I'm back. I had been doing so well. I hadn't relapsed seriously for months. I had gotten close. My drinking was out of hand last semester. I have to admit that. And I have to admit it was a form of bulimia in a way. I was puking beer all the time. The binge-purge was alcohol. But my eating habbits had seemed to normalize ( Read more... )

Not even sure what to say anymore. I guess I am recovered now? I wouldn't describe myself as bulimic anymore. I don't eat exactly normally, but I'm not anorexic, and I'm not a binge eater...

I guess this is as close as I'll ever get to being normal again.

I figured I'd update to let everyone know I am alive. I'm doing all right. My behavior has been changing. I binge less. I purge less. I eat a lot less. It's weird. I feel the transition in my disorder. Like, I used to play around with the idea of not eating at all, just to avoid bulimia all together. Because bulimia scares me. And now after months ( Read more... )

Yesterday was my birthday. I am nineteen. It sucked because of work. My boss seems to think I don't do any work. However, I'm going to finish my 18S gene project a few days early, which I guess was lost on her. I've gotten the most consistent and best data in the lab and she acts like I do nothing! She was pissed I didn't finish doing the data ( Read more... )

I'm so tired of my eating disorder. It's just so much work. I'm always thinking about when I can eat, and what I can eat. I have to time it so I can take a shower (to guarantee no one will find me purging) about 20 minutes later. I get light headed when I work out. I space out at work. I don't feel like getting out of bed. I don't want to let ( Read more... )

It's been awhile since I've updated. I've basically fully relapsed into bulimia. It's not every day, but it's weekly. I am frustrated and upset. I've stopped weighing myself these past few weeks for fear I'll freak out and wind up hurting myself somehow. My friends have not been helping the situation. I have been making new friends because my old ( Read more... )

Day 2 was a "disaster" in fasting terms. As in, I managed to also eat some french fries late at night. Le sigh. I'm hoping to compensate by not eating anything today. Although I'm already really fucking hungry and it's not even 10 in the morning. I take this as a sign that I'm doing a good job though ( Read more... )

Day 2 started off all right, but I felt so weak and crappy that I caved a little bit and had some applesauce and white bread for breakfast. But since this means that I won't faint and I can go running, I've decided it's not a complete failure. Hopefully I can make it another 24 hours on just liquids, and then see if I need some more applesauce to ( Read more... )

Day 1 of my fast is coming to a close. I need to buy some more juice, because right now I'm using Gatorade and Propel, which are filling but very low in calories. I've probably had 70 calories today. I'd like to have more than that, using the juice, so that I can still go running and stuff. Today after work I was really tired (not sure if it was ( Read more... )

I'm going on a 7 day juice fast. I feel so terrible and lonely and fat right now. I'm hoping the juice fast will make me feel clean and empty. If I'm really lucky, maybe it will be spirtual. I've never gone so long without solid food, but I've gotten to the point where I really am willing to do anything to disappear. I need to be significantly ( Read more... )