Blood Upon His Breast/chapter 5
Title: Blood Upon His Breast [ch.5]
Pairing: Brian Haner / Zack Baker. Avenged Sevenfold.
Rating: NC-17.
Summary: Brian's high school career is about to go to hell.
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. All events, characters, names, and places featured here are either the product of the author’s imagination, or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual person(s), living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Author's Note: AU. Fantasy. Horror. High school.
The week went by slowly. The weather stayed warm and bearable, the nights only mild and the day time sun easy to get along with. Brian found himself hoping for more run ins with Zack, but besides a few glances and a couple waves, Zack was subdued.
Jimmy barely talked to Brian, preferring to avoid him while Brian did the same, waiting for Jimmy to get over his anger on his own like he usually did. It wasn't like Jimmy to stay mad for this long and Brian continued to take his lunch alone, knowing Jimmy would be at the table with their usual group.
Johnny's nightmares seemed to be silenced by the sleeping pills and instead of detention, Johnny waited on the bleachers during practice, walking home with Brian in the afternoons. The younger boy was still jumpy but not a wreck and talked about his parents coming home that Friday with a pleasant kind of excitement Brian found almost endearing.
At practice, Matt said little and gave Brian a wide berth, as if he were contagious. There wasn't much time for idle talk anyway, their coach brutal while preparing for the first game of the season. Matt did manage a few gruff good byes in the late afternoons in the locker room, but his eyes were distant and he never looked at Brian for very long.
It made Brian wonder if he'd said or done something to hint at his crush and he racked his brain for memories of Matt at Val's party.
On Thursday morning, Brian found himself paired with Zack for a chemistry lab. Zack seemed bored and uninterested, his eyes dull and almost brown in colour beneath his black hair. Brian really didn't blame him. It was a boring, easy lab. They were supposed to be observing chemical reactions and identifying the reactants and products of those reactions. Then, they were to classify the reactions and write balanced equations.
"How's practice been?" Zack asked, maybe as a way to make conversation.
Brian busied himself with the piece of sand paper, rubbing a length of copper of magnesium wire to make it shiny. "Good, I guess."
"You think all the practice will pay off?"
"I don't know. I guess we have a good team this year."
"First game's tomorrow, isn't it?"
Brian nodded and shrugged, watching Zack turn the burner on their table on. Zack picked up the crucible tongs with his left hand and snapped them in the air a few times. Brian sanded the wire harder, glancing over his lab sheet laid out to the side of the table.
"Home game?"
Brian nodded again.
"Your parents gonna be there?" Zack asked, taking the wire from Brian with the tongs. He held the wire against the burner and Brian cocked his head, watching for the synthesis reaction he was supposed to be observing.
"No. Mom's got a show in Vegas and my dad's doing a viewing out at the beach."
"Guitars?"
"Yeah."
"Maybe I'll come to the game," Zack said nonchalantly. Brian looked at him. He seemed tired this morning and lacklustre, his shoulders sagging. His t-shirt was loose over his chest, a band Brian didn't know emblazoned on the front in red letters.
Zack bent down, twisting the tongs and the wire against the burner and Brian caught sight of Zack's tattoo again, the serif Z on its side.
He thought about the sketch he'd done, stuck in his English text like a bookmark. He thought of Jimmy, too, his stoned blue eyes jerking away every time Brian walked into class.
He almost asked Zack what the tattoo meant, but something stopped him. Zack was still bent over the table, writing his observations down quickly. Zack was frowning and licking his lips, and Brian jotted down his own notes in a fast, uneven scrawl.
"I'm gonna go get the CuCO3 for the decomposition," Zack said, tapping his eraser against his own worksheet. He held his pencil in his left hand and Brian bit the side of his lip. It was one of those odd things that take you a moment to realise. There was nothing wrong with being left handed, Brian didn't think that, but it did look... subtly different.
Brian nodded, picking out the test tube for when Zack came back with their materials from the teacher. He would ask Jimmy about the symbol. He had decided on that.
***
But Jimmy wasn't in class. Brian didn't see him in the lunch room either when he went in under the guise of using a vending machine.
He saw Matt watching him across the lunch room, sitting at the usual table, Jimmy no where to be seen. Val was in her usual position next to Matt and she caught Brian's attention with a hand wave, motioning him over.
Nervously, Brian hitched his backpack up his shoulder and squeezed both hands around his juice bottle, making his way between the tables to where he used to sit with his friends.
"Matt?" Val glared at her boyfriend and Matt huffed and rolled his topaz eyes.
"Brian... I'm sorry I put you in the middle and got pissed at you for not telling Jimmy I was sorry," Matt winced, his teeth barred, looking like he was in pain.
"That's what you've been mad at me about?" Brian asked, incredulous.
Matt shrugged one of his powerful shoulders and Val looked up at Brian sweetly, swiping her blonde hair back with one hand. "I wondered where you'd been," she said and elbowed Matt sharply in the ribs. "And this asshole says he's not talking to you since you 'got him in trouble' 'cos you forgot to pass his apology onto Jimmy. Can you believe that? My boyfriend is a dick."
"I love you too," Matt mumbled, ducking his head. His cheeks flamed and he scowled over his food, shovelling steamed mixed-vegetables into his mouth quickly.
"Dude, I completely forgot about that," Brian gripped his juice tighter, rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand. "Jimmy's been mad at me since last Saturday. I didn't get a chance to tell him much."
Matt nodded. "He said something like that."
Brian was suddenly very, very glad he'd never told Jimmy about his crush on Matt. He could suddenly picture the two of them, sitting here and making jokes at his expense all week.
"Um. Well, I'm gonna go to the library. I need to print something for next period," Brian shifted on his feet uncomfortably, Matt's hazel eyes searching his face for something. "I'll see you at practice, Matt."
Matt just nodded again, the kind of person to hold grudges and stay angry. Val looked sympathetic and gave Brian an odd look, her eyes searching and sceptical as Brian turned away quickly and left.
***
Practice went by quickly, the coach trying to work up spirit for the game. They went over a few plays, did the regular, rigorous exercises and Brian took the time to take a shower in the lockers once practice let out.
Matt caught up with Brian before Brian had the chance to slink out of the locker room, dressed with his hair still damp and dripping on his shirt.
"Look, dude," Matt started and Brian lifted a hand to stop him.
"It's cool, dude," Brian interrupted. Matt was shirtless and sweaty and Brian knew he didn't need to be near him- besides, he didn't want Matt to suffer through apologising any more. He liked Matt, still liked him, couldn't stop liking him, and wanted him to be happy and not angry at him.
"Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow," Matt clasped Brian on the shoulder in a gesture of camaraderie and Brian tried to smile, feeling the butterflies start back up in his stomach. "We're gonna win tomorrow night, yeah?"
Brian nodded, feeling another flutter of excitement, this time for the enthusiasm of winning. He didn't care that his parents wouldn't be there. They usually only attended the last game of the season anyway.
Brian walked home alone. Johnny wasn't waiting for him like usual and he wondered about the younger boy until he walked by Johnny's house and saw that Johnny's parents had come home early. That explained that, though he was slightly disappointed.
Johnny had been relaxed for the past few nights. He took half a sleeping pill and laid down on the floor. Brian would lay down with him, put his hand on Johnny's thin sternum, and pray. He did not pray to anything in particular because Brian wasn't particularly religious, but he pleaded with unknown forces that Johnny would fall asleep, that he wouldn't have nightmares, that he would sleep until morning. It wasn't so much praying Brian thought, as intense concentration on a particular idea. It was a silent, insistent suggestion.
It seemed to work.
Brian seemed to have developed a talent for getting Johnny calm. He had to work at it sometimes, but he had a faster effect on the kid than anyone else. He could put his hand on Johnny's chest or shoulder and just the touch would, after a bit, make Johnny's heart slow and his breathing ease.
Brian made a sandwich for himself in the kitchen, his father not home yet. Brian figured he was probably out at the beach, setting up for his show tomorrow night. Brian got most of his homework done and grabbed the house phone, calling Jimmy.
When he didn't answer, Brian found himself disappointed again but not worried. Jimmy was probably working. He thought about walking to the shop, but it was several miles away and he was still grounded. His father would be furious if he came home and Brian wasn't there. Besides, he wasn't sure if Jimmy was there or not and it didn't seem worth the walk.
Brian waited up for his dad and they talked in the kitchen while his father cooked a frozen pizza for himself.
He went up to his room and finished up a paper while sitting out on his roof, somewhere he retired to when he wanted to be alone and think. His house was usually empty anyway, but this felt more private and closer to the stars. He felt like, out on the roof, he was outside of his parents' jurisdiction.
He slammed the window when he went back inside, looking at his shimmering reflection for a few moments in consideration before turning the latch to lock the window. There was a street light right on the edge of their front lawn and it made Brian's bedroom quiet blue, muted and shadowed.
He went to bed early, wanting to be rested for the game. He found it strange to go to bed without Johnny and it took him a while to fall asleep.
***
He woke up from a nightmare in the pitch black of his room. It wasn't like him to have bad dreams, to remember them by morning, or be woken up by them.
He had dreamed about the ocean, cold and powerful beneath the moonlight. The waves had slammed into him, casting over his head, the rip tide tugging his body towards deeper water. He choked on mouthfuls of salt water, flailing his arms to stay above the chopping white caps.
The undertow pulled him downwards and he struggled to keep his head above water, his arms thrashing. The water was black beneath him- he couldn't see beneath it and could barely make out the jagged shoreline.
He was panicked, dragged under the waves and thrashing to break the surface again, the cold, salty water stinging his skin. He gasped in wet night air, bobbing and struggling in the waves tossing him. The moon light made a strip across the waves, making his arms and chest white and the chopping water briny and green.
He was alone in the violent water and knew he couldn't keep his head up much longer, the silver moon and pounding waves shoving him down into the blackness and his own death.
He thought, disconnected and trembling on the edge of pure, unreasonable panic, that it would be easy to slip under into the dark. He would take a deep, suicide breath of icy water and that would be the end of it.
He had his head above the surface again, the thick, powerful water tugging and swirling beneath the moon. He glanced for the shore line, twisted and black beneath the dust of stars and bright white moon.
He tried to measure the distance and decide if he could make it before the water made the decision for him and pulled him under.
Brian woke up with his hair and pillow damp, tasting salt on his lips. He shivered beneath the sheets, his skin trembling and broken out in a cold sweat. It took him several minutes to sit up in bed, rubbing his arms like he was trying to rub out the anxiety and disconcerting feelings. He found himself thinking in an odd, jumbled way that, it wasn't Zack he should be scared of- it was the ocean.
He was cold and he got up slowly, trying to shake off the nightmare. He crossed his room and slid the window shut with a creak and a soft thump. Brian stopped for a second, his fingers lingering above the latch on the window.
Something felt wrong, but he couldn't place it. He even glanced around his room, looking for something out of place. The only thing he could figure was that Johnny was missing- that made the dark blue of his room substantially more lonely.
His stomach twisted a little, his heart beat still nervous in his ears. His legs hurt, most likely from practice, but he connected the strain with the constant kicking against the violent waves in his dream and it made him uncomfortable.
Brian locked the window and crawled back into bed, troubled. He felt like he was forgetting something or missing a detail, and the taste of salt in his mouth would not go away.
By morning, the sun warming his bed sheets and illuminating the dust in the air, the nightmare seemed silly- Brian had been raised around the ocean all his life and knew how to swim. He had even been a lifeguard at a community pool last summer, gone through all the CPR classes. He knew of rip tides and undertow and wasn't scared of the ocean or drowning.
By breakfast, he'd pushed the nightmare out of his mind completely.
***
They won the game Friday night. Or, rather, Matt won the game.
Brian stood on the sidelines, helmet dropped to the grass by one of his cleats and used a towel to mop the sweat from his face, roughly rubbing it through his damp hair. His shoulder was aching in dull waves after he'd fallen on it and been dog piled, the ball clutched beneath him and digging into his ribs.
He looked across the field at Matt in the middle of a crowd, his shoulders and grin huge, dimples showing, Val already tucked beneath his arm. The bleachers had spilled out onto the field and Brian watched the commotion from a slight distance, pushing down that nagging voice that secretly wished his dad could've come out.
He was ready to move to the locker rooms to shower off and change. He thought he'd ask Matt for a ride home, since Matt was talking to him again- being extra nice, even, probably because Val was making him. It didn't matter. Matt complimenting him on the field and giving pep talks in the locker room and locking eyes with him, all that was good no matter why Matt decided to do it again.
Jimmy hadn't come to the game, but he hadn't been in class again either. He did come out to the games sometimes, usually smoked behind the bleachers and tagged along for the after-party at whatever restaurant the team had picked out.
He wasn't there though. Brian had scanned the crowd hopefully several times and always came up short.
Brian knelt and grabbed his helmet by the face, standing back up and turning toward the lockers. The flood lights were so bright the field was lit up like daytime and the night breeze made Brian's wet skin prickle. He passed close to the chain link fence separating the bleachers from the field, his head down, doing his best to go by mostly unnoticed.
"Brian!"
That didn't work so well. He slowed and turned in time to watch Zack jump the fence. It was a low one on the football field, not even reaching the middle of Brian's chest, but the way Zack jumped it was fluid and graceful. Brian hadn't expected that from Zack, who's frame was stocky but not particularly fit.
Brian smiled a little, relieved deep down that someone he knew had come out just for him. "Hey, Zack-"
Brian was caught off-guard when Zack hugged him around the middle, surprised mostly by the force of the hug- it knocked the air out of his lungs. Zack was also warm, something Brian hadn't expected. It was mild at best out, most people in jackets. Brian himself was only warm because of the game he'd just finished. Zack's skin was downright hot where their arms brushed, though his cheeks were still stark white.
"You guys did really good out there," Zack pulled back, grinning. Brian noticed his canines again, pointed on either side. Zack's eyes were glowing apple green, his pupils oddly dilated with the flood lights illuminating every inch of the field. "And you look really good in that uniform."
Brian was caught between being flattered and thrown off, blinking with his mouth gaped open stupidly. "Uh, thanks," he managed. He had figured out Zack was either too blunt or too cryptic for him and Zack had no decent middle ground. Brian wasn't sure how he should feel about the blatancy of Zack's statement.
Zack only smiled, walking with Brian as he started for the lockers again. Zack didn't usually stand close to anyone- that was something Brian had noticed quickly. Now, Zack's biceps brushed Brian's side continuously. He seemed to be wriggling all over with excitement, pleased and making his skin touch Brian's at every opportunity.
Brian didn't know what to think. He'd never been hit on by a guy before and he'd never seen Zack be physical with anyone.
They reached the end of the chain link and Brian walked through the gate, still intent on the lockers. He was soaked in sweat and his shoulder still ached with every step he took. He'd gotten his breath back now but his stomach was still clenched with the excitement of the game.
Zack grabbed him around his forearm and jerked him in a direction, so hard and suddenly that Brian almost lost his footing. He made a sharp sound at the quick bolt of pain that went through his sore shoulder and started to protest.
Zack kept pulling though, dragging him between the bleachers and the back of the brick Gym.
"Fuck you smell good," Zack groaned, arching like a cat once he'd manhandled Brian beneath the bleachers. Brian's shoulder blades leaned against the metal pole behind him and Zack's body shoved against his, all hot skin and hands.
Brian let out a gasp, his mind reeling. Zack had brought his fingers up through the back of Brian's wet hair and he pulled Brian's mouth down, connecting their lips firmly. That made it substantially harder to think and a roll of Zack's hips into his made it impossible.
Zack's tongue touched his, soft and unbelievably hot, rubbing against his, Zack's teeth hitting his lower lip. Zack groaned again, right into Brian's mouth, and Brian felt his knees go weak beneath him.
One of Zack's hands was pulling at his shirt, disappearing beneath it, his warm palm touching Brian's bare stomach so Brian clenched the muscles and shifted against the metal. Zack scratched his side and gripped it tight, yanking Brian's hips forward roughly so they pushed into Zack's.
Brian thought Zack was trying to suck his tongue out of his mouth. Zack's fingers rubbed through his hair and clutched at the nape of his neck, his breath hot and his nose suddenly rubbing against Brian's ear. It made Brian tense again, Zack's nose and mouth fucking nuzzling him, his moan shaky.
Zack's whole chest pushed firmly against Brian's, pinning him to the metal with a surprising amount of strength. Zack's nails scratched his side again and Brian twisted in pain, Zack's mouth digging harder against the side of his throat. Zack's hips moved forward and Brian made a sharp, gasping sound when he felt the friction against his cock.
Brian moaned when he realised he could feel Zack's erection against his thigh and he moaned again when Zack's hands moved down and pulled his pants midway down his thighs.
"Zack-" Brian started, but Zack's mouth slammed over his with such force, he felt his lower lip split. Zack moaned shakily and Brian felt his jaw tremble, his tongue darting out to lick the blood up.
Zack's eyes were huge, such an unnatural neon green that Brian thought it had to be coloured contacts. That didn't make sense though- they hadn't been that colour before. Zack's pupils were wide, round and deep, so Brian caught a glimpse of his reflection in them, sweaty and wide-eyed.
Zack was sucking on Brian's bleeding lip, nursing the wound with his moist tongue, his hips jamming right up against Brian's forcibly. Brian was squirming, pinned against the metal, his stomach muscles quivering every time Zack rubbed forward again.
Brian felt Zack's teeth on his throat, pressing down and suddenly found it difficult to breathe. He felt like there was a hand on his throat, a grip that cut off his windpipe, though he could feel both of Zack's hands on his hips. He was getting dizzy, not just from the heat or friction, but the lack of oxygen, Zack's tongue against the side of his throat and his teeth pushing against the front.
Brian could barely get a breath in.
An old line from a nursery rhyme drifted through his head and Brian repeated it in a low, uneven voice, the heat and pressure building in the base of his spine. "What big eyes you have...," he heard himself say and felt Zack's hands grip his bare hips. His head swam, his eyes closed and muscles aching, his chest burning. His body was crying for air and for release, trembling and teetering on the edge. He felt delirious.
Zack's jaws released and Brian sucked in air and breathed it right back out again in a loud moan.
Brian was still dizzy from the heat and friction, his head lulling to the side as Zack's mouth touched the skin again, his teeth sharp, the broad part of his tongue sweeping over Brian's throat. Zack licked the sweat up with a moan and Brian tried to open his eyes and focus, his breath coming in short, harsh pants. His knees shook beneath him and he had the odd feeling that Zack was supporting his weight.
Brian felt Zack push hard up against him, rubbing their hips together in a sharp, quick rhythm. Zack was tensed and his teeth dug against Brian's shoulder pad, a growl vibrating through his chest and into Brian's.
Brian's pelvis tipped forward on its own accord and Brian brought his hand up, fisting his fingers through the back of Zack's shaggy black hair. His other hand grabbed at Zack's back for leverage, his body locking up and twisting with the sudden hot pleasure.
He felt his fingers lock against Zack's shoulder blade, the bone sharp and angled out from Zack's skin, his head dropping back and eyes falling shut. He came with a soft cry and slumped against the metal, Zack's hands reaching down and pulling his pants back up sloppily.
"The better to watch you with, my dear," Zack said breathlessly. When he pulled away, Brian had to catch himself on the metal pole with both hands to keep from falling to the dirt.
Brian's vision swam, his thoughts still muddled and confused. He leaned heavily against the metal and squinted at Zack, trying to make something coherent.
Zack grabbed him by the face, his palms still burning hot against Brian's flushed cheeks. Zack kissed him again roughly, using his tongue to lick up the blood dripping from Brian's lip down his chin.
Zack pulled away for good this time and waved a bye with his fingers, mouth swollen with his pupils still so wide, Brian couldn't tell the colour of his irises.
Zack disappeared between the end of the bleachers and the building, leaving Brian alone in the shadows, his heart pounding, trying to figure out what the fuck had just happened.
Pairing: Brian Haner / Zack Baker. Avenged Sevenfold.
Rating: NC-17.
Summary: Brian's high school career is about to go to hell.
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. All events, characters, names, and places featured here are either the product of the author’s imagination, or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual person(s), living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Author's Note: AU. Fantasy. Horror. High school.
The week went by slowly. The weather stayed warm and bearable, the nights only mild and the day time sun easy to get along with. Brian found himself hoping for more run ins with Zack, but besides a few glances and a couple waves, Zack was subdued.
Jimmy barely talked to Brian, preferring to avoid him while Brian did the same, waiting for Jimmy to get over his anger on his own like he usually did. It wasn't like Jimmy to stay mad for this long and Brian continued to take his lunch alone, knowing Jimmy would be at the table with their usual group.
Johnny's nightmares seemed to be silenced by the sleeping pills and instead of detention, Johnny waited on the bleachers during practice, walking home with Brian in the afternoons. The younger boy was still jumpy but not a wreck and talked about his parents coming home that Friday with a pleasant kind of excitement Brian found almost endearing.
At practice, Matt said little and gave Brian a wide berth, as if he were contagious. There wasn't much time for idle talk anyway, their coach brutal while preparing for the first game of the season. Matt did manage a few gruff good byes in the late afternoons in the locker room, but his eyes were distant and he never looked at Brian for very long.
It made Brian wonder if he'd said or done something to hint at his crush and he racked his brain for memories of Matt at Val's party.
On Thursday morning, Brian found himself paired with Zack for a chemistry lab. Zack seemed bored and uninterested, his eyes dull and almost brown in colour beneath his black hair. Brian really didn't blame him. It was a boring, easy lab. They were supposed to be observing chemical reactions and identifying the reactants and products of those reactions. Then, they were to classify the reactions and write balanced equations.
"How's practice been?" Zack asked, maybe as a way to make conversation.
Brian busied himself with the piece of sand paper, rubbing a length of copper of magnesium wire to make it shiny. "Good, I guess."
"You think all the practice will pay off?"
"I don't know. I guess we have a good team this year."
"First game's tomorrow, isn't it?"
Brian nodded and shrugged, watching Zack turn the burner on their table on. Zack picked up the crucible tongs with his left hand and snapped them in the air a few times. Brian sanded the wire harder, glancing over his lab sheet laid out to the side of the table.
"Home game?"
Brian nodded again.
"Your parents gonna be there?" Zack asked, taking the wire from Brian with the tongs. He held the wire against the burner and Brian cocked his head, watching for the synthesis reaction he was supposed to be observing.
"No. Mom's got a show in Vegas and my dad's doing a viewing out at the beach."
"Guitars?"
"Yeah."
"Maybe I'll come to the game," Zack said nonchalantly. Brian looked at him. He seemed tired this morning and lacklustre, his shoulders sagging. His t-shirt was loose over his chest, a band Brian didn't know emblazoned on the front in red letters.
Zack bent down, twisting the tongs and the wire against the burner and Brian caught sight of Zack's tattoo again, the serif Z on its side.
He thought about the sketch he'd done, stuck in his English text like a bookmark. He thought of Jimmy, too, his stoned blue eyes jerking away every time Brian walked into class.
He almost asked Zack what the tattoo meant, but something stopped him. Zack was still bent over the table, writing his observations down quickly. Zack was frowning and licking his lips, and Brian jotted down his own notes in a fast, uneven scrawl.
"I'm gonna go get the CuCO3 for the decomposition," Zack said, tapping his eraser against his own worksheet. He held his pencil in his left hand and Brian bit the side of his lip. It was one of those odd things that take you a moment to realise. There was nothing wrong with being left handed, Brian didn't think that, but it did look... subtly different.
Brian nodded, picking out the test tube for when Zack came back with their materials from the teacher. He would ask Jimmy about the symbol. He had decided on that.
***
But Jimmy wasn't in class. Brian didn't see him in the lunch room either when he went in under the guise of using a vending machine.
He saw Matt watching him across the lunch room, sitting at the usual table, Jimmy no where to be seen. Val was in her usual position next to Matt and she caught Brian's attention with a hand wave, motioning him over.
Nervously, Brian hitched his backpack up his shoulder and squeezed both hands around his juice bottle, making his way between the tables to where he used to sit with his friends.
"Matt?" Val glared at her boyfriend and Matt huffed and rolled his topaz eyes.
"Brian... I'm sorry I put you in the middle and got pissed at you for not telling Jimmy I was sorry," Matt winced, his teeth barred, looking like he was in pain.
"That's what you've been mad at me about?" Brian asked, incredulous.
Matt shrugged one of his powerful shoulders and Val looked up at Brian sweetly, swiping her blonde hair back with one hand. "I wondered where you'd been," she said and elbowed Matt sharply in the ribs. "And this asshole says he's not talking to you since you 'got him in trouble' 'cos you forgot to pass his apology onto Jimmy. Can you believe that? My boyfriend is a dick."
"I love you too," Matt mumbled, ducking his head. His cheeks flamed and he scowled over his food, shovelling steamed mixed-vegetables into his mouth quickly.
"Dude, I completely forgot about that," Brian gripped his juice tighter, rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand. "Jimmy's been mad at me since last Saturday. I didn't get a chance to tell him much."
Matt nodded. "He said something like that."
Brian was suddenly very, very glad he'd never told Jimmy about his crush on Matt. He could suddenly picture the two of them, sitting here and making jokes at his expense all week.
"Um. Well, I'm gonna go to the library. I need to print something for next period," Brian shifted on his feet uncomfortably, Matt's hazel eyes searching his face for something. "I'll see you at practice, Matt."
Matt just nodded again, the kind of person to hold grudges and stay angry. Val looked sympathetic and gave Brian an odd look, her eyes searching and sceptical as Brian turned away quickly and left.
***
Practice went by quickly, the coach trying to work up spirit for the game. They went over a few plays, did the regular, rigorous exercises and Brian took the time to take a shower in the lockers once practice let out.
Matt caught up with Brian before Brian had the chance to slink out of the locker room, dressed with his hair still damp and dripping on his shirt.
"Look, dude," Matt started and Brian lifted a hand to stop him.
"It's cool, dude," Brian interrupted. Matt was shirtless and sweaty and Brian knew he didn't need to be near him- besides, he didn't want Matt to suffer through apologising any more. He liked Matt, still liked him, couldn't stop liking him, and wanted him to be happy and not angry at him.
"Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow," Matt clasped Brian on the shoulder in a gesture of camaraderie and Brian tried to smile, feeling the butterflies start back up in his stomach. "We're gonna win tomorrow night, yeah?"
Brian nodded, feeling another flutter of excitement, this time for the enthusiasm of winning. He didn't care that his parents wouldn't be there. They usually only attended the last game of the season anyway.
Brian walked home alone. Johnny wasn't waiting for him like usual and he wondered about the younger boy until he walked by Johnny's house and saw that Johnny's parents had come home early. That explained that, though he was slightly disappointed.
Johnny had been relaxed for the past few nights. He took half a sleeping pill and laid down on the floor. Brian would lay down with him, put his hand on Johnny's thin sternum, and pray. He did not pray to anything in particular because Brian wasn't particularly religious, but he pleaded with unknown forces that Johnny would fall asleep, that he wouldn't have nightmares, that he would sleep until morning. It wasn't so much praying Brian thought, as intense concentration on a particular idea. It was a silent, insistent suggestion.
It seemed to work.
Brian seemed to have developed a talent for getting Johnny calm. He had to work at it sometimes, but he had a faster effect on the kid than anyone else. He could put his hand on Johnny's chest or shoulder and just the touch would, after a bit, make Johnny's heart slow and his breathing ease.
Brian made a sandwich for himself in the kitchen, his father not home yet. Brian figured he was probably out at the beach, setting up for his show tomorrow night. Brian got most of his homework done and grabbed the house phone, calling Jimmy.
When he didn't answer, Brian found himself disappointed again but not worried. Jimmy was probably working. He thought about walking to the shop, but it was several miles away and he was still grounded. His father would be furious if he came home and Brian wasn't there. Besides, he wasn't sure if Jimmy was there or not and it didn't seem worth the walk.
Brian waited up for his dad and they talked in the kitchen while his father cooked a frozen pizza for himself.
He went up to his room and finished up a paper while sitting out on his roof, somewhere he retired to when he wanted to be alone and think. His house was usually empty anyway, but this felt more private and closer to the stars. He felt like, out on the roof, he was outside of his parents' jurisdiction.
He slammed the window when he went back inside, looking at his shimmering reflection for a few moments in consideration before turning the latch to lock the window. There was a street light right on the edge of their front lawn and it made Brian's bedroom quiet blue, muted and shadowed.
He went to bed early, wanting to be rested for the game. He found it strange to go to bed without Johnny and it took him a while to fall asleep.
***
He woke up from a nightmare in the pitch black of his room. It wasn't like him to have bad dreams, to remember them by morning, or be woken up by them.
He had dreamed about the ocean, cold and powerful beneath the moonlight. The waves had slammed into him, casting over his head, the rip tide tugging his body towards deeper water. He choked on mouthfuls of salt water, flailing his arms to stay above the chopping white caps.
The undertow pulled him downwards and he struggled to keep his head above water, his arms thrashing. The water was black beneath him- he couldn't see beneath it and could barely make out the jagged shoreline.
He was panicked, dragged under the waves and thrashing to break the surface again, the cold, salty water stinging his skin. He gasped in wet night air, bobbing and struggling in the waves tossing him. The moon light made a strip across the waves, making his arms and chest white and the chopping water briny and green.
He was alone in the violent water and knew he couldn't keep his head up much longer, the silver moon and pounding waves shoving him down into the blackness and his own death.
He thought, disconnected and trembling on the edge of pure, unreasonable panic, that it would be easy to slip under into the dark. He would take a deep, suicide breath of icy water and that would be the end of it.
He had his head above the surface again, the thick, powerful water tugging and swirling beneath the moon. He glanced for the shore line, twisted and black beneath the dust of stars and bright white moon.
He tried to measure the distance and decide if he could make it before the water made the decision for him and pulled him under.
Brian woke up with his hair and pillow damp, tasting salt on his lips. He shivered beneath the sheets, his skin trembling and broken out in a cold sweat. It took him several minutes to sit up in bed, rubbing his arms like he was trying to rub out the anxiety and disconcerting feelings. He found himself thinking in an odd, jumbled way that, it wasn't Zack he should be scared of- it was the ocean.
He was cold and he got up slowly, trying to shake off the nightmare. He crossed his room and slid the window shut with a creak and a soft thump. Brian stopped for a second, his fingers lingering above the latch on the window.
Something felt wrong, but he couldn't place it. He even glanced around his room, looking for something out of place. The only thing he could figure was that Johnny was missing- that made the dark blue of his room substantially more lonely.
His stomach twisted a little, his heart beat still nervous in his ears. His legs hurt, most likely from practice, but he connected the strain with the constant kicking against the violent waves in his dream and it made him uncomfortable.
Brian locked the window and crawled back into bed, troubled. He felt like he was forgetting something or missing a detail, and the taste of salt in his mouth would not go away.
By morning, the sun warming his bed sheets and illuminating the dust in the air, the nightmare seemed silly- Brian had been raised around the ocean all his life and knew how to swim. He had even been a lifeguard at a community pool last summer, gone through all the CPR classes. He knew of rip tides and undertow and wasn't scared of the ocean or drowning.
By breakfast, he'd pushed the nightmare out of his mind completely.
***
They won the game Friday night. Or, rather, Matt won the game.
Brian stood on the sidelines, helmet dropped to the grass by one of his cleats and used a towel to mop the sweat from his face, roughly rubbing it through his damp hair. His shoulder was aching in dull waves after he'd fallen on it and been dog piled, the ball clutched beneath him and digging into his ribs.
He looked across the field at Matt in the middle of a crowd, his shoulders and grin huge, dimples showing, Val already tucked beneath his arm. The bleachers had spilled out onto the field and Brian watched the commotion from a slight distance, pushing down that nagging voice that secretly wished his dad could've come out.
He was ready to move to the locker rooms to shower off and change. He thought he'd ask Matt for a ride home, since Matt was talking to him again- being extra nice, even, probably because Val was making him. It didn't matter. Matt complimenting him on the field and giving pep talks in the locker room and locking eyes with him, all that was good no matter why Matt decided to do it again.
Jimmy hadn't come to the game, but he hadn't been in class again either. He did come out to the games sometimes, usually smoked behind the bleachers and tagged along for the after-party at whatever restaurant the team had picked out.
He wasn't there though. Brian had scanned the crowd hopefully several times and always came up short.
Brian knelt and grabbed his helmet by the face, standing back up and turning toward the lockers. The flood lights were so bright the field was lit up like daytime and the night breeze made Brian's wet skin prickle. He passed close to the chain link fence separating the bleachers from the field, his head down, doing his best to go by mostly unnoticed.
"Brian!"
That didn't work so well. He slowed and turned in time to watch Zack jump the fence. It was a low one on the football field, not even reaching the middle of Brian's chest, but the way Zack jumped it was fluid and graceful. Brian hadn't expected that from Zack, who's frame was stocky but not particularly fit.
Brian smiled a little, relieved deep down that someone he knew had come out just for him. "Hey, Zack-"
Brian was caught off-guard when Zack hugged him around the middle, surprised mostly by the force of the hug- it knocked the air out of his lungs. Zack was also warm, something Brian hadn't expected. It was mild at best out, most people in jackets. Brian himself was only warm because of the game he'd just finished. Zack's skin was downright hot where their arms brushed, though his cheeks were still stark white.
"You guys did really good out there," Zack pulled back, grinning. Brian noticed his canines again, pointed on either side. Zack's eyes were glowing apple green, his pupils oddly dilated with the flood lights illuminating every inch of the field. "And you look really good in that uniform."
Brian was caught between being flattered and thrown off, blinking with his mouth gaped open stupidly. "Uh, thanks," he managed. He had figured out Zack was either too blunt or too cryptic for him and Zack had no decent middle ground. Brian wasn't sure how he should feel about the blatancy of Zack's statement.
Zack only smiled, walking with Brian as he started for the lockers again. Zack didn't usually stand close to anyone- that was something Brian had noticed quickly. Now, Zack's biceps brushed Brian's side continuously. He seemed to be wriggling all over with excitement, pleased and making his skin touch Brian's at every opportunity.
Brian didn't know what to think. He'd never been hit on by a guy before and he'd never seen Zack be physical with anyone.
They reached the end of the chain link and Brian walked through the gate, still intent on the lockers. He was soaked in sweat and his shoulder still ached with every step he took. He'd gotten his breath back now but his stomach was still clenched with the excitement of the game.
Zack grabbed him around his forearm and jerked him in a direction, so hard and suddenly that Brian almost lost his footing. He made a sharp sound at the quick bolt of pain that went through his sore shoulder and started to protest.
Zack kept pulling though, dragging him between the bleachers and the back of the brick Gym.
"Fuck you smell good," Zack groaned, arching like a cat once he'd manhandled Brian beneath the bleachers. Brian's shoulder blades leaned against the metal pole behind him and Zack's body shoved against his, all hot skin and hands.
Brian let out a gasp, his mind reeling. Zack had brought his fingers up through the back of Brian's wet hair and he pulled Brian's mouth down, connecting their lips firmly. That made it substantially harder to think and a roll of Zack's hips into his made it impossible.
Zack's tongue touched his, soft and unbelievably hot, rubbing against his, Zack's teeth hitting his lower lip. Zack groaned again, right into Brian's mouth, and Brian felt his knees go weak beneath him.
One of Zack's hands was pulling at his shirt, disappearing beneath it, his warm palm touching Brian's bare stomach so Brian clenched the muscles and shifted against the metal. Zack scratched his side and gripped it tight, yanking Brian's hips forward roughly so they pushed into Zack's.
Brian thought Zack was trying to suck his tongue out of his mouth. Zack's fingers rubbed through his hair and clutched at the nape of his neck, his breath hot and his nose suddenly rubbing against Brian's ear. It made Brian tense again, Zack's nose and mouth fucking nuzzling him, his moan shaky.
Zack's whole chest pushed firmly against Brian's, pinning him to the metal with a surprising amount of strength. Zack's nails scratched his side again and Brian twisted in pain, Zack's mouth digging harder against the side of his throat. Zack's hips moved forward and Brian made a sharp, gasping sound when he felt the friction against his cock.
Brian moaned when he realised he could feel Zack's erection against his thigh and he moaned again when Zack's hands moved down and pulled his pants midway down his thighs.
"Zack-" Brian started, but Zack's mouth slammed over his with such force, he felt his lower lip split. Zack moaned shakily and Brian felt his jaw tremble, his tongue darting out to lick the blood up.
Zack's eyes were huge, such an unnatural neon green that Brian thought it had to be coloured contacts. That didn't make sense though- they hadn't been that colour before. Zack's pupils were wide, round and deep, so Brian caught a glimpse of his reflection in them, sweaty and wide-eyed.
Zack was sucking on Brian's bleeding lip, nursing the wound with his moist tongue, his hips jamming right up against Brian's forcibly. Brian was squirming, pinned against the metal, his stomach muscles quivering every time Zack rubbed forward again.
Brian felt Zack's teeth on his throat, pressing down and suddenly found it difficult to breathe. He felt like there was a hand on his throat, a grip that cut off his windpipe, though he could feel both of Zack's hands on his hips. He was getting dizzy, not just from the heat or friction, but the lack of oxygen, Zack's tongue against the side of his throat and his teeth pushing against the front.
Brian could barely get a breath in.
An old line from a nursery rhyme drifted through his head and Brian repeated it in a low, uneven voice, the heat and pressure building in the base of his spine. "What big eyes you have...," he heard himself say and felt Zack's hands grip his bare hips. His head swam, his eyes closed and muscles aching, his chest burning. His body was crying for air and for release, trembling and teetering on the edge. He felt delirious.
Zack's jaws released and Brian sucked in air and breathed it right back out again in a loud moan.
Brian was still dizzy from the heat and friction, his head lulling to the side as Zack's mouth touched the skin again, his teeth sharp, the broad part of his tongue sweeping over Brian's throat. Zack licked the sweat up with a moan and Brian tried to open his eyes and focus, his breath coming in short, harsh pants. His knees shook beneath him and he had the odd feeling that Zack was supporting his weight.
Brian felt Zack push hard up against him, rubbing their hips together in a sharp, quick rhythm. Zack was tensed and his teeth dug against Brian's shoulder pad, a growl vibrating through his chest and into Brian's.
Brian's pelvis tipped forward on its own accord and Brian brought his hand up, fisting his fingers through the back of Zack's shaggy black hair. His other hand grabbed at Zack's back for leverage, his body locking up and twisting with the sudden hot pleasure.
He felt his fingers lock against Zack's shoulder blade, the bone sharp and angled out from Zack's skin, his head dropping back and eyes falling shut. He came with a soft cry and slumped against the metal, Zack's hands reaching down and pulling his pants back up sloppily.
"The better to watch you with, my dear," Zack said breathlessly. When he pulled away, Brian had to catch himself on the metal pole with both hands to keep from falling to the dirt.
Brian's vision swam, his thoughts still muddled and confused. He leaned heavily against the metal and squinted at Zack, trying to make something coherent.
Zack grabbed him by the face, his palms still burning hot against Brian's flushed cheeks. Zack kissed him again roughly, using his tongue to lick up the blood dripping from Brian's lip down his chin.
Zack pulled away for good this time and waved a bye with his fingers, mouth swollen with his pupils still so wide, Brian couldn't tell the colour of his irises.
Zack disappeared between the end of the bleachers and the building, leaving Brian alone in the shadows, his heart pounding, trying to figure out what the fuck had just happened.