✟ III ✟
[ - Private - ]
Okay, Kanako, you can do this. All you need to do is step onto the scale and it'll all be over. It's no big deal--you've done this plenty of other times even though those ended with sobbing, so this shouldn't be a problem at all.
O-Oh, who am I kidding?! I'm terrified! I ate way, waaay too much candy this weekend! I couldn't help it; that holiday exists solely to fatten people up and make them ashamed of themselves later on...
In fact, I wouldn't doubt for a moment if it was an elaborate secret plan by the government--it can't be a coincidence that Valentine's Day is set one-hundred-and-six days after Halloween! There's no way anyone can work off all that weight gain by then--and then what happens?! Everyone is overweight, depressed, and miserable and can't confess to their true loves on the one day of the year that it's expected!
It's the government's fault! They're deliberately foiling my attempts at finding true love by fattening me up and making me suffer through Valentine's Day! By not being properly fit and in the wrong mindset, they've doomed me to failure every year!
Well, not this time! I'll show them! I'll work off whatever tremendous weight gain I got over this last weekend over those measly one-hundred-and-six days, then I'll find my true love and have both the sex appeal and confidence to proclaim my feelings once and for all!
Get ready, scale, here I--
ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTY SEVEN?! Th-Th-That doesn't even make sense! How could I have more than doubled my weight in one weekend?! I've had some seriously crazy growth spurts, but this is beyond ridiculous! Th-That's like a bear! A newborn elephant! A slightly overweight panda!
Begone, you demon scale!
The scale isn't in metric, dipshit--those aren't kilograms.
H-How was I supposed to know that? You shouldn't be so cruel to a fair maiden in her times of fear, Mari--
Why is Mariya's voice in my head. Don't tell me I developed Stockholm Syndrome and am experiencing withdrawal. The last thing I need is--
WHATEVER WHO CARES?! Thanks, Mental-Mariya! Now all I need to do is convert the...uh...I have no idea how to convert pounds into metric. Why did they teach me English but not how to convert into English units of measurement?!
Okay, okay, calm down. All I've got to do is ask someone how to do it; easy! Then I can writhe in despair over my inevitable weight gain and attempt to convince myself to find a way to lose it before any other holidays.
[ - Public - ]
[People can likely hear shouting coming from 336 Brady Lane and, soon after, a bathroom scale can be seen flying out an open window. Anyone in the house could easily hear the shouting coming from the bathroom. Soon after, a surprisingly calm but very serious public call is made:]
I need to know how to convert pounds into kilograms. Immediately.
Okay, Kanako, you can do this. All you need to do is step onto the scale and it'll all be over. It's no big deal--you've done this plenty of other times even though those ended with sobbing, so this shouldn't be a problem at all.
O-Oh, who am I kidding?! I'm terrified! I ate way, waaay too much candy this weekend! I couldn't help it; that holiday exists solely to fatten people up and make them ashamed of themselves later on...
In fact, I wouldn't doubt for a moment if it was an elaborate secret plan by the government--it can't be a coincidence that Valentine's Day is set one-hundred-and-six days after Halloween! There's no way anyone can work off all that weight gain by then--and then what happens?! Everyone is overweight, depressed, and miserable and can't confess to their true loves on the one day of the year that it's expected!
It's the government's fault! They're deliberately foiling my attempts at finding true love by fattening me up and making me suffer through Valentine's Day! By not being properly fit and in the wrong mindset, they've doomed me to failure every year!
Well, not this time! I'll show them! I'll work off whatever tremendous weight gain I got over this last weekend over those measly one-hundred-and-six days, then I'll find my true love and have both the sex appeal and confidence to proclaim my feelings once and for all!
Get ready, scale, here I--
ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTY SEVEN?! Th-Th-That doesn't even make sense! How could I have more than doubled my weight in one weekend?! I've had some seriously crazy growth spurts, but this is beyond ridiculous! Th-That's like a bear! A newborn elephant! A slightly overweight panda!
Begone, you demon scale!
The scale isn't in metric, dipshit--those aren't kilograms.
H-How was I supposed to know that? You shouldn't be so cruel to a fair maiden in her times of fear, Mari--
Why is Mariya's voice in my head. Don't tell me I developed Stockholm Syndrome and am experiencing withdrawal. The last thing I need is--
WHATEVER WHO CARES?! Thanks, Mental-Mariya! Now all I need to do is convert the...uh...I have no idea how to convert pounds into metric. Why did they teach me English but not how to convert into English units of measurement?!
Okay, okay, calm down. All I've got to do is ask someone how to do it; easy! Then I can writhe in despair over my inevitable weight gain and attempt to convince myself to find a way to lose it before any other holidays.
[ - Public - ]
[People can likely hear shouting coming from 336 Brady Lane and, soon after, a bathroom scale can be seen flying out an open window. Anyone in the house could easily hear the shouting coming from the bathroom. Soon after, a surprisingly calm but very serious public call is made:]
I need to know how to convert pounds into kilograms. Immediately.