(Untitled)

[goodnighttexas]

yesterday i went to the fiesta flambeau parade. it was three hours long and there were about half a million people watching. anyways, a majority black high school marching band from dallas was in the parade, and my friend's father commented, saying "don't you wish you were black sometimes?" i was highly offended. by his question. and my friend

Comments

[ourwarofwords00]

i have to deal with a lot of people who say offensive shit like that and think nothing of it...and yeah, its the real world in that people say shit like that all the time, but the fact that the real world is like that SHOULD be offensive in itself. so yeah, offensive.

[ultimatehandler]

This doesn't surprise me. I don't think white people really understand what being black in 2008 means. I think of 2008 as "virtual integration" because television has made black faces acceptable, even comforting-between sports, movies, music and commercials, black people have been tokenized as Masters of Entertainment. When white people want to be entertained, it's often black people that star in the show. From the NBA to Will Smith to radio rap music, black people provide white people with fun.

So, of course, people say stuff like "oh, if only I was black (and, by definition, rhythmly gifted, athletic and talented), I would be a cool person.
...
Of course, they'd also face discrimination, a system set up against you if you have a "funny" name or dark skin, smaller network, and a disproportionate chance of being poor and forgotten. But we don't see those aspects of being black at parades or on TV.

So, offensive? Yes. Surprising? No.

[goodnighttexas]

are you especially surprised at the response from an old yruu-er?

i was... it kind of hit home with me since we recently talked about our workshops of days past. i mean, we were doing something, we were making people think about it. something this person would have once found offensive is no longer found offensively racist, and i think it's simply because racism is no longer something she regularly thinks about. and while i didn't save her text message, and i'm not positive what it said, i do think it said "if i had been as naive as i was two years ago..." i just don't interpret sensitivity to racism as naivety.

[ultimatehandler]

Many people in our district are really bad about this. I believe that if you took a poll of people that were/are in YRUU at any time between 2005 and 2008, about 30% would be opposed to affirmative action of any kind. Not that he's any beacon of social justice, but Scotty is opposed to it. And people that were helpful now just seem to accept that racial/social inequality exists and don't really care about changing it, even within their tiny worlds

[ultimatehandler]

I said this to you a couple weeks ago (and on my facebook essays), but when I think of those discussions I get a sick feeling in my stomach.
You know the Chappelle's show joke where on the skit "Ask a Black Man" Paul Mooney said "Wayne Brady makes Bryant Gumbel look like Malcolm X"?

Well, a former YRUU male friend put "Kenny Wiley" in Wayne Brady's place to tell that 'joke.'

So no, I'm not surprised at all.

P.S. I want to write about all the racial slights, jokes and offensive situations that I brushed off in my 5 YRUU years...
but I think I'd lose most of my friends. The shit hurts, you know.

[ultimatehandler]

you're probably right. Although there are these three black girls at Mizzou from Dallas that I have dinner with once a week, and we talk a lot about wishing we'd stopped our internalized, race-based self-hatred sooner

[soozymom]

Please write about it. I think it needs to be said, you'd be doing those "friends" a favor. Maybe if you use the layer of distance the internet provides, and choose not to name names, they'll be able to dodge the defensive feelings and begin to see themselves in a different light. Or maybe "they" won't but others will...

Wouldn't it be cool to have friends that cared enough about you and your feelings to want to grow past their own institutional racism. Really, one or two friends like that would be worth losing all the others.

[ultimatehandler]

You're right, Susie and Val. As usual.

In fact, I've half-written this several times, but I freeze up. Or as The Spinners once said, "I knew just what to say (but) all the words had slipped away."

What sucks is trying to have conversations about my frustrations with a particular racial situation and 95% of the time, my white friends will try their hardest to find evidence that race had nothing to do with it.

Two of my professors agree with you that I should gently confront my 'friends,' while my dad (who's always thinking of my political future) says I shouldn't. My dad says that I'll be better served keeping them in my life at a distance. He says that I should get used to it, "because you have the power to get people that don't really like black people to like you."

In fact, my dad says all the time that many UU's are that way-that they look down on most minorities, and latch onto the few that are just like them as proof that they're liberal and welcoming.

[soozymom]

Unfortunately, I think your dad is absolutely right about many UU's. And most shamefully, that they aren't really even aware of their racism.

I think deciding whether to confront or not has two parts. First is establishing a goal, to educate or to debate. Telling people how comments make you feel is not the same as talking about the what/why/how those comments occur. (Not that they won't debate with you on the former, but all you can do then is shrug and say, "hey, man, that's how it feels.") The second is figuring out a way to talk about it that draws them into the conversation and doesn't drive them into defensive mode. That is one thing that you are very good at with acquaintances, but I think, with your friends, you tend to be less careful and assume that they will get it. When they don't.

You have to decide whether or not you can accept the limits these friends have imposed upon themselves or not. If they're not choosing growth or understanding, then there's probably not much you can do about it.

[pickledtoads]

I've tried to separate myself from the whole idea of "I wish I was ____" because I spent most of my childhood doing that. Besides that though, I personally don't find it offensive, but it is ill-informed and an unnecessary comment.

[soozymom]

BTW, yes, I thought that the "I wish I was black" comment was more uneducated than offensive as well. I choose not to bother with being offended by dumb people. "Irritated", probably, but "offended" expends too much energy in that direction.