The Mark of the Monster [2/2] [for kimdae]
one | part two
Jackson walks into Professor Park’s office on Tuesday half expecting Mark to not be there. He wouldn’t be surprised if Mark never wanted to see him again, or if he’d figured out a way to convince Professor Park to make it so they didn’t have to be in his office at the same time. Jackson wouldn’t be able to really help him that way, but he suspects Mark doesn’t really care about that.
Mark is in the office when he gets inside though, standing close to one of the filing cabinets and pulling out certain files with one arm while the other holds a growing a stack.
“Hey.” Jackson says uncertainly, leaving the door open a little bit behind him. He doesn’t want to be boxed in with Mark right now, and he doesn’t want Mark to feel like that’s what he’s trying to do.
Mark barely glances at him, only nods briefly in his direction. Jackson probably deserves this, and at least Mark is being civil. Jackson can’t help wishing he would be a little more- something. He doesn’t know. If he’s angry, or if Jackson ruined this friendship entirely, or if Mark just needs time, Jackson wants to know. He needs to know, really, but he can’t pry at Mark. Not when Mark so easily closes himself off.
They’d spent weeks together in this office, years before in the same school, same classes, building a tentative friendship. Mark was just starting to let Jackson in, and he can’t believe he threw it all away because he couldn’t just keep it to himself.
“There’s a box that needs to be put away over there.” Mark says, pointing to a cardboard box on the floor. It’s nearly overflowing with files, and Jackson knows he has to keep his hands busy if he doesn’t want to start talking. He doesn’t want to start talking. His talking is what caused all of this in the first place.
Jackson sighs, a little too loudly, but Mark doesn’t even look at him. He trudges over to the box, not even bothering to keep Mark in his peripheral vision while he starts filing things away. Normally, he keeps Mark where he can see him while they talk. Jackson doesn’t think they’re going to be talking any time soon.
---
“He didn’t say anything to me,” Jackson whines, rolling around on Jaebum’s bed. Jinyoung and Jaebum are sitting on Jinyoung’s bed, both watching with mild amusement as Jackson tangles himself in Jaebum’s blankets.
“He must’ve said at least one thing to you,” Jinyoung says.
“Ugh, shut up. He told me what to file that’s it.”
“That’s at least something,” Jaebum offers. Jackson can hear the suppressed laughter in his voice.
He’s not wrong, but it’s definitely not what Jackson meant. However drunk he may have been, he still confessed to Mark. He’s used to something a little more dramatic happening after that sort of thing. Shouldn’t there be something more dramatic after that?
“You’re thinking about it too much,” Jaebum says, “just talk to him.”
Jackson sits bolt upright, snapping his head to stare at Jaebum. Jinyoung is giggling, pressing his face into Jaebum’s shoulder.
“Talk to him?” Jackson asks, shrill. “Just talk to him?”
“Yes.” Jaebum says, and Jinyoung has passed into full on laughing now. Jaebum pushes him off his shoulder.
“It’s not that complicated.” Jinyoung shrugs, collecting himself. “Just say, ‘hey we need to talk’ and then apologize, and tell him you’ll back off if that’s what he wants.”
“You make it so sound so easy.” Jackson throws himself back down on the bed, staring intently at the ceiling.
Maybe, maybe it would be that easy. He could just pull Mark aside, say sorry, and try and move on. If Mark doesn’t want to be around him anymore, then he won’t be around him anymore. Jackson wouldn’t ever want to make Mark feel uncomfortable, not intentionally. He still can’t believe himself. He’s making a vow to never drink again, or have crushes. Crushes are evil.
“You can do it,” Jaebum speaks softly, carefully, “Jackson, you feel terrible about this. Mark obviously isn’t feeling great about it either. You have to at least give talking to him a chance.”
“Alright.” Jackson declares, “Alright. I’m gonna do it.”
---
Being determined to actually talk to Mark doesn't help Jackson actually talk to him. They see each other often enough, but Mark is always so stiff and monosyllabic when they do that Jackson feels too guilty to bring anything up. Its been a week and a half since the party, Jackson knows he's got to say something, but he finds himself freezing up whenever he has the chance. He just doesn't want to make Mark feel any worse. He doesn't want it to be his fault that Mark feels bad in the first place, but, well, its a little too late for that.
Chansung's class is usually a safe bet for not thinking. Jackson gets to throw himself into movement and momentarily forget his troubles. Sure, Mark is in the class, but they never work together.
"Jackson," Chansung calls after their warm up drills, "pair up with Mark today. You need someone who can beat you."
Jackson scowls, it makes Chansung laugh a little, but Jackson's only partially scowling because of Chansung's oh so funny joke. He usually lets them pick their own partners unless its a test, and there's no test.
Shit, Jackson's not prepared for this. Mark doesn't really look too pleased either. Its sort of hard to tell, but Jackson can see that Mark's wings are a little closer to his body than normal. He's tense. Mark is tense and its Jackson's fault. Jackson's made it so they can't work together in a situation where they're not even talking. Shit.
Jackson walks up to Mark slowly, shrugging his shoulders and letting out a quiet laugh. Its awkward, but Jackson bumps his elbow against Mark's, trying to diffuse the weirdness between them. It does not help. He didn't really think it would.
Chansung continues to yell out pairs. Jackson supposes he's had enough of them goofing off, and pairing them up himself might eliminate some of that. Jackson's not paying attention. He's staring at Mark, who is staring very resolutely at the floor.
"Alright," Chansung calls out louder, trying to gain back their attention, "There should be practice weapons next to each of you. We're going to work on disarming each other. Let's get started!"
Mark picks up one of the weapons from the ground, and tosses it at Jackson. Its a knife, not that big and made of cheap plastic. Jackson turns it over in his hands a couple times, and then looks up to Mark.
"Ready?"
Mark nods.
This time, when they fight, Mark is ready. They haven't practiced together since exams, but he's been watching. Jackson moves fluidly, always just one second faster and that much smoother than his opponents. He uses all of his body without hesitation.
Mark often hesitates. He tries so hard to keep his wings stationary, pulled tight against his body and out of the way. They're a part of his body, but he never uses them like they are. Jackson is much stronger than many of their classmates and just this one time, Mark doesn't make himself hold back.
The knife clatters to the floor, and so does Jackson. Mark presses his knee into the small of Jackson's back, one arm twisted behind him and Mark's grip on his wrist is too tight. Jackson doesn't try to buck him off. He's lost, so he accepts defeat.
Mark gets off him a second later, and tosses him the next practice weapon the second they stand up. Jackson's mouth drops open, eyebrows comically high, but he catches the weapon all the same.
"Shouldn't it be your turn to be disarmed?" He jokes warily. Mark shakes his head. Jackson doesn't know what's gotten into him, but seconds later he's once again fighting a losing fight.
They go through all the practice weapons. Jackson thinks he's putting up a pretty good fight, and he knows he's stronger than Mark, but he still loses every single time. Mark's attacks aren't enough to seriously injure him, it is practice after all, but they're still vicious, still too much for Jackson to fend off.
They're both sweating heavily when Chansung yells for all them to get out of here. Mark only nods at him before he's walking away. Jackson stands right where Mark leaves him, perplexed. Mark just fought harder than Jackson's ever seen him fight, and he has to know why. He knows he fucked up, but its not like he physically hurt Mark. Not that Mark physically hurt him, but he used his wings to fight him. Jackson spends enough time watching Mark to know he never does that. Not unless he's pushed into a corner and its his only way out, and even then its rare.
Jackson stomps off after Mark, determination pulling his lips into a straight line. He's going to do this. He's going to confront Mark. They're going to talk.
He walks into the shower room, Mark is pretty easy to spot, especially when you spend so much time thinking about him. Jackson grabs him by the elbow, turning him around so they're facing each other.
"Look," he starts, but the bewilderment on Mark's face makes him soften his approach. "Mark. We have to talk."
Mark frowns at him, shaking his arm out of Jackson's grip. He stays in front of him though.
"I know I fucked it up, but we were friends, man. Can we please talk about this?"
Mark sighs, and slumps into himself. It makes something jump in Jackson's chest.
"Fine, we can talk," Mark mutters, "but not here. Just, later, ok?"
"Sure, yeah, whenever." Jackson nods, speaking too quickly. He was fully expecting to have to convince Mark, he was so sure there was no way Mark would just say yes.
"I'll find you later." Mark mutters again, and then he's walking off, leaving Jackson alone.
---
Jaebum is positive he’d be content to never hear about Mark ever again. He doesn’t dislike the guy or anything, he’s just so tired of listening to Jackson go on and on about him. At least today there’s something new in his usual rants on the subject.
“He said he’d talk to me! After he totally kicked my ass, again. I wonder why I can’t beat him? I’m definitely stronger than him. That doesn’t make sense. But Jaebum! He said he would talk to me! He said he’d find me!”
Jackson’s pacing back and forth in Jaebum and Jinyoung’s tiny room, talking a mile a minute, with his mouth and his hands. Jaebum doesn’t think he could keep up if he tried. Thankfully, he’s not really trying. Jackson doesn’t need him to actually listen until he’s calmed down enough to make sense, for now, he needs to talk.
Jackson’s thinking out loud isn’t something Jaebum understands. He can’t pretend he doesn’t go off sometimes himself, but Jackson is always like this. Like his thought process doesn’t count if someone isn’t there to validate it for him.
“Jackson,” Jaebum interrupts him when his pacing starts to slow down, and he’s just repeating the same sentences over and over. “Sit down for a minute.”
“I’m serious, Jaebum,” he says sternly, but still flops down on Jinyoung’s bed, “I can’t fuck this up again.”
Jaebum nods, agreeing soundlessly, but still sympathetically.
“He’ll never talk to me again, and I can’t deal with that. I can barely deal with whatever is happening now.”
“You’ll have to let him talk to you.”
“What do you mean? We’re gonna talk, of course that means he’ll talk to me.”
“Jackson,” Jaebum laughs despite himself, “you have to stop talking for long enough to let him get a word in.”
“I always let people get a word in!” Jackson shouts, throwing one of Jinyoung’s pillows in Jaebum’s direction.
“Ok, but listen. You start talking and you never stop whenever you’re nervous, so you have to make yourself stop. If you want this to get better you have to listen to what he has to say. No matter what it is.”
Jackson yells something unintelligible, and it makes Jaebum laugh even more.
“You’ll be fine, kid.”
“We’re the same age!”
“Then act like it.”
---
Jaebum’s advice, however rude he sounds when he gives it, is usually good. Its true that, sometimes, Jackson can be a little overbearing. He knows that about himself. He gets excited and he can’t stop himself from taking up too much space, from being too loud. He doesn’t want to scare Mark away, so he’s going to be calm. He can do that. People are calm all the time, it can’t be that hard.
When Mark finds him in the hallway after one of his classes, he thinks maybe he’s overestimated himself.
Its the last class of the day, so Jackson is all but running out of the door. He doesn’t even catch a glimpse of Mark before the other taps his shoulder. Jackson jerks his head around quickly, looking both ways before turning around and seeing Mark. He’s looking sheepishly at the ground, and Jackson almost wants to smile, but then he remembers why Mark has found him and his stomach drops.
“Come with me.” Mark says, voice lilting up at the end even though it’s not really a question. Mark is barely looking at him, but Jackson nods anyway. He finds his voice is caught in his throat and he should say something, but he can’t. Mark must have seen him because he’s walking away and he doesn’t check back to see if Jackson is following him.
Jackson wasn’t sure he was ready for this talk. He’d wanted this, but now that its here he’s ready to bolt. He’s barely even looking at where Mark is leading them, too caught up in the feeling of dread in his gut. There’s no way this is going to be good. Jackson’s basically already lost Mark as a friend, this is just a nice way to seal the deal.
“Ok,” Mark says, pushing out a long breath after, “here is good, I guess.”
They’re out in the yard, far away enough where no one else will hear them, or see them really, unless they were truly trying.
“Ok.” Jackson’s throat is dry, and even saying the one word was harder than he thought it would be. Mark’s got his hands in the pockets of his pants, and he’s standing incredibly still. Jackson’s worried he’s not going to say anything else, that maybe he has to start saying something, but what does he say? What can he say?
“I’m sorry,” he blurts. It’s the first thing that comes to his mind, and it’s probably the first thing he should be saying. Mark stares at him, eyes a little wide, he looks surprised that Jackson said anything at all. “I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”
Mark stays quiet, stands there stiff as a board, and its making Jackson even more than nervous than he was before.
“It was fucked up of me, and I’m sorry. I can’t say it enough. We were having a good time, I got carried away. You have every right to be mad at me. I’m sorry, I should never have done that. I’m sorr-”
“Jackson.” Mark cuts him off before he can apologize again, and Jackson realizes he’s doing the exact thing Jaebum told him not to do.
Mark takes one of his hands out of his pocket and runs it through his hair, sighing loudly. He looks just as nervous as Jackson feels, and he hadn’t really thought about that. He’d never thought that there’d be any reason for Mark to be nervous.
“I’m not,” Mark swallows, breathing deeply, “I’m not mad at you, really? It was just, you know, we were drunk. Really drunk.”
Mark pauses, chews absentmindedly on his bottom lip, and Jackson has to fight to keep quiet. He has to let Mark finish.
“Do you- do you really like me?” Mark’s voice is shaky, he sounds so unsure of himself.
“Yes.” Jackson answers without hesitation.
“Oh.” Mark says, and Jackson wants so badly to tell him exactly how much he likes him and exactly how much these past couple weeks have fucked him up, but he stays quiet. “I, uh, I like you too.”
“What?” Jackson squeaks, his arms flail upwards and he’s so dumbfounded. If Mark likes him too then what the hell have they been doing?
“I’m sorry.” Mark says, his voice is still shaking but there’s a touch more confidence in his tone. He’s already said the worst of it, might as well let it all out now. “I thought that you just said it because you were drunk, and I panicked. I couldn’t trust what you said then and I, shit man, I’m sorry.”
“What?” Jackson is honestly shocked. He hadn’t expected this. He’d expected to apologize, and then have Mark tell him he never wanted to talk to him ever again. This is, well, Jackson is unprepared.
Mark laughs, shrugging slightly. Jackson has no idea what’s funny.
“You like me?” Jackson says.
“Yeah.”
“Then why did you try to kill me in Chansung’s class?”
Mark laughs louder this time, and Jackson stares at him incredulously. He really needs to be let in on this joke.
“I was working out my feelings.” Mark replies when he stops laughing.
“Oh my god.” Jackson feels like crying, or throwing himself onto the ground and having a full on tantrum. This is ridiculous.
“Sorry?”
“I can’t believe this.” Jackson settles for stomping once, tantrums aren’t attractive.
“I said sorry,” Mark shrugs, “and we figured it out now?”
Jackson groans, rubs his hands over his face. They haven’t really figured anything out, knowing that they like each other doesn’t really do anything for that, except for figuring out that they’re both entirely ridiculous and they could’ve avoided so much awkwardness in the past couple weeks.
“We know we like each other, yes.” Jackson says, and he’s not sure how to phrase what needs to come next, because he wants to figure this out. They like each other, but what does that mean?
“Yeah.” Mark turns away from Jackson, and Jackson is terrified he’s going to run away again and they’ll spend the next two weeks avoiding each other again. “Be my boyfriend?”
Jackson barely catches it, Mark mumbles way too much and Jackson wasn’t really expecting him to say anything like that. He’d assumed he’d be the one to do that. He wanted to be the one to do that.
“Jackson?”
“Yes!” Jackson nearly shouts, coming out of his thoughts too quickly.
“Yes to what?” Mark’s face is red, and he’s doing that thing where he stares off to the side of Jackson’s face rather than actually looking at him.
“Yes, I’ll be your boyfriend.”
“Oh. Good.”
Its Jackson’s turn to laugh. Mark is still bright red, but he doesn’t protest when Jackson reaches out and laces their fingers together.
---
“Jaebum!” Jackson yells, banging on the door to Jaebum and Jinyoung’s room. “Jinyoung!”
“What do you want, asshole? It’s too early!” Jinyoung yells back through the door.
“Open up!” Jackson whines, still banging on the door. He hears some shuffling from inside and then the door finally opens. He’s greeted by Jinyoung, with no shirt on and his eyes barely open. Jaebum hasn’t even gotten out of bed. Jinyoung turns around and goes right back to Jaebum’s bed, leaving Jackson to bounce inside after him.
“You guys,” Jackson says excitedly, jumping onto Jinyoung’s bed. Jaebum groans, turning to rub his face into Jinyoung’s neck. Jackson can only see the back of his head, and he nearly laughs at the glasses cord sticking out. Nerd.
“Why did you let him in? It’s too early.” Jaebum grumbles.
“Because some people can’t sleep through everything.” Jinyoung snaps, although it lacks any real venom. Probably because he’s too tired.
“Guess what happened?” Jackson continues, ignoring their complaining. Jaebum grunts, but neither of them give a real answer. Jackson is undeterred. “Mark and I talked yesterday, and he asked me to be his boyfriend.”
“Congratulations. Now go away and come tell us at a reasonable time.” Jinyoung says.
“It’s ten! This is a reasonable time. Be excited for me! I have a boyfriend.”
“I said congratulations.”
“Did you kiss him yet?” Jaebum asks.
“No,” Jackson pouts, “but that doesn’t matter.”
Jaebum pulls the blanket over his head, and Jackson can see his body shuffle closer to Jinyoung’s underneath it. Jackson sighs, loudly, so they both know how disappointed he is in their lack of reaction.
“We’re happy for you, Jackson, honestly.” Jinyoung says, eyes squinting because of how tired he still is.
“We really are.” Jaebum echoes, not bothering to come out from underneath the blankets. “We’ll be even happier for you if you go bother Mark instead of us.”
“You’re terrible friends.” Jackson announces, jumping off of Jinyoung’s bed. He’s leaving if this is all he’s going to get.
“We love you too!” Jinyoung yells as Jackson shuts the door.
---
Jackson, Mark realizes, is an incredibly corny person. He loves to walk Mark to his classes, to hold his bag, to interlock their pinky fingers when they’re walking anywhere together. The most surprising thing about all of this, is that Mark loves it. He’d always cringed at the idea of anything so comically romantic, but Jackson does it all so naturally he can’t help letting it happen. Still, it’s a little embarrassing when Jackson meets him after his last afternoon class and immediately grabs his hand.
“I wanna take you somewhere.” Jackson whispers. He looks so excited that Mark finds himself nodding before he even thinks to ask where.
Jackson grins, pulling on Mark’s arm to lead him off somewhere. It’s worth it, every corny thing Jackson loves to do, to see him smile so much. Jackson looks so genuinely happy when Mark agrees to things. Its not that he looked sad before, but Mark gets to be the reason for his smile. He doesn’t know that he’s ever been anyone’s reason to smile before.
Mark isn’t really paying attention to where Jackson is leading them. Trusting Jackson comes much too easily for him, considering the amount of times he’s seen him in trouble. (Jackson would blame every one of those times on Jinyoung, Mark knows, but it can’t all be his fault.)
“Here we are!” Jackson says, loudly, dropping Mark’s hand to spread both of his arms out in a grand gesture.
“The roof?” Marks raises his eyebrows at him. Students aren’t allowed up here. Mark didn’t even know there was a way to get up here without a key, and only teachers have those.
“Isn’t it beautiful?” Jackson’s not looking at him, he’s standing a little too close to the edge for Mark’s comfort, looking wide eyed around them. “I love it up here.”
“How did you know how to get up here?”
“I used to sneak up here a lot, when I first came here.” Jackson’s answer is quieter than normal, and there’s a smile on his face but its wrong, somehow. Subdued. “It was difficult, but I liked it up here. Kept me calm.”
Mark nods, he can understand that. He doesn’t know how old Jackson was when he came here. When Mark got here he didn’t- well, he wouldn’t have noticed Jackson. He wouldn’t have noticed anyone.
“I hated it here. Felt like being caged up.” Jackson whispers, tilting his head up towards the sky. “Up here it felt like I was free again.”
Mark shivers, there’s a breeze today that wasn’t so bad on the ground, but on the roof he feels it. It blows over his feathers and he spreads his wings out, just to feel it slide underneath them. Its nice, this feeling. The wind is relaxing when its soft like this. He’s standing far enough away from Jackson where he doesn’t notice what Mark’s doing, but he hears the noise of the first flap of Mark’s wings.
Jackson turns quickly, face still skywards, and he watches with fascination as Mark takes off. He’s not that high, only enough to feel the wind slide smooth underneath him. Jackson’s not sure he’s ever seen anything more beautiful.
---
“I don’t fly often.” Mark admits. They’re huddled on Mark’s bed, both still shivering from the cold. They couldn’t stay on the roof as long they both wanted to. Winter is coming faster than anyone is ready for. “It felt nice, up there. Thank you.”
“Your wings,” Jackson says, unsure, “do they, uh, bother you?”
Mark stiffens, and Jackson feels his own face flush. He doesn’t want to scare Mark away again. He should’ve known better than to ask a question like that. Its too personal It's a part of Mark that he can’t change, that he had no say over in the first place.
“Sometimes.” Mark answers shortly. Jackson is sure he’s crossed a line, he’s about to start apologizing and making his way out the door. He can’t believe he’s messed it up again so quickly.
“They make me uncomfortable.” Mark says, after a long pause. “They’re so big, and there. Everyone is always looking at them. I never-”
Mark stops, and he inhales sharply. Jackson reaches his hand out to place on Mark’s knee, an attempt to soothe him. Mark looks up at him from underneath his eyelashes, and Jackson thinks he can see the glisten of his tears.
“I never got a chance to hide who I was. What I was.”
Oh, Jackson thinks, of course. Fitting in is rough for them, for all of them. Mark, though, he sticks out everywhere.
“I couldn’t go to school. My parents had to hide me.” Mark laughs, bitter, and it barely even sounds like a laugh. Jackson stares at him, surprised. “I can’t even buy clothes. That’s so silly, but-”
“No.” Jackson interrupts, not caring if it’s rude. “It’s not silly to be upset by things.”
Mark hums, his voice thick, and then he’s quiet. Jackson can hear his own pulse, if concentrates he can hear Mark’s too. Both of their hearts are pounding.
“I’m sorry.” Mark says, finally.
“It’s ok, I get it.”
Mark’s head snaps up, and something flashes across his face. Anger, Jackson thinks, he’s angry.
“How would you get it?”
“Ah, well.” Jackson shrugs. Then he stands up, pushing himself away from Mark. He has to pull from deep inside of himself but it happens. His bones pulse uncomfortably, his skin feels too hot, and his tongue too small. He always thoughts that part was funny. That his tongue was suddenly just the tiniest bit too small for his mouth. He blames it on the teeth.
“Oh.” Mark breathes.
“Yeah.” Jackson’s voice is deeper like this, he likes that part.
“I didn’t know you,” Mark shakes his head like he’s at a loss for words, “I didn’t know it was like this.”
“I make stuff, medicine, I guess? To hide it. Of course, that’s how I got like this in first place. I’m a genius or something.” Jackson laughs, a barking laughter, just as bitter as Mark’s earlier.
Jackson gets back on the bed, he takes up more space now. The bed isn’t that big in the first place, but they’re pushed even closer together now.
“Its not as easy to change back without it.”
“I don’t mind.” Mark sounds awestruck. Jackson is a little pleased, if he’s being honest. “Can I-?”
Mark reaches his hand out, not far, there’s barely any space between them, and Jackson nods. Mark places his hand on the side of Jackson’s face, his fingers curl around his neck and his thumb strokes gently at his cheek.
“You’re soft.” Mark whispers, and then he’s scooting closer, bringing his other hand up to touch Jackson as well. “I thought it’d be more, I don’t know, wiry.”
Jackson laughs, shaking his head. Mark is close to him, and its making his heart beat uncomfortably fast. He can hear it even better now, his own and Mark’s, and Mark doesn’t seem to doing much better.
“Nope. A big fuzzy beast.” He says, and then he lets himself sink down onto the bed, so that he’s laying down. Mark follows suit. Its mildly awkward, laying down next to each other without touching. Jackson’s feet touch the end of the bed, and he’s glad he took his socks off when they came in. Socks feel weird on his feet when he gets like this, and his claws almost always ruin them.
Mark drapes his arm over Jackson, pulling his body in closer to his. Jackson notices that even though they’re laying on their sides, Mark is tilted so that he’s nearly laying on his stomach. His wings must get in the way of so much. Jackson shifts so that he’s laying more on his back, pushing his arm underneath Mark’s head, and Mark is forced to turn more onto his stomach to make the position work.
“Are you doing that on purpose?” He asks, his face pushed into Jackson’s chest.
“Maybe. Does it bother you?”
“No.” Mark answers, and honestly it doesn’t. He didn’t even have to think before he answered. Jackson is thinking of him, he’s trying to make things easier for him, but he doesn’t seem to feel guilty about it. Mark hates that. He hates being pitied, hates when people think that something is wrong with him but they won’t say it. Jackson isn’t bothered by his wings, and why would he be, really? Still, Mark expects it, and Jackson, well, he’s a lot of what Mark doesn’t expect.
Mark doesn’t expect the hand on the nape of his neck, running down till Jackson’s hand is stopped by his wings and then back up again. Its soothing, lulling, and Mark suddenly realizes that he is very tired, and Jackson is very warm.
Jackson puts his chin on top of Mark’s head, tucking Mark even closer into him. Mark can feel his jaw work to stifle a yawn, and it makes him smile.
“Nap time.” Jackson announces, his hand still rubbing gently at Mark’s back.
Mark makes a noise of assent, not bothering to lift his head up to say words.
---
Its dark when Mark wakes up, still pressed against Jackson. They'd fallen asleep with Jackson's hand still on his back, and its curled around his neck now. Jackson is snoring, quieter than Mark would think he'd snore. Mark doesn't feel like moving, he's sort of worried he'd wake Jackson, but mostly he's comfortable and warm. Its nice, being this close to someone.
Mark holds his head back a little bit, trying to see Jackson's face when its relaxed with sleep. His nose is still small like this, cute and button like. Mark finds he has the urge to kiss it, and he immediately blushes. He tucks his head back against Jackson's chest in an attempt to avoid such thoughts.
"Hm?" Jackson grunts, voice thick with sleep.
"Nothing." Mark mutters. "Go back to sleep."
Mark's attempt to not wake Jackson up useless, he decides he might as well get up. Its comfortable here, but he's starting to wonder what time it is and if they've missed dinner.
"No." Jackson says, tightening his grip on Mark's neck and grabbing Mark's arm thats laying across his stomach. All he did was lift his head up, but Jackson was apparently aware of his thoughts.
"We should check the time." Mark says softly. He's trying his best not to smile, it'll only encourage this kind of behavior. Jackson is being awfully cute though.
"Why?" Jackson whines, kicking his legs.
"Dinner?"
"I'll eat you."
"Nope." Mark shouts, cringing. He jumps out of the bed and away from Jackson's reach.
Jackson's eyes are still closed, but he's smiling all the same. His canines are huge, Mark thinks, he probably could eat him. He shakes his head, trying to clear the thought away.
"Get up, let's go see if there's still food."
"Go check for me." Jackson whines, opening his eyes just enough to look pathetically at Mark.
"Fine." Mark huffs, but he can't keep the smile off his face. Luckily, Jackson's eyes are already closed.
---
Jaebum has barely seen Jackson in weeks. Normally he's banging on his and Jinyoung's door at least once a day, but these days Jaebum is lucky if he gets his door knocked down every few days.
"Stop pouting about it." Jinyoung says, absently running his hands through Jaebum's hair. "We should be happy about it."
"I am," Jaebum insists. Its not a lie. He can't remember if he's ever seen Jackson this happy before, and he's thankful for it. Jackson is generally a happy guy, but he gets into moods easily, and it takes a lot to draw him out. Mark seems to be able to keep him happy, and that does make Jaebum happy. He can't help missing him every now and then.
"C'mon, think of all we can get done without Jackson constantly breaking down the door."
"Like what?" Jaebum snorts. They're just laying in bed, his head on Jinyoung's shoulder while they catch up on reading for Taecyeon's class.
"Like this." Jinyoung says, turning his head to press a soft kiss to Jaebum's lips.
"Oh," Jaebum says, "that."
---
Sometimes, Mark worries that Jackson is too much for him. Mark thinks about the gravity of Jackson’s feelings for him, and worries that he will never be able to give him the same. Mark feels for Jackson, but he doesn't think he's ever felt with the intensity that Jackson is capable of.
As overwhelming as it is, Mark has never felt more secure. It doesn't seem to matter what Mark is doing, if Jackson is there, he's looking at Mark like he's the most spectacular thing he's ever seen. Mark's always thought people were just talking up the feeling of being loved, it couldn't be that great, but Jackson makes him think differently.
Even asleep, like he is now, snoring softly and spread out over Mark's bed, Mark knows the last thing he thought about before passing out was him. There's a plate of snacks on his desk, a little note attached to it that says not to stay up too late. Its signed 'Love, Jackson', and yeah, Mark does.
one | part two
[readers, don't forget to leave a comment! anonymous is on if you're shy.]
Jackson walks into Professor Park’s office on Tuesday half expecting Mark to not be there. He wouldn’t be surprised if Mark never wanted to see him again, or if he’d figured out a way to convince Professor Park to make it so they didn’t have to be in his office at the same time. Jackson wouldn’t be able to really help him that way, but he suspects Mark doesn’t really care about that.
Mark is in the office when he gets inside though, standing close to one of the filing cabinets and pulling out certain files with one arm while the other holds a growing a stack.
“Hey.” Jackson says uncertainly, leaving the door open a little bit behind him. He doesn’t want to be boxed in with Mark right now, and he doesn’t want Mark to feel like that’s what he’s trying to do.
Mark barely glances at him, only nods briefly in his direction. Jackson probably deserves this, and at least Mark is being civil. Jackson can’t help wishing he would be a little more- something. He doesn’t know. If he’s angry, or if Jackson ruined this friendship entirely, or if Mark just needs time, Jackson wants to know. He needs to know, really, but he can’t pry at Mark. Not when Mark so easily closes himself off.
They’d spent weeks together in this office, years before in the same school, same classes, building a tentative friendship. Mark was just starting to let Jackson in, and he can’t believe he threw it all away because he couldn’t just keep it to himself.
“There’s a box that needs to be put away over there.” Mark says, pointing to a cardboard box on the floor. It’s nearly overflowing with files, and Jackson knows he has to keep his hands busy if he doesn’t want to start talking. He doesn’t want to start talking. His talking is what caused all of this in the first place.
Jackson sighs, a little too loudly, but Mark doesn’t even look at him. He trudges over to the box, not even bothering to keep Mark in his peripheral vision while he starts filing things away. Normally, he keeps Mark where he can see him while they talk. Jackson doesn’t think they’re going to be talking any time soon.
---
“He didn’t say anything to me,” Jackson whines, rolling around on Jaebum’s bed. Jinyoung and Jaebum are sitting on Jinyoung’s bed, both watching with mild amusement as Jackson tangles himself in Jaebum’s blankets.
“He must’ve said at least one thing to you,” Jinyoung says.
“Ugh, shut up. He told me what to file that’s it.”
“That’s at least something,” Jaebum offers. Jackson can hear the suppressed laughter in his voice.
He’s not wrong, but it’s definitely not what Jackson meant. However drunk he may have been, he still confessed to Mark. He’s used to something a little more dramatic happening after that sort of thing. Shouldn’t there be something more dramatic after that?
“You’re thinking about it too much,” Jaebum says, “just talk to him.”
Jackson sits bolt upright, snapping his head to stare at Jaebum. Jinyoung is giggling, pressing his face into Jaebum’s shoulder.
“Talk to him?” Jackson asks, shrill. “Just talk to him?”
“Yes.” Jaebum says, and Jinyoung has passed into full on laughing now. Jaebum pushes him off his shoulder.
“It’s not that complicated.” Jinyoung shrugs, collecting himself. “Just say, ‘hey we need to talk’ and then apologize, and tell him you’ll back off if that’s what he wants.”
“You make it so sound so easy.” Jackson throws himself back down on the bed, staring intently at the ceiling.
Maybe, maybe it would be that easy. He could just pull Mark aside, say sorry, and try and move on. If Mark doesn’t want to be around him anymore, then he won’t be around him anymore. Jackson wouldn’t ever want to make Mark feel uncomfortable, not intentionally. He still can’t believe himself. He’s making a vow to never drink again, or have crushes. Crushes are evil.
“You can do it,” Jaebum speaks softly, carefully, “Jackson, you feel terrible about this. Mark obviously isn’t feeling great about it either. You have to at least give talking to him a chance.”
“Alright.” Jackson declares, “Alright. I’m gonna do it.”
---
Being determined to actually talk to Mark doesn't help Jackson actually talk to him. They see each other often enough, but Mark is always so stiff and monosyllabic when they do that Jackson feels too guilty to bring anything up. Its been a week and a half since the party, Jackson knows he's got to say something, but he finds himself freezing up whenever he has the chance. He just doesn't want to make Mark feel any worse. He doesn't want it to be his fault that Mark feels bad in the first place, but, well, its a little too late for that.
Chansung's class is usually a safe bet for not thinking. Jackson gets to throw himself into movement and momentarily forget his troubles. Sure, Mark is in the class, but they never work together.
"Jackson," Chansung calls after their warm up drills, "pair up with Mark today. You need someone who can beat you."
Jackson scowls, it makes Chansung laugh a little, but Jackson's only partially scowling because of Chansung's oh so funny joke. He usually lets them pick their own partners unless its a test, and there's no test.
Shit, Jackson's not prepared for this. Mark doesn't really look too pleased either. Its sort of hard to tell, but Jackson can see that Mark's wings are a little closer to his body than normal. He's tense. Mark is tense and its Jackson's fault. Jackson's made it so they can't work together in a situation where they're not even talking. Shit.
Jackson walks up to Mark slowly, shrugging his shoulders and letting out a quiet laugh. Its awkward, but Jackson bumps his elbow against Mark's, trying to diffuse the weirdness between them. It does not help. He didn't really think it would.
Chansung continues to yell out pairs. Jackson supposes he's had enough of them goofing off, and pairing them up himself might eliminate some of that. Jackson's not paying attention. He's staring at Mark, who is staring very resolutely at the floor.
"Alright," Chansung calls out louder, trying to gain back their attention, "There should be practice weapons next to each of you. We're going to work on disarming each other. Let's get started!"
Mark picks up one of the weapons from the ground, and tosses it at Jackson. Its a knife, not that big and made of cheap plastic. Jackson turns it over in his hands a couple times, and then looks up to Mark.
"Ready?"
Mark nods.
This time, when they fight, Mark is ready. They haven't practiced together since exams, but he's been watching. Jackson moves fluidly, always just one second faster and that much smoother than his opponents. He uses all of his body without hesitation.
Mark often hesitates. He tries so hard to keep his wings stationary, pulled tight against his body and out of the way. They're a part of his body, but he never uses them like they are. Jackson is much stronger than many of their classmates and just this one time, Mark doesn't make himself hold back.
The knife clatters to the floor, and so does Jackson. Mark presses his knee into the small of Jackson's back, one arm twisted behind him and Mark's grip on his wrist is too tight. Jackson doesn't try to buck him off. He's lost, so he accepts defeat.
Mark gets off him a second later, and tosses him the next practice weapon the second they stand up. Jackson's mouth drops open, eyebrows comically high, but he catches the weapon all the same.
"Shouldn't it be your turn to be disarmed?" He jokes warily. Mark shakes his head. Jackson doesn't know what's gotten into him, but seconds later he's once again fighting a losing fight.
They go through all the practice weapons. Jackson thinks he's putting up a pretty good fight, and he knows he's stronger than Mark, but he still loses every single time. Mark's attacks aren't enough to seriously injure him, it is practice after all, but they're still vicious, still too much for Jackson to fend off.
They're both sweating heavily when Chansung yells for all them to get out of here. Mark only nods at him before he's walking away. Jackson stands right where Mark leaves him, perplexed. Mark just fought harder than Jackson's ever seen him fight, and he has to know why. He knows he fucked up, but its not like he physically hurt Mark. Not that Mark physically hurt him, but he used his wings to fight him. Jackson spends enough time watching Mark to know he never does that. Not unless he's pushed into a corner and its his only way out, and even then its rare.
Jackson stomps off after Mark, determination pulling his lips into a straight line. He's going to do this. He's going to confront Mark. They're going to talk.
He walks into the shower room, Mark is pretty easy to spot, especially when you spend so much time thinking about him. Jackson grabs him by the elbow, turning him around so they're facing each other.
"Look," he starts, but the bewilderment on Mark's face makes him soften his approach. "Mark. We have to talk."
Mark frowns at him, shaking his arm out of Jackson's grip. He stays in front of him though.
"I know I fucked it up, but we were friends, man. Can we please talk about this?"
Mark sighs, and slumps into himself. It makes something jump in Jackson's chest.
"Fine, we can talk," Mark mutters, "but not here. Just, later, ok?"
"Sure, yeah, whenever." Jackson nods, speaking too quickly. He was fully expecting to have to convince Mark, he was so sure there was no way Mark would just say yes.
"I'll find you later." Mark mutters again, and then he's walking off, leaving Jackson alone.
---
Jaebum is positive he’d be content to never hear about Mark ever again. He doesn’t dislike the guy or anything, he’s just so tired of listening to Jackson go on and on about him. At least today there’s something new in his usual rants on the subject.
“He said he’d talk to me! After he totally kicked my ass, again. I wonder why I can’t beat him? I’m definitely stronger than him. That doesn’t make sense. But Jaebum! He said he would talk to me! He said he’d find me!”
Jackson’s pacing back and forth in Jaebum and Jinyoung’s tiny room, talking a mile a minute, with his mouth and his hands. Jaebum doesn’t think he could keep up if he tried. Thankfully, he’s not really trying. Jackson doesn’t need him to actually listen until he’s calmed down enough to make sense, for now, he needs to talk.
Jackson’s thinking out loud isn’t something Jaebum understands. He can’t pretend he doesn’t go off sometimes himself, but Jackson is always like this. Like his thought process doesn’t count if someone isn’t there to validate it for him.
“Jackson,” Jaebum interrupts him when his pacing starts to slow down, and he’s just repeating the same sentences over and over. “Sit down for a minute.”
“I’m serious, Jaebum,” he says sternly, but still flops down on Jinyoung’s bed, “I can’t fuck this up again.”
Jaebum nods, agreeing soundlessly, but still sympathetically.
“He’ll never talk to me again, and I can’t deal with that. I can barely deal with whatever is happening now.”
“You’ll have to let him talk to you.”
“What do you mean? We’re gonna talk, of course that means he’ll talk to me.”
“Jackson,” Jaebum laughs despite himself, “you have to stop talking for long enough to let him get a word in.”
“I always let people get a word in!” Jackson shouts, throwing one of Jinyoung’s pillows in Jaebum’s direction.
“Ok, but listen. You start talking and you never stop whenever you’re nervous, so you have to make yourself stop. If you want this to get better you have to listen to what he has to say. No matter what it is.”
Jackson yells something unintelligible, and it makes Jaebum laugh even more.
“You’ll be fine, kid.”
“We’re the same age!”
“Then act like it.”
---
Jaebum’s advice, however rude he sounds when he gives it, is usually good. Its true that, sometimes, Jackson can be a little overbearing. He knows that about himself. He gets excited and he can’t stop himself from taking up too much space, from being too loud. He doesn’t want to scare Mark away, so he’s going to be calm. He can do that. People are calm all the time, it can’t be that hard.
When Mark finds him in the hallway after one of his classes, he thinks maybe he’s overestimated himself.
Its the last class of the day, so Jackson is all but running out of the door. He doesn’t even catch a glimpse of Mark before the other taps his shoulder. Jackson jerks his head around quickly, looking both ways before turning around and seeing Mark. He’s looking sheepishly at the ground, and Jackson almost wants to smile, but then he remembers why Mark has found him and his stomach drops.
“Come with me.” Mark says, voice lilting up at the end even though it’s not really a question. Mark is barely looking at him, but Jackson nods anyway. He finds his voice is caught in his throat and he should say something, but he can’t. Mark must have seen him because he’s walking away and he doesn’t check back to see if Jackson is following him.
Jackson wasn’t sure he was ready for this talk. He’d wanted this, but now that its here he’s ready to bolt. He’s barely even looking at where Mark is leading them, too caught up in the feeling of dread in his gut. There’s no way this is going to be good. Jackson’s basically already lost Mark as a friend, this is just a nice way to seal the deal.
“Ok,” Mark says, pushing out a long breath after, “here is good, I guess.”
They’re out in the yard, far away enough where no one else will hear them, or see them really, unless they were truly trying.
“Ok.” Jackson’s throat is dry, and even saying the one word was harder than he thought it would be. Mark’s got his hands in the pockets of his pants, and he’s standing incredibly still. Jackson’s worried he’s not going to say anything else, that maybe he has to start saying something, but what does he say? What can he say?
“I’m sorry,” he blurts. It’s the first thing that comes to his mind, and it’s probably the first thing he should be saying. Mark stares at him, eyes a little wide, he looks surprised that Jackson said anything at all. “I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”
Mark stays quiet, stands there stiff as a board, and its making Jackson even more than nervous than he was before.
“It was fucked up of me, and I’m sorry. I can’t say it enough. We were having a good time, I got carried away. You have every right to be mad at me. I’m sorry, I should never have done that. I’m sorr-”
“Jackson.” Mark cuts him off before he can apologize again, and Jackson realizes he’s doing the exact thing Jaebum told him not to do.
Mark takes one of his hands out of his pocket and runs it through his hair, sighing loudly. He looks just as nervous as Jackson feels, and he hadn’t really thought about that. He’d never thought that there’d be any reason for Mark to be nervous.
“I’m not,” Mark swallows, breathing deeply, “I’m not mad at you, really? It was just, you know, we were drunk. Really drunk.”
Mark pauses, chews absentmindedly on his bottom lip, and Jackson has to fight to keep quiet. He has to let Mark finish.
“Do you- do you really like me?” Mark’s voice is shaky, he sounds so unsure of himself.
“Yes.” Jackson answers without hesitation.
“Oh.” Mark says, and Jackson wants so badly to tell him exactly how much he likes him and exactly how much these past couple weeks have fucked him up, but he stays quiet. “I, uh, I like you too.”
“What?” Jackson squeaks, his arms flail upwards and he’s so dumbfounded. If Mark likes him too then what the hell have they been doing?
“I’m sorry.” Mark says, his voice is still shaking but there’s a touch more confidence in his tone. He’s already said the worst of it, might as well let it all out now. “I thought that you just said it because you were drunk, and I panicked. I couldn’t trust what you said then and I, shit man, I’m sorry.”
“What?” Jackson is honestly shocked. He hadn’t expected this. He’d expected to apologize, and then have Mark tell him he never wanted to talk to him ever again. This is, well, Jackson is unprepared.
Mark laughs, shrugging slightly. Jackson has no idea what’s funny.
“You like me?” Jackson says.
“Yeah.”
“Then why did you try to kill me in Chansung’s class?”
Mark laughs louder this time, and Jackson stares at him incredulously. He really needs to be let in on this joke.
“I was working out my feelings.” Mark replies when he stops laughing.
“Oh my god.” Jackson feels like crying, or throwing himself onto the ground and having a full on tantrum. This is ridiculous.
“Sorry?”
“I can’t believe this.” Jackson settles for stomping once, tantrums aren’t attractive.
“I said sorry,” Mark shrugs, “and we figured it out now?”
Jackson groans, rubs his hands over his face. They haven’t really figured anything out, knowing that they like each other doesn’t really do anything for that, except for figuring out that they’re both entirely ridiculous and they could’ve avoided so much awkwardness in the past couple weeks.
“We know we like each other, yes.” Jackson says, and he’s not sure how to phrase what needs to come next, because he wants to figure this out. They like each other, but what does that mean?
“Yeah.” Mark turns away from Jackson, and Jackson is terrified he’s going to run away again and they’ll spend the next two weeks avoiding each other again. “Be my boyfriend?”
Jackson barely catches it, Mark mumbles way too much and Jackson wasn’t really expecting him to say anything like that. He’d assumed he’d be the one to do that. He wanted to be the one to do that.
“Jackson?”
“Yes!” Jackson nearly shouts, coming out of his thoughts too quickly.
“Yes to what?” Mark’s face is red, and he’s doing that thing where he stares off to the side of Jackson’s face rather than actually looking at him.
“Yes, I’ll be your boyfriend.”
“Oh. Good.”
Its Jackson’s turn to laugh. Mark is still bright red, but he doesn’t protest when Jackson reaches out and laces their fingers together.
---
“Jaebum!” Jackson yells, banging on the door to Jaebum and Jinyoung’s room. “Jinyoung!”
“What do you want, asshole? It’s too early!” Jinyoung yells back through the door.
“Open up!” Jackson whines, still banging on the door. He hears some shuffling from inside and then the door finally opens. He’s greeted by Jinyoung, with no shirt on and his eyes barely open. Jaebum hasn’t even gotten out of bed. Jinyoung turns around and goes right back to Jaebum’s bed, leaving Jackson to bounce inside after him.
“You guys,” Jackson says excitedly, jumping onto Jinyoung’s bed. Jaebum groans, turning to rub his face into Jinyoung’s neck. Jackson can only see the back of his head, and he nearly laughs at the glasses cord sticking out. Nerd.
“Why did you let him in? It’s too early.” Jaebum grumbles.
“Because some people can’t sleep through everything.” Jinyoung snaps, although it lacks any real venom. Probably because he’s too tired.
“Guess what happened?” Jackson continues, ignoring their complaining. Jaebum grunts, but neither of them give a real answer. Jackson is undeterred. “Mark and I talked yesterday, and he asked me to be his boyfriend.”
“Congratulations. Now go away and come tell us at a reasonable time.” Jinyoung says.
“It’s ten! This is a reasonable time. Be excited for me! I have a boyfriend.”
“I said congratulations.”
“Did you kiss him yet?” Jaebum asks.
“No,” Jackson pouts, “but that doesn’t matter.”
Jaebum pulls the blanket over his head, and Jackson can see his body shuffle closer to Jinyoung’s underneath it. Jackson sighs, loudly, so they both know how disappointed he is in their lack of reaction.
“We’re happy for you, Jackson, honestly.” Jinyoung says, eyes squinting because of how tired he still is.
“We really are.” Jaebum echoes, not bothering to come out from underneath the blankets. “We’ll be even happier for you if you go bother Mark instead of us.”
“You’re terrible friends.” Jackson announces, jumping off of Jinyoung’s bed. He’s leaving if this is all he’s going to get.
“We love you too!” Jinyoung yells as Jackson shuts the door.
---
Jackson, Mark realizes, is an incredibly corny person. He loves to walk Mark to his classes, to hold his bag, to interlock their pinky fingers when they’re walking anywhere together. The most surprising thing about all of this, is that Mark loves it. He’d always cringed at the idea of anything so comically romantic, but Jackson does it all so naturally he can’t help letting it happen. Still, it’s a little embarrassing when Jackson meets him after his last afternoon class and immediately grabs his hand.
“I wanna take you somewhere.” Jackson whispers. He looks so excited that Mark finds himself nodding before he even thinks to ask where.
Jackson grins, pulling on Mark’s arm to lead him off somewhere. It’s worth it, every corny thing Jackson loves to do, to see him smile so much. Jackson looks so genuinely happy when Mark agrees to things. Its not that he looked sad before, but Mark gets to be the reason for his smile. He doesn’t know that he’s ever been anyone’s reason to smile before.
Mark isn’t really paying attention to where Jackson is leading them. Trusting Jackson comes much too easily for him, considering the amount of times he’s seen him in trouble. (Jackson would blame every one of those times on Jinyoung, Mark knows, but it can’t all be his fault.)
“Here we are!” Jackson says, loudly, dropping Mark’s hand to spread both of his arms out in a grand gesture.
“The roof?” Marks raises his eyebrows at him. Students aren’t allowed up here. Mark didn’t even know there was a way to get up here without a key, and only teachers have those.
“Isn’t it beautiful?” Jackson’s not looking at him, he’s standing a little too close to the edge for Mark’s comfort, looking wide eyed around them. “I love it up here.”
“How did you know how to get up here?”
“I used to sneak up here a lot, when I first came here.” Jackson’s answer is quieter than normal, and there’s a smile on his face but its wrong, somehow. Subdued. “It was difficult, but I liked it up here. Kept me calm.”
Mark nods, he can understand that. He doesn’t know how old Jackson was when he came here. When Mark got here he didn’t- well, he wouldn’t have noticed Jackson. He wouldn’t have noticed anyone.
“I hated it here. Felt like being caged up.” Jackson whispers, tilting his head up towards the sky. “Up here it felt like I was free again.”
Mark shivers, there’s a breeze today that wasn’t so bad on the ground, but on the roof he feels it. It blows over his feathers and he spreads his wings out, just to feel it slide underneath them. Its nice, this feeling. The wind is relaxing when its soft like this. He’s standing far enough away from Jackson where he doesn’t notice what Mark’s doing, but he hears the noise of the first flap of Mark’s wings.
Jackson turns quickly, face still skywards, and he watches with fascination as Mark takes off. He’s not that high, only enough to feel the wind slide smooth underneath him. Jackson’s not sure he’s ever seen anything more beautiful.
---
“I don’t fly often.” Mark admits. They’re huddled on Mark’s bed, both still shivering from the cold. They couldn’t stay on the roof as long they both wanted to. Winter is coming faster than anyone is ready for. “It felt nice, up there. Thank you.”
“Your wings,” Jackson says, unsure, “do they, uh, bother you?”
Mark stiffens, and Jackson feels his own face flush. He doesn’t want to scare Mark away again. He should’ve known better than to ask a question like that. Its too personal It's a part of Mark that he can’t change, that he had no say over in the first place.
“Sometimes.” Mark answers shortly. Jackson is sure he’s crossed a line, he’s about to start apologizing and making his way out the door. He can’t believe he’s messed it up again so quickly.
“They make me uncomfortable.” Mark says, after a long pause. “They’re so big, and there. Everyone is always looking at them. I never-”
Mark stops, and he inhales sharply. Jackson reaches his hand out to place on Mark’s knee, an attempt to soothe him. Mark looks up at him from underneath his eyelashes, and Jackson thinks he can see the glisten of his tears.
“I never got a chance to hide who I was. What I was.”
Oh, Jackson thinks, of course. Fitting in is rough for them, for all of them. Mark, though, he sticks out everywhere.
“I couldn’t go to school. My parents had to hide me.” Mark laughs, bitter, and it barely even sounds like a laugh. Jackson stares at him, surprised. “I can’t even buy clothes. That’s so silly, but-”
“No.” Jackson interrupts, not caring if it’s rude. “It’s not silly to be upset by things.”
Mark hums, his voice thick, and then he’s quiet. Jackson can hear his own pulse, if concentrates he can hear Mark’s too. Both of their hearts are pounding.
“I’m sorry.” Mark says, finally.
“It’s ok, I get it.”
Mark’s head snaps up, and something flashes across his face. Anger, Jackson thinks, he’s angry.
“How would you get it?”
“Ah, well.” Jackson shrugs. Then he stands up, pushing himself away from Mark. He has to pull from deep inside of himself but it happens. His bones pulse uncomfortably, his skin feels too hot, and his tongue too small. He always thoughts that part was funny. That his tongue was suddenly just the tiniest bit too small for his mouth. He blames it on the teeth.
“Oh.” Mark breathes.
“Yeah.” Jackson’s voice is deeper like this, he likes that part.
“I didn’t know you,” Mark shakes his head like he’s at a loss for words, “I didn’t know it was like this.”
“I make stuff, medicine, I guess? To hide it. Of course, that’s how I got like this in first place. I’m a genius or something.” Jackson laughs, a barking laughter, just as bitter as Mark’s earlier.
Jackson gets back on the bed, he takes up more space now. The bed isn’t that big in the first place, but they’re pushed even closer together now.
“Its not as easy to change back without it.”
“I don’t mind.” Mark sounds awestruck. Jackson is a little pleased, if he’s being honest. “Can I-?”
Mark reaches his hand out, not far, there’s barely any space between them, and Jackson nods. Mark places his hand on the side of Jackson’s face, his fingers curl around his neck and his thumb strokes gently at his cheek.
“You’re soft.” Mark whispers, and then he’s scooting closer, bringing his other hand up to touch Jackson as well. “I thought it’d be more, I don’t know, wiry.”
Jackson laughs, shaking his head. Mark is close to him, and its making his heart beat uncomfortably fast. He can hear it even better now, his own and Mark’s, and Mark doesn’t seem to doing much better.
“Nope. A big fuzzy beast.” He says, and then he lets himself sink down onto the bed, so that he’s laying down. Mark follows suit. Its mildly awkward, laying down next to each other without touching. Jackson’s feet touch the end of the bed, and he’s glad he took his socks off when they came in. Socks feel weird on his feet when he gets like this, and his claws almost always ruin them.
Mark drapes his arm over Jackson, pulling his body in closer to his. Jackson notices that even though they’re laying on their sides, Mark is tilted so that he’s nearly laying on his stomach. His wings must get in the way of so much. Jackson shifts so that he’s laying more on his back, pushing his arm underneath Mark’s head, and Mark is forced to turn more onto his stomach to make the position work.
“Are you doing that on purpose?” He asks, his face pushed into Jackson’s chest.
“Maybe. Does it bother you?”
“No.” Mark answers, and honestly it doesn’t. He didn’t even have to think before he answered. Jackson is thinking of him, he’s trying to make things easier for him, but he doesn’t seem to feel guilty about it. Mark hates that. He hates being pitied, hates when people think that something is wrong with him but they won’t say it. Jackson isn’t bothered by his wings, and why would he be, really? Still, Mark expects it, and Jackson, well, he’s a lot of what Mark doesn’t expect.
Mark doesn’t expect the hand on the nape of his neck, running down till Jackson’s hand is stopped by his wings and then back up again. Its soothing, lulling, and Mark suddenly realizes that he is very tired, and Jackson is very warm.
Jackson puts his chin on top of Mark’s head, tucking Mark even closer into him. Mark can feel his jaw work to stifle a yawn, and it makes him smile.
“Nap time.” Jackson announces, his hand still rubbing gently at Mark’s back.
Mark makes a noise of assent, not bothering to lift his head up to say words.
---
Its dark when Mark wakes up, still pressed against Jackson. They'd fallen asleep with Jackson's hand still on his back, and its curled around his neck now. Jackson is snoring, quieter than Mark would think he'd snore. Mark doesn't feel like moving, he's sort of worried he'd wake Jackson, but mostly he's comfortable and warm. Its nice, being this close to someone.
Mark holds his head back a little bit, trying to see Jackson's face when its relaxed with sleep. His nose is still small like this, cute and button like. Mark finds he has the urge to kiss it, and he immediately blushes. He tucks his head back against Jackson's chest in an attempt to avoid such thoughts.
"Hm?" Jackson grunts, voice thick with sleep.
"Nothing." Mark mutters. "Go back to sleep."
Mark's attempt to not wake Jackson up useless, he decides he might as well get up. Its comfortable here, but he's starting to wonder what time it is and if they've missed dinner.
"No." Jackson says, tightening his grip on Mark's neck and grabbing Mark's arm thats laying across his stomach. All he did was lift his head up, but Jackson was apparently aware of his thoughts.
"We should check the time." Mark says softly. He's trying his best not to smile, it'll only encourage this kind of behavior. Jackson is being awfully cute though.
"Why?" Jackson whines, kicking his legs.
"Dinner?"
"I'll eat you."
"Nope." Mark shouts, cringing. He jumps out of the bed and away from Jackson's reach.
Jackson's eyes are still closed, but he's smiling all the same. His canines are huge, Mark thinks, he probably could eat him. He shakes his head, trying to clear the thought away.
"Get up, let's go see if there's still food."
"Go check for me." Jackson whines, opening his eyes just enough to look pathetically at Mark.
"Fine." Mark huffs, but he can't keep the smile off his face. Luckily, Jackson's eyes are already closed.
---
Jaebum has barely seen Jackson in weeks. Normally he's banging on his and Jinyoung's door at least once a day, but these days Jaebum is lucky if he gets his door knocked down every few days.
"Stop pouting about it." Jinyoung says, absently running his hands through Jaebum's hair. "We should be happy about it."
"I am," Jaebum insists. Its not a lie. He can't remember if he's ever seen Jackson this happy before, and he's thankful for it. Jackson is generally a happy guy, but he gets into moods easily, and it takes a lot to draw him out. Mark seems to be able to keep him happy, and that does make Jaebum happy. He can't help missing him every now and then.
"C'mon, think of all we can get done without Jackson constantly breaking down the door."
"Like what?" Jaebum snorts. They're just laying in bed, his head on Jinyoung's shoulder while they catch up on reading for Taecyeon's class.
"Like this." Jinyoung says, turning his head to press a soft kiss to Jaebum's lips.
"Oh," Jaebum says, "that."
---
Sometimes, Mark worries that Jackson is too much for him. Mark thinks about the gravity of Jackson’s feelings for him, and worries that he will never be able to give him the same. Mark feels for Jackson, but he doesn't think he's ever felt with the intensity that Jackson is capable of.
As overwhelming as it is, Mark has never felt more secure. It doesn't seem to matter what Mark is doing, if Jackson is there, he's looking at Mark like he's the most spectacular thing he's ever seen. Mark's always thought people were just talking up the feeling of being loved, it couldn't be that great, but Jackson makes him think differently.
Even asleep, like he is now, snoring softly and spread out over Mark's bed, Mark knows the last thing he thought about before passing out was him. There's a plate of snacks on his desk, a little note attached to it that says not to stay up too late. Its signed 'Love, Jackson', and yeah, Mark does.
one | part two
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