fic: Got to Stand It 4/6
PART 3
In the following weeks, things between him and Eduardo are…weird. Eduardo still comes to their suite and hangs out with Mark and Chris and Dustin like usual. He doesn’t act particularly angry at Mark, or anything like that…In fact, to an outsider everything would probably seem completely friendly and normal. But there are definite differences, differences that are glaringly obvious to Mark.
Like, Eduardo’s suddenly busy all the time, particularly when he would be hanging out with Mark alone. Ostensibly, it’s because of midterms, which would be a believable excuse if not for the fact that normally he would just come to Mark’s suite to study.
Mark can recognize when he’s being avoided, okay.
Plus, when they are together, it’s just the little things. Like how he seems very conscious of the distance between them at all times, when normally he’s always in Mark’s personal space, all hands on legs and heads on shoulders, without a second thought.
After the fight, he doesn’t yell at Mark again, or act hostile in any way. He’s perfectly polite, really. But then again, Mark knows that overly formal politeness is as close as Eduardo gets to passive aggressiveness.
It’s pretty fucking frustrating, to be quite honest. Mark hates for Eduardo to be angry at him, and he wishes he would just get over it. If he’s waiting for Mark to say something, he’s going to have to keep waiting, since Mark has no intention of having any emotions-related discussions any time soon. Still, he’d like this weird détente to come to an end.
Needless to say, he’s in a pretty bad mood for the rest of October. Between Eduardo acting all weird, Dustin continuing to make comments about “trouble in paradise” (that kid can not take a hint), and the sudden and major blow to his sex life, it’s enough to make anyone a little grumpy.
All he wants to do is mope, which he probably could do, and no one would question it, since he did just come out of a break-up. Still, that’s a pointless and frustrating endeavor, unlikely to either make him feel better or to get Eduardo to start acting normal (and putting out) again.
He tries to distract himself from the suckfest his life has become by devoting himself to studying, which works out well enough until midterms are over and there’s the post-exam lull in all his classes.
What he really needs, he thinks, is a project. He hasn’t had anything major to work on since his final project for Intro to Programming last year (cool enough, but nothing influential). Coding always makes him feel better, even when it’s for something trivial or unexciting, because it’s one thing he can always count on himself to be good at. He gets computers, which is more than he can say for other aspects of his life.
That’s how he comes up with the idea, actually-or, it sparks the thinking that leads to the idea, at least. He’s thinking about how he sucks at relationships. People and their emotions are so much harder to decipher and comprehend than even the most complex line of code. Take his relationship with Eduardo, for example-he has no clue where they stand, at this point, and he’s terrible with talking about emotions or anything like that, so unless Eduardo brings it up he’s unlikely to find out.
So he starts thinking about how he wishes he had a way to understand -and even connect to-- people in terms of codes, programs.
It’s not exactly a unique idea-that’s what social networking sites are all about. It gets him thinking about the sites that are out there. What they have. More particularly, what they lack.
From there, the rest is history.
---
A few days before Thanksgiving break, Mark texts Eduardo:
come to my suite. something to show you.
A few minutes later, he responds:
does this have anything to do with that top-secret thing you’ve been working on all month?
maybe
He doesn’t normally do that, that acting-vague-and-mysterious-for-attention shit, but times are dire and he really doesn’t want Eduardo to blow him off like he always does lately.
k fine be right over
Apparently that mysterious shit works.
Eduardo comes over, and it’s the first time they’ve been alone together in Mark’s room for weeks, probably, but Mark tries not to think about that. This is important, really important, and he didn’t invite Eduardo over here to get in his pants. He’s not thinking about that.
(Okay, he’s always thinking about that, a little bit, but that’s not the point.)
He sits Eduardo down at his desk and opens up the site. He shows him all the features he’s been working on, the friend request, the status update, the profile page. He explains the idea, the exclusivity thing, how that is what makes it stand out from LiveJournal and Myspace and all those other sites. He tells him that it’s nowhere near finished, just getting started, really, but he wants to make it live before the vacation.
He’s nervous, as he goes through all this, really nervous, really anxious to see Eduardo’s reaction. He shouldn’t be so nervous, because he knows it’s good, or at least he’s pretty sure it’s good, but he really needs Eduardo to think it’s good too. It is so important that Eduardo gets it, and likes it too. Everything is resting on that.
“And I’m calling it thefacebook, for now at least. You know, after the-the different dorms, that’s what they call the page with everyone’s pictures. But, um, yeah. That’s it,” he finishes lamely, looking away from the screen and glancing over at Eduardo’s face for the first time.
Eduardo’s got this look on his face, like, totally stunned. It’s a little bit like that way he looks at Mark sometimes after they’ve hooked up, when he thinks he’s sleeping, that awed look. Not exactly the same, but similar.
“Shit,” he says, voice low. “That’s really, really good.”
“You like it?” Mark says, unable to keep the giddy pride out of his voice.
“Yes, I like it!” Eduardo says. “This is-shit, Mark, you’re a genius, you know that?”
Mark blushes and bites his lip and shakes his head. He knows he’s smart, sure, but to have Eduardo say that---well. It’s pretty great.
“This has the potential to be huge,” Eduardo says seriously.
“I hope so,” says Mark. Then, after a pause, he says, “I want, um. I want you to be the CFO.”
Eduardo turns to him, eyes wide. “Are you-are you serious?”
Mark nods.
Eduardo doesn’t say anything at all, just keeps staring at Mark like he can’t remember how to talk, and Mark gets nervous.
“I mean, that’s assuming you want the position. You don’t have to. I just thought, it’ll probably mean a lot to your dad, and you can stop stressing so much about him. But, it’s all up to you.”
Eduardo shakes his head. “Mark, of course I want it, but you don’t have to-something like this, this could be a huge venture. I’m only a sophomore, you should get someone with more experience, someone with an actual degree, a grad student, or-”
“No,” Mark says firmly. “That’s the whole point of it, it’s gotta be students, that’s what makes it so cool. I’m gonna ask Dustin to help with coding, and Chirs can do PR, or something, but first I wanted to ask you.”
“Okay, but there are so many other undergrads who might be better, I don’t have any experience running a business or anything-” he tries again.
Mark shakes his head. “No, it’s gotta be you. You’re the president of the Investors’ Association, you’re smarter than the rest of them, you’re the best.”
Eduardo looks at him, silent, apparently overcome with emotion.
“Plus,” Mark says in a smaller voice, “you’re my best friend. So that’s gotta count for something, right?”
Instead of responding, Eduardo leans over and kisses Mark on the cheek, quick, chaste.
He looks down, embarrassed.
“Hey,” Mark says, and pulls him in again to kiss back, this time on the lips. It’s sweet and slow, like they haven’t kissed in what feels like forever.
“Sorry,” he says, a minute after pulling back, because he remembers that he’s not sure if that’s allowed these days. “Was that-”
“Come on,” Eduardo says, standing up suddenly and pulling Mark up by the arm. “Let’s go to my room.”
“Why,” says Mark dumbly.
“It’s a single,” Eduardo says, and gives him a look like figure it out.
“Okay,” says Mark quickly and tries not to trip over his feet, shocked by how quickly his luck has turned around again.
--
After, when they’re in Eduardo’s little bed with the sheets all tangled up between their ankles, Eduardo says “This is it. This is the thing you were talking about, years ago.”
“Hm?” says Mark, still half out of it in his post-coital daze.
“That first summer,” Eduardo continues. “Remember? You said you were gonna do something big enough to change the world.”
“Yeah, I remember,” says Mark. He’s confused, for a minute, because he thinks that Eduardo is talking about their thing, this thing between them, whatever it is. Then he realizes he’s talking about thefacebook, which he supposes is also their thing, now, but in a different way.
“This is it,” Eduardo says. “It’s gonna be revolutionary. I know it for a fact.”
“You can’t know that for a fact,” Mark says. “There’s no way to substantiate that claim. Any claim about the future is based purely on things that are impossible for anyone to know.”
Eduardo chuckles into Mark’s hair. “Still. You don’t have to believe me, but I just know.”
Mark shakes his head and grins. “Thanks, master of debate,” he says, and he really hopes Eduardo’s right.
---
After that night, it’s kind of all a blur for a while.
Chris and Dustin are both enthusiastic to join the project (company, Mark has to remind himself. It’s company now, not project. ) So it’s the four of them, but that doesn’t last long at all, because soon enough they need to add more people, interns to help with programming, because-
Because it takes off way faster than any of them could have expected. Faster even than either Mark, who was admittedly pretty confident in the idea, or Eduardo, with his overblown optimism, ever thought possible.
The night it goes live, Mark and Eduardo (eventually, after round two and a lot more cuddling) get out of bed and send the link to as many people as they can think of that might be good at spreading the word. And word does spread, really fast. When they get back from Thanksgiving break they’ve gained a hell of a lot of users, and there’s already some buzz around campus about the site. By mid-December it’s safe to say that it has spread throughout campus, and when they get back from vacation, “Facebook me” has become a commonly acknowledged phrase.
Late January, they put it on other campuses in Boston. Which turns into other campuses in Massachusetts, which turns into other campuses in New England, and then it’s Valentine’s Day and it’s at Stanford and it’s officially gone national.
It’s pretty goddamn unbelievable, how quickly it’s gaining speed. Mark knows that that’s how these things, fads, or whatever, work, growing exponentially instead of linearly. Still, even if he thought it might eventually get to this point, he didn’t think it would be so damn soon.
Keeping up with it is-hectic would be a massive understatement. Mark and Dustin and the interns are working on it nonstop, adding new features, changing the setup, fixing operations, restructuring it for the ever-increasing user count. Mark especially, working at all hours of the day. He somehow manages to fit in homework, and all he needs to sacrifice is sleep and hygiene and meals.
Meanwhile, Chris is trying to stoke and moderate the buzz, setting up interviews and keeping track of articles and who knows what else. And then there’s Eduardo, CFO of a company not yet generating revenue and fucking thrilled about it. He’s funneled a couple thousand dollars into it, which is extremely helpful but sort of makes Mark feel guilty. Eduardo assures him that it’s not a cost, it’s an investment, and a damn good one-- any Econ major with half a brain could tell you that. And besides, he adds, it’s not like he can’t afford it.
Those months pass in a crazy, sleep-deprived blur, and what he’ll remember most strongly from them is that incredible feeling, the one he can’t quite put a name on just then. It’s heady and overwhelming and addictive. It’s a little like getting high and that sweet all-knowing feeling that comes with it. It’s like sex, like being seconds away from an orgasm and feeling bright tingles shoot down through your stomach. No, neither of those adequately describes it. It’s better.
The closest feeling he can think of is, strangely enough, how it was that summer when he was seventeen. When he and Eduardo were hooking up every two seconds and they didn’t have anywhere else to be or anything to worry about and they felt so powerful, like they’d invented sex or something stupid like that.
Yeah, that must be it-the feeling of creating. Making something new. All those times people have told him “follow your dreams,” “you can be whatever you want to be,” and Mark always rolled his eyes. But now, damn right he can be whatever he wants, because he’s the creator of the fastest-growing social networking site-well, basically ever -- and it doesn’t show any indication of plateauing any time soon and he isn’t even twenty yet.
No one’s telling them to slow it down, no one’s trying to limit it and for the first time it’s like Mark can have any fucking thing he wants. And he wants everything.
---
Meanwhile, things between him and Eduardo are going pretty fucking great as well.
Maybe it’s the incredible intoxicating success of thefacebook, or maybe it’s the fact that, for the first time, there are no girlfriends between them, but things are better than they’ve been in the entirety of their relationship during college. Sure, they still argue--mostly Eduardo lecturing Mark to take better care of himself--but it’s just bickering, lacking any real edge. They’re both just so excited about thefacebook that it’s like a months-long good mood with no room for bitterness.
Since they are both so incredibly, chaotically busy, you might think there wouldn’t be time for sex. But that would be an extremely stupid thing to think, because Mark knows how to prioritize, okay. Besides, after the night it goes live, it kind of becomes a thing for them to…celebrate …whenever thefacebook has some new success. Which ends up being pretty damn often.
---
They continue to keep their relationship a secret, and Eduardo doesn’t bring it up again. Still, Mark can tell it still bothers him.
It’s not like Mark doesn’t think about it. He thinks about it a lot. More than Eduardo thinks he does, probably. He thinks about what it would be like to just say fuck it and tell everyone that they’re together. To be able to go on actual dates, and how happy he knows that would make Eduardo. To be able to just say to Dustin, Wardo and I are having sex, please leave us alone for the night instead of always making some lame-ass excuse. When they’re at a New Year’s Eve party, and the ball drops and all the couples kiss, he thinks about how he wishes they could do that, instead of awkwardly avoiding eye contact.
When he comes up with the relationship status feature, he mocks it for being trivial and cheesy, the kind of stupid thing that the users will love. But what he would never admit out loud is that he can’t help thinking how his own name would look next to Eduardo’s. That stupid little heart would show up in everyone’s newsfeed, and next to it: Mark Zuckerberg is in a relationship with Eduardo Saverin.
So, sure, he thinks about it. But he doesn’t change his mind. He can’t. Not now when the company is still so new and full of potential-who knows how rumors about his sexuality could affect it? Not now when his own popularity is finally getting somewhere, when people actually know him for something other than that weird hacker kid.
Once, when he and Dustin are with a group of guys at a frat party and he mentions Chris, one of the guys says “Oh, that fag kid?” Dustin almost breaks the guy’s jaw, and the rest of the group is pretty pissed too, but the moment has a lasting impact on Mark. Sure, most of the guys give the dude shit for it, but who knows how many other people thinking the exact same thing are out there? Maybe not vocalizing their opinions, but still thinking it?
Besides, what if he were to tell everyone the truth and then, for some reason, things ended between him and Eduardo? Not that Mark would ever be the one to break it off-he’d have to be insane-but Eduardo might. Maybe without the thrill of keeping it a secret, the sexiness would wear off and Eduardo would realize he could do way better than Mark. What would Mark do then? Everyone would have this idea of him, that he’s bi-or gay, because a lot of people don’t really grasp the concept of bisexuality-and Mark doesn’t even know if that’s true. To tell the truth, he has never felt one speck of interest in any other guy. But then he’d be stuck. Once something like that is out there, you can't take it back.
So he doesn’t change his mind. He thinks-hopes-that maybe one day he will, one day when thefacebook is successful enough and he’s famous enough that it doesn’t matter, he will. One day when he can get over his fear of being mocked, all his stupid fucking insecurities. But he has a bad feeling that day is far away.
---
There is one incident that almost makes him change his mind.
In February, Chris drags Mark and Dustin out of the dorm, claiming they need to stimulate the social part of their psyches before they atrophy more than they already have. Mark begrudgingly agrees to go with them to a party. Eduardo can’t go because he has a big test on Monday and he’s the kind of person that actually studies on a Friday night.
As expected, the party is boring and uneventful. Until a couple hours in, when Mark is in the bathroom, washing his hands, and he hears two girls talking on the other side of the door.
“What about that Brazilian guy that lives in Dirk’s hall?” says the first girl.
“Always overdressed? He’s one of the founders of thefacebook, right?” says the second girl. Mark turns off the faucet and starts listening more intently.
“I think so, yeah.”
“What about him?”
“Well, he’s pretty hot,” says Girl 1. Mark snorts internally. Sorry, but he’s way out of your league, Nasal Voice, he thinks.
Girl 2 also snorts. “I don’t think so,” she says. Mark is a little offended. What does she have to scoff about? Eduardo’s gorgeous!
“Why?” says Girl 1. “He’s really cute, and I happen to know he’s single now since he broke up with that Asian girl last year.”
False, Mark thinks.
“Yeah, but he doesn’t play for our team,” says Girl 2.
Mark freezes. All his internal organs jump in his abdomen.
How could they have found out? We’re so discreet! Who else knows? Oh my God!
“Are you serious?” Girl 1 is saying.
“Yep, he’s totally gay.”
“Come on, don’t stereotype. Just because a guy is well-dressed and polite does not make him-”
“No, he hooked up with another guy at a party,” Girl 2 says.
Mark goes cold all over. What!?
“What?” says Girl 1.
“Yeah, a couple weeks ago. Some senior, I think. Apparently, they were all over each other all night. You know, dancing, talking really close, stuff like that. And Anna saw them going into an empty bedroom together.”
Mark is frozen to the spot, trying to remember how to breathe. His hands are shaking. He puts them on the counter to steady himself.
“You actually saw this?” Girl 1 says, relishing the juicy gossip.
“No, I wasn’t there, Anna told me.”
“So you don’t actually know it’s true.”
“Trust me, it’s true. This isn’t the first time I’ve heard something like that about him, anyway,” says Girl 2.
Mark stares at himself in the mirror. He’s gone pale.
“Wow,” Girl 1 is saying. “But still, that doesn’t mean he’s totally gay. I mean, wasn’t he dating that chick for like seven months last year?”
“Don’t be naïve,” says Girl 2 (she’s starting to come off as something of a know-it-all bitch). “Haven’t you ever heard of a beard?”
They change the subject to some girl they suspect to be bulimic, and Mark stops listening. He’s shaking all over and the contents of his stomach are roiling dangerously.
He stays there for a long time, after the girls’ voices have faded away.
It’s just gossip, he tells himself. It doesn’t mean anything.
But still, how can he be sure? It makes sense, now that he thinks about it. Of course he realized that tons of girls were interested in Eduardo, but for some reason it never occurred to him that other guys would be too. But why shouldn’t they? Eduardo is smart, and sweet, and friendly, and obviously destined for financial success, and totally sexy. And, as far as everyone knows, single.
Maybe it was stupid of him to expect that Eduardo wouldn’t be interested in taking up some of these offers. It’s not like Mark has any claim on him, nor has he ever done or said anything to imply that’s he expecting exclusivity. And he knows he can’t always be everything Eduardo needs, not with all his stupid hang-ups and emotional stiltedness.
When he gets out of the bathroom he leaves the party right away, not even bothering to find Chris or Dustin. He goes straight to Eduardo’s dorm, even though it’s nearly two in the morning.
Eduardo is awake, lying on his bed and highlighting a book.
“Mark! You’re back!” he says. “I was just-”
Without saying anything, Mark strides over to him, shoves the book off the bed, and kisses him hard.
“Mark, what-” mumbles Eduardo into his mouth.
“You’re done studying,” Mark says. He pushes him down on the bed and straddles him.
“Uh, okay, wow,” Eduardo says, bemused. Mark pulls off his shirt and kisses down his neck. He curls his fingers around Eduardo’s shoulders and sucks on his collarbone. He wants to be so good that Eduardo loses all desire in everyone else. He wants Eduardo to forget that anyone else even exists.
“You’re gonna-gonna leave marks,” Eduardo says breathlessly. Mark growls and sucks harder.
---
“Jesus,” Eduardo says later, panting. Mark is staring at the ceiling. “What, uh, what brought that on?”
Mark shrugs. “I need a reason?”
“No, I mean, it was certainly appreciated,” Eduardo says, laughing a little. “It just seemed-like someone slipped something in your drink or something.”
“Nope,” says Mark quietly.
Of all the reasons to go public about their relationship, he thinks, the biggest perk would probably be that he could make sure everyone knew they had no possible chance with Eduardo. He would say, I’m his best friend, I’m his business partner, and I’m the one he’s been sleeping with for years. He’s NOT INTERESTED.
And then he might add: If you so much as look at him inappropriately, I’ll rip your balls off. And then slander you online. So just forget it.
That would be a pretty good reason.
---
Mark firmly tells himself that it must’ve been gossip, and it’s no use worrying about. He doesn’t bring it up with Eduardo. It’s not worth the confrontation, especially if it’s not even true. And if it is true…well, he’d rather not know.
Still, even taking that whole incident into account, as winter starts to lead into spring, things are still going well. February turns into March as the snow slowly starts to melt and thefacebook continues to spread around the country. And also, they come up with this kind of amazing idea.
The idea is that they’re moving to New York City for the summer. It’s the best place to meet potential advertisers and sponsors for the site. Eduardo'll get an internship (he’s pretty much a shoo-in for anything he wants) and Mark will work on the site full time. They’ll probably have to visit Boston periodically to meet with the interns but it’ll work out somehow.
And here’s the best part: they’re going to rent an apartment, just the two of them. With one bedroom.
If anyone asks, it was all they could afford. Which is probably a flimsy excuse, since Eduardo’s not exactly low on cash. But hey, who’s going to ask?
That’s the beauty of it-no one will know who they are, so they won’t have to hide anything.
Eduardo is totally enamored with the idea. Ever since Mark suggests it, he latches on immediately, jumps into planning, meticulously making arrangements, researching apartments and internship possibilities and travel arrangements even though they still have two months before the semester ends. He does this all under the guise of being enthusiastic about living in the city, although Mark suspects that’s not quite all there is to it.
“Can we take the first week off and do all the touristy stuff?” he asks one day while Mark is fixing a bug. “Like, eating corndogs in Coney Island. Broadway show. Haggling on Canal Street. Taking the ferry to Ellis Island. All that stuff?”
Mark, who has done all that stuff approximately nine hundred times with his family, rolls his eyes. “We could,” he says. “Or, we could just shack up for a week and not leave the apartment.”
Eduardo gets so starry-eyed that Mark has to look away to avoid being blinded.
“I need to work on this, stop distracting me,” he says, suddenly all flustered. That happens a lot with Eduardo.
---
He’s trying to act blasé, but he’s really thrilled about the prospect of the summer. Three and half months of just working on his project (because thefacebook is still his pet project). And also, three and a half months with Eduardo. Mark is not really the romantic type, not like Eduardo is anyway, but every so often he catches himself getting all giddy and smiley over it, and then promptly gets embarrassed and hopes no one was looking.
Things are finally going well, really really well..
And then he gets an email from Sean Parker.
---
April 2004
From the get-go, Eduardo is as unimpressed by Sean Parker as Mark is enamored with him. He doesn’t understand what the big deal is, why Mark is so excited that Sean wants to meet him. He thinks Sean sounds “sketchy,” from what he can find of him. But he doesn’t get it.
The fact of the matter is, in Mark’s eyes, meeting Sean is equivalent to meeting a celebrity. And once they do meet, this sentiment is only enhanced. Sean is everything Mark wants to be. Okay, not exactly. But he’s just so…so cool. That’s the only word Mark can use to describe him. Sean is not the type of person who has ever had to worry about being popular. Mark can tell.
Their meeting with Sean is a game-changer for several reasons. One: as per his suggestion, thefacebook becomes Facebook. Two: he advises them to forget about advertising, at least for now. He makes some big elaborate metaphor about fish that captivates and immediately persuades Mark. Meanwhile, Eduardo remains unmoved.
And lastly, Sean’s biggest recommendation: “Man, you’ve gotta come out to Palo Alto this summer.”
He tells them that they need to set up on the West Coast, near Stanford. They need to get everyone working together in one place, and Mark has to be there too. (He doesn’t mention Eduardo.) Otherwise, they’re just wasting time during the most crucial period of the company’s development.
Mark knows right away that he’s right. The New York plan really makes no sense. He’s the CEO, he needs to be with Chris and Dustin and the interns while they’re building his company. And his CFO should be there too, of course.
He tries to explain this to Eduardo, but Eduardo doesn’t get it. “I don’t see what was wrong with the New York plan,” he says.
“New York made sense when we were looking for advertisers,” Mark says. “But now that we’re not-”
“I still don’t agree with that, by the way,” Eduardo interjects, although by now he can tell it’s a lost cause.
“-now that we’re not, there’s just no reason for us to be there.” Mark finishes. “Sean was right, the West Coast is the best place for any up-and-coming enterprise.”
Eduardo rolls his eyes. “No offense, Mark, but I don’t think you have any idea what you’re talking about. And why do you listen to whatever he says? He’s obviously talking out of his ass.”
But it’s too late to change Mark’s mind.
Eventually, Eduardo reluctantly agrees that it makes sense to set up in Palo Alto. He puts more money in the Facebook account, enough to rent a nice house for everyone to stay in and still have plenty left over. Mark didn’t ask for this, but he certainly isn’t going to argue.
However, Eduardo still thinks the two of them should stick to their original plan. “You can manage everything over the phone,” he tells Mark. “And we can take periodic trips out there to check up on everyone. There’s no need for us to live there the whole time.”
Mark know there’s no way that arrangement will work. Still, he puts off telling Eduardo his decision, knowing it’ll probably upset him.
Finally, in late April, he tells him.
“I’ve gotta be out there,” he says. “It’s the only way that makes sense.”
Eduardo seems disappointed, but unsurprised.
“You could still come with me,” Mark says.
“No,” says Eduardo tightly. “I told you before, it’s too late to change my plans. I’ve already signed the lease on the apartment, and I can’t back out of the internship now.”
“Well, listen,” says Mark. “I’m only gonna stay just long enough to get everything set up. A few weeks. A month, at the most. Then I’ll be back. We’ll still have our summer together, okay?”
Eduardo says nothing for a long time, frowning. Then he sighs. “Fine,” he says.
---
June 2004
Mark knows right away he made the right decision.
It’s incredible. Living with everyone in the company, coding all the time with no interruptions or other responsibilities-it’s amazing. Without having to worry about classes or having to work out of a dorm room, he can get so much more done, and the site goes through all kinds of amazing transformations.
It turns out Sean is living right down the street, which Mark discovers a couple weeks in. After that, Sean’s pretty much always there, although the actual nature of his professional involvement with the company is never quite clear. He turns the house into a huge party locale, always bringing in random stoners and barely-legal girls, which gets to be annoying, but it doesn’t really matter that much because once Mark is wired in, it takes a lot to distract him.
By far the most exciting thing to happen is that Sean manages to find an investor willing to put a very large amount of money into the company. Which makes their hopes of avoiding advertising for the time being totally plausible. And which makes the company’s value in the millions, effectively making Mark a millionaire.
Damn.
The one major drawback is that Mark really, really misses Eduardo. Desperately. He tries to keep in touch as much as possible, updating him on changes in the company and asking for advice in financial matters. However, Eduardo seems to get less and less interested in talking about Facebook, even after the investment. It’s weird, because Mark thought he’d be more excited than anyone, being the CFO, but it seems he never wants to hear about it anymore.
It gets harder and harder to stay in touch. Mark wants to talk to Eduardo as much as possible, but he gets so sucked into coding that he totally forgets what time it is, and then when he is free Eduardo is always either working or sleeping.
As the weeks pass, Eduardo starts to get more and more irate and argumentative. He always asks Mark when he’s planning on coming to New York, and Mark never has an answer for him. “Soon,” is all he can ever say. Eduardo doesn’t want to hear about Sean, he doesn’t want to hear about the crazy shenanigans going on in the house or the clubs Sean takes them to or the girl Dustin may or may not have fucked. He’s always pissed off, and Mark doesn’t know what to do. He wishes he could go back to the winter and early spring, when Eduardo was always in good mood.
He kind of wants to suggest that they try phone sex again, but with the way Eduardo’s acting, he has a feeling that’s off the table.
---
July 2004
“Happy Fourth of July!” Mark says when he Eduardo picks up.
“Mark?” says Eduardo groggily. “Why are you calling me now, it’s 4 am.”
“Shit, is it really? I forgot about the time difference, and I don’t even know what time it is here.”
Eduardo groans.
“Anyway, there were these epic fireworks earlier, you should’ve seen ‘em!” Mark says. He’s just finished a big update, so he’s in a good mood.
“Why didn’t you answer your phone? I called you like ten times,” Eduardo says.
“I was wired in,” Mark says. “And besides, I’m returning your calls now.”
Eduardo sighs.
“You know, it’s been a month. In fact, it’s been almost six weeks,” he says.
“I know,” says Mark guiltily.
“So what the fuck is your plan, Mark?” Eduardo snaps.
“I really think you should come visit,” Mark says, partly to avoid answering the question.
Eduardo starts to argue, like he always does when Mark suggests this. Mark cuts him off.
“Just for a few days,” he says. “Surely you can take a couple days off? You work so hard, I’m sure they wouldn’t mind.”
“I don’t know,” Eduardo says.
“There’s so much I want to show you,” Mark says. “And besides, I really miss you.”
“Well…”
“Listen, Wardo,” says Mark. “Here’s what we’ll do. You’ll take the soonest flight you can get out here. I’ll take a couple days off, and we’ll spend the whole time in a five-star hotel. My treat.”
Eduardo is silent for a minute. Then he says, “okay,” and it sounds like he’s actually smiling, for once.
---
The day Eduardo’s set to arrive, Mark spends the whole day coding, hoping to have a new feature finished to show him when he gets there. He goes into his room for a nap and collapses in bed.
When he wakes up, it’s dark out and he can hear Eduardo’s voice downstairs.
He finds Eduardo at the door, arguing with Sean and looking pissed. It’s started drizzling out, and Eduardo’s hair is getting wet.
“Wardo!” Mark says, grinning. “Hi!”
“You were supposed to pick me up at the airport an hour ago,” Eduardo says.
“Oh, fuck,” Mark says. “I’m sorry, I fell asleep and totally forgot what time it was.”
“I figured,” says Eduardo icily. His cheeks are pink and a drop of water slides down his cheek. Mark feels a sudden wave of lust sweep through him. He looks back into the kitchen, where Sean is chatting up some girl, and then pulls Eduardo outside with him, shutting the door behind him.
“Hi,” he says again, and goes up on his toes to kiss Eduardo. Eduardo doesn’t respond for a minute, then sighs and melts into the kiss, putting one wet hand on Mark’s neck.
“Missed you,” Mark mumbles when he pulls away.
“I missed you too,” says Eduardo. “I’ve been looking forward to this.”
Mark bites his lip.
“We are going to the hotel, right?” Eduardo says.
“Um,” Mark says.
“Mark!” Eduardo says, looking angry again. “Fuck, you promised!”
“I know!” Mark says. “I know I did, but I just got started on this really good thing, and if I take a break now I know I’ll lose it-”
Eduardo pushes his hands through his damp hair and exhales angrily. “You promised you’d take this time off. I came all the way out here to see you.”
“I know, and you can still see me!” Mark says. “We can still-you know…You can stay in my room. Everyone’s too high to notice anything, anyway.”
Eduardo laughs bitterly. “Wow, Mark. You really know how to make a guy feel special.”
“Look, I’m sorry. But we can still have a good time,” Mark says, pleading. “I have a lot of awesome new features I want to show you. And I really do-I really do appreciate you coming out.”
Eduardo squeezes his eyes shut for a minute. It’s raining harder, now, and his hair is plastered to his forehead. “You’re not coming to New York at all, are you?” he asks.
Mark’s T-shirt is sticking to his skin. He shivers. “I can’t,” he says in a small voice. “I’m sorry, I just can’t leave now.”
“I expected as much,” Eduardo says. His voice is quieter now. Mark wipes the rain out of his eyes. He’s frustrated; for what feels like the millionth time, things with Eduardo are going the opposite of how he’d hoped.
“You can still move out here,” he says. “You can afford to quit your internship, especially with how the company is doing now.”
“And do what?” Eduardo says. “Sit around waiting to catch you between coding sessions? Give advice that you’re just going to ignore in favor of Sean’s opinion? It’s not like you consult me before making financial decisions, anyway.”
“Maybe I would if you ever showed any interest in Facebook when I talk to you!” Mark snaps, losing his temper.
“Yeah, and what else?” Eduardo goes on, ignoring Mark completely. “We sneak around everyone all summer and hide what we’re doing? Then we get back to school and of course nothing’s changed, right?”
“Actually,” Mark says guiltily, staring down at his shoes. “I, uh, I need to talk to you about that.”
“What?” says Eduardo.
“I don’t think I’m going back,” Mark says.
“Excuse me?”
“I’m gonna drop out. And stay here to work full-time,” Mark says.
Eduardo’s stares at him. “You’re dropping out,” he says blankly.
“Yeah,” Mark says.
“And when were you planning on telling me this?” Eduardo says.
“I don’t know…I mean, I wasn’t totally sure about it until recently…” he mutters.
“Jesus Christ, Mark,” says Eduardo. “When did you become such an asshole?”
A sudden spike of anger goes through Mark’s stomach. “Fuck you!” he yells, pointing at Eduardo with a shaking finger. “You know what? I bet you love being in New York without me, so you can screw whoever the fuck you want!”
Eduardo’s eyes widen, then narrow. “What?!”
“Yeah, don’t deny it!” Mark says. He hadn’t meant to say this, but now that he’s started, he can’t stop. “I know that’s what you do! You just fuck random guys when you think I won’t find out!”
Eduardo almost says something, then stops himself. Then, after a minute, he says, coldly, “Yeah, so what? What’re you gonna do about it?”
Mark gasps, his stomach turning to ice. Despite his accusations, he’d never really thought his suspicions had any grounds.
Eduardo presses his palms against his eyes, taking deep, shaky breaths. Thunder crackles in the distance, and Mark has a sudden flashback to seventeen-year-old Eduardo saying don’t you love the sound of rain? The memory feels especially poignant given the current circumstances.
“Please move out here,” Mark says softly.
Eduardo looks straight at him, eyes no longer cold but softened and wet-looking in the dark. He doesn’t bother wiping off the rivulets of water streaming down his face.
“Mark,” he says. His voice is soft now, almost gentle. “I’m resigning.”
Mark’s throat tightens.
“What?” he croaks out.
“I’m resigning from Facebook,” Eduardo says.
“What-are you crazy?!” Mark says, panicked. “Why?”
“No,” Eduardo says. “I don’t think you need me anymore.”
“Of course we need you!” says Mark, who is starting to shiver uncontrollably.
“You seem to be doing fine without me,” Eduardo says, keeping his voice very still.
“No, we need you!” Mark says again. “Besides, you’d have to be totally insane to leave a company that’s thriving this much at a time like this-”
“Mark, I don’t care about the damn company!” Eduardo bursts out.
Mark freezes. “What are you talking about?”
“For a genius, you can really be an idiot sometimes,” Eduardo says.
Mark just stares at him, still shivering, unable to comprehend what’s going on.
“I never cared about Facebook. I mean, yes, of course it’s a big deal, of course it was exciting to be a part of that, but that’s not why I did it. I did it all for you.” His voice is shaking.
“What do you mean?” Mark says in a tiny voice.
“I’m in love with you, you fucking idiot,” Eduardo says.
Despite everything, Mark’s heart jumps a foot in his chest and he feels a sweet thrill go through him at these words. “You are?” he whispers.
“Yes, of course I am,” says Eduardo. His suit is drenched. He sounds tired. “Why else would I put up with all your bullshit? You think I’m really that much of a pushover? It’s because I love you. You’re the only person I’ve ever felt that way about.”
“Oh my god,” says Mark. He’s smiling. But then he remembers the circumstances.
“But then why are you quitting?” he says. “If you really do feel that way about me, then all the more reason you shouldn’t!”
“All the more reason I should!” ” Eduardo says. “Don’t you get it? I just can’t do this anymore. I thought I could, but I can’t.”
“Do what?” says Mark. He realizes with growing dismay that they’re not talking about Facebook at all, anymore.
“You said,” says Eduardo slowly. “That if I couldn’t change it, I had to live with it. But I can’t. I can’t live with it. Not anymore.”
Mark’s stomach tightens and he blinks several times, trying to get rid of the burning behind his eyes.
“No, Wardo. You can’t do this,” he begs. “I need you. I need my best-”
“You can find a new best friend,” Eduardo cuts him off. “You’re really popular now, right? I’m sure it won’t be hard for you to find someone else.” His doesn’t sound sarcastic, only sad and resigned.
“No, I-”
“I’m sorry, Mark. I’ve gotta go,” Eduardo says. He takes a steadying breath and pushes back his wet hair. “Good luck.”
He picks up his suitcase and turns around, walking down the driveway.
“Eduardo, wait,” Mark tries to say, but the words get caught in his throat. He watches Eduardo walk to the end of the driveway and cross the street. He wants to go after him, but he’s frozen to the spot.
Eduardo disappears around a corner.
Mark thinks of Eduardo saying Everyone has trouble fitting in, Mark, gentle and understanding, one cautious hand on his shoulder, and how, even then, Mark had felt differently about Eduardo than he had about anyone else.
Mark collapses on the step. “I love you too,” he says, voice breaking, but his words are swallowed up by the rain.
---
PART 5