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[goldersgirl]

My recent experience at a friend's hen's night (US: Bachelorette party) uncovered a whole lot of weird emotions for me and I still can't quite work it out

Comments

[teacup9]

I don't like hanging out with non religious or differently frum (ie eat different kashrus, men kiss women hello, go to movies, etc) than me. But then I am thankful that some people who don't watch tv like we do or wear more conservative clothes than me still hang out with us. It's tough. Don't ever feel awkward though. I've had some non religious friends who I grew up with all of a sudden realize that I do cover my hair or that my husband and I have separate beds and they are like Oh! and I just smile proudly. I don't feel weird - I feel special.

[goldersgirl]

That's a good angle to take I reckon. The problem for me is that I hate the feeling of not fitting in. When I was younger, I always used to think that I would make more of an effort to fit in with other people than my mum did, but now I can see it's harder than it seems.

[teacup9]

Sometimes I hate not fitting in too. Those feelings ruined quite a bit of my school days. Now I'm getting better, but it is hard. With extra modern or secular Jews though it doesn't bother me for some reason

[goldersgirl]

Sounds like a good book (the second one). I'll look into it.

I always imagined I would 'rise above' the marry-young-have-lots-of-kids-be-really-machmir- status quo. (That sounds way more harsh than I mean - I really love my community and our values and minhagim).

But.... I thought somehow I would be a little different, while remaining orthodox. I feel like I'm living the same life as my mother, sisters and other in-house friends. That's what bothers me.

[kalanit_ayelet]

I know how you feel, I was invited to my friend's bachelorette party. I went to the dinner, but politely had to decline the second half at her house selling toys for the bedroom! (That is ok between you and your husband IMO, but I can't imagine talking about that with people in general! I would have died of embarrassment if I went.) Our henna party was enough for me for a "bachelorette" party, and my husband just went camping with his friends fun.

The hen party was probably the wrong event to pick to hang out with new people. That doesn't mean that you wouldn't enjoy doing other things with them though.

My friends typically come from my shul just because I see them most often, but my best friend is Hindu. My husband doesn't have any observant friends but his friends are all from the different schools he went to. There can be many other connections besides your religion, and I am sure they would learn a lot from you as well.

[goldersgirl]

You're right - it wasn't the best scenario to meet people. I have friend from my shul of course, but everyone knows everyone, so in a weird way I am looking for 'fresh' people - no politics, no judging me on my family or shidduch or whatever.

I do have a very close neighbour and she is catholic. We get on great but we can't share everything.

[buildin_a_bayis]

Uch, that's no fun, especially when you were looking forward to being social. I never really had this issue and found that non-Jewish and irreligious friends were generally respectful of me and my practices.

[goldersgirl]

I didn't feel disrespected, just a novelty and out of place. The people were really kind, but it didn't help me feel less like an outsider.