(Untitled)

[gold_i_locks]

The lady down the hall trusted me with her kids.

How do you peel four-year-olds off of your window curtains? And what appeases a six-year-old that gnaws on couch legs?

Comments

[elder_goat]

Take them outside. Or put on Spongebob Squarepants.

[gold_i_locks]

Good idea.

[Several moments later]

The six-year-old is screaming that Spongebob is the devil, and the curtain crawler will not come down from her perch.

[elder_goat]

Oooooookay, huh ... Offer them peanut butter on a spoon? It'll at least make it hard for them to talk.

[gold_i_locks]

You know what, I hope it will work. If I give the gnawer a wooden spoon, I think he just might accept.

[bramblesgaveway]

[elder_goat]

But they DO. My brother's kid eats drywall. She's like a beaver or something. It's bizarre. Kids put the weirdest stuff in their mouths.

[bramblesgaveway]

[elder_goat]

Well, NO, but not unusual.

[aesopserpent]

Cattle prod.

[gold_i_locks]

Lovely idea, and when I get out of jail for child abuse, I can have some of my own. I'm sure it'll have all been worth it.

[...]

Would you happen to have one.

[aesopserpent]

Sorry, I'm fresh out. Try a taser? Same principle.

[gold_i_locks]

Damn.

I suppose a taser will have to do.

[pappybear]

[gold_i_locks]

Two very annoying children breaking my eardrums, that is what the noise is.

Any advice?

[pappybear]

[gold_i_locks]

Oh yes, because I scream at the pitch of annoying-toddler.

Could you?

[hatesbears]

Ritalin.

[gold_i_locks]

CPZ would work better.

[hatesbears]

If you're in the fucking seventies.

$40 and you'll have a bottle.

[gold_i_locks]

$40 and I could hire a different babysitter.