the defusing of a bomb [for EVERYONE]
For: EVERYONE ♡
Title: the defusing of a bomb
Pairing(s)/focus: Jaebum/Jinyoung/Jackson/Mark (implied)
Rating: PG
Word count: 3.5k
Warnings: none
Author's notes:
- First off, I’d like to apologise for the obvious lack of quality in this ;; Originally I had a completely different plot in mind, but Major Writers Block had me skirting around and re-writing from scratch with not long to go until deadline
- To my recipient, I hope you can accept this fic despite it’s flaws ;; I really wanted to write something a bit more centred on romance and character interaction, but I guess the odds just weren’t in my favour.
- Happy new year to everyone, and thank you so much to the mods for being so friendly and communicative <3
Summary:
Two times Jaebum explodes and one time he nearly does. Vaguely canon, but with artistic liberties used at leisure.
Suddenly having to deal with five other rowdy boys is strange. Stuck in the stage somewhere between childish adolescence and adult maturity, suddenly being told he has to care for a bunch of people he has never taken the time or energy to get to know has Jaebum feeling like the ground beneath his feet has been tilted and he’s doomed to a future of continuous falling.
Of course, he welcomes them all with a polite and sort-of friendly smile. “I’m Im Jaebum, it’s nice to meet you.” He introduces himself despite the fact that he’s pretty sure most if not all of them already know who he is. Demon Trainee turned Demon Artist JB. He’s heard the rumours, and he’s sure they have too.
Don’t anger Jaebum unless you want it inflicted towards you.
If you stand a chance of working with him in the future, don’t anger Jaebum, period.
Jinyoung takes over. “I’m Park Jinyoung, a more handsome version of our boss. It’s nice to meet you.” He jokes lightly, smile sunshine and rainbows where Jaebum’s is cloudy and distant. He succeeds in thawing out some of the tension in the shoulders of the newbies, and Jaebum too finds himself relaxing muscles he doesn’t realise he has tensed.
“Do you wear plastic pants too?” One of the foreign members - Jackson from Hong Kong, Jaebum’s mind supplies - quips in heavily accented Korean, and a small smattering of laughter echoes in the practise room as the conversation flows from there, slightly choppy but easier after the icebreaker.
Jaebum watches as the hesitance in Jackson’s eyes fades as more of the others start talking, and realises why their boss had placed him in the group. A few months more of training and his variety skills will be legendary.
Jinyoung leads the discussion well all the way to the large white van which suddenly fills up with five more bodies than Jaebum is accustomed to, talks so that Jaebum can pretend to listen but really sit in the front (leader privileges, despite Mark’s hyung status and taller frame that would be more comfortable there) and zone out. He’s barely keeping it together and Jinyoung knows it, but there’s nothing they can do until they’re back at the dorms and he’s left alone and -
Oh.
Jaebum realises with dawning horror that he isn’t going to get alone time. Not with five other people filling up empty rooms and looking to him for information because he’s the leader and he is meant to know what’s going on even when he’s equally as lost as the rest of them, and - he doesn’t think he can do this.
He has no choice in the matter.
-
001 -
The first time Jaebum explodes, he’s biting and cruel and it’s months of ferocity and irritation bottled up in a young male’s body for too long. Months of companionship has taught Jinyoung how to act around Jaebum when he’s in one of his prickly moods, but the others are still adjusting to being around each other, much less being around someone as volatile as himself.
So, he snaps.
“Stop bothering me, it’s annoying!” he bellows, eyes in slits as he pushes the nearest member - Jackson, he later learns but he doesn’t realise it at the time - away. It’s stifling in the dorms and it’s so noisy and he just wants to get away from it all, so even when he flings out a hand and feels it connect to flesh, he doesn’t pause to apologise when he slips into his shoes and slams the front door, running and running and not stopping for breath until he’s around the corner and has entered the small playground located at the end of the street there.
Walking with the agitated purpose of someone who wants to move but has no idea where, he does two laps of the playground before seating himself on the bench.
The frigid winter air that hits Jaebum’s skin is refreshing, and acts to defuse his anger immediately. With it arrives a calmer mind and the familiar sensation of guilt that attacks his conscience as he slowly realises he has just done the one thing he had told himself to not do the moment he had realised they had gotten more members.
“Does blowing up at them make you feel better?”
It’s Jinyoung. Of course it’s Jinyoung.
The warmth of Jinyoung’s body settles down beside him on the bench, uncaring of the dirt that’s sure to now be caking his sweatpants.
“Not really.” Jaebum admits. The look in Jinyoung’s eyes shifts slightly to something like empathy and sadness, and Jaebum looks away. He’s not good with talking things out. His true skill with his emotions lies in his ability to escape.
The two are silent for a while, watching the rusty swing set a few feet away. Jaebum almost wants to go sit on it, but he has a feeling that if he does, it’ll break under the weight of his full-grown body.
“And?” Jinyoung prompts. He knows there’s more, and knows that Jaebum won’t talk about it unless he asks.
Jaebum grimaces. “I was wrong to shout at them. The kids are trying hard enough.” Plus Mark, who, now that he thinks about it, has been lurking outside the borders of his personal space for at least a week now, clearly worried but willing to give him the space he needed. Jaebum begins to wonder if Mark sees more than he lets on… but it’s a thought for another day.
The response from Jinyoung is calm. His arm wraps comfortably around Jaebum’s waist in the easy way which signals years of friendship, his tone as gentle as his embrace. “When you’re ready, let’s head back. They’ll understand. They’re all worried.”
Jaebum shakes his head in disbelief. “They’re not scared?” Of what I can do when they don’t realise I’ve been provoked?
“You might want to talk to some of them, but in case you haven’t realised, those kids are fearless.” The memory of Bambam - whose real name Jaebum always struggles to pronounce but is determined to learn - happily gulping down an amalgamation of assorted fizzy drinks, sauces and spices found in the kitchen just because he could arrives at the forefront of his mind, and before he can help himself Jaebum snorts.
“Bambam.” It’s not a question. Jinyoung really does know him well.
“Bambam.” Jaebum confirms with a shake of his head. He goes quiet for a moment before tearing his eyes away from the playground, determined as he rises from his seat. “Okay, let’s head back.”
The apology he makes upon their arrival home is equal parts sincere and awkward, but the other members don’t seem to mind. In fact, unless Jaebum is mistaken the relief in their faces appears as soon as they see that he has made it back home rather than after he has apologised, and isn’t that a funny thought - that they're not worried because he's angry, they're worried because he's angry.
Jackson gratefully accepts the ice pack Jaebum hands him, and when he sees the involuntary wince Jaebum makes as he sees the large bruise on his shoulder he claps a hand against Jaebum’s back in a friendly gesture.
“It’s okay, no worries!” Jackson reassures him in enthusiastic English, before adding with a cheeky grin, “I’ll buy you a punching bag for Christmas.”
Jaebum shakes his head even as his eyes begin to sting from what is definitely not tears at the acceptance he sees in Jackson’s expression. “Punk. I’ll buy you a Korean textbook.”
-
002 -
With the stress of their upcoming debut looming over them like their date of execution rather than the realisation of their dreams, it shouldn’t come as a surprise when Jaebum finds himself sliding out of formation and abruptly cutting the music late one night - or morning, depending on how one prefers to look at it.
The stillness is immediate.
Everyone pauses mid-move to stare at Jaebum positioned by the controls, curious and wary.
“It’s useless to practise any more today,” he announces. The words would sound like heaven if not for the fact that they’re coupled with Jaebum’s icy gaze.
No one moves from their spot, frozen still as if any sort of movement will mean Jaebum singling them out. The youngest members look worried, Youngjae’s exhaustion wiped free in the face of the tense anxiety in his expression, and the others have their hands positioned as if they want to raise them but don't know what for.
“Didn’t you hear me? I said, we’re done.” He has the temptation to sling forever into the air, but he has just enough control on his mouth to not say it.
Again, there is no movement. Except for one, that is.
“Come on, don’t be like this.” Jackson suddenly coaxes, stepping from formation as he adjusts the cap he’s wearing to push back his bangs.
Jinyoung speaks up next, tone gentle as he too moves forward. “He’s right. It’s late and everyone is tired. How about a ten minute break before we continue?”
Jackson nods. “Right. Okay kiddies, scram!” he says, shooing the other members away. Mark tugs them out, and Jaebum senses him lingering on the doorway even though most of his senses are honed on Jinyoung and Jackson before him. Tag-teaming against him. Asserting themselves in the leader position like he isn’t capable of doing the job-
(Mark slips out of the door and closes it securely, thankful that the practise rooms muffle sound.)
“What gives you the right?” Jaebum begins, slow and quiet. It’s when his anger hones into deadly, silent blades does things get bad.
Jackson is oblivious. “Hey, don’t take it out on us! We’re just trying to help!” He gesticulates wildly to himself and Jinyoung, and doesn’t shy away even as Jaebum stalks closer.
“So, it’s my fault?” By the end of his sentence, his volume has increased until it ends in a yell. The question echoes off the walls of the room, and there’s a part of him that acknowledges Jinyoung flinching away but the majority of his mind is on Jackson and Jackson’s face and the feeling that he’s being attacked-
“Well, you’re not making it easier by yelling!” Ever the hypocrite, Jackson starts to yell back.
“Look who’s talking!” Jaebum scoffs, and Jackson’s frown morphs into an angry glare as he takes a step closer towards him.
“Look, you need to realise that it’s not all about you. We're all affected, too!”
“Oh, so it’s my fault that everything is happening like this?”
“That’s not what I’m saying!” Jackson shouts in frustration and opens his mouth to say more, but Jaebum cuts him off, voice spitting vitrol and fists shaking.
“It’s my fault that our debut is so close and people are still messing up on moves they should’ve had down months ago?” Arguing with a fellow bandmate is leaving him feeling very uncomfortable and his conscious heavily distressed, but now that he has started, Jaebum can’t stop. There are tears rolling down his cheeks and he can feel the snot mixing with it, and it’s disgusting and unsightly but he doesn’t care because he needs to let go. “Is it my fault that from now on, it’s only going to get worse? The cameras will be on us and we won’t be allowed to stuff up, even on the first try, and it’s not going to be just dance they’ll be looking at us for, it’ll be how we act and what we say and how we sing and every single thing about us.”
Finally out of steam, Jaebum falls silent. He swipes at his eyes with the end of the sleeve, then accepts the tissues which Jinyoung procures.
“Do you feel better now, hyung?” Where harsh lines once marred Jackson’s expression, earnest eyes stare at Jaebum expectantly.
“What?” Jaebum blinks, disorientated by the sudden about-face.
“Now that you’ve gotten it all out. Do you feel better?” It’s not much of an explanation, probably because it’s the only one Jackson can offer to him with his Korean vocabulary, but Jaebum thinks he understands what’s being asked when he observes Jackson’s relaxed posture and anger-free gaze.
“Yes. I think so.”
“Good.” For the first time since the others left the room, Jinyoung speaks.
He should have realised something was up, Jaebum realises. There’s no way that Jinyoung would remain quiet in a real shouting match between two of the members, not with his pacifist personality.
Now that the storm has had its chance to rage, the two other members approach Jaebum, Jinyoung pressing him slightly to sit on the floor and Jackson throwing a sweaty, heavy arm around his shoulders as he offers him a water bottle. It’s an odd sort of comfort they’re offering, one gentle and motherly and the other boyish and gruff, but Jaebum understands and is touched by their unspoken words.
“Sorry.” The apology falls easily from his lips now that he has calmed down.
“It’s good that you’re thinking so much about the future, Jaebum-hyung.” Jinyoung smiles, and the thanks in his voice has Jaebum shifting awkwardly in place. “But just because you’re leader, it doesn’t mean you have to take everything yourself. Share your worries once in a while, you’ll feel better and the members will be happy to talk.”
“Yeah, hyung! We’re all here for you, you know?” Jackson chimes in as he squeezes Jaebum’s shoulders tighter.
The combined embraces of both Jinyoung and Jackson are simultaneously sweaty yet comforting. A small part of Jaebum’s mind whispers that he can get used to this.
Then, the other members come back in to see them practically snuggling together.
“Dog pile!” Kunpimook (Jaebum has finally gotten the pronunciation of his name down right, and the bright smile the boy had worn when Jaebum had done so had spoken volumes for the significance of his effort) announces enthusiastically, and the rest of the members shoot one glance at Jaebum’s face (more relaxed than before but horrified at the prospects of Kunpimook's declaration) before following suit and jumping on top of the pile of bodies - until finally, Mark’s sitting smugly on top of Yugyeom’s back and there are elbows everywhere an elbow should never venture near.
Jaebum mutters about how he doesn’t think he should say sorry since it’s clear the members all don’t show any ounce of respect to their hyung and leader. He gets Jackson’s foot in the face in response, and the laughter which ensues is light and playful.
Just like it should be.
-
003 -
It would take a very unobservant man to not notice the way the member’s eyes trail after him wherever he goes, like he’s a ticking time bomb and they’re waiting for the inevitable explosion.
First, it’s Mark. Of course it is. Quiet and unassumingly observant, Mark has always been the type to notice what is purposefully concealed. Second is Youngjae, but Jaebum doesn’t notice Youngjae has noticed until he starts clinging back in his sleep, and that doesn’t happen until a few days after everyone has realised what’s wrong. No, at the time he thinks Jinyoung is second. The rest of them follow quickly after the first three, and soon enough Jaebum has six pairs of eyes sneaking surreptitious looks at him whenever they think he’s not looking.
He can’t fault them for being worried about him, but as the leader it’s his duty to remain strong until the cameras turn off and the makeup is removed. Unfortunately for him, the managers and the rather large slew of schedules ahead of them aren’t giving him any time to recuperate. There’s no rest for the famous, especially not so close to New Year’s Day when they’re all wearing hanbok and posing brightly for the camera.
Jaebum thinks that if he smiles hard enough, the expression might remain a permanent fixture on his face. Maybe the falsified happiness will prompt the others into leaving him alone.
(He doubts it.)
In less than a week, it will be 2015. When Jaebum looks over the past year and thinks of all the opportunities that have been missed and the awards that they have reached so far for but have never attained, he feels invisible claws snake their way around his throat and the venom seep into his brain.
The year shouldn’t have to end like this, not for the kids who have worked so hard with no gain.
They’re talentless.
Look at them, they can’t even compare to lesser rookies.
Is this what JYP is all about nowadays?
The anger that he once thought contained rears its ugly head once more.
Mark enters the room right as Jaebum’s finger begins to twitch towards the ‘Enter’ key, takes one look at the screen and says a single word.
“Don’t.”
Jaebum drops his hand, and doesn’t move in protest when Mark sits down cross-legged on the mattress beside him.
“It makes me so angry.” His voice sounds hollow even to him as he stares with unfocused eyes at the screen. In Jaebum’s peripheral vision, he sees Mark nod silently.
“The others shouldn’t have to deal with this when we’re already taking it so bad.” Enough of them had returned from ‘bathroom breaks’ with slightly puffy eyes that he would’ve had to be a fool to not notice how badly this is affecting them all.
Mark nods.
“We shouldn’t have to deal with this.”
Mark nods silently once more.
“It’s just not right.”
“But is making a public comment going to make any of that better?” Mark asks softly.
Jaebum reads over the condescending, scathing message he has just typed into twitter and cringes. He can already envision the negativity that will stain their image as soon as it’s posted. Even when it fades in the face of some other issue (as does happen often with celebrity gossip disguised as hot news), no one will truly forget.
Being angry on behalf of someone else is a curious thing to experience. Even more so is the knowledge that as the leader, he’s responsible for them all. The inexplicable urge he feels to shield them from everything is a testament to how ingrained he is in his leader duties, however he had been mistakenly overlooking the possibility that he might have to shield them from himself, too.
Jaebum decisively holds down the backspace key. Even with the numerous mentions littering his notifications, all something along the lines of ‘Tweet back to me, oppa’, there will be no tweet made tonight.
“Thank you.” Jaebum smiles gratefully at the oldest member as he rises to his feet.
Mark’s smile is genuine and warm. “It’s okay, leader. We’ll show them what’s what next year.” He promises with an impish smile that the cameras have worked hard to capture and what the members are trusted to see on a daily basis.
Suddenly, Jaebum can’t wait for the week to end and for 2015 to arrive.
Got7 is going to take the world by storm, and he’s going to be the one leading them.
-
005 -
Sometimes he can’t help himself. Jaebum feels that familiar old stirring that gets his heart pumping and his mind whirring overtime with so many thoughts he can’t think straight, and his eyes narrow as he sits on his fists, body shaking slightly as he fights the urge to unleash his frustrations on the members surrounding him.
But then Jinyoung settles down beside him, nestled into the side of his body like he’s belonged there all his life.
The calming rain that is Park Jinyoung’s personality allows for the angry fire to be doused.
Then Jackson comes along with his effervescent attitude and booming voice, slinging an arm around Jaebum’s shoulders even whilst he’s chatting to one of the younger members who they all dote on.
The sound of his voice drowns out the angry yelling in Jaebum’s mind until he can’t hear them anymore.
Finally Mark settles down quietly by his feet, eyes on them all with the softest, most sincere smile on his lips, and Jaebum can’t remember what got him so angry to begin with.
“Better?” Jinyoung murmurs quietly into his ear, largely unnoticed by all but those who are listening in quietly by his side.
Jaebum’s fists loosen and the crease in his eyebrows smoothens out.
“Yes. Much.”
Jaebum knows that they’ll talk about this, whatever this is, someday. The conversation will be awkward and uncomfortable at times, but it’ll be one that’s necessary. He knows it, and they all know it too.
For now though, he leans back until he’s pressing back into Jinyoung’s side, nudges Jackson’s shoulder until he doesn’t get quite a potent whiff of body odour as he did previously, and playfully jabs Mark’s sides with his socked feet.
Smile wide on his face, Jaebum can’t remember ever feeling so relaxed and happy.
[readers, don't forget to leave a comment! anonymous is on if you're shy.]
Title: the defusing of a bomb
Pairing(s)/focus: Jaebum/Jinyoung/Jackson/Mark (implied)
Rating: PG
Word count: 3.5k
Warnings: none
Author's notes:
- First off, I’d like to apologise for the obvious lack of quality in this ;; Originally I had a completely different plot in mind, but Major Writers Block had me skirting around and re-writing from scratch with not long to go until deadline
- To my recipient, I hope you can accept this fic despite it’s flaws ;; I really wanted to write something a bit more centred on romance and character interaction, but I guess the odds just weren’t in my favour.
- Happy new year to everyone, and thank you so much to the mods for being so friendly and communicative <3
Summary:
Two times Jaebum explodes and one time he nearly does. Vaguely canon, but with artistic liberties used at leisure.
Suddenly having to deal with five other rowdy boys is strange. Stuck in the stage somewhere between childish adolescence and adult maturity, suddenly being told he has to care for a bunch of people he has never taken the time or energy to get to know has Jaebum feeling like the ground beneath his feet has been tilted and he’s doomed to a future of continuous falling.
Of course, he welcomes them all with a polite and sort-of friendly smile. “I’m Im Jaebum, it’s nice to meet you.” He introduces himself despite the fact that he’s pretty sure most if not all of them already know who he is. Demon Trainee turned Demon Artist JB. He’s heard the rumours, and he’s sure they have too.
Don’t anger Jaebum unless you want it inflicted towards you.
If you stand a chance of working with him in the future, don’t anger Jaebum, period.
Jinyoung takes over. “I’m Park Jinyoung, a more handsome version of our boss. It’s nice to meet you.” He jokes lightly, smile sunshine and rainbows where Jaebum’s is cloudy and distant. He succeeds in thawing out some of the tension in the shoulders of the newbies, and Jaebum too finds himself relaxing muscles he doesn’t realise he has tensed.
“Do you wear plastic pants too?” One of the foreign members - Jackson from Hong Kong, Jaebum’s mind supplies - quips in heavily accented Korean, and a small smattering of laughter echoes in the practise room as the conversation flows from there, slightly choppy but easier after the icebreaker.
Jaebum watches as the hesitance in Jackson’s eyes fades as more of the others start talking, and realises why their boss had placed him in the group. A few months more of training and his variety skills will be legendary.
Jinyoung leads the discussion well all the way to the large white van which suddenly fills up with five more bodies than Jaebum is accustomed to, talks so that Jaebum can pretend to listen but really sit in the front (leader privileges, despite Mark’s hyung status and taller frame that would be more comfortable there) and zone out. He’s barely keeping it together and Jinyoung knows it, but there’s nothing they can do until they’re back at the dorms and he’s left alone and -
Oh.
Jaebum realises with dawning horror that he isn’t going to get alone time. Not with five other people filling up empty rooms and looking to him for information because he’s the leader and he is meant to know what’s going on even when he’s equally as lost as the rest of them, and - he doesn’t think he can do this.
He has no choice in the matter.
-
001 -
The first time Jaebum explodes, he’s biting and cruel and it’s months of ferocity and irritation bottled up in a young male’s body for too long. Months of companionship has taught Jinyoung how to act around Jaebum when he’s in one of his prickly moods, but the others are still adjusting to being around each other, much less being around someone as volatile as himself.
So, he snaps.
“Stop bothering me, it’s annoying!” he bellows, eyes in slits as he pushes the nearest member - Jackson, he later learns but he doesn’t realise it at the time - away. It’s stifling in the dorms and it’s so noisy and he just wants to get away from it all, so even when he flings out a hand and feels it connect to flesh, he doesn’t pause to apologise when he slips into his shoes and slams the front door, running and running and not stopping for breath until he’s around the corner and has entered the small playground located at the end of the street there.
Walking with the agitated purpose of someone who wants to move but has no idea where, he does two laps of the playground before seating himself on the bench.
The frigid winter air that hits Jaebum’s skin is refreshing, and acts to defuse his anger immediately. With it arrives a calmer mind and the familiar sensation of guilt that attacks his conscience as he slowly realises he has just done the one thing he had told himself to not do the moment he had realised they had gotten more members.
“Does blowing up at them make you feel better?”
It’s Jinyoung. Of course it’s Jinyoung.
The warmth of Jinyoung’s body settles down beside him on the bench, uncaring of the dirt that’s sure to now be caking his sweatpants.
“Not really.” Jaebum admits. The look in Jinyoung’s eyes shifts slightly to something like empathy and sadness, and Jaebum looks away. He’s not good with talking things out. His true skill with his emotions lies in his ability to escape.
The two are silent for a while, watching the rusty swing set a few feet away. Jaebum almost wants to go sit on it, but he has a feeling that if he does, it’ll break under the weight of his full-grown body.
“And?” Jinyoung prompts. He knows there’s more, and knows that Jaebum won’t talk about it unless he asks.
Jaebum grimaces. “I was wrong to shout at them. The kids are trying hard enough.” Plus Mark, who, now that he thinks about it, has been lurking outside the borders of his personal space for at least a week now, clearly worried but willing to give him the space he needed. Jaebum begins to wonder if Mark sees more than he lets on… but it’s a thought for another day.
The response from Jinyoung is calm. His arm wraps comfortably around Jaebum’s waist in the easy way which signals years of friendship, his tone as gentle as his embrace. “When you’re ready, let’s head back. They’ll understand. They’re all worried.”
Jaebum shakes his head in disbelief. “They’re not scared?” Of what I can do when they don’t realise I’ve been provoked?
“You might want to talk to some of them, but in case you haven’t realised, those kids are fearless.” The memory of Bambam - whose real name Jaebum always struggles to pronounce but is determined to learn - happily gulping down an amalgamation of assorted fizzy drinks, sauces and spices found in the kitchen just because he could arrives at the forefront of his mind, and before he can help himself Jaebum snorts.
“Bambam.” It’s not a question. Jinyoung really does know him well.
“Bambam.” Jaebum confirms with a shake of his head. He goes quiet for a moment before tearing his eyes away from the playground, determined as he rises from his seat. “Okay, let’s head back.”
The apology he makes upon their arrival home is equal parts sincere and awkward, but the other members don’t seem to mind. In fact, unless Jaebum is mistaken the relief in their faces appears as soon as they see that he has made it back home rather than after he has apologised, and isn’t that a funny thought - that they're not worried because he's angry, they're worried because he's angry.
Jackson gratefully accepts the ice pack Jaebum hands him, and when he sees the involuntary wince Jaebum makes as he sees the large bruise on his shoulder he claps a hand against Jaebum’s back in a friendly gesture.
“It’s okay, no worries!” Jackson reassures him in enthusiastic English, before adding with a cheeky grin, “I’ll buy you a punching bag for Christmas.”
Jaebum shakes his head even as his eyes begin to sting from what is definitely not tears at the acceptance he sees in Jackson’s expression. “Punk. I’ll buy you a Korean textbook.”
-
002 -
With the stress of their upcoming debut looming over them like their date of execution rather than the realisation of their dreams, it shouldn’t come as a surprise when Jaebum finds himself sliding out of formation and abruptly cutting the music late one night - or morning, depending on how one prefers to look at it.
The stillness is immediate.
Everyone pauses mid-move to stare at Jaebum positioned by the controls, curious and wary.
“It’s useless to practise any more today,” he announces. The words would sound like heaven if not for the fact that they’re coupled with Jaebum’s icy gaze.
No one moves from their spot, frozen still as if any sort of movement will mean Jaebum singling them out. The youngest members look worried, Youngjae’s exhaustion wiped free in the face of the tense anxiety in his expression, and the others have their hands positioned as if they want to raise them but don't know what for.
“Didn’t you hear me? I said, we’re done.” He has the temptation to sling forever into the air, but he has just enough control on his mouth to not say it.
Again, there is no movement. Except for one, that is.
“Come on, don’t be like this.” Jackson suddenly coaxes, stepping from formation as he adjusts the cap he’s wearing to push back his bangs.
Jinyoung speaks up next, tone gentle as he too moves forward. “He’s right. It’s late and everyone is tired. How about a ten minute break before we continue?”
Jackson nods. “Right. Okay kiddies, scram!” he says, shooing the other members away. Mark tugs them out, and Jaebum senses him lingering on the doorway even though most of his senses are honed on Jinyoung and Jackson before him. Tag-teaming against him. Asserting themselves in the leader position like he isn’t capable of doing the job-
(Mark slips out of the door and closes it securely, thankful that the practise rooms muffle sound.)
“What gives you the right?” Jaebum begins, slow and quiet. It’s when his anger hones into deadly, silent blades does things get bad.
Jackson is oblivious. “Hey, don’t take it out on us! We’re just trying to help!” He gesticulates wildly to himself and Jinyoung, and doesn’t shy away even as Jaebum stalks closer.
“So, it’s my fault?” By the end of his sentence, his volume has increased until it ends in a yell. The question echoes off the walls of the room, and there’s a part of him that acknowledges Jinyoung flinching away but the majority of his mind is on Jackson and Jackson’s face and the feeling that he’s being attacked-
“Well, you’re not making it easier by yelling!” Ever the hypocrite, Jackson starts to yell back.
“Look who’s talking!” Jaebum scoffs, and Jackson’s frown morphs into an angry glare as he takes a step closer towards him.
“Look, you need to realise that it’s not all about you. We're all affected, too!”
“Oh, so it’s my fault that everything is happening like this?”
“That’s not what I’m saying!” Jackson shouts in frustration and opens his mouth to say more, but Jaebum cuts him off, voice spitting vitrol and fists shaking.
“It’s my fault that our debut is so close and people are still messing up on moves they should’ve had down months ago?” Arguing with a fellow bandmate is leaving him feeling very uncomfortable and his conscious heavily distressed, but now that he has started, Jaebum can’t stop. There are tears rolling down his cheeks and he can feel the snot mixing with it, and it’s disgusting and unsightly but he doesn’t care because he needs to let go. “Is it my fault that from now on, it’s only going to get worse? The cameras will be on us and we won’t be allowed to stuff up, even on the first try, and it’s not going to be just dance they’ll be looking at us for, it’ll be how we act and what we say and how we sing and every single thing about us.”
Finally out of steam, Jaebum falls silent. He swipes at his eyes with the end of the sleeve, then accepts the tissues which Jinyoung procures.
“Do you feel better now, hyung?” Where harsh lines once marred Jackson’s expression, earnest eyes stare at Jaebum expectantly.
“What?” Jaebum blinks, disorientated by the sudden about-face.
“Now that you’ve gotten it all out. Do you feel better?” It’s not much of an explanation, probably because it’s the only one Jackson can offer to him with his Korean vocabulary, but Jaebum thinks he understands what’s being asked when he observes Jackson’s relaxed posture and anger-free gaze.
“Yes. I think so.”
“Good.” For the first time since the others left the room, Jinyoung speaks.
He should have realised something was up, Jaebum realises. There’s no way that Jinyoung would remain quiet in a real shouting match between two of the members, not with his pacifist personality.
Now that the storm has had its chance to rage, the two other members approach Jaebum, Jinyoung pressing him slightly to sit on the floor and Jackson throwing a sweaty, heavy arm around his shoulders as he offers him a water bottle. It’s an odd sort of comfort they’re offering, one gentle and motherly and the other boyish and gruff, but Jaebum understands and is touched by their unspoken words.
“Sorry.” The apology falls easily from his lips now that he has calmed down.
“It’s good that you’re thinking so much about the future, Jaebum-hyung.” Jinyoung smiles, and the thanks in his voice has Jaebum shifting awkwardly in place. “But just because you’re leader, it doesn’t mean you have to take everything yourself. Share your worries once in a while, you’ll feel better and the members will be happy to talk.”
“Yeah, hyung! We’re all here for you, you know?” Jackson chimes in as he squeezes Jaebum’s shoulders tighter.
The combined embraces of both Jinyoung and Jackson are simultaneously sweaty yet comforting. A small part of Jaebum’s mind whispers that he can get used to this.
Then, the other members come back in to see them practically snuggling together.
“Dog pile!” Kunpimook (Jaebum has finally gotten the pronunciation of his name down right, and the bright smile the boy had worn when Jaebum had done so had spoken volumes for the significance of his effort) announces enthusiastically, and the rest of the members shoot one glance at Jaebum’s face (more relaxed than before but horrified at the prospects of Kunpimook's declaration) before following suit and jumping on top of the pile of bodies - until finally, Mark’s sitting smugly on top of Yugyeom’s back and there are elbows everywhere an elbow should never venture near.
Jaebum mutters about how he doesn’t think he should say sorry since it’s clear the members all don’t show any ounce of respect to their hyung and leader. He gets Jackson’s foot in the face in response, and the laughter which ensues is light and playful.
Just like it should be.
-
003 -
It would take a very unobservant man to not notice the way the member’s eyes trail after him wherever he goes, like he’s a ticking time bomb and they’re waiting for the inevitable explosion.
First, it’s Mark. Of course it is. Quiet and unassumingly observant, Mark has always been the type to notice what is purposefully concealed. Second is Youngjae, but Jaebum doesn’t notice Youngjae has noticed until he starts clinging back in his sleep, and that doesn’t happen until a few days after everyone has realised what’s wrong. No, at the time he thinks Jinyoung is second. The rest of them follow quickly after the first three, and soon enough Jaebum has six pairs of eyes sneaking surreptitious looks at him whenever they think he’s not looking.
He can’t fault them for being worried about him, but as the leader it’s his duty to remain strong until the cameras turn off and the makeup is removed. Unfortunately for him, the managers and the rather large slew of schedules ahead of them aren’t giving him any time to recuperate. There’s no rest for the famous, especially not so close to New Year’s Day when they’re all wearing hanbok and posing brightly for the camera.
Jaebum thinks that if he smiles hard enough, the expression might remain a permanent fixture on his face. Maybe the falsified happiness will prompt the others into leaving him alone.
(He doubts it.)
In less than a week, it will be 2015. When Jaebum looks over the past year and thinks of all the opportunities that have been missed and the awards that they have reached so far for but have never attained, he feels invisible claws snake their way around his throat and the venom seep into his brain.
The year shouldn’t have to end like this, not for the kids who have worked so hard with no gain.
They’re talentless.
Look at them, they can’t even compare to lesser rookies.
Is this what JYP is all about nowadays?
The anger that he once thought contained rears its ugly head once more.
Mark enters the room right as Jaebum’s finger begins to twitch towards the ‘Enter’ key, takes one look at the screen and says a single word.
“Don’t.”
Jaebum drops his hand, and doesn’t move in protest when Mark sits down cross-legged on the mattress beside him.
“It makes me so angry.” His voice sounds hollow even to him as he stares with unfocused eyes at the screen. In Jaebum’s peripheral vision, he sees Mark nod silently.
“The others shouldn’t have to deal with this when we’re already taking it so bad.” Enough of them had returned from ‘bathroom breaks’ with slightly puffy eyes that he would’ve had to be a fool to not notice how badly this is affecting them all.
Mark nods.
“We shouldn’t have to deal with this.”
Mark nods silently once more.
“It’s just not right.”
“But is making a public comment going to make any of that better?” Mark asks softly.
Jaebum reads over the condescending, scathing message he has just typed into twitter and cringes. He can already envision the negativity that will stain their image as soon as it’s posted. Even when it fades in the face of some other issue (as does happen often with celebrity gossip disguised as hot news), no one will truly forget.
Being angry on behalf of someone else is a curious thing to experience. Even more so is the knowledge that as the leader, he’s responsible for them all. The inexplicable urge he feels to shield them from everything is a testament to how ingrained he is in his leader duties, however he had been mistakenly overlooking the possibility that he might have to shield them from himself, too.
Jaebum decisively holds down the backspace key. Even with the numerous mentions littering his notifications, all something along the lines of ‘Tweet back to me, oppa’, there will be no tweet made tonight.
“Thank you.” Jaebum smiles gratefully at the oldest member as he rises to his feet.
Mark’s smile is genuine and warm. “It’s okay, leader. We’ll show them what’s what next year.” He promises with an impish smile that the cameras have worked hard to capture and what the members are trusted to see on a daily basis.
Suddenly, Jaebum can’t wait for the week to end and for 2015 to arrive.
Got7 is going to take the world by storm, and he’s going to be the one leading them.
-
005 -
Sometimes he can’t help himself. Jaebum feels that familiar old stirring that gets his heart pumping and his mind whirring overtime with so many thoughts he can’t think straight, and his eyes narrow as he sits on his fists, body shaking slightly as he fights the urge to unleash his frustrations on the members surrounding him.
But then Jinyoung settles down beside him, nestled into the side of his body like he’s belonged there all his life.
The calming rain that is Park Jinyoung’s personality allows for the angry fire to be doused.
Then Jackson comes along with his effervescent attitude and booming voice, slinging an arm around Jaebum’s shoulders even whilst he’s chatting to one of the younger members who they all dote on.
The sound of his voice drowns out the angry yelling in Jaebum’s mind until he can’t hear them anymore.
Finally Mark settles down quietly by his feet, eyes on them all with the softest, most sincere smile on his lips, and Jaebum can’t remember what got him so angry to begin with.
“Better?” Jinyoung murmurs quietly into his ear, largely unnoticed by all but those who are listening in quietly by his side.
Jaebum’s fists loosen and the crease in his eyebrows smoothens out.
“Yes. Much.”
Jaebum knows that they’ll talk about this, whatever this is, someday. The conversation will be awkward and uncomfortable at times, but it’ll be one that’s necessary. He knows it, and they all know it too.
For now though, he leans back until he’s pressing back into Jinyoung’s side, nudges Jackson’s shoulder until he doesn’t get quite a potent whiff of body odour as he did previously, and playfully jabs Mark’s sides with his socked feet.
Smile wide on his face, Jaebum can’t remember ever feeling so relaxed and happy.
[readers, don't forget to leave a comment! anonymous is on if you're shy.]