(Untitled)

[goddesscarrey]

I was watching TV and Intervention came on. It was about this mom who was an alcoholic. She was manipulating her family and her sons and daughters didn't want to be around her. They stopped calling her and going over to her house because it was too painful to be with her

Comments

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[punkdan]

Now, I don't really know your mum, in fact I knew none of this was going on. As best as I can figure there are two possibilities for your mom's behavior. One: she doesn't like her life anymore and is frustrated and depressed. Two: she's not just depressed because of her situation, but instead because of an chemical imbalance in her brain.

Either way it sounds like she's depressed. I know what depression is like from both the perspective of the depressed and from the perspective of the family of the depressed, and that's what it sounds like is going on. Both of my parents have chronic depression and anxiety due to chemical imbalances and I know how different they can be when they're on their meds.

So you have two options; one: tell her to see a doc about diagnosing her to see if it really is depression, and if so to do tests to see if it's chemical; or two: just give up on her and stop letting her hurt you. It sounds mean, but sometimes blood is thinner than water.

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[goddesscarrey]

She is depressed. She has always been. The stupid thing is that she doesn't want to get better. She doesn't want to be happy. She says that she is seeing a therapist but it doesn't seem to be doing anything. She is so obnoxious. She is like those girls in high school who do retarded things to get attention because they have low self esteem. It's so exhausting trying to help someone that doesn't want to get better. And I'm about to the point where I've given up. I go over to her house to visit the boys and Kaeley and that's about it. I didn't want it to get to this, but I have my own well being to worry about and she is too frustrating.

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[gogandmagog]

My Dad was really depressed toward the end of his life, and he didn't want to get better, either. He also had a Vicodin addiction. I couldn't save him. You can't save your Mom. All you can do is remove the toxicity from your life. If your Mom makes you sad more than happy, maybe it's time to stop seeing her. Addiction doctors call this "manufacturing the bottom." If you make not getting help unpleasant enough, then she might consider going to therapy. But if you make an ultimatum, you have to stick to it, and be prepared that your relationship with your Mom might end.

On a happier note...congratulations on your wedding! I wish I had been there; you looked gorgeous! I wish you and Jesse years and years of weird fun! :)
Mazel tov!

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[goddesscarrey]

If I stopped talking to her then I wouldn't be able to go play with my brothers and sister on the weekends at her house. It would be too hard to get them over to my house because the boys don't drive and Kaeley's car can't make it over hwy 17. It's worth dealing with her so that I can play with them.

I'm really much better with dealing with this. It was the intervention show that made me super emotional last night.

[abedheadbeauty]

i'm sorry hon...my mom and I are having issues too...so bad of issues that I am moving to Oakland when Gabe moves just because we're to the point of not getting along like a mother and daughter should/the way we used to all because of this drunk boyfriend she has. Depressed Moms are not fun. Sometimes I feel like in the past she came to me when I was younger and because I didn't understand things I just said something to make her feel better like "Ilove you mommy" or what ever. But now because I understand things I say stuff like "You should dump him he's a drunk loser" and then she blows up in my face...like she holds it against me that I don't just let all her sadness slide by anymore...

Have you talked to her about her depression? Has she tried meds or at least therapy?

[goddesscarrey]

She knows that she's depressed and she doesn't think there is anything wrong with that. She thinks that the world isn't made for her. She thinks she has some special powers where she can sense the sadness in the world (like that guy from The Green Mile) and she prays for Jesus to take her away. It's obnoxious. She says she's going to thereapy but I don't know if she's lying or her therapist sucks. She's just so annoying.

On a happier note, OMG, you're moving to Oakland. That is seriously like 30 minutes away from my house!

[abedheadbeauty]

that's amazing!!! We can totally go get coffee and be girly and stuff!!!

People who don't want to get better won't get better. I think it's best to include her in your life in the most painless amount possible. That's what I am doing with my mom. And sometimes, yeah it takes drastic things to make sure YOU are happy (like not going to Thanksgiving this year because her abusive boyfriend will be there) but maybe the drastic things will make her see that she is making others unhappy as well as herself...

DUDE. We're totally going to be neighbors kind of....

[goddesscarrey]

We will TOTALLY be able to hang out! And you're so close to the city we can have a fun girly day! What part of Oakland are you moving to?