(Untitled)

[gokai_kaesu]

Nothing to see here, carry on.

bf, bf's bro, beta pl0x.

Comments

[demoncompkid]

Normally I'd say "just link to a wiki or Lari will go AUGH" but since he's both from mythology and from DeSu I think writing out the background is appropriate here.

That said. Since there's not a lot explicitly said in DeSu about Loki (because... well. He wouldn't be Loki if he wasn't difficult, same with Naoya), a lot of this is kind of... extrapolation. It has to be. So I'd cut it off just after Amane route since... taking him a long time post-game would probably be a bit less likely to cut it with the mods.

It's not your characterization I'm worried about, it's picky mods. |D

[gokai_kaesu]

*A* thanks so much hnnngh, I was kind of iffy on the point taken from canon thing as well.

...So yeah, I cut it off o/

[tsume_kaesu]

Again, agreeing with Otouto at cutting him off directly post-amane route. It might be fine with them, but better to play it safe, no?

...Also, I'd be perhaps slightly more vague on the headcanon with the contract. It makes sense, but it's not explicitly stated. Up to you.

Also mentioning that he is entirely and utterly a creature of his word might be good? idk.

ALSO your characterization is fine stfu woman. I'm fangirling this so hard aaaaaaaaa

also stop me from writing crossover with sherlock holmes oh my god

[tsume_kaesu]

...Also, you seem to have forgotten about his shapeshifter thing. *squints* Idk my reading comprehension is not good today.

[un_forgetting]

ALSO ALSO--god I'd kill for comment editing fff--

You should probably just. Expand the personality more? It's actually the more important part than the history. Like, expand more about the coward stuff and the helping people. Add examples in from the Eddas or whatever.

...Basically, to sum up, just sort of...disinclude most of the stuff about he and cain besides maybe a sentence or two of annoying the hell out of someone interesting and the lockdown stuff. And of course, the stuff about wandering after the mythological thingy. (MAN I AM INCOHERENT.)

....And also, Naoya did know who MC was, I think? IDK I haven't finished Amane route IGNORE THIS.

But yeah, that's. All. The sample is amazing although I think it's supposed to be past tense IDK I AM LOLING FOREVERS.

[gokai_kaesu]

WHOA ilu for these comments they are very helpful :)b

So yeah, cut off point-taken-from-canon, made the earlier part of his bg pretty vague, added in the shapeshifter thing (derp) and lol fixed tense changes.