(no subject)
Today hasn't been a good day, and not really because of the train ride. I can't help but wonder how terrible the train ride back to Hogwarts come January will be, except that there's a certain irony (is it irony?) of being shipped me going anywhere as forced by racist oppressors on a train. I shouldn't have written that down It's good to be home, because I've missed home, and I've missed Mum, but it's not the same, because I've missed Dad, too, and Andrew. Even though that's weird, because I don't really like Andrew. It's not that I miss him, so much as that I'm used to him, and it's weird without him. This is once of the first years in a long time that I've been home for all of Hanukkah and it'll only be Mum and me to celebrate. Not that Hanukkah's even all that important but it's one of the only holidays that I get to celebrate with my family and now -
Mum and I got into an argument on the way home and it took a lot of convincing for her to believe that Muggle Studies and Dark Arts aren't really legitimate classes and once we (we? who is we? the good people? Harry Potter?) get in control again, they won't count for anything. She wasn't pleased I'm failing classes. Two of them. I've never failed a course before, not even History of Magic, and she was really displeased about my A on my OWL. She believes me now, though, but I don't think she knows what to say. Like if things should be business as usual or if we should talk about what's going on, but I don't know if I can tell her face to face how terrible this term has been. We had supper and now she's talking about putting a film on, but honestly, I kind of just want to go to bed.
I probably couldn't sleep, though, because it's early, and I'm worried about people. Susan, mostly, and Mandy. I'm sure that there are other people who are having difficulties, too, but they haven't written in them yet. I hope that Mandy doesn't think that we'll (we again - general, I don't know, I guess I mean "I" here) stop liking her because she's a pureblood and now her brother I guess has joined You-Know-Who? I know that Mandy isn't like that and that's all that matters, and in a way, a very small way, I can't blame her family. Well, I can, and I do. It's terrible, joining him, especially since it's clear what's happening. But maybe he had good intentions, and a lot of people, well, they think that they are protecting their families. Maybe it's not about that. Maybe he really just is a bigot. I hope he doesn't hurt her, or find her journal and get angry. I would hate it if something bad happened to Mandy because of me.
As for Susan, I don't know what to say wish there was something I could do for her. I know that there's not really anything I can do. Even if I gave her a hug or listened or anything like that, it wouldn't bring her mother back, or make her safe. It wouldn't end this. I wish that there was something more that I could do, for Susan's mum and for Kevin and for Justin and for Dean and for everyone. But in the end, I'm insignificant, really. I should stop thinking about/talking to/worrying about Susan so much.
Also, while I have lots of free time (I don't think that I'm going to be working this holiday because I just don't want to and I don't think I could take it) I think I'm going to work on the journal charms more, because they're imperfect, and I think that they could be better, and I don't want them to fuck up and everything to go terribly.
If you read all this, I commend you, as I wasn't really planning for anyone to read it all. I just felt like writing things down and it feels weird to just write for myself.
[Added later]
I really wish everyone would stop arguing.
Mum and I got into an argument on the way home and it took a lot of convincing for her to believe that Muggle Studies and Dark Arts aren't really legitimate classes and once we (we? who is we? the good people? Harry Potter?) get in control again, they won't count for anything. She wasn't pleased I'm failing classes. Two of them. I've never failed a course before, not even History of Magic, and she was really displeased about my A on my OWL. She believes me now, though, but I don't think she knows what to say. Like if things should be business as usual or if we should talk about what's going on, but I don't know if I can tell her face to face how terrible this term has been. We had supper and now she's talking about putting a film on, but honestly, I kind of just want to go to bed.
I probably couldn't sleep, though, because it's early, and I'm worried about people. Susan, mostly, and Mandy. I'm sure that there are other people who are having difficulties, too, but they haven't written in them yet. I hope that Mandy doesn't think that we'll (we again - general, I don't know, I guess I mean "I" here) stop liking her because she's a pureblood and now her brother I guess has joined You-Know-Who? I know that Mandy isn't like that and that's all that matters, and in a way, a very small way, I can't blame her family. Well, I can, and I do. It's terrible, joining him, especially since it's clear what's happening. But maybe he had good intentions, and a lot of people, well, they think that they are protecting their families. Maybe it's not about that. Maybe he really just is a bigot. I hope he doesn't hurt her, or find her journal and get angry. I would hate it if something bad happened to Mandy because of me.
As for Susan, I don't know what to say wish there was something I could do for her. I know that there's not really anything I can do. Even if I gave her a hug or listened or anything like that, it wouldn't bring her mother back, or make her safe. It wouldn't end this. I wish that there was something more that I could do, for Susan's mum and for Kevin and for Justin and for Dean and for everyone. But in the end, I'm insignificant, really. I should stop thinking about/talking to/worrying about Susan so much.
Also, while I have lots of free time (I don't think that I'm going to be working this holiday because I just don't want to and I don't think I could take it) I think I'm going to work on the journal charms more, because they're imperfect, and I think that they could be better, and I don't want them to fuck up and everything to go terribly.
If you read all this, I commend you, as I wasn't really planning for anyone to read it all. I just felt like writing things down and it feels weird to just write for myself.
[Added later]
I really wish everyone would stop arguing.