Over the Moon - NC-17 - Act 2
Act 1
Over the Moon - Act 2
Jiyoon agrees to come meet his mother and the three of them have lunch on Wednesday. They both make small talk and he can see his mother assessing the young girl, like she were sitting for an exam she was never told about. He sits through lunch without eating or talking, or really being there.
When the younger girl excuses herself to go to the toilet his mother lets him know she's okay for now, and he knows she's already thinking about marriage. His stomach turns.
Once his mother is gone, they go to Junsu's for dinner. She takes his hand in the cab and tells him she's really glad she's met his mother. He smiles absently, and she asks if he's okay, because he seems so far away. He can't tell her about the dread that has settled in his gut, so he lies about midterm exams.
People are waiting for them when they get there, and they've ordered a ridiculous amount of Japanese food. Changmin and Hyukjae and Donghae are there too. They eat and laugh and have a good time, but Yunho doesn't think he can enjoy anything anymore because he has a one track mind and it's clouded by things he can never have.
Changmin is the only one who notices how awkward Yunho acts around his girlfriend.
"You haven't eaten anything today," says the younger man once he corners Yunho in Junsu's living room. Everybody else has moved to the big balcony and they can talk without risking being overheard. "Jiyoon-noona said you didn't have any lunch, either. You look skinnier every day, hyung. You can just tell by looking at your face. What's going on with you? You've been acting weird for weeks."
Inside his head, Yunho is screaming. Changmin knows Changmin knows. He feels like a panic attack is coming, and fears he'll end up shaking on the floor, just like he did that night in the club, only this time there are no drugs involved. He tries to tell himself he's being paranoid; he knows very well the aftereffects of ecstasy come some days after the last pill.
"I'm, I'm just stressed okay?" he stutters, trying to sound convincing, "you know how much I hate it when mom comes to town, and she's met Jiyoon today and and--"
Changmin frowns. Yunho has never ever said he hates it when his mother comes to town, and he feels like he's missing on something--something big.
"Yunho-hyung," he probes, voice easy as he puts a hand over the student's shoulder. The guy is obviously anxious about something, if the despair in his gaze and how he avoids to look into Changmin's eyes is anything to go by. "If there is anything you want to talk about..." he says, and then Yunho laughs. It's a short, high-pitched nervous laugh and it sends goose bumps through the youngest's spine.
"There is nothing I need to talk about," he answers, and the sarcasm in his voice is so strong that it must have been there on purpose.
---
"What's up Changmin-ah. You look down."
It's the treadmill this time, only Changmin is not running but just standing there. He greets Jaejoong with half a smile and a start, and turns the machine on.
"Something's wrong with one of my hyungs," he comments silently. "I can't put my finger on it, but he's hiding something, and... I'm afraid it could be something big."
Jaejoong listens carefully and although Changmin doesn't say his name, he knows he's talking about Yunho. It could be the adoration present in Changmin's voice, or maybe that he just happens to know that Yunho is (unable to accept that he's) gay and doing drugs and he has asked him please not to tell Changmin about it.
He doesn't really feel like discussing about the law student right now, but he worries for Changmin, and the boy rarely ever comes for advice unless he really needs it, so he plays fool and asks.
"Something big like what?"
"I don't know. I don't think anybody else has noticed, but if they did they're not bringing it up. But you see, the other day one of his closer friends asked me if I had any control over what he ate, cause he's been losing so much weight. And I've noticed he's so quiet now, and he used to be... well, annoyingly cute. He doesn't let his girlfriend touch him. That's kind of weird, no?"
"He has a girlfriend?"
Changmin snorts because Jaejoong's eyes almost jump out of his face, and at this point it's glaringly obvious they both know who he's talking about, so the youngest continues.
"I told you his friends were gonna hook him up with a girl. Why do you think I'm talking about Yunho-hyung anyways?"
Jaejoong shrugs and hopes he hasn't given that much away, although at some point he hopes he does, because Yunho, that bastard, came on to him and he had a girlfriend. He feels used and venomous again, only this time his tongue is faster than him.
"Maybe your friend is gay."
Changmin chuckles and hits him playfully with his elbow all the way from his treadmill to Jaejoong's, and the eldest almost falls out of it.
"You wish," he says, and the singer frowns and decides he'll ignore the kid for the rest of the morning.
---
Breaking point comes a few days later, when Yunho walks Jiyoon home after a date and she presses for him to kiss her.
She closes her eyes, and her lips are thin and red against her alabaster skin, and her hair is too long and too dark and her fingers are too soft on his hand and he can't do this. Not even with the drugs.
There's a flash of blonde hair and rough muscles in his mind and he understands that he can't keep doing this anymore.
But he does, and he kisses her.
He throws up when he comes back home.
Next day he calls her to break up, right after he's dropped his mother in Seoul Station to catch her train. He says, "This isn't working." She answers she had it figured it out by the time they kissed last night. She says, "I'll tell my cousins I broke it up." She's so nice about it that he could cry.
Dreams of dancing stopped after his visit to Jaejoong's place.
He hasn't had a pill since then and abstinence is driving him crazy, but he refuses to take another one. Ecstasy had been his escape route, his safe place. The only thing that kept him from himself and his ghosts. Yet it hadn't been able to chase the ghost of Jaejoong away, and he dreams about him and his mouth and the friction and the heat.
He wakes up, hard and panting, for the third night in a row. This is insane. He's going insane.
And so insanity drives him out of his room and into the streets, and to the chill of noisy old Itaewon.
Club Queen.
What's there to lose? He's already lost his mind, and he knows everything else will follow.
It's easy, this time. He walks in, through the glass door, and sits at the bar. A slender boy with rosy lips come to him and he orders a beer. He's sober so he might as well continue to be.
The beer comes and he watches out for Jaejoong, but he can't find him anywhere. He starts getting nervous because he's done all of this without thinking, and if he continues to sit here he'll start doing exactly that. He doesn't even know what the hell he's wearing (dark jeans and a blue shirt and a coat-- the same he had taken to work, his mind checks) and he needs to do something now because if he doesn't he'll go home, and that will be the end of everything.
He gulps the remains of his beer at once, and ventures a glance around. He skims quickly through the few people in the bar until blond hair catches his eye. It's not Jaejoong, but he's tall and blond and maybe if he closes his eyes it could be.
They end up in the back alley.
Yunho's back hits the wall and the foreigner-- whose name is too difficult to pronounce-- pins him with strong arms and kisses him roughly and fully on the mouth. The student can feel the fear spreading through his limbs, but the heat is much stronger and it overwhelms him, and allows him to push the fear back.
He buckles into the stranger's hips instead, and forces his hand to the back of his head, gripping the blond hair viciously. The foreigner moans and presses too and the kiss is messy and bruising but none of the two push back.
Hands go down and Yunho helps the guy get into his pants, only he doesn't expect him to drop the kiss and kneel down, and he certainly doesn't expect him to take him into his mouth.
His eyes shut involuntarily because this is too surreal, and the guy is moving and twisting his mouth around him and there's a roof over them but Yunho swears he can see the stars.
His mind explodes before he comes, and for a second everything is clear, and he hears Jaejoong's voice singing in his head.
He starts feeling the cold when the tall foreigner comes up again with dazed eyes and a satisfied smirk and says something in a language Yunho can't understand. His hips sway as he walks away and it reminds Yunho of a cat. He's gone without as much as a goodbye before the student can process what's happened, and it takes him a whole five minutes to react and put everything back into place.
His breathing is heavy and his mind is numb, but he's absolutely conscious and before he can think about it his legs take him out of the club and into the streets again.
He walks for two hours, unable to conjure any rational thought. He follows his feet instead, because they seem so sure of where they want to go.
They stop at a building he thinks he knows, but he believed he'd never visit again.
---
Yoochun was sick, and that explains everything else--the unconscious man draped over his shoulders, the late-but-not-that-late coming-back-home time (4 am and they should be hitting a club, not their beds), and the fact that he isn't even mildly drunk.
It doesn't explain the handsome young man dozing on the steps of his building.
He knows it's Yunho before really knowing because he just knows.
He kicks him awake, fumbling with Yoochun and his keys, and watches bemusedly as the student startles off his light sleep and jumps to his feet in utter surprise.
"Ah...!" he mumbles, and Jaejoong's face is straight and emotionless, because he's tired and cranky and he doesn't feel like dealing with a horny, stoned asshole right now. "Jaejoong-sshi."
There's silence and they both stare at each other, and it's obvious just how confused and out of it Yunho is, but Jaejoong doesn't offer charity and he cuts the silence with apathy.
"You're blocking my way."
Yunho blinks twice, understanding falling over his chocolate eyes, and Jaejoong curses himself because he likes the guy. The student moves before Jaejoong has a chance to take back his words. "Of course," he mumbles, and steps aside. He doesn't leave, though, and it's making the singer feel uncomfortable, but he continues to ignore him. He doesn't deserve a second chance.
"I... I'm not drunk," blurts the taller man, like he needs to explain himself, "or stoned. Or.. anything. I..."
"I have a fucking girlfriend, is that what you want to say?"
Yunho takes a step back at the singer's outburst. Jaejoong doesn't know why he's so angry himself, after all he has seen Yunho but once, but he feels like he's being mistreated and he won't have it anymore. No more wounds into his heart.
"What the hell are you doing here, Yunho," he says, getting frustrated and dropping Yoochun to the floor. "You're not gay, remember? This is wrong."
It's scary, how Jaejoong's eyes glare at Yunho, and the words thrown at him strike right where it hurts most, because it's his words. "And you don't want me to touch you, right? Just go the fuck away."
Breathing heavily, Jaejoong turns to the door once again, only his fingers are too cold and his sweater is too thin and the fucking key just. won't. go. in. He can only watch when elegant fingers take them away from his hands and open the lock for him.
Yunho picks Yoochun up from the floor with a frown and decides he's gonna have Jaejoong hear him, because he's made it this far and goddamnit, it's taken him a lifetime to get to this point and he's not going to back out now.
"Get in," he grumbles, and Jaejoong snatches his keys back viciously and doesn't help Yunho carry Yoochun up the stairs.
A fuse blows when Jaejoong slams his fist against the light switch.
"Great," he mutters under his breath. Yunho walks in after him and tries to give a questioning look to the other man to know where he should drop his unconscious friend, but it's too dark so he has to ask.
"Where do I put, um," he tries to remember the man's name, "Yoochun-sshi?"
Yoochun groans as on cue and Jaejoong sighs in frustration and he does help Yunho carry him to his room. They drop him on his bed and Jaejoong sends Yunho to the kitchen so he can undress the man. Yunho complies.
He pats around his clothes for his cell phone and flips it open when he finds it. The screen shines white and he looks around the kitchen's drawers for candles. He finds a stack, but no matches to light them with.
He sits patiently on the counter and waits for Jaejoong to come back.
"What are you doing here?" the singer asks, a little more subdued when he comes back to the kitchen and Yunho stretches a candle with his hand and a sheepish smile. He produces a lighter from his pockets.
"I'm trying to come to terms with something," he replies, slowly. He lets Jaejoong light the candle and they both glue their eyes to the little flame. His voice suddenly becomes a little whisper, the apartment is silent and still around them. "Because I dumped my girlfriend a few days ago and I don't think I even like girls that way."
Jaejoong is still, too. His eyes are difficult to read, and they glow in shades of orange and red.
"I know how much of a jerk I was the other day, and I'm really sorry for that. I get stoned because I can do things that I don’t allow myself to when I’m sober, even if they don’t make me any proud. It allows me to keep on this lie about who everybody thinks I am. If it's anything to go by, I'm quitting X for good." He breathes in and then his eyes leave the flame and go about the darkness and everywhere except for Jaejoong's face. "Lately, everything I do ends up making me think about you, so I figured maybe this would be a good place to start."
The singer frowns a little and blows the fire out.
"I'm not something you can experiment with and toss away when you're bored, you know that?"
There's a warning in Jaejoong's voice, but there's no anger there. Yunho nods and it's dark again so he says, "Yes."
It takes a while for Jaejoong to reply. "Okay," he says, and then his hand is laying gingerly on Yunho's knee, and the touch is slight and careful because if he touches too hard, Yunho might run away again.
"I'm going to kiss you now," he says, and if Yunho wanted to say something in reply he can't because Jaejoong's mouth is on his own, and they are kissing.
It's a small, probing kiss that lasts only enough for them to close the deal.
They go into Jaejoong's room in silence, and the moonlight touches every surface, so the candles get left behind. The singer sheds his sweater and starts taking his clothes off, and Yunho feels nervousness creeping up his spine, cause this isn't really what he came for (not yet at least, and the thought alone is enough to make him blush), but he can't chicken out now so he awkwardly takes off his coat and his shirt and his jeans. He gulps, loudly, and gathers the courage to get into the bed, but misses a leather boot that was laying on the floor and trips and falls face-first over the mattress.
Jaejoong's laughter fills the quiet room and Yunho feels a hand over his shoulder and the singer's weigh moving the mattress when he gets on.
"You okay?" he says, and the student lifts himself up and nods. Jaejoong's laughter manages to make his stomach flutter, just not in the way he's used to. He gets in the bed silently and watches as the blond man sits at the edge of it to take his socks off.
Jaejoong's back is a large expanse of white that ends up in a too slim waist. His muscles are strong and defined and all his lines are smooth and clear as he moves. He looks like an illusion as the moonlight kisses his skin and the moles on his back, and Yunho feels jealous of it for a moment.
There's a tattoo between his shoulder blades.
"Hope to the end." Yunho reads the English words that come out with a little bit more of an accent than he had hoped.
"Never lose hope," Jaejoong explains, in Korean. He remains silent for a few minutes before shrugging and getting under the sheets, then he turns and faces Yunho, who looks like he's trying to keep a straight face, when he's actually pale and scared shitless. It makes Jaejoong laugh again.
"Just sleep for tonight," he says between chuckles, and yelps because Yunho is embarrassed but it doesn't keep him from poking the singer's ribs. When his laughter fades he slides himself along Yunho, and the student feels weird where their bodies touch but it’s easy to get used to it and the smile in Jaejoong's eyes helps him to relax.
"Let's get you used to this first," Jaejoong whispers. Yunho breathes out as his heart picks up his usual speed, and his body sinks in the mattress. He's grateful for the singer's understanding because he's already had too much for one day, and he's emotionally exhausted and feels he still has to digest this whole deal. He has only taken the first step.
He closes his eyes, heart at ease, and the lack of sleep he has been accumulating kicks in. One last thought crosses his conscious mind: realization that he has never experienced this kind of contentment before.
He falls asleep before he can hear Jaejoong whispering goodnight.
---
Yunho's cell phone alarm goes off at 8.30 in the morning and makes the law student jump. He's tangled between sheets and Jaejoong's limbs and it takes him a while to get off bed. Jaejoong groans when the chilly air caresses his ribs.
"Class," mumbles the taller man, and reality comes sort of like a slap to the face; despite everything life goes on. He needs to get up.
Jaejoong is half asleep so he barely mutters some nonsense between which Yunho figures out 'come back tonight' and 'good luck'.
He leaves and barely makes it to his dorm room for new clothes and a quick shower before making it to college at 9.30 am. He excuses himself with poor health and the dark rings under his eyes are all his teachers need to send him back home by 10. He decides to call Changmin and they meet for breakfast in a Coffee Bean cafe near Yunho's working place. The young man arrives short after and they order a cafe latte, three muffins and a double shot of espresso.
"When was the last time you slept?" asks Changmin around a mouthful of blueberry muffin. "You look like crap." Yunho shrugs.
"I thought you were having classes right now," he adds, "I was just coming back from the gym. Ah--"
"Apparently I'm sick. What?"
The younger man raises both eyebrows like he just remembered something and then frowns. "Jae wasn't there," he explains, "you know, my friend who is an actor. He never misses his morning workout."
"Yeah I remember him," Yunho answers quietly, and fights a grin back because it's too early for Changmin to know. He watches as the younger man takes out his cell phone and searches through the memory with narrowed eyes.
"I hope he's not sick, we're having lunch today."
Yunho nods without saying anything and lets the boy type his message. He wonders for a few seconds what would Changmin's reaction be when he found out about them two, but then the young man leaves for the toilet and leaves his phone behind.
It takes Yunho 20 seconds to snatch the phone off the table, copy Jaejoong's phone and home number to his directory and put the device back to the exact same position it was before.
He goes home after Changmin leaves and takes a nap before going to work.
---
Jaejoong stays in bed most of the day, missing lunch with Changmin and work at Mint. He calls his dongsaeng to say his stomach is a little upset and they make plans for another day, and then he bothers one of his friends at the cafe to cover up for him.
He spends the afternoon thinking about last night. He doesn't know how to feel about Yunho's sudden appearance in his life, but something in his gut tells him he has to take the chance, and he has always been one to follow that kind of feeling. He likes Yunho, he really does, but he wants to be cautious because he was already rejected by the man barely a week ago.
He doesn't want his loneliness to make him take a step too far.
"I want to die," he hears from the living room, and reluctantly gets out of bed.
"Morning... or whatever time of the day it is," he greets. Yoochun is sitting at the kitchen table with a huge sweater wrapped around him and a cup of herbs tea between his hands. He doesn't look very good. "Feeling any better?"
He shakes his head. His eyes are blood shot and he looks rather pale. Jaejoong frowns at this and touches his face, eyes showing concern.
"You're burning," he says, "go back to bed, I'll get you some medicine."
Yoochun nods and does as he's told, and Jaejoong gets dressed and goes out.
Halfway on his walk back home, medicines in hand, his phone announces an SMS from a number he doesn't recognize.
'Surprise! :) [heart icon][flower icon][rainbow icon] Guess who I am [animated question mark icon]'
Jaejoong chuckles silently, smile stretching so much that he has to bite his lower lip to make it stop. For a fraction of a second his mind wonders if the rainbow icon is an intentional clue. He hunches his back, slowing his walking pace, and answers back.
'You're so cute, Yunho-sshi.'
He looks at the message but thinks it looks too formal. Yunho-sshi. He scowls at it and changes the honorific "sshi" for "yah" with a little bit more of a blush.
'You're so cute, Yunho-yah[blushing face icon]'
He giggles, giggles, and sends the message before he feels too embarrassed to leave it like that. It takes five minutes for another SMS to arrive, and he slides his fingers through the keys with abnormal speed, chest bubbling with anticipation.
'Boo. [sadface icon][heart icon] Yes, it's me. How are you today?'
The singer saves the number to his directory before answering with three different SMS:
'I'm okay, Yoochun is sick T_T [vomit icon] I had to get him medicines... I am Nurse Jaejoong for today [animated nurse icon]'
and then
'Did you have classes today? You left so earlyyyy [clock icon] Where are you right now? Are you coming over later?'
and then
'I miss you already [blushing face icon]'
He gets to his flat before the phone rings again, only this time it's an incoming call.
"Hello," he greets. There's a shy, high pitched laugh on the other side and he thinks it's the cutest thing he has heard in ages.
"Hello, Jaejoong-ah," the other party says and the singer finds controlling his growing smile too hard. "I don't think I can answer that many messages at a time. My fingers are dumb."
Jaejoong laughs freely this time, covering his mouth with his spare hand.
"I'm sorry," he manages to say, to which Yunho answers, "That's okay. I did have classes today but they sent me home early, so I slept a little and I'm working right now. Um. I'm sorry that I had to leave like that this morning... I completely forgot about college."
"You coming tonight?"
"If Nurse Jaejoong thinks it's okay for his patient, I might."
Yoochun isn't as positive as Jaejoong is to his soon-to-be affair with Yunho. He's sitting on his bed with a warm plate of soup on his lap, and the only thing that keeps him from arguing against the whole deal is the pounding headache he woke up with. Jaejoong knows this and he paces about his roommate’s room with a frown upon his face.
"Why this guy anyways?" asks Yoochun with a quiet voice, and he fixes his eyes on the sky because arguments with Jaejoong can get ugly.
The singer paces a little more and stops by the piano, sitting on the worn out stool in front of it. He remains silent for a while, staring at the white keys.
"He just seems...," he drifts. His fingers are on the keys and he's playing Life is Just A Bowl of Cherries, one of their favourite songs. He closes his eyes and feels the music, and Yoochun can see it dancing around him from his bed.
"I'm so tired of being alone, Chunnie," he says, voice fragile around the music. His eyelids remain closed. "Even if everything points to disaster, I want to give him a chance. He seems different. He seems... right."
The song finishes abruptly and he opens his eyes and presses a finger to the lowest note, going through the keys in a swift movement from left to right.
"Changminnie talks about him a lot and admires the guy like he's the next world's saviour. He can't be that bad. Coming out always makes you act stupid."
He turns his head to Yoochun and smiles half a smile.
"I should know," he says, voice small. The younger man understands what he means, but he knows how this can finish.
"I just don't want to see you get hurt. Again."
Jaejoong gets up and stands next to the piano, eyes bright with something deep Yoochun can't quite understand.
"It's easy for you 'cause your girlfriend doesn't cheat," he says, patting the piano by his side. Yoochun laughs. "I'm a big guy, Chun. I think I could handle romantic disappointment just fine." He comes near Yoochun and sits by his side, giving him an affectionate punch on the shoulder that makes the pianist wince a little more than he had hoped.
"And if don't..." he continues, but Yoochun cuts in, "You got me."
The blond singer ruffles the pianist's hair with a gigantic grin and almost makes him drop his soup.
"Yah! Finish that up before it gets cold!" he says, getting an eye roll and a wicked smile in return.
---
Yunho walks fast, his long legs leaving a wide distance between his steps. His mind swirls in mild agitation because he knows this is the stupidest thing he has ever done, and he knows just how much he can lose and he will lose, but he also realizes this is the first time in his whole life that he feels free. He walks towards something that he wants and he likes and he has never felt so right doing something so selfish. He's not regretting it.
He feels so good he could burst into a random dance in the middle of the street.
Yet dancing was something he gave up years ago. Dancing used to set him free, until social pressure locked that part of him somewhere deep and he wasn't able to find it again. He thinks about his mother, and he grasps how terrifying the thought of her is, so he pushes it away. He'll have plenty of time to think about her, in the future. He thinks of Jaejoong, instead, and although the feeling the blonde man stirs is still somewhat scary, it's a type of scary that Yunho is more than willing to embrace.
When he gets to the apartment Jaejoong greets him with a thermometer in his mouth, a spoon in one of his hands, his pants unbuttoned and his shirt half on. Jaejoong’s eyes almost pop out of their place when he finds himself face to face with Yunho, and he pushes the student to the small living room and makes him sit, so he can go back and run between Yoochun and his room and the kitchen and fix the things that need be fixed fast.
Ten minutes later he reappears looking pristine, hair in place, clean black pants hugging his body just right and a long sleeved burgundy shirt that shows off the lines of his shoulders. Spoons, thermometers, hair clips and everything else gets left behind.
"Didn't expect you to come so early," he says shyly and he shows a little teeth as he smiles. Yunho thinks he should be remembering how to breathe soon, and so the breath he was holding comes out naturally and he grins back.
The student nods and stands up, but he doesn't move because he doesn't know how he should greet the other man. Jaejoong comes near and it's awkward for a moment because they just stand there. Should they kiss? Or should they not? Or maybe they should shake hands. Or maybe they can just nod and let it be or they could kiss on the cheeks like those foreigners do. In the end the awkwardness has them rooted to the spot for a full minute and all they manage is to find each other's eyes and laugh.
Yunho shakes his head then and reveals a long rectangular bag he was holding, from which he produces a bottle of wine.
"Um, I got this," he says. He had never been on a 'date' he had cared to be in before so he wasn't sure what to bring, or if he should bring anything at all. He had bought a very expensive brand of wine that his father used to drink on impulse, but he was kind of regretting it now, because it seemed somewhat inappropriate. Jaejoong however takes the bottle with a curious expression and spells the letters across the label out loud.
"Wow, this is good stuff," he says with honest surprise, his eyes wide for a second, and then he looks up again at Yunho, "can we really drink it?"
Yunho nods a little too energetically, and he is very aware of the way Jaejoong's expression seems to melt in adoration as he looks him in the eye. There’s something deep there, something bright, and it's all too easy to shake off the uneasiness and step in and touch the blond man's mouth with his.
They kiss, for a little longer than last time, and Jaejoong has to keep half of his mind aware that he has got a bottle that could break if it falls out of his hands. The other half of it wishes Yunho's arms would stop just being at both sides of Yunho and would get all over him instead.
But oh, still, it’s delicious.
It's like warm chocolate slowly melting in your mouth.
Yunho looks a little flustered when they part, so Jaejoong just grins in a silly way and points to the bottle in his hands and the kitchen and makes his way without really saying anything else. He has bibimbap and kimchi and all sorts of banchan prepared so he serves them on their only table, arranging them in groups according to their color. Yunho finds this all very amusing.
He picks on some daikon absently before they start eating.
"So you told me you're giving up ecstasy," Jaejoong says, trying very hard to avoid word vomit because Yunho wasn't being very talkative at all. The law student nods.
"Is it hard?"
"Not really... only for the first days. You kind of get depressed and all..." he shrugs, trying the different side dishes with growing interest, "I read somewhere that ecstasy is not really addictive, unless you have that kind of personality where you get addicted really easy to stuff... This is really good."
Jaejoong has his mouth full of spoon and rice so the smile he tries to give Yunho doesn't come out quite successfully, but the idea still manages to get through.
"Did you make this yourself?" asks the student, tasting the remaining side dishes eagerly. Jaejoong nods. "Wow. You're great. I don't think I can make a burger without burning the kitchen."
"It's easy, I could teach you." They both nod, mirroring their pleased expressions, and the singer's hand finds Yunho's over the table. He isn't even aware of his movements when he caresses the backside of it, but he does notice how the other man tenses slightly and his face drops.
"I'm sorry," says Yunho after a few seconds, head down and eyes going through his hand where Jaejoong's fingers had been.
"Are you still scared?"
"I'm terrified," comes the confession. Jaejoong can feel something akin to dread making his stomach clench but Yunho's eyes comes up again and gaze at his face, and he can see through him and read him like he has known him all of his life. The student puts down his chopsticks and explains.
"I was thinking today... I met Changmin and was thinking about how I was gonna tell him, you know, about... well, you know. And then the people at school, and then the people at work, and then everybody else I know, because, well of course because I'll have to tell them, eventually, they will know. And I'm a terrible liar anyways and if this is going to work out..." he looks down again and his cheeks are burning. "Because... I kind of, I kind of like you and... I'd like for this to work out, I mean, if you'd like to, I mean--"
Jaejoong's eyes open wide because he swears he might have thought Yunho was talking about him coming out when he was actually talking about them two becoming an established couple.
"I'd like to! I mean. I. I would, would like to. To have this work out. No? Yes. I would. Um. Very much."
"Yes. Um. So, I'll have to let the people I know know about you some time. And that is... kind of terrifying."
"Yeah, well. It gets better, I promise."
There's silence for a few minutes as they eat, and then Yunho gathers the courage to ask:
"How was it for you?"
Jaejoong looks up from his plate into Yunho's eyes and there he finds himself eight years ago, struggling with life and coming out.
"It was... hard," he says, tasting each word before letting it out. "But at that time I had found out other things that made it not so bad in comparison. And I guess I did a lot of other stupid things because of that, and I got my parents really worried, so when I came out to them they just told me that they loved me no matter what. Also at that time I was living in Gongju, and I came to Seoul short after that, so it was easier for me to own up to that identity here because I didn't know anybody and I guess it's easier having a stranger judging you than someone you already know, no? And my sisters have always supported me a lot too."
"Oh."
"It's like everything, you get used to it. It's not like leading a normal life but it's better than living hiding, always. I don't think I could do that."
Yunho shrugs and eyes Jaejoong's hand, still on the table, motioning his long fingers to trace the paths on the singer's palm.
"Yes, I know what you mean, now."
---
Only half the moon can be seen from the living room tonight, but it's still bright and beautiful and the two men lie down sprawled across the floor with lazy couches at their backs and a bottle of expensive wine between them.
They talk as they've been talking for the past hour or so, making small chat and, as Jaejoong himself labeled it before, 'getting to know each other'. Jaejoong tells Yunho about his eight sisters and his dreams of being a musical actor, and how he went from rebellious tone-deaf country boy to lead actor and singer in a small musical company in the heart of Seoul. He gives Yunho a small glimpse into the broken part of his story just to show the other man he has depth and is not just a very talented pretty face with the awesome body, and he talks a little more about his coming out because the student seems very curious but Jaejoong takes a wild guess and thinks he isn't asking just to be polite. Yunho, in turn, talks about his life in Gwangju before moving to the capital city and about his already forgotten dreams of being a dancer. He talks about law school and his job and his Sunday football matches with Junsu and his friends and profusely avoids mentioning his mother, or his father, and very particularly uncle Yunwoo. He does talk about his young sister and they both agree female sisters are the root of all evil. Jaejoong notices with suppressed curiosity how Yunho chooses his words carefully when he mentions his family and how he tiptoes around the edges of the subject, subtly changing topics with a fake nonchalance. He has the feeling this is going to be an issue in the future-- in the future, he lets the words repeat themselves a few times in his mind because they have a future and the knowledge fills spaces he did not know were there to be filled, but he chooses to ignore them and lets Yunho deal with his hauntings one ghost at a time.
The bottle is almost empty by the time they both fill their third glass-- mugs, really, because Jaejoong doesn't have any cups and Yunho promises he'll get him some, because you can't drink wines this expensive in a tea mug! They find their shoulders brushing together when they lie again and although the bottle is still between them, the space that used to be there seems to have run away. Jaejoong then turns on his side and props his head with his hand, elbow supporting his weight, and watches idly as Yunho maintains a one person conversation about the lack of character and identity of the kids from 90's generations. Truth to be told, the singer has no idea how on earth they landed on that topic, or how Yunho did, but he knows his sudden lack of interest in philosophical issues should be blamed on the way in which Yunho pouts and stretches his mouth when he talks, and the inviting sweetness of his voice.
Jaejoong has never been able to resist country dialect.
Yunho is at the verge of making a very deep and important conclusion on his chosen topic when Jaejoong shuts his mouth with a kiss, and then society and philosophy and culture don't really matter anymore. He gives in to the singer's silent request with little thought, shifting rather uncomfortably to give him a little more space. He shifts again when his back starts to ache, trying not to break the kiss, but the new position is even worse and Jaejoong is grumbling into his mouth to not move anymore. Groaning back, he removes the bottle from in between them with a fast, careless movement, and pulls at the blond man's arm, making him crawl over him, which somewhere in the middle of it turns into Jaejoong straddling him and him grasping for one of the cushions to put against his back so he's in a somewhat sitting position and that way it's easier to tilt his head and reach Jaejoong and kiss kiss kiss his mouth.
They fall into rhythm after a short while, hands waltzing together, sliding and twirling against clothes and skin. Tongues sing in harmony, they swing, teeth clash, and their bodies press and pull in unison, following their own intimate dance. Out there, where the people are, cold and ice and the promise of snow sing in canon over the moon, but in their private stage, it’s warmth that is taking the lead, and it swirls around them, between them, lets Jaejoong's hands find the back of Yunho's neck, makes their bodies grind, helps Yunho find the way to sneak his hand underneath the burgundy shirt and press hot palm against feverish white skin. Someone moans, and they shift on cue, face to the right, hand to the left, hips arching in time. It's a well rehearsed dance.
The music of their making out gets higher and the beat demands for more skin. Yunho couldn't agree more. Shame shed long ago, his hands press firmly against Jaejoong's back, plastering the singer against his chest, and they slide upwards in slow motions, pressing, pressing, taking the shirt with them. He can't see it, but Jaejoong's skin glows as it gets revealed and his palms stick to it like heavy magnets, and he couldn't be happier. He sighs into an orchestrated kiss, and the song flows onto Jaejoong as he unbuttons Yunho's shirt, careful, careful, pushing it to the sides. Their skin burns where stomachs meet for the first time, belts clashing in a sound that's too foreign to their tune, but too soon to be explored, so they go into a repeated refrain; hands over backs, finger grasping chests and lips singing a shared hymn.
Yunho remembers what was it that he loved about dancing, and most of it involved his body merging seamlessly with song. Dancing was his freedom, and Jaejoong is the beat, so he merges with him, into him and lets his hands roam about the music he creates. And he burns and melts and he jerks his head to the side because Jaejoong has his mouth against his neck and he's being very obvious in his request for space. He lets Jaejoong kiss and suck at his pulse, thumping like a constant drum through his veins, and has his own hands pull the singer this little bit closer and slowly, slowly, he gets them through his back and they sway back and forth, tempting to slip into the gap between skin and pants. He has to push the thought to the side before he can do anything, because Jaejoong lifts himself up and puts the music on halt.
Yunho breathes in and out hardly, reality dawning on him fast. Jaejoong's eyes are dark and full of lust as he sits down on Yunho's lap and properly removes his shirt, urging Yunho to do the same with his. He does, mesmerized. Jaejoong's bare body, glowing and sitting on him, and his pierced nipple and rippled abs do nothing to quench the thirst his body has for him, and the notions of being painfully aroused start prodding the back of his mind. He realizes with mild satisfaction that he's not the only one.
Touch me.
The music starts again.
It's a steady crescendo this time, and Yunho's hands find their way into Jaejoong's pants, and there's nothing shy in the way he grabs his ass, or the shameless rolling of Jaejoong's hips or how their moans and groans harmonize. The tension builds and they are too close to the grand finale, and Yunho doesn't understand why Jaejoong's hands are still somewhere about his chest. He arches his hips and pushes his hands down, making a dark sound with his throat, but regrets it for a second because Jaejoong is as hard as he is and the pressure of groin against groin makes them skip a step. A shiver, and it's all it takes.
The singer's hands go to where they're supposed to be and they play Yunho like an instrument they know too well. The music loses its sense, and it's clashes and noises and bright sounds, and the student barely recalls he should be doing the same, and he does. He thinks the sound Jaejoong releases when he touches him-- throaty, deep and desperate, a mix between an ooh and an aah-- is the most erotic thing he has heard in his life. So he strokes him, both falling into rhythm again, until the heat melts the song and all he can grasp are the short, ragged sounds Jaejoong's mouth lets out into his left ear, and they're incoherent and erratic and off pitch, and so was their meeting, and so is their dance.
The orchestra explodes and everything goes white.
---
A week and a half goes by and they meet every other night in Jaejoong's apartment, except on the days the young singer works at Club Queen, in which they meet during the day, but they never go outside the boundaries of the small flat in Itaewon. It makes Jaejoong rather uneasy because he doesn't want Yunho to be like the homosexuals that frequent his little bar in Itaewon; the kind that only admits to what they are in the weekends between walls or in little private havens from time to time, and gets married and has kids and leads a miserable, empty life. It's probably too early to start panicking, but Jaejoong has had one too many disappointments and he has learned to always expect the worst.
However the day comes when he's sitting at his regular exercise machine, trying not to drool at the sight of Changmin's abs, when a chirping sound announces he's gotten a new SMS. The melody, he knows, belongs to Yunho's number.
'I got my exam dates [crying icon] Let's go have dinner tonight cause I'll disappear for the next few days :(!!!'
Despite the bad news, he can't help the creepy smile on his mouth. He hears Changmin snort by his side and suddenly his abs aren't really that amazing because Yunho is the most amazing thing that has happened to him in his life, and he knows he's falling hard but he can't control it and he has the suspicion he wouldn't even if he could.
They meet that night at a nice galbi restaurant in the busy district near Hongik University and eat to their heart's content. They talk and drink like any two normal guys would, but the chat remains very superficial, and Jaejoong tells himself it's only their first night out, and it's much better than nothing and he doesn't push for more. The bill gets split when they finish and go out.
It's freezing in the streets, but Jaejoong insists on ice cream and they walk into a nearby Cold Stone store. The singer looks at the flavors with stars in his eyes and gets the biggest ice cream Yunho has seen in a while. He smiles broadly and points at the tables with a look that mesmerizes Yunho, followed by puppy eyes that he guesses means he is very welcomed to pay for the treat. He does. It feels good.
"Let's go to Cheonggyecheon," says the student, trying not to think too much about the sinful way in which Jaejoong's tongue caresses the ice cream he's eating, or about the things such sight does to his body.
Cheonggyecheon is a small river that runs through the heart of Seoul and has two small parks built at either sides of its full 6 kilometers or so. The river itself is really narrow, it takes only 6 or 7 regular stepping stones to go from one side to the other, but the parks built at its sides are beautiful and they get wonderfully lit at night. It's a popular choice for couples to wander about when it's not freezing cold like it is today.
Yunho can't understand how Jaejoong manages his ice cream outside the store, especially when the last thing he's had was a coffee and his mouth feels like it could crack any time. They walk very close to each other to barricade the wind, and when Jaejoong finally, finally throws his ice cream away, Yunho tentatively tries to catch Jaejoong's hand in his. It's a mere kiss of their fingertips at first, slow and shy, and their hands are cold and he can barely feel them at all, but then fingers slide and by the time they reach the river they are fully intertwined.
There is no one in sight when they get there and Yunho allows himself to relax. He hasn't looked at Jaejoong once since their hands met, but the singer has squeezed his hand at least fifteen times in the past ten minutes, so he takes it as a sign that it's fine.
A good half an hour goes by and they walk by the river, holding hands. The scenery is indeed beautiful, the flowers and the lights and the stones, and then the silent lullaby of the flowing river that blends with the distant sounds of the city and the night.
When Yunho looks up he expects to see a black veil and stars. What he sees instead makes his hand reach up.
"It's beginning to snow," he says. A white snowflake lands on his index finger and then there's one more and two more, and suddenly it's white over him and around him and Jaejoong's hand squeezes his tight.
"Kiss me," he whispers. And Yunho does.
They consider that one their first date, and make their relationship official, although for the time being only known to Yoochun.
---
As predicted, Yunho disappears for while. He has given his text books too little love, always being pushed aside in favour of Jaejoong, and he needs to get down to them ASAP.
So Jaejoong finds himself hanging out a lot more with Changmin, since the young man had been protesting about not being given any attention, and he also reminded the singer of Yunho a lot. They meet at the gym like they do most mornings and Jaejoong proposes Kraze Burger and beer for lunch. Changmin says yes to burgers but he'll have a coke.
"Why are you reappearing again all of a sudden," the younger man asks with a frown, putting down the dumbbells he had been working with, "I've barely seen you for the last like... two weeks. Did anything happen?"
Jaejoong shrugs as best as he can handle while holding a heavy weights bar in both his hands, and ultimately chooses to shake his head.
"Okay what about...," Changmin continues with a wicked smile, "Did someone happen?"
If Jaejoong was hoping to give a negative answer, the giggle that exploded from his mouth totally blew it for him. He had to put the weight down for his personal safety because thinking of Yunho all of a sudden made his arms go weak.
"Okay who is this person," inquires Changmin, giving Jaejoong a look that says you better tell me everything about it or else. The older man gets up from his horizontal position and turns to stare at his friend fully aware of his absolutely stupid smile and the redness on his cheeks.
"It's a secret," he says weakly, smile nothing but stretching across his face. Oh God, if he could just kill himself now. He hears himself giggle again-giggle, of all things-and there's nothing he can do to deny it.
"That's so unfair, hyung. I've always told you about my girlfriends before."
"Yeah, and I'll let you know if I ever have one."
"Ahhhh!!!"
Changmin gets up from where he is and mock-tackles Jaejoong so quickly that the older one has no time to react. They both fall to the side of the weight bench and Changmin uses his leverage to tickle his friend's ribs mercilessly. Jaejoong squeals and flails and swears between explosive laughter but Changmin is evil and he doesn't let go until he promises he'll confess.
"It's a... it's a friend's friend..." blurts out the singer, "that I met a while ago." He squeaks really high when another jab goes to his side, and he tries to escape but the hold of the taller man over him is definite so he has no choice but to keep on talking, "and, and I started seeing him back then and now we're dating! And that's all!"
Changmin fakes another jab that doesn't quite make it but makes Jaejoong yell nonetheless, and the younger man laughs and he releases Jaejoong who in turn punches him not very lightly on the arm.
"So what, you still dating?"
"Yeah but he's got exams going on, sort of thing."
"Oh, right, it's that time of the year. Yunho-hyung started a couple weeks ago, too. Haven't seen him since then. Aish. Everybody abandons me."
Jaejoong nods with half a smile on, mentally smirking at the white lie, and picks himself properly off the bench.
"That's cause you're so annoying," he says.
He gets to run away this time, before the tickling terror attacks him again.
---
Studying gives Yunho a stability he hasn't had in a while. What he has with Jaejoong is beautiful and chaotic, a rollercoaster of emotions and events. But here's the thing: he's a lawyer, or at least he's very confident he will be one in the future. He's used to facts and reasons and logic, which provide a much safer ground to walk on than anything he gets to experience whenever Jaejoong is around.
So he opens his books with a familiarity he realizes he has missed, and dives into the rational world.
Five days he spends like a hermit, living on coffee and crackers without as much as seeing the sun, except maybe that one time he came out to pick up some papers a colleague from work came to deliver. He juggles his time between books, exercises, helping his co-workers through the phone and getting some sleep.
On the sixth day a rapping sound on the door wakes him up from dozing over his books, mouth opened and saliva threatening to smudge his notes. He looks around rather confused, wiping his mouth with his shirt's sleeve, and walks in a sleepy zigzag towards the door. He has no idea what time or day it is, or who dares disturb his beauty sleep.
He gets to the door and flings it open without even asking for the intruder's name.
It's Changmin.
"Oh," he says.
"Hi hyung!" greets the younger man. He's just standing there, big smile and all, lifting a bag with what Yunho supposes is something edible. "We came to make sure you're eating."
The law student nods, yawns, and opens the door further to let Changmin in, when his brain registers the pronoun 'we' instead of 'I'.
"We?"
His question is answered when a shy voice greets him from behind Changmin. Yunho wonders if he's really still sleeping when Jaejoong appears from the side, waving with a weird expression on his face. Neither of the two know why the hell this is happening.
Changmin explains: "Oh, Jaejoong-hyung and I were having lunch near here and I thought I'd come check on you for a while." He goes into the room without sparing Yunho a glance, "I hope you don't mind? We'll leave soon."
Yunho isn't sure what he answers back because he's still half asleep and Jaejoong is still standing at his door and they're still staring at each other with the same funny face.
"Can I come in?" says the singer once the silence has dragged for too long and it's too awkward and he thinks Changmin is giving them a worried look.
"Um. Sure."
The blond man nods as he goes through the door, walking into Yunho's place for the first time. He had tried to convince Changmin not to bring him here, since, according to the younger man, Yunho would be very busy studying and such, but Changmin had been fierce in his concern for his older friend and there was nothing to be done about that.
Yunho's home is a spacious dorm room with a small kitchen, a fridge and a tiny bathroom in a student residence a few blocks away from Sinchon station. It's not very neat or very messy and it doesn't really say anything about the student. There is a desk with a laptop computer, a flat screen and some shelves, a small table hidden by books and folders and a big bed on the side and that's about it. The only window has a nice third floor view of a garden and a graffitied wall. It's very common and in a way, Jaejoong thinks it fits Yunho well: simple and organized.
"Hungry?"
Changmin breaks the silence and places the bag with food at one side of the table.
"I promise we'll go as soon as you've eaten something," he says sweetly. Jaejoong keeps a grin to himself at the affectionate tone he uses, because Changmin can be quite the mother-hen if he wants to, and he's glad to know Yunho will always have the young man to look after him.
He watches carefully as the law student, clad in casual grey sweatpants and a black wife beater, trots into the bathroom to get rid of his just-woken-up grogginess. This could be dangerous, he thinks, because Changmin doesn't know about them and the singer doubts Yunho wants him to know yet. On the other hand, it would be good to have somebody else know, and it would help Yunho start getting used to it. After all, Changmin was friends with Jaejoong already and he had no problem with homosexuality as a whole.
Frowning a little at the thought, Jaejoong tears his gaze from the bathroom door and focuses on Changmin, who points at the bathroom in a secretive way.
"I have to make sure he eats," he whispers, "otherwise he won't get any food at all. Sometimes Junsu-hyung comes, too. He told me Yunho-hyung used to have all sorts of stomach problems when they were younger, so we have to watch out for him too."
Jaejoong wants to say 'I know', but he acts surprised and nods and smiles, and his eyes get bright and small because he knows how good of a guy Yunho is and he deserves to be this loved and more.
"You're a good dongsaeng, Changmin-ah," he replies, patting the man on the back, "If only you were like that with me too, ah?"
Changmin snorts and ignores him, and then Yunho comes back. He looks a little more well-groomed but there are dark rings under his eyes and his hair is still a little bit all over the place. Jaejoong chuckles and Yunho makes a face. They remain quiet until the law student invites the two men to sit by his table and they help him remove some of the books to make some space.
The three of them settle on the floor and Changmin brings the food, revealing a plastic tray from one of Yunho's favourite restaurants, Saboten.
"Dongsaeng," he says, stomach suddenly coming to life, "have I ever told you that I loved you?"
Changmin laughs and sits opposite Yunho and next to Jaejoong. He feels this will be a lively meal, but there's no more conversation after that and the silence becomes a little unnerving. The younger man wonders why the usually uber talkative Jaejoong is just sitting there watching Yunho eat.
"You do remember Jaejoong-hyung, right?" asks the boy once Yunho has eaten most of his third piece of mozzarella donkasu. Yunho's eyes shoot up to look at him and switch to Jaejoong, who gives him half a smile and shrugs.
"Um, yeah," he says, and the hesitation is there in his voice, "from the, um, theatre company."
They all nod and there is silence again, and the youngest frowns in frustration.
"Changmin-ah, I don't have anything to drink in my fridge, go get me some juice?"
Changmin does as requested just to get the annoyance out of him, because both his hyungs are acting weird and he can't quite figure out why. He had expected Jaejoong to ease the discomfort with his so called word vomit and make him laugh for a while, and maybe give Yunho a break from his books because he needed it and Changmin thought that the two men would be hitting it off in no time, but no. He doesn't even complain when Jaejoong refuses to come with him, 'I'll stay with your friend here,' so he ambles out of the room with his trademark scowl, trying to put his finger exactly on why things didn't go as planned.
Inside the room, the remaining men wait for the door to be completely closed before they can breathe out and relax.
"You'll stay with his friend?" asks Yunho in mock annoyance as Jaejoong almost runs from his spot across the table to sit next to him.
"I could have said my boyfriend, if you wanted." Yunho pouts, but his lips soon turn into a silly grin when his face is leveled with Jaejoong's.
"Hi, Joongie," he says. Jaejoong kisses him softly, rubbing Yunho's shoulder affectionately, "I missed you."
"I missed you too, Yunho-yah." They guess they have about five minutes before Changmin comes back, so they kiss a little more to make up for the lack of contact of the past six days.
"How's studying going?" asks Jaejoong, a little breathless, when their safe time is up.
"Doing fine, but it gets a little boring. What are you doing here?"
"Don't look at me, Changmin totally bullied me into this. He was worried you'd have passed out on the floor for not eating."
Yunho chuckles a little and it makes Jaejoong smile.
"I'm glad I got to know your place, though. It's nice in here." Yunho looks around, thoughtful, and the singer lifts his hand to fix the ruffled hair on the side of the student's head, which eventually turns into simply caressing his jaw and Yunho leaning into the touch.
"There's nothing interesting here," he explains, voice low and absent. He closes his eyes and lets Jaejoong continue to touch him softly, gently. He could get used to this.
"I'm sorry about this, Joongie," he says, in the end. "I promise we'll let him know, one day."
Jaejoong is surprised to realize he doesn't mind.
---
Act 3