than again only time will tell.
new york was nice. we spent more of our time in the bus due to traffic jams. we went to the play brooklyn (spelt that wrong), and then we went out for an italian dinner. my favorite part was after dinner having tea with john. out of the entire day that part was my favorite. i got to be relaxed and not really have to worry about ignorant things coming out of someone's mouth, especially mine. i just wished it hadn't been so rushed. the whole day felt rushed, but i still enjoyed it. i couldn't believe some of the things people said. i couldn't believe some of the things i said. like i was beyond my conciousness to think about what i was saying. i really hope i didn't say anything like they did. i hope not even close.
because it's diversity week gib has been having the law students, which would include me, watch the laramie project. we just finished it today. we will be writing hate crime legislation. this task is not any easy one. not even in the slightest. what one feels about one subject another feels differently. there's no way to keep from stepping on one another's toes. to sit there and write something that wouldn't break the freedom of
religion
speech
expression
press
is very difficult.
watching the laramie project i tried to imagine what matthew's last moments were like. what ran through his mind, was he at peace, was he hurt, was he angry/furious, did he resent or regret anything at all, was he afraid of death. what do you do when you're in your last moments of being "alive"? what do you think, what do you say? how are you suppose to feel? some of the things the townspeople said were just aweful and not even 20 minutes after finishing the movie, and left myself to my own thoughts, i cried. i was just consumed with frustration, anger, pain, compassion, hope, love, and terrible sadness. the movie left my heart in an illed state and i had no idea how to make that go away.
what did everyone else do after the movie? they laughed, made regardless comments, tried to analyze someone else's pain, and made the entire movie out to be a real joke. that's what it all boiled down to, a god damn joke. and for the people who tolerate that, for the people who feel alright with it all, for the people who don't have a problem with hating others as long as they don't act on it, i have no idea what to say or think of you. there are so many aweful things that could force its way into my mind and into my heart, so many things that i could say to bring you down but i choose not to. love will conquer hate.
i know one day, my love will conquer my hate. and one day it'll do the same to you. even if that day is your last.
gib's allowing me to read "Thich Nhat Hanh". he just got it, so i feel honored being able to read it. i actually read one part where he told me not to read, for the simple fact i didn't understand the excerise he gave me this morning. he hands me a white piece of paper and tells me to find the cloud. so i stare at the paper, i see the cloud in my mind. and then he asked me why the cloud was there? how was i forming the cloud? so i told him that in relation to how i was holding the paper formed the shape of the cloud while i was being mindful of the paper itself. he told me i was incorrect. and since i wanted to know why i was incorrect i read a little piece that helped clearify it all for me, since gib refused to. i hope i didn't ruin it for myself. i don't think i did, but than again only time will tell.
new york was nice. we spent more of our time in the bus due to traffic jams. we went to the play brooklyn (spelt that wrong), and then we went out for an italian dinner. my favorite part was after dinner having tea with john. out of the entire day that part was my favorite. i got to be relaxed and not really have to worry about ignorant things coming out of someone's mouth, especially mine. i just wished it hadn't been so rushed. the whole day felt rushed, but i still enjoyed it. i couldn't believe some of the things people said. i couldn't believe some of the things i said. like i was beyond my conciousness to think about what i was saying. i really hope i didn't say anything like they did. i hope not even close.
because it's diversity week gib has been having the law students, which would include me, watch the laramie project. we just finished it today. we will be writing hate crime legislation. this task is not any easy one. not even in the slightest. what one feels about one subject another feels differently. there's no way to keep from stepping on one another's toes. to sit there and write something that wouldn't break the freedom of
religion
speech
expression
press
is very difficult.
watching the laramie project i tried to imagine what matthew's last moments were like. what ran through his mind, was he at peace, was he hurt, was he angry/furious, did he resent or regret anything at all, was he afraid of death. what do you do when you're in your last moments of being "alive"? what do you think, what do you say? how are you suppose to feel? some of the things the townspeople said were just aweful and not even 20 minutes after finishing the movie, and left myself to my own thoughts, i cried. i was just consumed with frustration, anger, pain, compassion, hope, love, and terrible sadness. the movie left my heart in an illed state and i had no idea how to make that go away.
what did everyone else do after the movie? they laughed, made regardless comments, tried to analyze someone else's pain, and made the entire movie out to be a real joke. that's what it all boiled down to, a god damn joke. and for the people who tolerate that, for the people who feel alright with it all, for the people who don't have a problem with hating others as long as they don't act on it, i have no idea what to say or think of you. there are so many aweful things that could force its way into my mind and into my heart, so many things that i could say to bring you down but i choose not to. love will conquer hate.
i know one day, my love will conquer my hate. and one day it'll do the same to you. even if that day is your last.