(sigh)

[godwillnspire]

"Well, it was a nice dream."

I just got back to Iraq from my 15 days of required leave.  I got to attend the wedding of my dear friends, D-Rock (former roommate) and D-Boy (who is actually a woman).  I hung out with J-Town and Randalf pretty extensively (both former roommates/ future hopefuls).  And, of course, I spent most of my time at the house

Comments

[scionofgrace]

There I feel Christ's hate upon me, and I do not ignore it.

Wait, back up. Christ does not hate you. He may disapprove of what we do, and he hates sin - he does not hate you. He knows your heart. He knows you are doing what is necessary to rectify your sin. You've repented, right? Then you should have no guilt.

His grace is sufficient for you, and his love has no end. Even when you're experiencing the consequences of your sin. Especially when you're experiencing the consequences of your sin.

Just sayin'.

[godwillnspire]

In a very real sense, no, I cannot say that I've repented, only that I am repenting. This process of finishing out my contract as a noncombatant is an act of faith that, perhaps, is misplaced. Signing the contract was a very serious sin. Repentence by this route (which I believe is the required route for me), is not as simple as being sorrowful for a single night and finding joy in the very next morning. I could've avoided this process by simply quitting outright. In that case my repentence would be much quicker and easier... but I believe I would have sinned further, thus ending up having to repent for the ethics of that repentence (as I would be neglecting my seemingly fulfilliable contract under the excuse of repentence.)

The fact of the matter is that I must suffer the weight of time upon the bitter sorrow of this repentence.

[scionofgrace]

How would finishing out your contract as a noncombatant be an act of misplaced faith? Are you acting against conscience?

I think it would be valid to say you are repenting and you have repented. That is to say, you have recognized and rejected your sin (past tense) and are currently seeking to correct it (present tense). And while I understand what you mean by enduring the sorrow of having sinned (repentance doesn't erase temporal consequences, and anybody would still feel shame about it), you do know that your sin has already been forgiven.

If a felon repents, he is righteous before God even when he is not righteous before the state, and must still - rightly - serve out his sentence. And God never ceased to love the felon, even when the felon was still "under wrath". Does that make sense?

[godwillnspire]

Finishing out the contract could be an act of misplaced faith, if it's not really the right thing to do, afterall. Perhaps I really should've just quit outright. My faith in my chosen process is not one without doubts but in spite of doubts