tea lights (7/8)

[gotchick]

(this chapter is nc-17.)

like their first kiss, this one tastes like sweet chocolate.

but it takes mark a frustratingly long time to initiate it, seeming to withdraw back into his old passive and timid self. it nearly makes jackson growl with impatience, and he almost lunges forward and tackles mark down, kissing him senseless like he has been aching to since they stepped into the house.

but he doesn't. maybe it's an issue of his pride or dignity, but somehow, it seems important to jackson that their first time be equally consensual, for both of them to feel equally ready as they step over that threshold together. if mark isn't prepared, for any reason, then excruciating as it is, jackson will wait.

so he shifts in his seat, pants feeling suddenly tight as he tries not to notice mark sitting on the loveseat, too close, not close enough, licking his lips as he quietly finishes his hot chocolate. the steam has dyed his cheeks a delicious fuchsia and his eyes are dark with that familiar heart-skipping glitter jackson recognizes from that night on the beach in kaohsiung.

finally, miraculously, mark sets his empty mug down on the table with a clink of finality and looks up at jackson. he moves a few inches closer, and jackson freezes, his entire body tingling with anticipation. all the nerve endings in his body seem like they're running fire and he feels like a powder keg, ready to explode at the oxygen of mark's touch.

mark's lips curve up in a questioning half-smile as he raises a tentative hand to jackson's hair, trailing his fingertips down the side of jackson's face with a touch light as a feather.

when he opens his mouth, the words that come out are not what jackson expects.

"do you know how astronauts kiss?"

jackson blinks, momentarily thrown by the unexpected question.

mark's lip twitches in amusement as jackson shakes his head speechlessly. he moves closer again, leaning forward so his breath tickles the skin of jackson's face when he exhales. eagerly, jackson leans forward too, eyes travelling down to mark's moist lips.

but mark maintains the small but substantial distance between them, and continues, "they have to wear helmets in space, so their mouths can't come into contact. so..." abruptly, he reaches out with both hands and cups his palms over jackson's ears gently, pulling his head another inch closer.

jackson inhales softly as mark's eyes bore into his, dark with mischief. "they just bump helmets like this." he tips his head forward a little, and tugs jackson's into a nod too, only their foreheads brushing lightly for a second but not their faces or mouths so it feels like they're wearing invisible helmets, a breath away but separated by two layers of glass. jackson is stock still in mark's grasp, rooted in his position by mark's hypnotic irises and the entrancing grip of his eyes.

somewhere along the way, mark seems to have turned the tables, and now he's the one in his element and jackson is helpless as usual to the quiet power mark has to control his every action, render him immobile and paralyzed with a single silent but latent look.

now, he continues blinking pathetically and dazedly as mark casually gets up from the loveseat and slides onto the couch beside jackson, their thighs touching. mark presses the side of his thigh against jackson's deliberately as he goes on calmly, "do you know how eskimos kiss?"

this question, jackson knows the answer to. forgetting his frozen state, he eagerly nods and mark bursts out laughing in genuine amusement.

"show me." he raises an eyebrow, a glint of challenge in his eyes, and jackson's heart leaps like an excited puppy. this time, he cups mark's ears with his palms and tugs his head down till the tips of their noses brush, and gently shakes his head. mark wrinkles his nose as if it tickles and wriggles out of jackson's grasp, cheeks pinkening.

mark's throat works as he gazes at jackson with dazed eyes, eyes straying down to his mouth. jackson clears his throat too, face infused with warmth. but his voice still sounds hoarse, raspy when he asks, "what about --"

but he doesn't get to finish his sentence because mark has already surged forward to claim his lips, mouth open and eager and tongue delving out naturally to dart along the seam of jackson's lips and coax them open, then brushing jackson's tongue with a hunger and desire unapparent in how he had brushed his nose and forehead.

jackson's head spins as he gasps for air and ends up breathing in a huge mouthful of mark as their lips are still sealed together. as if drawn closer by the power of jackson's inhalation, mark's mouth clamps even more insistently over his, swinging one leg sloppily over jackson's lap to straddle him as his hands twist in the back of jackson's hair, keeping him from breaking away.

jackson struggles to breathe under mark's intensity and places hesitant, daring hands on his hips, his heart surging with truimph when mark doesn't push them away.

he tries to subtly maneuvre mark's weight onto his lap, to graze his awakening and growing erection, but gasps in surprise and a spike of pleasure when mark's hand slides between them to grab his clothed dick.

jackson resists the urge to thrust up into mark's hand as he tightens his fingers over jackson's now fully-hard erection, and nips at jackson's lip with a sensuality that makes his cock twitch and his hips jerk up unconsciously.

jackson's face flames as mark smirks slyly and plays his fingers over jackson's cock teasingly, then tugs the zipper down, tooth by tooth. by now, jackson is panting into mark's mouth which is still working sloppily against his, his attention seeming absorbed by reaching his fingers through jackson's open fly and closing them around his cock, now only through the thin cotton layer of his boxers. jackson is literally biting his lip to stop himself from moaning something humiliating like ahhh.

mark's fingers move beneath the opening at the front of his boxers, and jackson lets slip a guttural noise at the back of his throat when mark's callused fingertips come into direct contact with his throbbing cock. he feels how slick he is from the precum that smears generously over mark's thumb as he runs it over the slit of jackson's cock, and how hard he is from the sensation draining from all other parts of his body, as if his entire ability to feel is focused in the single organ, leaving him numb.

mark seems uncertain what to do as he tightens his fingers over jackson's cock and squeezes. just the thought, the feeling of mark's long, delicate fingers is enough to bring jackson deliriously close to climax. he takes deep breaths, trying to hold off the explosion of heat gathering in his groin. mark looks like he's in pain too, teeth clenched and eyelashes fanned in anguish over his cheekbones until he finally grabs jackson's hand roughly with his free hand.

"touch me," he orders huskily, guiding jackson's hand towards his own crotch. at first, jackson instinctively flinches away from the shock of touching mark's cock for the first time with his hand, something mark has never allowed him to do. the only part of his body that has touched mark's cock is his thigh, and on that day at the beach last year, his own crotch.

under his eager, trembling hand, the tented denim of mark's crotch feels startlingly hard, and when jackson unzips him with hands shaking almost too much to handle it, he sucks in his breath to feel that mark is porcelain hard and burning hot, nudging into his hand as he bucks his hips uncontrollably into jackson's clueless palm.

"hurry," mark hisses, and jackson hastens to obey, sliding his hand into the opening of mark's boxers and imitating mark's actions as he grips mark's equally slick cock. he pumps his hand up and down mark's cock a few times, twisting his wrist awkwardly at the end, thrown by the change of direction in his usual sloppy movements as he tugs himself off to relief and the sheer difference in sensation of jerking another guy off.

jackson is pretty sure his own cock gripped in his hand has never felt so rigid, hot or turned him on so powerfully before.

mark works his fingers over jackson's cock with an equal lack of finesse, but as his fingernails scrape the sensitive underside of his cock as mark gives him a third clumsy stroke it's enough for jackson to climax with a muffled shout, waves of warm numbness and relief coursing over him as he comes all over mark's hand.

mark sinks his teeth into jackson's shoulder to muffle his own cry as his hand tightens over jackson's still half-hard cock and he comes violently in jackson's grasp.

they shakily detach, breaths still laboured and harsh. mark slides his hand out of jackson's pants with a wet squelching noise that makes jackson flush, his still-hard cock immediately throbbing in protest. in jackson's loose grip, mark's own cock twitches in response and jackson sees him colour too in the lamplight.

he can't believe they just jerked each other off on the sofa. it'd been such a hot mess, they'd been too hasty and hadn't even managed to get to the room. so much for a perfect first time. loveholic is still drifting from the bedroom and playing in the background, turned down so low it's almost inaudible but jackson is relieved their heated panting is not the only noise in the otherwise hushed room.

when he extracts his hand too, mark winces with something that looks like thwarted desire too. jackson's heart feels like it's pounding out of his chest, into mark's hand as mark splays his palm gently over the left of jackson's chest in a startlingly intimate gesture and smiles nervously.

when he speaks again, his voice is an octave lower. "shall we continue in the bedroom?"

jackson nods dumbly, stumbling to his feet which feel like pillars of jell-o and immediately give out beneath him.

luckily, with stunningly quick reflexes, mark catches him before he hits the ground, sweeping jackson off his feet and up into his arms with surprisingly steady and strong arms locked beneath his back and knees.

jackson feels a pang of momentary unfairness that mark is seemingly unaffected by their mutual handjob a minute ago, before he realizes that mark isn't unshaken -- he's just powered by lust.

mark is breathing hard as he turns around to push the ajar door open with his back, then kicks it shut with his foot behind them the way he had on the day of the housewarming party. he dumps jackson unceremoniously on the bed, seeming short of breath as he clambers over him and straddles jackson's thighs, crouching on his hands and knees over him as he strains to reach for the bedside drawer. jackson feels the bed dip under their combined weight, so narrow that he doubts they can fit in side by side unless they lay completely pressed up against each other. the mattress is hard but the duvet cool and soft, yielding under his body.

he hears the sound of the wooden drawer sliding open and being slammed closed with a thunk, then mark is sitting astride him again, his weight pinning jackson's lower body down and making his cock stir restlessly again.

mark's eyes are nervous but a playful, seductive smile plays at his lips as he shyly brandishes the tube of lotion.

"what's that?" jackson gulps, even though he has an inkling.

mark blushes. "we need it... to loosen you up."

"how did you know?" jackson blurts out thoughtlessly. "have you done this before?"

he regrets the suspicion in his voice when a flicker of hurt crosses mark's eyes. "of course not!" he says indignantly, faltering. "i... i looked it up on the internet."

"you..." jackson is speechless. for some reason, the thought of mark looking up how gay sex works on the internet, possibly stumbling across rated videos and getting himself hot and bothered is incredibly erotic to jackson.

but then he belatedly realizes the implications of mark's words, and stifles a gasp. "loosen me up?"

the words make him blush hotly, and jackson's head spins as he realizes what role mark wants him to play. of course, he had been dimly aware that one of them would have to be the submissive, but he had tried to avoid thinking about it, assuming that mark would since he was meek and docile.

but now he can't voice a single thought he's thinking as mark gazes deeply into his eyes and asks earnestly, with innocent and blushing eagerness, "you'll let me... put it in... right?"

jackson croaks.

after he opens and closes his mouth wordlessly a few times, what comes out is: "i brought condoms."

in the end, they're both too far gone to stop and make their way back to jackson's overnight bag to get the box of condoms. thankfully, jackson had the foresight to slip two into his pants pocket and he digs them out truimphantly. mark's eyes light up when he produces them.

he braces his arms on either side of jackson's head again, leaning down to capture his lips in a sweet but intense kiss, nudging one knee between jackson's legs and then the other, till he has pushed jackson's thighs apart and his legs are splayed on either side of mark's hips, spread uncomfortably wide.

mark's thumbs circle jackson's hipbones before sliding deftly beneath the hem of his black skintight ripped jeans, breathtakingly hot against jackson's skin.

"you were driving me crazy in these fucking pants," mark swears fervently under his breath, and jackson's heart stutters as he remembers that heart-stopping moment at dinner when he had felt mark's hand close over his knee under the table, hidden from sight of the other diners by the heavy satin tablecloth. jackson had gulped, his fork dropping with a clink, feeling faint and light-headed as mark's hand slid caressingly over the bare skin of his knee and lower thighs exposed by the gaping rips of his pants, then travelled purposefully up, between jackson's upper thighs. jackson nearly choked on his own spit when mark's hand grazed his crotch for the briefest fleeting second and he jerked his knee away and glared at mark with wide, shocked and outraged eyes till mark's wandering hand retracted and he shot jackson an insincere, roguish smirk of apology.

jackson had never seen mark acting like such a douche before.

and he had never been more turned on in his life.

it had been a trial of agonizing patience to wait the hours till here and now, every minute feeling like it was crawling past. but jackson had told himself that god was testing him, and that he needed to be patient. after tonight, mark would be completely his. property of jackson wang jia-er, he thought, lips curving up irrepressibly as he sipped his wine. mark had indulgently and curiously asked what was so funny but jackson just pressed his lips together and shook his head.

now, jackson obligingly raises his hips and kicks his pants off to help mark clumsily divest him of them. mark inhales as the smooth, milky (if slightly hairy) expanse of jackson's bare legs are revealed, his eyes wide as he feasts them greedily on jackson's body. he crawls between jackson's legs, moving his attention further up and rutching up the hem of jackson's shirt with a feverish palm flattened against jackson's taut abdomen. jackson tries to keep his breathing even as mark's fingers trace the defined grid of his abdominal muscles lingeringly and sensually, but he can't hide the way his cock is straining shamelessly against the precum-dampened front of his boxers, the erect head poking out of the opening.

mark smiles with a glint of evil in his eyes and accidentally-on-purpose brushes the back of his hand heavily against the swollen and sensitized head of jackson's cock, making his hips cant forward reflexively, his body convulsing.

"fuck," jackson swears under his breath, abhoring the smug smile lacing mark's lips at how embarrassingly out-of-control jackson is right now, entirely at his mercy and devoid of any of his usual cocky swagger.

"mark, don't tease," he begs pitieously, too far gone to care how pathetic he sounds. he makes a weak effort to reach out with his hand to feel the bulge of mark's still-clothed crotch, but mark nimbly grabs both his wrists in time and pins them firmly to the bed at his sides. he tries to make an upward thrust with his hips towards mark's groin but mark moves both his arms over his head, locking his wrists together in the iron grip of one of his hands, the other moving back down to still jackson's thighs and press them flat against the bed.

"guai," he murmurs infuriatingly playfully, dropping a careless, dry kiss on jackson's forehead. "ting hua." good boy. be obedient.

jackson writhes uncontrollably in the steel of mark's grasp, resorting to desperate measures. mark might have his body trussed up, but jackson still has his mouth. he injects all the sultriness and coquettishness he can muster into his voice as he moans wantonly and breathlessly, "yi-en, please. ge."

its the single word that undoes mark, finally manages to rattle his calm as his mouth falls open slightly and his hands slacken over jackson's wrists. jackson takes the chance to snap his hips up with remarkable flexibility and grind against mark's crotch in a calculated move that achieves its goal. a low groan escapes mark's mouth and his breathing quickens audibly.

mark growls in annoyance at jackson's foul play and quickly wrestles him into submission again. to punish jackson, he pushes jackson's shirt up over his shoulders, twisting it into a knot over his upper arms to hold them together. then he trails his hot tongue in maddeningly languid, lazy circles over jackson's nipples, lapping at his skin like a kitten drinking milk and gently biting and tugging at his nipples with his teeth till they stand at attention, growing stiff and hypersensitive too. then, one hand anchored against his hipbone, he lowers his mouth to jackson's belly button and licks a blistering path down his happy trail, right to the hem of his boxers. the simultaneous stimulation nearly sends jackson over the edge and he cries out in sweet agony.

he realizes dimly in the back of his mind that mark isn't trying to be mean or tease when he catches a glimpse of the concern tightening his eyes. but jackson eagerly lifts his hips as mark finally tugs his boxers down and his cock springs out, fully-erect again, curving a little, leaking and bobbing so shamelessly that jackson blushes.

mark inhales sharply and lowers his head again before jackson can protest, his tongue darting out of his mouth to flick over the head of jackson's cock. jackson makes a strangled sound at the back of his throat, grabbing mark's hair so roughly that mark hisses in pain. he forcefully loosens his hand and lets go, feeling the familiar gathering of heat in his belly that means he's near. "i can't -- i'm gonna," he chokes out, and mark quickly grabs the tube with slippery and fumbling hands, his pupils so blown his irises almost entirely disappear.

"try to hold on a sec," he coaxes, voice tight. "let me prep you properly."

jackson grits his teeth and squeezes his eyes shut, trying desperately to think of multiplication tables to delay his approaching orgasm.

his eyes snap open with an involuntary gasp as he feels the cold gel of the lotion against his skin, mark's fingers pausing hesitantly at the rim of his entrance, but even more than that the unbelievably erotic sensation of the callused fingers of mark's other hand wrapped tightly around his dick.

"shhh, baobei," mark murmurs soothingly as he whimpers erratically, suddenly aching so much for mark's penetration that he's delirious. he lets out a noise of half-pain, half-surprise when one of mark's slick digits slide smoothly into his ass, breaching the muscle as mark slowly works it in knuckle-deep. when jackson's breathing has calmed down, he crooks his finger at an angle that presses the pad of his fingertip against a spot inside jackson that makes him emit a loud keen.

he almost arches off the bed, gasping breathlessly as mark leans over him in concern, smoothing his matted bangs back with a heavy hand to peer worriedly into jackson's eyes. a tear leaks from the corner of jackson's tightly clamped-shut eyes as he opens them and mark brushes it away with an unbearably tender finger. "are you okay?" he asks urgently, voice low. "did i hurt you?"

"oh, god." he looks panic-stricken, almost tearful when jackson's throat is too fucked hoarse to reply immediately. "i'm sorry." he starts to withdraw, but jackson clenches down over his fingers, making mark's eyes widen, then darken.

jackson shakes his head vigorously, his entire body quivering. he doesn't know how to say that the reason his throat is laced shut and tears are pushing at the backs of his eyes, threatening to fall, is because of how very gently and absurdly tenderly mark is handlng him, like jackson is fragile and breakable. no one has ever held jackson like this before. like he's crystal.

"more," he breathes instead.

mark drags in a deep, rattling breath, swallows hard, and obliges.

the combined stimulation of mark's left hand fisted around jackson's dick to distract him from the pain and the three fingers of his right hand he has managed to ease into jackson's ass, stretched so tight he almost can't exhale, makes it hard to think straight. if jackson didn't know he still had mark's own pleasure to worry about, he would be perfectly content to come now, could easily come more than once from just mark's fingers and his large, knuckled hand rough and gentle on jackson's cock at the same time.

but he takes deep, fortifying breaths and tries not to lose himself in the ecstasy, wanting to arrive at his second orgasm together with mark as well. he can tell from mark's harsh, loud panting that he's close too, and could probably come without even being touched or entering jackson, he's so turned on by just looking at and touching jackson. but they hold each other's eyes firmly and wordlessly make a pact not to let themselves go this time till they are truly joined and connected.

without further ado, mark doesn't prolong the torment for both of them and withdraws his fingers, but he doesn't forget to do it slowly and gently, gazing solicitously into jackson's eyes for any signs of pain. but by now, the pleasure has long skyrocketed and overshadowed any initial pain, and jackson feels his hole clenching hungrily over empty air, eager for mark's length to fill him.

jackson shivers slightly as a chill runs over the bare, exposed skin of his lower body at the departure of mark's attentive touch. mark's hands are shaking visibly as he grabs fistfuls of his shirt and rises to a sitting position with unchracteristic gracelessness, pulling it so roughly over his shoulders it almost rips. he tosses it carelessly onto the floor by the bed.

jackson hears himself inhale with greedy appreciation when he sees mark's body. because wow -- mark looks way thinner with his clothes on than he does without. although his body isn't built and thickly-muscled like jackson's, he's startlingly ripped and powerfully-built, his body toned and free of excess fat in a way that makes the sinew of his muscles ripple with poetic clarity beneath his rice-paper skin.

mark's cheeks pinken with an adorable blush at jackson's frank and lustful admiration, and he drops his eyes meekly, not daring to meet jackson's gaze as he devotes his attention to unfastening his belt buckle. the clink of him undoing the steadfastly-guarded clasp finally, at long last, after so many interminable months, sounds like music to jackson's deprived ears.

mark shyly raises himself onto his haunches and pushes his jeans down his thighs, but there is nothing shy or meek about the raging erection that visibly tents the front of his own boxers, swollen and reddened tip of his cock jutting out of the opening, smeared with precum. jackson feels himself growing impossibly harder, cock twitching with impatience.

mark's movements are jerky and unsteady as he feels blindly on the bed for the condom, not taking his eyes off jackson's. when he finds it, he brings it to his mouth and takes a corner of the foil packet between his teeth, ripping it open brusquely. jackson feels himself trembling with anticipation and trepidation, his body tensing up in preparation.

jackson continues holding mark's eyes as he lowers the hem of his boxers and reaches into them, boldly grabbing his dick. he strokes it a few times, before rolling the condom on with shaking fingers. he carefully presses the end between two fingers to ensure there are no gaps or air pockets, and secures it fully over his length.

jackson feels faint at the physical size of mark's cock, easily as big as his, unable to imagine how something so huge and hard would fit into his... his asshole, for god's sake. he's about to chicken out, to shrink away, when the brightness of mark's eyes, just the look in them -- that look of pure and boyish happiness -- stops him cold. he doesn't blink or take his eyes from mark's as they exchange a silent conversation as mark guides his cock towards jackson's entrance, nudging against his hole, the slickness of the mixture of cum and lube feeling thrillingly filthy.

trust me? mark's tremulous smile asks.

jackson takes a shaky breath and smiles back. unconditionally.

then mark is rearing over him, his weight settling gently but breathtakingly heavily over jackson's. he hitches himself into jackson, his cock pushing in hot and throbbing, breaching jackson's resistance and the tight ring of muscle that makes mark hiss at the burning stretch.

"relax," he breathes with difficulty, shifting a little, and when jackson tries his best to unclench his tense muscles, mark jerks forward with a soft groan, slamming into him and hitting his prostate.

jackson cries out then, partially from the shock, but mostly from the unexpected and blinding wave of pleasure, the sheer indescribable sensation of mark sheathed so tightly, so deeply in him, completely up to the hilt.

"a-again," he breathes, voice fucked raw, and mark doesn't need further encouragement, pulling out to almost the tip before driving in again, hitting that same sweet spot that makes jackson moan loud and obscene.

mark snaps his hips forward a few more times, irregular and stuttering, the bedsprings creaking under the force of his thrusts. jackson arches his back, almost bowing off the bed to meet them. as jackson feels his pace quickening, on impulse, he clenches around mark experimentally, and is pleased by the way a tortured groan escapes from mark's determinedly clamped-shut lips, his cock stiffening inside jackson.

his next thrust is particularly forceful, and before jackson can stop himself he feels himself erupting, coming uncontrollably and violently over mark's hand which has been kneading his cock with sloppy strokes. mark manages another shallow thrust, before he shudders to a climax that wracks his whole body too, his hot cum spilling against jackson's walls.

even after the aftershocks stop rippling through both their bodies, mark remains buried deeply in jackson, the way they are connected, skin against skin with no excess space feeling astonishingly intimate. yes, it had undoubtedly hurt at first, but then the sharp, breathtaking pain had given way to the pure and magical surprise at how mark fit right into the jigsaw edges of jackson's body, their naked bodies adhering together like two adjoining puzzle pieces designed by a higher power to match impeccably.

mark's hand rises to stroke jackson's damp and sweaty hair back from his forehead, his eyes shining with quiet gratitude. he pulls out gently, his cock sliding slickly out of jackson and jackson tries not to wince, not wanting to make mark feel guilty. mark pulls off the condom and ties the end, dropping it on the floor too. his body is still inextricably entangled with jackson's, seeming to not want to leave the complicated knot of their sweaty limbs twisted in the sheets.

later, when their breathing has evened out and a pleasant drowsiness brought on by the postsex afterglow is stealing over their exhausted, tangled limbs, jackson curls up in mark's protective arms in the cramped but snug and warm bed.

mark gently rolls him over to face the wall, taking care not to jolt jackson's sore lower body more than necessary, and wraps his arms around jackson's torso, snuggling closer. his hands pull the covers over jackson's bare shoulders and caress his chest, tracing unidentifiable patterns over his skin. he presses his own chest against jackson's back, so jackson can feel the powerful thudding of his heartbeat like a bass drum pounding against his shoulder blades. he feels his own heart rate quicken, falling into unison.

as he reclines luxuriously against mark's sturdy chest like a cat basking in the warmth of the noontime sun, enjoying the position of little spoon, jackson feels blissful contentment and a rush of melting relief. he can't help feeling accomplished that he had achieved what he had waited to do on his birthday for so long, and stayed overnight in mark's house for the first time to do.

mark notices the smug grin stretching his lips and his own lips tug up in irrepressible amusement too. jackson feels his laughter rumbling from his cheset, his gravelly voice by jackson's ear.

"just wondering... has anyone ever said no to you?"

jackson vibrates with laughter too at the cheeky and exasperated question, and mark locks his arms possessively around his waist.

"plenty of them," he replies simply, sliding his hand over mark's and stroking his knuckles. "it's just that i've never accepted it."

the way mark's grip tightens around his body, with quiet admiration and warm approval, tells him he's said the right thing.

sometime during the night, they fall asleep from sheer exhaustion, still caught up in each other. when jackson wakes up in mark's sleeping arms, the sunlight is filtering gently through the gauzy curtains and in the narrow gap between them he can see a slice of eggshell blue sky. the kind of blue that matches the wholehearted, unadulterated bliss filling his heart right now.

mark stirs a few minutes later and blinks awake sleepily. by the time he has rubbed his groggy eyes fully open, jackson has blinked away the tears of heartbreaking happiness from his own eyes.

one side of mark's lips curls up into a lopsided, lazy smile of dark amusement when jackson murmurs shyly with his eyelashes demurely downcast, "good morning."

in one swift move, he rolls over jackson, pinning him breathlessly to the bed. jackson looks up into his sleepy, hooded eyes and feels himself falling hopelessly into their depths till he's blue and bruised.

mark smirks at him, a caddish, bad-boy smirk that jackson resolutely decides he'll have to reform. it simply wouldn't do for anyone else to see that beautifully boyish and cheeky grin.

"coffee, tea, or me?" mark raises an eyebrow, voice husky with sleep.

jackson groans loudly to hide how romantic he finds it. "oh my god," he cringes exaggeratedly. "did you learn that from bambam?"

mark dimples mischievously. "maybe."

jackson feels himself dissolving into a puddle of goo.

"you," he whispers, pitching his voice bedroom low, and leans forward to nudge their foreheads together, then their noses, then meeting mark's lips slowly as mark tilts his head at the angle they have learnt their noses won't bump. the angle perfect for kissing.

they don't kiss long, jackson breaking away first because he's worried he has morning breath. mark's breath smells as minty fresh as usual, and jackson rolls his eyes inwardly at his ridiculous perfection in every aspect.

but mark continues chasing after his mouth, seeming unsatisfied. his hands rove beneath the covers, over the smooth planes of jackson's stomach, and as mark presses his groin against jackson's, his hipbones digging into his, jackson feels his sleepy erection.

his own cock immediately stirs awake eagerly, fondly recalling memories from last night. but when he tries to grab mark's hardening length and guide it towards his ass, mark shifts away and refuses to touch him despite his rough breathing.

"i know you're still sore," he says with the same stern firmness he had used to keep jackson in check before he turned eighteen. "please don't ask me to hurt you again."

the earnestness and self-reproach in his voice tears at jackson's heart. "you didn't hurt me --" he protests heatedly, but mark refuses to be moved.

"fine." he eventually huffs a heavy sigh of frustrated compromise. "then let me put it in."

"... w-what?" mark rasps squeakily.

jackson grabs his hand and presses it against his hard cock. "it's not going to take care of itself," he says, voice hoarse. mark's eyes widen, scandalized, but his hand lingers on jackson's cock, flipping over and starting to stroke it to full hardness with remarkably less-clumsy-than-the-previous-day tugs.

jackson isn't surprised when mark agrees to another round, as long as he doesn't penetrate jackson. after all, jackson knows exactly how to press mark's buttons, has learnt the art of manipulating him. he is well aware that mark is guilt-stricken over causing him pain last night and would do anything to make up for it, so he takes advantage of it. furthermore, no matter how skilled at abstinence he may be, mark is ultimately merely a normal eighteen-year-old boy with his impulses driven by his dick. and his love for jackson.

but this time, jackson is the one lying flat on his back, pushed down again by mark with a playful glint in his eye and telling jackson reassuringly to lie back and let him do all the work. still, he can't help reaching out to close his hands over mark's hips as mark sinks slowly and agonizingly onto jackson's now erect and slicked-up cock, hissing at the way the angle makes his ass slap flush against jackson's pelvis when he thrusts up jerkily, mark's pleasured moan laced with pain telling jackson he feels him all the way inside, in the deepest spot of him.

jackson tries to be gentle, to take it easy and slowly since it's mark's first time being penetrated as well and he can't bear to hurt mark as much as mark can't bear to hurt him. even more. though can he be blamed for being nearly driven out of his mind when mark raises himself up over jackson's cock with an effort, bracing his hands on jackson's chest, then swivels his hips in touchingly diligent and amazingly sensuous circles, meeting jackson thrust for thrust?

but even though he can keep his thrusts measured and restrained, letting out unattractive but uncontrollable grunts as he tries not to slam or pound too roughly into mark's fragile body, his fingertips still end up pressing faint lilac bruises into mark's delicate, pale hipbones, which reveal themselves in the translucent morning sunlight later as mark carefully eases himself off jackson's cock, looking so thoroughly fucked with his hair a post-coital mess that jackson nearly takes him again.

like many other teenage couples, they are not unique in becoming -- to put it crudely -- addicted to having sex the moment they are initiated to it. once they had discovered it, there's simply no way to turn back the clock and go back to a more innocent time, no other pleasure that could replace mark ramming into jackson's body during the competitve athletic sessions of animalistic fucking they had taken to more and more often after jackson's body had recovered from the first time and gotten used to accomodating mark's thickness and length, and vice versa.

after all, they're both masculine and strapping boys, and jackson had known better than to expect the kind of gentlemanly, tame lovemaking he would have with a girl. they are at the volatile age when they are most filled with pent-up aggression and repressed tension, always fighting to assert themselves over each other. wanting to dominate, wanting to possess. but that, too, jackson thinks warmly, is a sign of passion. an expression of love.

not that they don't, occasionally, have the kind of sweet, gentle and unendurably tender sex that makes jackson feel like the most priceless antique porcelain in mark's careful and worshipful hands. but mostly, at the commencement of the beginning of their physical relationship, jackson finds that the two of them share the same tendency to desire to bruise, mark and brand the other as their own with love bites sucked into the pale curve of a neck or a bracelet of bruises pressed carefully into the blue-veined skin of a slender wrist, to be proudly worn for days.

especially when they don't get to meet for longer periods of time, a few days on end only subsisting on meagre rushed phone calls between school and work and 2am restless messages filled with bittersweet missing. jackson has noticed the pent-up passion and longing seems particularly potent then, manifesting itself in bleeding lips and lots of are you okays and did i hurt yous and guiltily whispered apologies in that softened postsex quiet.

but that's one thing, and there's another. when jackson rushes breathlessly to mark's apartment one friday afternoon after school, an excitedly-looked-forward-to meeting after an entire painful week of not seeing each other face to face, only to find mark reeking of alcohol and most decidedly more than a little intoxicated, he can't help flaring up.

even though it's breaking his heart to lose his temper, start another argument to ruin the precious date he had awaited anxiously all week, counting down the days, jackson feels his emotions running away by themselves anyway, blowing out of his control.

"don't leave," mark pleads desperately and unabashedly, clinging needily to his arm like a koala as jackson coldly turns on his heel and pulls open his apartment door again.

jackson folds his arms over his chest protectively to hide the way his heart is softening against his will, his chest clenching with missing at the sight of mark's beloved, beautiful face, the emotion raw in his exposed eyes.

he doesn't let any of it show in his eyes as he snaps accusingly and scornfully, "we haven't seen each other in a week and you couldn't even stay sober for one date? did this even mean anything to you?" his heart splinters as he realizes how hurt and bitter he really is, feeling like he had been the only idiot who cared here.

"i -- of course!" mark looks shocked, as if dumbfounded that jackson could even entertain this question. "it's just..." his grip tightens painfully over jackson's arm, as if he's afraid jackson will run away if he lets go. "i spent so much time planning today and i just wanted it to be perfect," he says haltingly, voice breaking. "i know... i know you expect me to be charismatic and sexy and satisfy you every time we..." -- he blushes and pauses -- "and i try. i try so hard because i want to impress you. i want to make you happy more than anything in the world. but... i can't help worrying sometimes, thinking too much, wondering... are other guys touching my jackson? is he smiling at other girls? i worry," mark admits, his voice cracking on the last word. "i'm not like you, so gorgeous and confident and adored by everybody. i lie awake at night dreading the day you'll realize that i'm not good enough for you."

mark raises stricken, regretful eyes to jackson. "i never drank since the day i promised you. but today i guess i just... needed liquid courage to face you."

"why?" jackson rasps, his voice a pained whisper.

"because..." mark smiles, tears swimming in his eyes. "god dammit, jia-er, do you even know i'm madly in love with you? i feel like i love you more and more every day. and that... scares me so much."

the unexpected love confession, said unwaveringly in mark's emotionally raw, sincerely deep voice, his eyes looking straight and unwaveringly into jackson's, takes jackson's breath away.

for a minute, he is utterly speechless. then, easy as taking the next breath to fill his lungs again, he finds the words that have been trapped in his chest, pressed beneath his tongue for the past few months.

"yi-en," he starts calmly, steadily, watching the immediate effect his gentle tone has in relaxing mark. he says the next few words seriously and with utmost gravity, looking deeply and meaningfully into mark's eyes to convey his complete transparence and honesty.

"you're the only one," jackson says simply and clearly. "there's no one else for me."

the smile of sheer relief that breaks through mark's tears and lights up his face like the sunrise makes him feel a stab of regret for not saying the simple and truthful words sooner and putting mark's insecurities to ease. being both boys, they had fallen into the common masculine habit of being undemonstrative and uncommunicative, not expressing their feelings to each other openly, reassuring each other that their feelings remained strong as ever. jackson has always been taught and believed that men should hold their tears in and not be emotional or weak, but maybe... he looks at the smile of unfiltered delight on mark's pale face, and thinks that maybe sometimes there's something to be said about being sappy and emotional after all.

that night, mark tastes of alcohol and salty tears swallowed back and not allowed to let fall, but his touch is soft as petals as always, stirring something deep in jackson's heart. he enters jackson carefully, taking his time to work jackson open after a relatively longer period of not being loosened up. he eases himself in inch by inch until jackson is completely impaled by his cock, the unbearably full, intrusive sensation of the stretch indescribable but familiar as home now.

just when jackson is starting to feel comfortable, he starts moving, rocking into him gently but building up to a carnal, punishing pace more intense than they have ever reached before. jackson clutches fistfuls of mark's shirt and digs blunt fingernails into mark's back to hold back his moans, raking them painfully down his skin. their bodies glide against each other in the combined rhythm, the tandem they have practiced and polished from countless rounds of lovemaking, with the sweat-slick sounds of skin against skin. to be completely honest, the only thing he likes about having arguments with mark, if he is forced to admit one, is that the make-up sex is always amazing. like, fucking-his-brains-out kind of amazing.

"want you," mark murmurs over and over, each word puncutated by a thrust hitting jackson's abused prostate. it reminds jackson of the second time they had had sex, a few months ago. he was still agonizingly embarrassed and painfully inexperienced, throwing his arms over his face to cover his expression as mark drove himself erratically into him.

don't look at me, jackson had pleaded in shame as he came, crying out uncontrollably, but mark had gently taken his hands and pried them away from his face. he stilled within jackson but his face was still flushed, his breaths still coming shortly. he was possibly the most beautiful sight jackson had ever seen.

show me everything, he said, his smile quiet and all-accepting.

and indeed, in the months since, they had found out and seen everything about each other. but even now, mark still never ceases to amaze him. jackson finds mark's reactions endlessly fascinating, the honesty of his body unbearably adorable. he feels inexpressibly privileged to be the only one who can see not just mark's beautifully bare body but also his most naked expressions; dizzyingly powerful to be the only one who can reduce mark to a writhing wreck. the only one who knows how to make mark come undone. him and only him.

unofficially, the seventh day of the seventh lunar month, qixi, has become their anniversary. exactly one year after mark kissed and confessed to jackson in the planetarium, he shyly hands jackson an exquisitely-crafted, gilded dark red-and-gold lacquered box with an elegant chinese painting from the ming dynasty on the cover.

jackson gasps in pleased surprise and carefully opens the small box. inside lies two snowskin, rabbit-shaped mooncakes nestled neatly in tissue paper, one light pink and the other lotus green. they look almost too perfect to eat.

"did you make these yourself?" jackson screeches in barely contained excitement, feeling a little bad at the expense mark had gone to when jackson had only folded him a handful of colourful origami paper rabbits and placed them in a cheap plastic gift jar.

mark blushes in embarrassment and rubs the back of his neck. "my mum helped a little, but... yeah, i guess."

jackson sniffles tearfully and carefully picks up one of the soft, fragile mooncakes between his fingers. he takes a small nibble of the ear, wanting to make it last.

"this is the most delicious mooncake i have ever eaten in my life," he pronounces with aplomb. mark's answering smile is brilliant enough to light up the entire room.

when he finally finishes eating both mooncakes reluctantly after two weeks, not bearing to take more than a bite a day, he cleans up the crumbs and removes the tissue paper from the bottom, planning to save the artistically-designed box to store other knickknacks.

he is surprised to find a small card at the bottom mark hadn't mentioned to him. it's plain white and undecorated, but when he opens it it's addressed in mark's elegaic looping chinese script to wo de xingan baobei, and signed from ai ni de yi-en. to the treasured darling of my heart, from yi-en who loves you.

the message reads simply in english, you gave me a galaxy when i only needed a star.

then commences the second semester of his third year and jackson is alone again, sitting in libraries for long hours stuck in the hell of last-minute cramming for college entrance exams. his favourite table in the public library is one by the window, with the autumn sunlight streaming pleasantly in. when he is lucky enough to find it empty, his studying always seems to go better and he will find his attention drifting more frequently, laying his head down on his folded hands as he gazes idly out of the window at the enamel blue sky and searches for rabbits in the clouds floating lazily across.

when he finds one, he takes a picture for mark.

sometime along the way, mark has set aside a drawer for jackson in his apartment to keep his clothes and belongings when he comes over increasingly frequently to visit and stay the night, usually on friday. mark has come over to jackson's house for dinner a few times and left a very good impression on both his parents, so they have no objections with him sleeping over and trust mark to take care of him, especially when jackson convinces them that mark is helping him with his studies.

a drawer becomes a closet, jackson's black wardrobe and snapbacks for all occasions subtly and unconsciously migrating over to mark's apartment. he has his own toothbrush and glass in mark's tiny bathroom now, but he generally uses mark's toothpaste. mark's toothbrush is blue, and jackson's is pastel pink.

when he goes window shopping at the thrift shop with jinyoung, he sometimes picks up a few odds and ends and little pieces of furniture (like a beanbag chair that reminded him of their night at the planetarium and some squirtle magnets for mark's small refrigerator he got at a good bargain) or display items that he feels would look good in mark's house. gradually, he's managed to add a bit of colour and cheer to the dull and drab interior of the apartment.

and sometime along the way, jackson realizes that mark's apartment has started feeling like his own house. his own home.

one overcast day in october much like the one they had sent jaebum off on almost a year ago, jinyoung brings his laptop to school and during recess the five of them gather at their usual picnic table to group-skype jaebum.

jackson is surprised at how much jaebum has changed since they last saw him in december. although he talks to jaebum at least once a week via line or kakaotalk, jaebum rarely sends him selfies. but the year that has elapsed is clearly visible in how much jaebum has matured, losing his glasses for a less geeky, cooler, even attractive look. his hair is dyed a dark copper red now, flopping messily over his dark eyes but he still smiles exactly the same way, with his whole face, especially his eyes.

he brightens up so ridiculously jackson feels like ramping down the contrast on the screen when he sees jinyoung. jinyoung presses his palm against the computer screen dramatically like they're in a prison visit or something and sniffles loudly, wiping his damp eyes. jaebum looks away for a minute, seeming embarrassed by his public display of affection in front of their friends but jackson can tell that he is trying to recover his own loss of composure too. it's obvious that distance has done nothing to dim the passion of jinyoung and jaebum's relationship and jackson is happy for his best friends.

"where's mark?" jaebum clears his throat, changing the topic, and looks disappointed when they tell him he's at university attending classes right now.

"maybe we could try calling him? he might be free to talk for a while," jackson suggests, sensing how much jaebum had wanted to talk to all six of them together.

jinyoung brightens, and they immediately call mark on skype, crossing their fingers.

thankfully, after a few seconds of waiting, mark answers the call, his face appearing in a smaller window, earbuds dangling from his ear.

"jia-er?" he asks questioningly, leaning forward to peer into the camera, then abruptly seems to realize that jackson isn't alone. "oh. hey, guys." he coughs and waves awkwardly, looking genuinely pleased to see all of them but embarrassed at his initial display of affection.

"mark-yah!" jaebum calls, waving excitedly from the bigger window, and mark notices him at last, lighting up visibly even in the small grainy video.

"jaebummie! how are you doing over there in korea?"

jaebum smiles and shrugs. "all right, i guess. i'm having fun in school and learning a lot in my course. i'm getting used to living in korea again and making new friends. but... i still miss you guys," he finishes softly.

"we miss you too, hyung!" rongzai blurts out in fluent korean, and jaebum looks surprised but incredibly pleased. "how did you learn that, rongzai?" he bursts out laughing. "did jinyoungie teach you?"

rongzai shakes his head proudly, and jinyoung ruffles his hair like a doting mother. there's so much jaebum has missed, so much jackson wants to tell him, like how rongzai and youqian have officially joined the korean club and rongzai has also become a fully-fledged member of the astronomy club. jackson guesses that like his own interest in astronomy, rongzai's was acquired and built up after he joined, but that doesn't mean it isn't genuine.

rongzai, youqian and bambam had surprised them all by showing an amusingly aptitude in learning korean, picking up the language impressively quickly. youqian and rongzai were particularly interested in korean culture and had even given themselves korean names.

"hyung, do you know what my korean name is?" rongzai now bubbles over with excitement, leaning forward expectantly.

jaebum laughs again. they're not surprised since even before he went to korea, rongzai had always been able to make him crack a smile effortlessly.

"of course i do," jaebum says indulgently, and it's obvious that if he were here in the flesh right now, he would be messing up rongzai's hair as he liked to do teasingly. "i worked it out from the start, youngjae-yah."

rongzai flushes with pleasure at jaebum using his korean name in such a warm voice, and youqian clamours with uncharacteristic enthusiasm too. "hyung, what's mine?"

jaebum laughs again, his cheerful mood seemingly restored. "yugyeomie," he replies without missing a beat. "i worked out all of you guys' names long ago."

"aww, xuezhang, that's so sweet!" bambam looks like he's about to start bawling. jackson hurriedly tries to turn the mood around before it gets heavy and depressing again.

"tell him about how your relationship with tzuyu is going," he suggests quickly, nudging bambam and hoping to distract him. he's relieved when it works and bambam promptly launches into a rambling account of his "rapidly progressing" relationship with tzuyu which they all listen to doubtfully but no one is mean enough to burst his bubble.

after bambam has finished his monologue, youqian shares a shy, private smile with rongzai and begins telling jaebum about rongzai's latest recital for the music club which they had all attended with first-row seats. rongzai blushes again when jaebum remarks affectionately and nostalgically, "i miss your playing."

"i can send you a recording of me and youqian playing a duet from the movie secret," rongzai offers generously, and jaebum looks thrilled.

next, jackson and jinyoung report dutifully on the latest happenings and updates in the club, and jaebum listens seriously and offers advice when needed. he is obviously still very concerned and invested in the club, and jackson swells with pride when jaebum commends them on their hard work in maintaining and upholding the spirit of the astronomy club successfully.

mark smiles in agreement here, nodding. as is his habit, he has been silently and observantly listening to the conversation so far without feeling the need to chime in. however, when jackson starts complaining about bambam throwing his weight around the club now that he's a second-year and pretending to report on him, he hears mark's squeaking laugh and feels a spike of glee.

they hear a faint meow from jaebum's background, and all of them ask curiously what that is, but jinyoung answers smugly, looking pleased to have knowledge no one else does. "it's nora."

"who?" they all blink, and jaebum grins cheekily and bends over, disappearing from the screen for a minute before he reppears with a sleek, dark-haired cat in his arms. "say hi to my daughter," he jokes, waving its paw.

nora stares at them disinterestedly, letting jaebum pet and stroke her with the same poker face. but when jaebum scratches a spot behind her ears, she instantly starts purring like a motor.

"she's so cute!" they all squeal in adoration, sounding less like teenage boys than girls, and rongzai whips out his phone to show jaebum photographs he had taken of coco. jackson sees mark leaning forward to see better too. he always had a soft spot for that puppy because he had named her.

the weather in taiwan is unseasonably pleasant lately, and today the leaves of the zelkova trees in the school courtyard shimmer in the breeze, kissing their skin and dappling their faces with light.

but when they ask jaebum how the weather is in seoul, he replies slightly morosely, "the sky here is grey and lonely." he's looking at jinyoung as he says this, and jackson senses that his words have a double meaning.

his thoughts are confirmed when jinyoung replies, voice soft but warm with encouragement, "it's still the same sky."

"jinyoung is right," mark pipes up for the first time since the start of the conversation, sounding thoughtful. "no matter how far apart we are, we're still under the same sky. and as long as we're under this sky, we'll definitely have a chance to meet again in future."

they all nod in agreement to mark's wise words, and jaebum looks slightly cheered and uplifted by the motivation.

"do you regret?" jinyoung blurts out quietly, in korean, and they all turn to look at him but his eyes are trained intently on the window, at jaebum.

jaebum meets his gaze with direct, equally serious eyes, and considers the question for a minute before replying truthfully, "no."

jinyoung exhales shakily, but jackson sees a smile melting over his face. "that's good, then," he says softly. "i just want you to be happy. we all do."

they all start nodding unanimously again, and bambam says in a thick voice, "we miss you, jaebum-hyung," effectively summarizing up all their sentiments. jaebum favours him with a grateful and doting if slightly watery smile. "i miss you too, bambam-ah."

"are you wearing your ring?" jaebum peers into the camera and asks jinyoung in a gentle voice.

jinyoung smiles impishly and flashes his hand proudly in front of their camera. the thin silver band on his ring finger, worn defiantly against school regulations, catches the sunlight.

jaebum looks incredibly pleased, practically beaming. "what about you?" jinyoung asks teasingly, and his smile falters a little when jaebum brings both hands up to the camera, fingers bare, but then he smirks playfully and reaches into the collar of the university sweatshirt he's wearing.

he produces their couple ring, dangling from a long and thin silver chain hanging around his neck. "i like wearing it here," he says softly, almost inaudibly. "it feels closer to my heart."

casually, jaebum brings the ring up to his lips and kisses it. jinyoung's mouth falls open, his cheeks blushing vigorously. the three xuedis immediately start making immature barfing noises and teasing the happy couple mercilessly, but beneath all the commotion jackson sees mark lifting his fingertips to his own lips in his small window, and bringing it quietly to his ear, his eyes on jackson and smile sweet as a secret.

they pass on the baton of the leadership of the astronomy club to bambam, youqian and rongzai on the last day of school. jackson tries not to be sad because he knows that it's not the end, but only the beginning. still, he is definitely going to miss fiercely the sunny astronomy club filled with laughter and chatter and music and friends. where he had found all of these things, but mostly love. he's going to miss the garrulous chitchat and good-natured humour of the members, and bambam's screechy voice brightly greeting xuezhang as they walked through the doors. every day in the past three years had treacled past, feeling like there was a never-ending supply of them, but in hindsight, three years seems like so little time after all. distilled, it feels like barely more than a heartbeat.

but the three trusty juniors reassure them that even though the astronomy club may seem temporary, it will last forever, longer than them. long after they have graduated, the other members will continue to uphold and faithfully pass down the traditions, like building the annual large-scale galaxy model, year after year, batch after batch.

on his last tuesday in high school, jackson and jinyoung linger in the club room long after the other members have filed out. jackson settles down in mark's old seat, the one that gets the best sunlight, and closes his eyes. he feels the invisible warmth of the soft sunshine pouring through the window over him, like the familiar touch of an old friend and suddenly he's sixteen again, sixteen and unencumbered and carefree and happy-go-lucky. their days had passed by in innocent happiness and sunlit whimsy. deep inside him, jackson knows that separation is inevitable in the end, and staying together forever, though it would be a dream come true, is ultimately just a dream.

part 8