Part I
Her heart was thumping as she walked hastily to the door. Late as usual, but she knew he'd understand. She opened the door to an array of chairs, booths and the sound of clanking silver wear, to find him sitting in her section.. One small and seemingly meaningless sign that showed he knew her.
"Whew! Sorry I'm late!" she exclaimed, hoping to mask the nervousness to be found in her voice.
"It's ok. I just got here, myself."
His disposition presented itself as nothing but calm. His eyes, voice and mannerisms, even down to his fingertips that grazed the table seemed so somnolent. He sat and watched her fumble around until she finally sat down, dropping silver wear and fragmented sentences until eventually gaining some composure.
"So, I did a really stupid thing.." she said,
"I was in such a frenzy when leaving the house that I completely forgot your stuff, which was the whole reason for coming here and I swear this isn't a psycho-keep-all-of-your-ex's-stuff type of thing, you know how absent minded I am..."
He chuckled to himself, even though she was sitting right across from him,
"I know. It's really not all that important. I have a few days off next week if you want to just drop it by."
She nodded.
The waitress, almost feeling herself the uncomfortable silence of the strangers, came around to take their order in an attempt to save the two from those few more moments of torturous nothingness that filled the space between them. She ordered the same thing she always did and lit a cigarette; the starting gun to begin the dialogue that was to stay but on the surface.
"How have you been?"
She was secretly hoping he'd tell her that he'd been absolutely miserable without her; everything seemed meaningless and immediately start groveling..
"Good."
The disappointment was almost visible in her eyes.
"That's good," she said.
What about you?"
She paused for just a millisecond too long. So many things she wanted say..
"Good," she mumbled.
"That's good."
She wanted to scream, but decided that public places were not the best for outbursts of emotion, so she opted to take an extra long puff of her cigarette. The waitress brought her coffee and his fries.. Thank god, something to break the tension. He quickly finished and she continued sipping on her coffee and smoking her cigarettes. Talking, talking, talking... that's all they did. They didn't really communicate and they could barely look into each other’s eyes. She was constantly glancing down, sometimes just staring into her half empty cup. He looked off into the distance, just over her head, occasionally looking straight at her. As soon as she'd catch his gaze she'd look away and start babbling about something that neither of them cared about. They were drolling on about the annoyances in their jobs and all of the weird people they had to contend with on a daily basis. Then, abruptly:
"I really miss you, you know? Not being with you, but just talking and hanging out, I really miss that.. No one really understands me like you do."
Finally! Honesty in its truest form. Not drug out or asked for or given begrudgingly out of obligation: she felt it, so she said it. It was obvious they had something deep before and she couldn't take how depthless the conversation had become.
"I know, I miss you too," He replied with an honest and sincere face.
"Ok.” She seemed satisfied with that.
Then back to talking, until a little over an hour had passed.
"What time is it?" He asked, because he never wore a watch.
"Five.”
"Oh, I gotta get going."
Nothing about her seemed disappointed, yet you could sense her heart drop. She didn't want to stay to try to work things out or talk about the past; she enjoyed his company and was upset that their discourse had stayed so shallow.
"Ok, let's go."
She left the tip, he paid for her meal and they walked out together. He laughed at her oddities and she loved that he still understood them. When they got to his car he gave her a bag of CD's, her CD's, filled with emotion that she had shared with him a summer ago. Her life was in that bag.. But still, she was reluctant to take it all back.
She looked at him,
"You can call me, you know, if you get bored and want to hang out."
His voice got a little somber,
"It's hard, you know? It's going to take me some time, you have to be patient with me."
She gave an understanding nod,
"Yeah, I know.. But this wasn't so bad, was it?"
"No, it wasn't."
"I'm not saying we have to be best friends, but I think we could handle coffee just to catch up every now and again."
"Yeah.."
With that, the last bit of their conversation dissipated.
"I'll call you before I bring that stuff by."
"Ok."
They hugged an empty hug, got in their prospective vehicles and drove in opposite directions. Waving once at each other for good measure.
A Perfect Circle played through her speakers, but she didn’t cry. I think she’s beginning to heal.