can't be found with you [for EVERYONE]
For: EVERYONE ♡
Title: can’t be found with you
Pairing(s)/focus: JB/Jr
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 1800w
Summary: it’s not a tragedy as much as it’ll never be a love story
In 2009, they meet, at the highest point of their lives.
Out of hundreds of people entering this audition, they’re coincidentally placed in the same room in a group of thirty. Their eyes land on each other by chance and that could’ve been the beginning and end of it all. A brief moment of contact in the midst of a busy crowd. But they decide to hold gazes, so it’s not.
They meet in the middle.
Jaebum is the first one to share his name, and receives a shy smile with eyes shaped like half-moons, in return.
"I’m Jinyoung," the boy says, a little too quiet in such a loud environment, but Jaebum catches it anyway.
He tries saying the name out loud, and thinks he might have felt his heart shake a little, but Jinyoung doesn’t hear, eyes now focused on the people surrounding them. Jaebum, however, can’t seem to tear his gaze away from the wrinkles around Jinyoung’s eyes.
That must have been the first sign.
They’re told to pair up in a team of at least two.
Jinyoung looks at him, first thing, and laughs softly, "I think we’d make a good team." He says it absentmindedly, but Jaebum catches the slight tilt of Jinyoung’s head and the way he makes his eyes twinkle. It spells trouble and Jaebum knows better than to say yes.
He nods, still, goes along with it, as he doesn’t really know anyone else.
(Some part of Jaebum suspects that it’s not the whole reason.)
Jaebum owns a lot of plaid, in all sorts of colours and different pattern and Jinyoung points that out.
"I like it," Jaebum says, shortly, and pulls back when Jinyoung reaches out to fiddle with his shirt. "What?"
"Dunno," replies Jinyoung but he’s wearing that playful grin that Jaebum has grown used to in a very short amount of time. It’s just that he smiles a lot, that one, and without knowing why, Jaebum captures them with his eyes and saves them.
It’s a habit of his. Just a habit.
"How come you never frown?" Jaebum asks, sweat dripping and feet aching. They’re having a quick break after three hours of practice. In a few minutes, they’ll be up again to go through the choreography for the hundredth time. Jaebum hadn’t realised it would be this hard, but somehow, it’s worth it.
The corners of Jinyoung’s lips curl upwards at the question and Jaebum’s breath catches as he watches the wrinkles appear again. It’s not like he’s memorised every detail in Jinyoung’s face. He just has a good memory.
"How come you always frown?" Jinyoung shoots back.
"I don’t," Jaebum protests, but flushes when he realises that one has already formed.
Jinyoung’s laughter rings sweetly in Jaebum’s ears and the frown is replaced with a smile that’s not nearly as radiant as Jinyoung’s.
The beginning of March is still a little too cold for patbingsu but Jinyoung insist that he’s craving it. Jaebum gives in (that’s all he seem to do these days) and only manages to eat half of it before the cold’s spreading through his whole body and he starts to tremble. "I hate you," he says, shoving the plastic cup away from him and wrapping arms around himself. He gets cold easily.
"You don’t," Jinyoung says, finishing his own portion and then happily continues to eat Jaebum’s.
I don’t, Jaebum thinks and forgets all about the cold.
Jinyoung drops to the floor in the middle of practice and Jaebum has to pause the music. He licks his lower lip, cautiously trying to come up with anything better than, "You okay?" In the end, that’s what he settles with.
"Yeah," Jinyoung replies, too quick, too curt. Jaebum still hears his voice shaking.
"Miss home?"
"Yeah."
"Me too."
And it’s only been two weeks. They sit side by side, back against the mirror, in silence. It’s comforting and nice until Jaebum looks at Jinyoung’s hands and thinks he’d like to know how they would feel all tangled up with his own fingers. The thought makes his throat dry, so he pulls himself up on his feet and starts the music again.
Jinyoung likes to joke around a lot. He pokes fun at Jaebum’s hair and style, and is a brat. But sometimes, when Jaebum’s dancing, he will feel eyes on him. And he’ll look in the mirror to see Jinyoung watching, eyes focused and almost glistening. That’s what makes Jaebum trip on his own feet most times.
"You know, you’ll make it," Jinyoung will sometimes say, seriously. It always manages to throw Jaebum off guard.
We’ll make it together, he wants to say, but it’s a dream that he won’t even dare to think of so he says none of it. Instead, he flushes and gives Jinyoung his best smile.
He’ll take the time he’s given, and he’ll make memories worth keeping. Memories with Jinyoung in them.
Three weeks are long when practices last from early morning until late into the night. It’s nice, though, Jaebum thinks. He likes it despite the aches in his body. He likes their dinners together after practice every day, likes the way Jinyoung laughs loudly even with food in his mouth, and he likes their walks back home together. He won’t tell Jinyoung that, though.
They’re good memories created but Jaebum worries, for every smile that Jinyoung give, about the day his heart will finally stop functioning.
They win, in the end. Both of them. Jaebum thinks it’s cliched, but he cannot find another word other than miracle to explain this. It’s hard to breathe through the tears, and he feels ashamed for breaking down, but Jinyoung is not mentioning it.
"Looks like we’ll be spending forever together," Jinyoung says, half-joking, but it takes everything for Jaebum not to lean forward and finally learn what Jinyoung tastes like.
"Such bad luck I have," he chokes out. His chest swells, and it hurts. He can’t decide if it’s a good kind of pain, or a bad one. Maybe it’s somewhere in between. Perhaps, it doesn’t fucking matter.
"Don’t be mean," Jinyoung cries.
In the midst of everything, he slides his hand down Jaebum’s arm and then intertwines their fingers. It’s warm and sticky, as they’re both sweating, and Jaebum feels like he can’t go on any longer.
But Jinyoung doesn’t let go, holds on so tight it might leave a bruise, and Jaebum wants to tell him that he’s the cruel one.
Jinyoung and Jaebum create a habit, or maybe tradition, of sorts.
On Fridays, after dinner with the other trainees, they’ll wander off alone, taking slow steps back to the dorms. When they pass the small coffee shop tucked somewhere a bit away from the main street, Jaebum will always insist that he’ll pay for both of them, but Jinyoung never lets him, just rolls his eyes and says next time maybe.
(It shouldn’t, but it creates a rip in Jaebum’s heart, and he’s not sure why.)
If it’s not too late, they’ll take a walk through the Hangang Park and sit huddled together on a bench, just drinking whatever they bought that day. Jinyoung likes to lean closer on colder days, and although every touch from Jinyoung burns dangerously, Jaebum cannot find it in himself to move away.
So he sits there, with Jinyoung’s head on his shoulder, and feels like he’s slowly turning to ashes.
Somehow, it’s okay.
Jaebum sees a flush on Jinyoung for the first time, five months into the beginning of their trainee lives. He knows what’s coming, so he doesn’t need to ask. But he does it anyway, "Who is it?"
"What do you mean," Jinyoung says, eyes wide and cheeks turning a darker shade of pink. Then he leans closer, and whispers, "Su Ji."
Jaebum breathes in deeply, and then he laughs, he laughs louder than necessary, in hopes of Jinyoung not being able to hear the sound of his heart dropping to the ground, breaking by his feet.
It shatters in so many pieces that Jaebum finds it impossible to pick them all up again.
The weather’s chilly and the are tears falling down from the sky. They’re sneaking out for patbingsu again, but this time it’s in the middle of winter and it’s Jaebum who convinces Jinyoung.
"Jesus, it’s December," Jinyoung says, teeth chattering. He still eats, though. "You need to stop learning bad things from me, hyung."
Jaebum doesn’t answer. He swallows the ice until the insides of his mouth are numb and the exhaustion in his body is gone, the ache in his chest erased. The vision of Jinyoung in front of him is so blurry that Jaebum almost cannot remember why he’s in love, and why it hurts. Almost. He shoves down the rest of the shaved ice and ends up coughing, hands and legs trembling violently.
Jinyoung is so quick to wrap his arms around Jaebum that he doesn’t even have the chance to escape before he’s breathing in an all too familiar scent, engulfed in Jinyoung’s warmth. "God, I’m starting to worry about you."
Jaebum wishes Jinyoung would stop.
He he could feel nothing at all.
Su Ji is a nice and pretty girl whose smile is almost as blinding as Jinyoung’s. They look good together, everyone says, and Jaebum’s not envious.
He knows his place, and he knows, and knew from the very beginning, that Jinyoung and he will never become what he wishes for them to be.
Before their debut stage, Jaebum decides it’s time.
"Say, what are we?"
"That’s a weird question."
Jaebum blinks, shakes his head, and asks again, "What are we?"
"You’re my best friend," Jinyoung replies, eyebrows raised. Then his eyes soften in a way that makes Jaebum’s heart sink, because it almost looks like a look of realisation in Jinyoung’s gaze. Like he knows, and has known for a long time. His lips are tugging upwards into the usual smile again, slowly. Jaebum watches his faces and sees the wrinkles around his eyes before they even appear. "You’re the most important to me. I thought you knew."
Jinyoung’s laces their fingers together, naturally, although it’s too warm for that.
I love the way you smile, is what Jaebum wants to say. He doesn’t.
It takes effort, but Jaebum manages to let out a small laugh without choking. "I know," he assures. "More than anyone."
And he keeps smiling, all the while he finally lets go.
It’s not a tragedy as much as it’ll never be a love story.
A boy stumbled right into an impossible love, and was never able to get away. Then he started craving and agonising all in the same breath until everything he could suck into his lungs was an aching want.
Their story is just sadness drawn on walls and the places they’ve been, a typical sad story where the ending was clear from the very first chapter. So it’s not a tragedy.
It’s just a sad ending.
[readers, don't forget to leave a comment! anonymous is on if you're shy.]
Title: can’t be found with you
Pairing(s)/focus: JB/Jr
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 1800w
Summary: it’s not a tragedy as much as it’ll never be a love story
In 2009, they meet, at the highest point of their lives.
Out of hundreds of people entering this audition, they’re coincidentally placed in the same room in a group of thirty. Their eyes land on each other by chance and that could’ve been the beginning and end of it all. A brief moment of contact in the midst of a busy crowd. But they decide to hold gazes, so it’s not.
They meet in the middle.
Jaebum is the first one to share his name, and receives a shy smile with eyes shaped like half-moons, in return.
"I’m Jinyoung," the boy says, a little too quiet in such a loud environment, but Jaebum catches it anyway.
He tries saying the name out loud, and thinks he might have felt his heart shake a little, but Jinyoung doesn’t hear, eyes now focused on the people surrounding them. Jaebum, however, can’t seem to tear his gaze away from the wrinkles around Jinyoung’s eyes.
That must have been the first sign.
They’re told to pair up in a team of at least two.
Jinyoung looks at him, first thing, and laughs softly, "I think we’d make a good team." He says it absentmindedly, but Jaebum catches the slight tilt of Jinyoung’s head and the way he makes his eyes twinkle. It spells trouble and Jaebum knows better than to say yes.
He nods, still, goes along with it, as he doesn’t really know anyone else.
(Some part of Jaebum suspects that it’s not the whole reason.)
Jaebum owns a lot of plaid, in all sorts of colours and different pattern and Jinyoung points that out.
"I like it," Jaebum says, shortly, and pulls back when Jinyoung reaches out to fiddle with his shirt. "What?"
"Dunno," replies Jinyoung but he’s wearing that playful grin that Jaebum has grown used to in a very short amount of time. It’s just that he smiles a lot, that one, and without knowing why, Jaebum captures them with his eyes and saves them.
It’s a habit of his. Just a habit.
"How come you never frown?" Jaebum asks, sweat dripping and feet aching. They’re having a quick break after three hours of practice. In a few minutes, they’ll be up again to go through the choreography for the hundredth time. Jaebum hadn’t realised it would be this hard, but somehow, it’s worth it.
The corners of Jinyoung’s lips curl upwards at the question and Jaebum’s breath catches as he watches the wrinkles appear again. It’s not like he’s memorised every detail in Jinyoung’s face. He just has a good memory.
"How come you always frown?" Jinyoung shoots back.
"I don’t," Jaebum protests, but flushes when he realises that one has already formed.
Jinyoung’s laughter rings sweetly in Jaebum’s ears and the frown is replaced with a smile that’s not nearly as radiant as Jinyoung’s.
The beginning of March is still a little too cold for patbingsu but Jinyoung insist that he’s craving it. Jaebum gives in (that’s all he seem to do these days) and only manages to eat half of it before the cold’s spreading through his whole body and he starts to tremble. "I hate you," he says, shoving the plastic cup away from him and wrapping arms around himself. He gets cold easily.
"You don’t," Jinyoung says, finishing his own portion and then happily continues to eat Jaebum’s.
I don’t, Jaebum thinks and forgets all about the cold.
Jinyoung drops to the floor in the middle of practice and Jaebum has to pause the music. He licks his lower lip, cautiously trying to come up with anything better than, "You okay?" In the end, that’s what he settles with.
"Yeah," Jinyoung replies, too quick, too curt. Jaebum still hears his voice shaking.
"Miss home?"
"Yeah."
"Me too."
And it’s only been two weeks. They sit side by side, back against the mirror, in silence. It’s comforting and nice until Jaebum looks at Jinyoung’s hands and thinks he’d like to know how they would feel all tangled up with his own fingers. The thought makes his throat dry, so he pulls himself up on his feet and starts the music again.
Jinyoung likes to joke around a lot. He pokes fun at Jaebum’s hair and style, and is a brat. But sometimes, when Jaebum’s dancing, he will feel eyes on him. And he’ll look in the mirror to see Jinyoung watching, eyes focused and almost glistening. That’s what makes Jaebum trip on his own feet most times.
"You know, you’ll make it," Jinyoung will sometimes say, seriously. It always manages to throw Jaebum off guard.
We’ll make it together, he wants to say, but it’s a dream that he won’t even dare to think of so he says none of it. Instead, he flushes and gives Jinyoung his best smile.
He’ll take the time he’s given, and he’ll make memories worth keeping. Memories with Jinyoung in them.
Three weeks are long when practices last from early morning until late into the night. It’s nice, though, Jaebum thinks. He likes it despite the aches in his body. He likes their dinners together after practice every day, likes the way Jinyoung laughs loudly even with food in his mouth, and he likes their walks back home together. He won’t tell Jinyoung that, though.
They’re good memories created but Jaebum worries, for every smile that Jinyoung give, about the day his heart will finally stop functioning.
They win, in the end. Both of them. Jaebum thinks it’s cliched, but he cannot find another word other than miracle to explain this. It’s hard to breathe through the tears, and he feels ashamed for breaking down, but Jinyoung is not mentioning it.
"Looks like we’ll be spending forever together," Jinyoung says, half-joking, but it takes everything for Jaebum not to lean forward and finally learn what Jinyoung tastes like.
"Such bad luck I have," he chokes out. His chest swells, and it hurts. He can’t decide if it’s a good kind of pain, or a bad one. Maybe it’s somewhere in between. Perhaps, it doesn’t fucking matter.
"Don’t be mean," Jinyoung cries.
In the midst of everything, he slides his hand down Jaebum’s arm and then intertwines their fingers. It’s warm and sticky, as they’re both sweating, and Jaebum feels like he can’t go on any longer.
But Jinyoung doesn’t let go, holds on so tight it might leave a bruise, and Jaebum wants to tell him that he’s the cruel one.
Jinyoung and Jaebum create a habit, or maybe tradition, of sorts.
On Fridays, after dinner with the other trainees, they’ll wander off alone, taking slow steps back to the dorms. When they pass the small coffee shop tucked somewhere a bit away from the main street, Jaebum will always insist that he’ll pay for both of them, but Jinyoung never lets him, just rolls his eyes and says next time maybe.
(It shouldn’t, but it creates a rip in Jaebum’s heart, and he’s not sure why.)
If it’s not too late, they’ll take a walk through the Hangang Park and sit huddled together on a bench, just drinking whatever they bought that day. Jinyoung likes to lean closer on colder days, and although every touch from Jinyoung burns dangerously, Jaebum cannot find it in himself to move away.
So he sits there, with Jinyoung’s head on his shoulder, and feels like he’s slowly turning to ashes.
Somehow, it’s okay.
Jaebum sees a flush on Jinyoung for the first time, five months into the beginning of their trainee lives. He knows what’s coming, so he doesn’t need to ask. But he does it anyway, "Who is it?"
"What do you mean," Jinyoung says, eyes wide and cheeks turning a darker shade of pink. Then he leans closer, and whispers, "Su Ji."
Jaebum breathes in deeply, and then he laughs, he laughs louder than necessary, in hopes of Jinyoung not being able to hear the sound of his heart dropping to the ground, breaking by his feet.
It shatters in so many pieces that Jaebum finds it impossible to pick them all up again.
The weather’s chilly and the are tears falling down from the sky. They’re sneaking out for patbingsu again, but this time it’s in the middle of winter and it’s Jaebum who convinces Jinyoung.
"Jesus, it’s December," Jinyoung says, teeth chattering. He still eats, though. "You need to stop learning bad things from me, hyung."
Jaebum doesn’t answer. He swallows the ice until the insides of his mouth are numb and the exhaustion in his body is gone, the ache in his chest erased. The vision of Jinyoung in front of him is so blurry that Jaebum almost cannot remember why he’s in love, and why it hurts. Almost. He shoves down the rest of the shaved ice and ends up coughing, hands and legs trembling violently.
Jinyoung is so quick to wrap his arms around Jaebum that he doesn’t even have the chance to escape before he’s breathing in an all too familiar scent, engulfed in Jinyoung’s warmth. "God, I’m starting to worry about you."
Jaebum wishes Jinyoung would stop.
He he could feel nothing at all.
Su Ji is a nice and pretty girl whose smile is almost as blinding as Jinyoung’s. They look good together, everyone says, and Jaebum’s not envious.
He knows his place, and he knows, and knew from the very beginning, that Jinyoung and he will never become what he wishes for them to be.
Before their debut stage, Jaebum decides it’s time.
"Say, what are we?"
"That’s a weird question."
Jaebum blinks, shakes his head, and asks again, "What are we?"
"You’re my best friend," Jinyoung replies, eyebrows raised. Then his eyes soften in a way that makes Jaebum’s heart sink, because it almost looks like a look of realisation in Jinyoung’s gaze. Like he knows, and has known for a long time. His lips are tugging upwards into the usual smile again, slowly. Jaebum watches his faces and sees the wrinkles around his eyes before they even appear. "You’re the most important to me. I thought you knew."
Jinyoung’s laces their fingers together, naturally, although it’s too warm for that.
I love the way you smile, is what Jaebum wants to say. He doesn’t.
It takes effort, but Jaebum manages to let out a small laugh without choking. "I know," he assures. "More than anyone."
And he keeps smiling, all the while he finally lets go.
It’s not a tragedy as much as it’ll never be a love story.
A boy stumbled right into an impossible love, and was never able to get away. Then he started craving and agonising all in the same breath until everything he could suck into his lungs was an aching want.
Their story is just sadness drawn on walls and the places they’ve been, a typical sad story where the ending was clear from the very first chapter. So it’s not a tragedy.
It’s just a sad ending.
[readers, don't forget to leave a comment! anonymous is on if you're shy.]