Fiction: Last Exit for the Lost - Sam/Castiel - NC-17 1/4
Title: Last Exit for the Lost
Pairing: Sam/Castiel
Rating: NC-17
INFO
Sam felt almost human when he stepped out of the shower. He rubbed his wet hair with the towel, glad to be clean. Sitting down on the bed in the spare room and placing his watch and ring on the nightstand, Sam contemplated his decision to see Bobby. He'd thought it would clear his head, but all the trip had accomplished was to make Sam feel even more anxious.
Standing, Sam let the towel drop to the floor. Just as he started to dress, the silent flutter of wings filled the air. He turned to find Castiel standing behind him, much too close for comfort. The fact that Sam was still naked didn't seem to faze Castiel in the least. He stood looking up into Sam's eyes without a word then his gaze trailed down and back up to fall on Sam's chest.
"I'm kind of in the middle of something here, Cas," Sam said when the silence and the stares went on too long.
Sam tried to indicate with body language that he wanted Castiel to move, but Castiel stood his ground and continued to scrutinize him as though Sam were some foreign object. When the subtle approach didn't work, Sam returned Castiel's stare, narrowing his eyes and tilting his own head in imitation of Castiel's posture.
"I heard some disturbing news," Castiel said, his gaze fixed on the anti-possession tattoo on Sam's chest.
"Did Dean tell you?" Sam asked. He sat down on the bed, used his t-shirt to cover himself, and breathed a sigh of relief when Castiel finally moved away.
"No," Castiel said. If Sam didn't know better, he would swear that Castiel sounded miserable about the fact that Dean hadn't confided in him. Now, as Sam paid closer attention, he realized that Castiel not only sounded but also looked miserable. His shoulders seemed to droop, and when he turned to face Sam again, there was darkness in Castiel's eyes.
"Did you know about this all along?" Sam asked. He looked down at himself and wished Castiel would give him some privacy. He was about to ask for just that when Castiel spoke up.
"I didn't. I was only told what I needed to know," Castiel said.
"Hey, Cas, could you..." Sam started to say. Much to Sam's frustration, Castiel sat down on the bed beside him, staring down at the floor. Sam sighed and stood up, dressing as quickly as he could. He kept his own eyes averted, hoping that Castiel wouldn't look up - not that he was ashamed of his body, because he wasn't. He just wasn't into being naked in front of other people, especially when that other person happened to be an angel.
When Sam did look over at Castiel, he saw that Castiel was staring at him. Sam cleared his throat, and sat down on the bed again beside Castiel.
"What do you plan to do?" Castiel asked, turning to look at Sam. There was a hint of accusation in his eyes and in the tone of his voice.
"I told him I'd never say yes," Sam said with firm confidence.
"He can be very persuasive," Castiel said. Their gazes locked and Sam felt frustration build deep inside his gut.
"I don't care. I will never say yes to that arrogant SOB," Sam said. He broke the gaze, unable to look Castiel in the eyes any longer. He could feel heat build up in his body at their closeness. Sam quashed those thoughts just as he'd done all the other times he'd been in Castiel's presence.
"Plenty of angels, more powerful and with stronger wills than your own, have said yes to him."
Sam stood and turned on Castiel, practically shoving his finger in Castiel's face.
"I'm not going to say yes!" Sam exclaimed, his anger growing with each passing second. "He's fucking Satan, for God's sake! I won't say yes! I never will! Oh, and by the way, how's that search for God going? Maybe if he showed his sorry deadbeat ass around here, none of this would have happened!"
Castiel stood in a flurry of motion, his trench coat swirling around him as he grabbed Sam by the t-shirt and flung him onto the bed. Sam lay sprawled across the bed, his legs spread wide, staring up at the expression of anger blazing on Castiel's face. Castiel rushed forward and pushed a knee between Sam's legs.
"Do not speak that way about my father!" Castiel shouted. His voice filled the room and Sam flinched as the sound echoed in his head. Sam suppressed a shiver when Castiel leaned in closer and placed his hand on Sam's chest, pinning Sam to the bed. Sam clenched his jaw, fear and desire roiling in his gut, thinking that maybe angering Castiel hadn't been such a great idea.
Sam felt his head swim as he reached up and grabbed hold of the tie that dangled from Castiel's neck. All he needed to do was yank, and the space that separated them would vanish. In the back of his mind, a voice screamed not to do it, but his body shouted something else. He pulled Castiel in close until Castiel lost his balance and fell down on top of Sam, their mouths crashed together and Sam pushed his tongue past Castiel's closed lips, forcing them open. When Castiel didn't resist, Sam took it as an invitation. He devoured Castiel's lush mouth, using his advantage to roll them over, grinding his hips against Castiel. Sam's growing erection stiffened.
Castiel broke the kiss and stared up at Sam. In one swift movement, he pushed Sam off and jumped from the bed. Sam lay in a heap, stunned by what had just happened. When he glanced up, he saw Castiel touch his own mouth and, in the next moment, he vanished in a rush of air and a flurry of wings.
Sam sat up.
"Fuck." Sam touched his tingling lips. He could still feel the press of Castiel's lips on his own. He'd always wondered what an angel tasted like. Now he knew.
~~**~~
When he went downstairs, Sam found Bobby lost in thought.
"Hey Bobby," Sam said. He tucked his hands into his jeans pockets and took a deep breath.
"Did he talk to you?"
Sam nodded and glanced around the room. He assumed Bobby meant Castiel and half-expected him to be down here. When Castiel didn't make an appearance, Sam relaxed and slumped down on the sofa. He stared at Bobby's expectant expression.
"Well," said Bobby, his eyes wide. "Did you at least listen to what he had to say?"
"We sort of got into a fight." Sam bowed his head in shame and hid behind his bangs. Bobby bumped against Sam's leg with his chair and, when Sam looked up, Bobby was glaring at him.
"Why do I even try?" Bobby said with a shake of his head. "You can't keep doing this."
"Doing what, Bobby?" Sam asked. He felt trapped on the sofa, unable to move without pushing Bobby's chair aside, and that just seemed like a nasty thing to do to his friend.
"Doing this," Bobby said with a wave of one hand. They sat in silence and Bobby reached out to touch Sam on the knee. "Look, I get it. This is a tough one, and I wish I knew what to say here."
"No offence, Bobby, but you don't get it. I'm supposed to let the devil ride around inside my skin. And it seems like I don't have a say in the matter."
"Don't be stupid," Bobby said with a look of distaste.
"He told me I would say yes," Sam said. He stared down at his hands, overwhelmed with the burden of it all. His chest felt constricted, and he wished more than anything that Dean was there.
"Well, Satan doesn't know you like I do," Bobby said with indignation. He squared his shoulders and leaned back in his chair. "If you want, you can stay here for awhile."
"Thanks, Bobby." Sam felt just a little of the weight lift from his shoulders.
"So what did you and Castiel fight about?" Bobby asked, rolling his chair out of the way.
"Nothing," Sam said. He stood up and resisted the urge to touch his lips, his mind flashing back to the kiss. "It was stupid."
Bobby stared up at Sam, obviously gauging whether to pursue the question further. He gave a huff and turned away from Sam to roll into the kitchen.
"Come give me a hand with some things," Bobby called out behind him.
Sam rushed forward to help, glad to be useful.
~~**~~
Sam piled the last of the car radios in the shed and brushed dirt from his hands, feeling his back crack as he stretched. He took a deep breath before he closed the door and bolted the lock in place. It had been two weeks since his encounter with Castiel, and Sam had done all but beg Bobby to keep him too busy to think. Lucky for Sam, Bobby had no trouble with that. There was plenty of work to keep Sam busy until the middle of next year. By the end of most days, Sam was too exhausted to think. Right now, he tried not to dwell on the fact that Dean had not called.
Sam moved back into the house to find that Bobby had already retired to his first floor bedroom. Sam rapped on the door.
"Do you need anything else before I go upstairs?" he asked.
"You can come in," Bobby called out.
Sam opened the door. Bobby was in bed, an old hardcover book in his hand. "I finished all the sorting you asked me to do," said Sam.
"Thanks," Bobby said. He lowered the book and set it down in his lap. "There's plenty more work for you to do tomorrow."
"Great." Sam closed the door, went to the fridge, and pulled out three beers. He went up to the second floor and put all but one of the beers in the bedroom before he went to the bathroom. Sam opened the bottle and tossed the cap in the trash. He took a long pull, catching his reflection in the mirror. He stared at himself and set the bottle aside. His mind swirled with thoughts of his encounter with Castiel.
Sam removed his flannel shirt and let it fall to the floor. He pulled off his t-shirt, set it down on the bathroom counter, and stared at himself. His skin had grown tanned with all the outdoor work he'd been doing these past few weeks. He pinched one of his nipples and felt his dick start to harden. Sam thought about Castiel's mouth as he caressed his chest with both hands. Closing his eyes, he licked his lips, the memory of Castiel's soft mouth beneath his own filling his mind. He trailed one hand down to the edge of his jeans fondling his growing erection through his pants. He'd tried not to think about Castiel. He'd made every effort to put Castiel out of his mind, and he'd tried not to wonder if Castiel ever thought about the kiss.
Despite his efforts, there was no denying it. Sam wanted that moment to happen again.
He leaned forward and dropped his gaze, a deep sigh escaping his lips. When he looked up at his reflection through his long bangs, Sam sneered.
"You are so fucked up," he told his other self. He reached out to touch the cheek of his mirror reflection and leaned forward to rest his head against the glass. His mind flashed back to the one fact he could not forget - Castiel had reciprocated. It hadn't been a one-sided kiss.
Sam eyed his warped reflection and pushed away from the glass feeling as though the entire subject was too close for comfort. Turning his back on his reflection, he unbuckled his belt then unbuttoned and unzipped his pants to pull them open. Sam leaned his ass against the counter and slid his hand through his briefs to cup himself. He squeezed once, and then pulled his hand out in frustration. He needed to shower. He felt dirty and disgusting. Sam let his jeans slide from his hips and stared at the floor. It was insane how horny he was, and his dick jerked just at the thought of that word. He rushed to remove his briefs, slipping them off and kicking them aside then turning toward the tub to start the shower. The cool air on his naked ass felt good, and his dick started to harden when he brushed the smooth length with his fingertips.
Sam stepped inside the shower with a sigh of relief. The hot water sluiced over his skin. His dick bobbed, but Sam ignored his erection. He shampooed his hair, allowing the lather to build and then washing it away. He thought about what Castiel would feel like against his naked skin, remembered how strong he'd felt when he had Sam pinned beneath him, his knees thrust between Sam's open legs. Castiel had felt sinewy when he'd been beneath him. Sam could tell that Castiel's body had not one ounce of fat on every inch of that six-foot frame.
Sam closed his eyes and moaned as he soaped up his chest and arms, taking his time with each caress. When his cock pulsed, Sam groaned aloud, but he still resisted. He continued to soap his chest and arms and stood under the hot water to wash the suds away, staring down at the drain and watching the foamy water swirl. Spreading his legs as far as he could manage in the enclosed space, he kneaded his thigh with one hand while he leaned against the wall with the other.
He resisted as long as he could before he wrapped his hand around his cock and gave it one long, slow stroke, flinging his head back and moaning at the touch. It sent thrills up and down his body, and his cock pulsed again. He stroked his length once more and imagined Castiel down on his knees before him with a wide-open, eager mouth.
"Yes," Sam moaned with each stroke of his cock. He slowed down whenever he found himself starting to speed up. He wanted it to last. He wanted to savor every second of the moment. It had been months since he'd been with anyone, and the last time he'd come into any contact remotely resembling something romantic had been the kiss he'd shared with Castiel.
His eyes still closed, Sam indulged in the pretense that Castiel was there. His beautiful blue eyes stared up at Sam and pleaded with him. Maybe Castiel was hurt, and Sam was there to comfort him. Sam almost cringed at the thought. Nevertheless, this was nothing more than a fantasy. Resolved, Sam envisioned Castiel on his knees because Sam put him there. Sam wanted Castiel to do his bidding. He would take Sam's cock into his mouth and suck him. Sam would thrust deep into his tight, hot mouth, and Castiel would keep his hands at his sides because Sam never allowed Castiel to touch him.
Sam's eyes flew open as he climaxed. His knees buckled, and he almost fell forward, but he managed at the last second to catch himself. He panted and continued to stroke his cock, watching each splash of come as it mixed with the spray of the water.
"Shit," Sam said. He slowly dropped to his knees and gripped the edge of the tub.
~~**~~
The next few weeks went by fast. Sam had no time to think because of all the work Bobby had him doing. He was glad for the distraction. Most nights he was too tired to do much more than collapse in bed and fall into dreamless sleep. They'd taken extra care to place wards around Bobby's property to keep all manner of angel or demon away. Some nights, Sam would have nightmares about the night he'd killed Lilith and raised the devil. Other nights he dreamed he was back with Dean, and they would hunt together. Those nights were the worst because he'd wake up with his chest feeling so empty that he thought he'd never be able to get out of bed. He dreaded those nights most.
He was working on a car when they stopped in to visit. Sam set the ratchet down, and straightened. He wiped his greasy hands on a dirty rag as he watched Ellen and Jo pull into the junk yard. Jo climbed from the car first and waved to Sam. Ellen didn't spare him a glance before she slammed the car door shut.
"Hey," Sam said. He abandoned his project and followed them up to the front of the house, flinching when Ellen gave him a sideways look that could kill. Not sure what she was mad about and afraid to ask, Sam somehow managed to sneak past them and opened the front door, stepping aside before Ellen walked right into him. Bobby was there to greet them.
"Bobby," Ellen said. She bent to give him a quick hug while Jo smiled and stared up at Sam. When Ellen straightened and spun to smack Sam across the chest, he flinched from the unexpected blow. "Why do you boys always have to be so stubborn?"
"I don't know, ma'am," Sam said. He rubbed his sternum where Ellen had slapped him and flinched when she wrapped her arms around him.
"Come here, you fool." Ellen squeezed him with all her strength, and Sam wrapped his arms around her. He tried to pull away, but Ellen wouldn't let go. When the hug ended, Sam turned to Jo, who shrugged and pulled a face.
"Don't get me wrong, I'm always glad to see a fellow hunter," Bobby said, "but what brings you to my neck of the woods? Last I heard you were up state on the trail of a demon nest." Bobby moved toward the kitchen, and Ellen followed, leaving Sam and Jo behind.
Jo turned, her blonde hair swirling around her head. "So you and Dean split up," she said with a twinkle in her eye and arms folded.
"We did," Sam said. He folded his own arms and frowned.
"I never thought I'd see the day," Jo said. Her eyes trailed up and down Sam and Sam cleared his throat, feeling uncomfortable. Jo smiled and punched him on the shoulder. "I'm kidding."
"Ha, ha," Sam said. He stumbled back a step when she jumped into his arms and gave him a big hug.
"Break it up," Ellen said. She and Bobby were back in the room, and Sam could see by their expressions that they hadn't just talked about the weather.
Sam pulled away from Jo, who walked to her mother's side. They all stared at him as if they were expecting him to make some kind of speech.
"What is it?" Sam asked. The tension in the room built; he tried not to fidget on the spot.
"We need your help," Ellen said.
"If it's about a hunt...." Sam began, but stopped when Bobby glared at him.
"This is one you're going to want to help with," Bobby said. He held up an old book. The title on the cover was so faded that Sam couldn't make it out. "After hearing what Ellen had to say, I have a suspicion about what they may have found."
Sam put his hands on his hips, ready to say no.
"This is big," Bobby said. "And you..." he pointed at Sam, "are going to help them because they are not going in alone on this one." He opened the book onto his lap and stared at the pages. "And there came another horseman, and he rode a pale horse and all things living that were touched by this horse withered in its wake." Bobby looked up to Sam.
"You're kidding," Sam said, feeling foolish even as he spoke the words because he knew that Bobby never joked about these things.
"It's Death, and he's just a few blocks away," Bobby said. "Well, not literally a few blocks, but close by, and we have to do something about this."
"How do you plan to stop Death?" Sam asked.
"I don't know," Bobby said with a glare.
"This thing is killing every living creature in its path," Ellen said. She glared up at Sam with narrowed eyes.
"But this is Death we're talking about," Sam said, hesitant to say what he was thinking. This was insane. They couldn't possibly think that they could fight it. Death was the one horseman that he'd hoped never to come across because there was no way they could win. They hadn't even beaten War. Sam wondered if he needed to remind them of how bad that particular encounter had gone.
"We have to do something," Jo said.
Sam could see from the expression on her face that she might be just as skeptical about the whole endeavor as he was.
"I get that, but what...?" Sam said with a frown. He wished more than anything that Dean was here, but he wasn't and Sam was. Sam held his hands up in surrender. "Okay, I'll go with you."
Ellen nodded and turned to Jo. "We better start packing. This is going to be a rough ride."
"Hold on a second," Bobby said. "First we need to do some research. You're not going into this half-cocked."
"That's right, we need to be full-cocked," Sam blurted without thinking. Wide-eyed, he turned to see that Ellen didn't find his comment amusing. Sam relaxed when her frown turned into a smile.
"We'll need some food," Ellen said. "I volunteer you two for food duty." Jo looked as though she would protest, but quickly shut her mouth when her mother narrowed her eyes.
Sam followed Jo into the kitchen and left Bobby and Ellen to start the research. He knew the whole endeavor was likely pointless but, if it made them all feel better, he was willing to go along. He wasn't about to voice his opinion in front of Ellen. She was kind of scary, and Sam held a small amount of sympathy for Jo. He pulled the leftover oven roast out of the fridge and set it down on the kitchen counter. Jo stood with her arms crossed, watching him take the plates from the cupboard. He set them down on the kitchen table and waited for her to speak her mind.
"I'm trying to figure out why," Jo said. She tilted her head and narrowed her eyes at him.
Sam shrugged. "Why what?" He thought he knew what she meant, but he wasn't about to guess. There was always a chance he'd get it wrong. He still flinched a little whenever he saw her after a long absence because of that demon possession thing.
"Why would you and Dean split up?" Jo leaned against the kitchen counter and screwed her face up.
"It's complicated," Sam said. He went back to the task of preparing something to eat.
"Why does it always have to be complicated with you two?" She wasn't letting up.
Sam stopped slicing the roast. "Because he's my brother and that's just how it is," he said. "Look, I got this covered, why don't you go help with the research?" He turned his back on her and picked up the knife again.
"I didn't mean to pry."
"Yes, you did," Sam said. He didn't bother turning around. He could feel his patience start to waver. He hoped if he ignored her she'd take his advice, but that didn't seem to be an option.
"Sam!" Ellen stormed into the kitchen with both hands on her hips, her face twisted with anger. Sam looked from her to Jo and wondered what the hell he'd done this time.
"Mom." Jo stepped in between her mother and Sam.
"When were you going to tell us that you're Satan?" Ellen said. Sam looked to Bobby who was right behind Ellen. Bobby shrugged.
"Sorry, she got it out of me," Bobby said. He didn't sound sorry and Sam clenched his jaw in frustration.
Ellen was still glaring, and Jo had spun to stare at him, confused.
"I'm not Satan," Sam said.
"Let me guess," Jo said. She crossed her arms again, anger growing on her face. "It's complicated."
"Yes, it is," said Sam. He stared her down until she looked away then turned his glare on Ellen. Sam held up his hands. "Lucifer's supposed to ride in my skin, but I am not about to let him."
The room went silent. Bobby ducked his head, looking contrite. Sam felt as if his whole world were crumbling. He would have to leave. There was no way he could stay there.
Jo blinked first. "We know you'd never say yes." Jo looked to her mother, her eyes pleading. "Right, Mom?" Sam could hear the hesitation in her voice. Sam watched and Ellen didn't flinch. He could tell she didn't trust him. He knew that look. He'd seen it in Dean's eyes a few times.
Sam turned and walked out of the room, past Ellen, past Jo, and past Bobby, who turned his chair to follow Sam. Rushing up the stairs to his bedroom, he began to pack his bag thinking he could hide the bag under the bed until it got dark and be on the road before anyone knew he was missing. The door swung open on its hinges, and Sam turned to see Jo staring at him.
"It sucks to be you," she quipped.
'Yes, it does,' Sam wanted to say, but instead he stuffed his shirts into his bag and pulled the zipper shut. "I can't go with you to fight Death," he said. He sat down on the bed and Jo flopped down beside him. The old bed shook from their weight. Sam took a deep breath, his eyes focused on the wall before him.
"What are you going to do next?" Jo turned on her side and propped her head up on one hand. Sam stared down at Jo as she played with the hem of his t-shirt. Once upon a time things could have been different between them, but too much water under the bridge and too much pain between them made that impossible.
"I'm not sure," Sam said with a sigh. He seemed to do that a lot these days.
"I have an idea," Jo said. She sat up and jumped into his lap, straddling him. She held his head and mashed her mouth against his lips then pushed him down on the bed. Sam struggled and tried to pull away, but she was stronger than he remembered.
"What the hell," Sam said once he managed to pull her back. Her eyes turned black, and that's when he knew she - it - wasn't Jo. Maybe it had never been Jo. Then Sam realized too late, that they hadn't even tested Jo and Ellen for demon possession. He also realized at the exact same time that Jo's anti-possession necklace was gone.
PART 2
Pairing: Sam/Castiel
Rating: NC-17
INFO
Sam felt almost human when he stepped out of the shower. He rubbed his wet hair with the towel, glad to be clean. Sitting down on the bed in the spare room and placing his watch and ring on the nightstand, Sam contemplated his decision to see Bobby. He'd thought it would clear his head, but all the trip had accomplished was to make Sam feel even more anxious.
Standing, Sam let the towel drop to the floor. Just as he started to dress, the silent flutter of wings filled the air. He turned to find Castiel standing behind him, much too close for comfort. The fact that Sam was still naked didn't seem to faze Castiel in the least. He stood looking up into Sam's eyes without a word then his gaze trailed down and back up to fall on Sam's chest.
"I'm kind of in the middle of something here, Cas," Sam said when the silence and the stares went on too long.
Sam tried to indicate with body language that he wanted Castiel to move, but Castiel stood his ground and continued to scrutinize him as though Sam were some foreign object. When the subtle approach didn't work, Sam returned Castiel's stare, narrowing his eyes and tilting his own head in imitation of Castiel's posture.
"I heard some disturbing news," Castiel said, his gaze fixed on the anti-possession tattoo on Sam's chest.
"Did Dean tell you?" Sam asked. He sat down on the bed, used his t-shirt to cover himself, and breathed a sigh of relief when Castiel finally moved away.
"No," Castiel said. If Sam didn't know better, he would swear that Castiel sounded miserable about the fact that Dean hadn't confided in him. Now, as Sam paid closer attention, he realized that Castiel not only sounded but also looked miserable. His shoulders seemed to droop, and when he turned to face Sam again, there was darkness in Castiel's eyes.
"Did you know about this all along?" Sam asked. He looked down at himself and wished Castiel would give him some privacy. He was about to ask for just that when Castiel spoke up.
"I didn't. I was only told what I needed to know," Castiel said.
"Hey, Cas, could you..." Sam started to say. Much to Sam's frustration, Castiel sat down on the bed beside him, staring down at the floor. Sam sighed and stood up, dressing as quickly as he could. He kept his own eyes averted, hoping that Castiel wouldn't look up - not that he was ashamed of his body, because he wasn't. He just wasn't into being naked in front of other people, especially when that other person happened to be an angel.
When Sam did look over at Castiel, he saw that Castiel was staring at him. Sam cleared his throat, and sat down on the bed again beside Castiel.
"What do you plan to do?" Castiel asked, turning to look at Sam. There was a hint of accusation in his eyes and in the tone of his voice.
"I told him I'd never say yes," Sam said with firm confidence.
"He can be very persuasive," Castiel said. Their gazes locked and Sam felt frustration build deep inside his gut.
"I don't care. I will never say yes to that arrogant SOB," Sam said. He broke the gaze, unable to look Castiel in the eyes any longer. He could feel heat build up in his body at their closeness. Sam quashed those thoughts just as he'd done all the other times he'd been in Castiel's presence.
"Plenty of angels, more powerful and with stronger wills than your own, have said yes to him."
Sam stood and turned on Castiel, practically shoving his finger in Castiel's face.
"I'm not going to say yes!" Sam exclaimed, his anger growing with each passing second. "He's fucking Satan, for God's sake! I won't say yes! I never will! Oh, and by the way, how's that search for God going? Maybe if he showed his sorry deadbeat ass around here, none of this would have happened!"
Castiel stood in a flurry of motion, his trench coat swirling around him as he grabbed Sam by the t-shirt and flung him onto the bed. Sam lay sprawled across the bed, his legs spread wide, staring up at the expression of anger blazing on Castiel's face. Castiel rushed forward and pushed a knee between Sam's legs.
"Do not speak that way about my father!" Castiel shouted. His voice filled the room and Sam flinched as the sound echoed in his head. Sam suppressed a shiver when Castiel leaned in closer and placed his hand on Sam's chest, pinning Sam to the bed. Sam clenched his jaw, fear and desire roiling in his gut, thinking that maybe angering Castiel hadn't been such a great idea.
Sam felt his head swim as he reached up and grabbed hold of the tie that dangled from Castiel's neck. All he needed to do was yank, and the space that separated them would vanish. In the back of his mind, a voice screamed not to do it, but his body shouted something else. He pulled Castiel in close until Castiel lost his balance and fell down on top of Sam, their mouths crashed together and Sam pushed his tongue past Castiel's closed lips, forcing them open. When Castiel didn't resist, Sam took it as an invitation. He devoured Castiel's lush mouth, using his advantage to roll them over, grinding his hips against Castiel. Sam's growing erection stiffened.
Castiel broke the kiss and stared up at Sam. In one swift movement, he pushed Sam off and jumped from the bed. Sam lay in a heap, stunned by what had just happened. When he glanced up, he saw Castiel touch his own mouth and, in the next moment, he vanished in a rush of air and a flurry of wings.
Sam sat up.
"Fuck." Sam touched his tingling lips. He could still feel the press of Castiel's lips on his own. He'd always wondered what an angel tasted like. Now he knew.
~~**~~
When he went downstairs, Sam found Bobby lost in thought.
"Hey Bobby," Sam said. He tucked his hands into his jeans pockets and took a deep breath.
"Did he talk to you?"
Sam nodded and glanced around the room. He assumed Bobby meant Castiel and half-expected him to be down here. When Castiel didn't make an appearance, Sam relaxed and slumped down on the sofa. He stared at Bobby's expectant expression.
"Well," said Bobby, his eyes wide. "Did you at least listen to what he had to say?"
"We sort of got into a fight." Sam bowed his head in shame and hid behind his bangs. Bobby bumped against Sam's leg with his chair and, when Sam looked up, Bobby was glaring at him.
"Why do I even try?" Bobby said with a shake of his head. "You can't keep doing this."
"Doing what, Bobby?" Sam asked. He felt trapped on the sofa, unable to move without pushing Bobby's chair aside, and that just seemed like a nasty thing to do to his friend.
"Doing this," Bobby said with a wave of one hand. They sat in silence and Bobby reached out to touch Sam on the knee. "Look, I get it. This is a tough one, and I wish I knew what to say here."
"No offence, Bobby, but you don't get it. I'm supposed to let the devil ride around inside my skin. And it seems like I don't have a say in the matter."
"Don't be stupid," Bobby said with a look of distaste.
"He told me I would say yes," Sam said. He stared down at his hands, overwhelmed with the burden of it all. His chest felt constricted, and he wished more than anything that Dean was there.
"Well, Satan doesn't know you like I do," Bobby said with indignation. He squared his shoulders and leaned back in his chair. "If you want, you can stay here for awhile."
"Thanks, Bobby." Sam felt just a little of the weight lift from his shoulders.
"So what did you and Castiel fight about?" Bobby asked, rolling his chair out of the way.
"Nothing," Sam said. He stood up and resisted the urge to touch his lips, his mind flashing back to the kiss. "It was stupid."
Bobby stared up at Sam, obviously gauging whether to pursue the question further. He gave a huff and turned away from Sam to roll into the kitchen.
"Come give me a hand with some things," Bobby called out behind him.
Sam rushed forward to help, glad to be useful.
~~**~~
Sam piled the last of the car radios in the shed and brushed dirt from his hands, feeling his back crack as he stretched. He took a deep breath before he closed the door and bolted the lock in place. It had been two weeks since his encounter with Castiel, and Sam had done all but beg Bobby to keep him too busy to think. Lucky for Sam, Bobby had no trouble with that. There was plenty of work to keep Sam busy until the middle of next year. By the end of most days, Sam was too exhausted to think. Right now, he tried not to dwell on the fact that Dean had not called.
Sam moved back into the house to find that Bobby had already retired to his first floor bedroom. Sam rapped on the door.
"Do you need anything else before I go upstairs?" he asked.
"You can come in," Bobby called out.
Sam opened the door. Bobby was in bed, an old hardcover book in his hand. "I finished all the sorting you asked me to do," said Sam.
"Thanks," Bobby said. He lowered the book and set it down in his lap. "There's plenty more work for you to do tomorrow."
"Great." Sam closed the door, went to the fridge, and pulled out three beers. He went up to the second floor and put all but one of the beers in the bedroom before he went to the bathroom. Sam opened the bottle and tossed the cap in the trash. He took a long pull, catching his reflection in the mirror. He stared at himself and set the bottle aside. His mind swirled with thoughts of his encounter with Castiel.
Sam removed his flannel shirt and let it fall to the floor. He pulled off his t-shirt, set it down on the bathroom counter, and stared at himself. His skin had grown tanned with all the outdoor work he'd been doing these past few weeks. He pinched one of his nipples and felt his dick start to harden. Sam thought about Castiel's mouth as he caressed his chest with both hands. Closing his eyes, he licked his lips, the memory of Castiel's soft mouth beneath his own filling his mind. He trailed one hand down to the edge of his jeans fondling his growing erection through his pants. He'd tried not to think about Castiel. He'd made every effort to put Castiel out of his mind, and he'd tried not to wonder if Castiel ever thought about the kiss.
Despite his efforts, there was no denying it. Sam wanted that moment to happen again.
He leaned forward and dropped his gaze, a deep sigh escaping his lips. When he looked up at his reflection through his long bangs, Sam sneered.
"You are so fucked up," he told his other self. He reached out to touch the cheek of his mirror reflection and leaned forward to rest his head against the glass. His mind flashed back to the one fact he could not forget - Castiel had reciprocated. It hadn't been a one-sided kiss.
Sam eyed his warped reflection and pushed away from the glass feeling as though the entire subject was too close for comfort. Turning his back on his reflection, he unbuckled his belt then unbuttoned and unzipped his pants to pull them open. Sam leaned his ass against the counter and slid his hand through his briefs to cup himself. He squeezed once, and then pulled his hand out in frustration. He needed to shower. He felt dirty and disgusting. Sam let his jeans slide from his hips and stared at the floor. It was insane how horny he was, and his dick jerked just at the thought of that word. He rushed to remove his briefs, slipping them off and kicking them aside then turning toward the tub to start the shower. The cool air on his naked ass felt good, and his dick started to harden when he brushed the smooth length with his fingertips.
Sam stepped inside the shower with a sigh of relief. The hot water sluiced over his skin. His dick bobbed, but Sam ignored his erection. He shampooed his hair, allowing the lather to build and then washing it away. He thought about what Castiel would feel like against his naked skin, remembered how strong he'd felt when he had Sam pinned beneath him, his knees thrust between Sam's open legs. Castiel had felt sinewy when he'd been beneath him. Sam could tell that Castiel's body had not one ounce of fat on every inch of that six-foot frame.
Sam closed his eyes and moaned as he soaped up his chest and arms, taking his time with each caress. When his cock pulsed, Sam groaned aloud, but he still resisted. He continued to soap his chest and arms and stood under the hot water to wash the suds away, staring down at the drain and watching the foamy water swirl. Spreading his legs as far as he could manage in the enclosed space, he kneaded his thigh with one hand while he leaned against the wall with the other.
He resisted as long as he could before he wrapped his hand around his cock and gave it one long, slow stroke, flinging his head back and moaning at the touch. It sent thrills up and down his body, and his cock pulsed again. He stroked his length once more and imagined Castiel down on his knees before him with a wide-open, eager mouth.
"Yes," Sam moaned with each stroke of his cock. He slowed down whenever he found himself starting to speed up. He wanted it to last. He wanted to savor every second of the moment. It had been months since he'd been with anyone, and the last time he'd come into any contact remotely resembling something romantic had been the kiss he'd shared with Castiel.
His eyes still closed, Sam indulged in the pretense that Castiel was there. His beautiful blue eyes stared up at Sam and pleaded with him. Maybe Castiel was hurt, and Sam was there to comfort him. Sam almost cringed at the thought. Nevertheless, this was nothing more than a fantasy. Resolved, Sam envisioned Castiel on his knees because Sam put him there. Sam wanted Castiel to do his bidding. He would take Sam's cock into his mouth and suck him. Sam would thrust deep into his tight, hot mouth, and Castiel would keep his hands at his sides because Sam never allowed Castiel to touch him.
Sam's eyes flew open as he climaxed. His knees buckled, and he almost fell forward, but he managed at the last second to catch himself. He panted and continued to stroke his cock, watching each splash of come as it mixed with the spray of the water.
"Shit," Sam said. He slowly dropped to his knees and gripped the edge of the tub.
~~**~~
The next few weeks went by fast. Sam had no time to think because of all the work Bobby had him doing. He was glad for the distraction. Most nights he was too tired to do much more than collapse in bed and fall into dreamless sleep. They'd taken extra care to place wards around Bobby's property to keep all manner of angel or demon away. Some nights, Sam would have nightmares about the night he'd killed Lilith and raised the devil. Other nights he dreamed he was back with Dean, and they would hunt together. Those nights were the worst because he'd wake up with his chest feeling so empty that he thought he'd never be able to get out of bed. He dreaded those nights most.
He was working on a car when they stopped in to visit. Sam set the ratchet down, and straightened. He wiped his greasy hands on a dirty rag as he watched Ellen and Jo pull into the junk yard. Jo climbed from the car first and waved to Sam. Ellen didn't spare him a glance before she slammed the car door shut.
"Hey," Sam said. He abandoned his project and followed them up to the front of the house, flinching when Ellen gave him a sideways look that could kill. Not sure what she was mad about and afraid to ask, Sam somehow managed to sneak past them and opened the front door, stepping aside before Ellen walked right into him. Bobby was there to greet them.
"Bobby," Ellen said. She bent to give him a quick hug while Jo smiled and stared up at Sam. When Ellen straightened and spun to smack Sam across the chest, he flinched from the unexpected blow. "Why do you boys always have to be so stubborn?"
"I don't know, ma'am," Sam said. He rubbed his sternum where Ellen had slapped him and flinched when she wrapped her arms around him.
"Come here, you fool." Ellen squeezed him with all her strength, and Sam wrapped his arms around her. He tried to pull away, but Ellen wouldn't let go. When the hug ended, Sam turned to Jo, who shrugged and pulled a face.
"Don't get me wrong, I'm always glad to see a fellow hunter," Bobby said, "but what brings you to my neck of the woods? Last I heard you were up state on the trail of a demon nest." Bobby moved toward the kitchen, and Ellen followed, leaving Sam and Jo behind.
Jo turned, her blonde hair swirling around her head. "So you and Dean split up," she said with a twinkle in her eye and arms folded.
"We did," Sam said. He folded his own arms and frowned.
"I never thought I'd see the day," Jo said. Her eyes trailed up and down Sam and Sam cleared his throat, feeling uncomfortable. Jo smiled and punched him on the shoulder. "I'm kidding."
"Ha, ha," Sam said. He stumbled back a step when she jumped into his arms and gave him a big hug.
"Break it up," Ellen said. She and Bobby were back in the room, and Sam could see by their expressions that they hadn't just talked about the weather.
Sam pulled away from Jo, who walked to her mother's side. They all stared at him as if they were expecting him to make some kind of speech.
"What is it?" Sam asked. The tension in the room built; he tried not to fidget on the spot.
"We need your help," Ellen said.
"If it's about a hunt...." Sam began, but stopped when Bobby glared at him.
"This is one you're going to want to help with," Bobby said. He held up an old book. The title on the cover was so faded that Sam couldn't make it out. "After hearing what Ellen had to say, I have a suspicion about what they may have found."
Sam put his hands on his hips, ready to say no.
"This is big," Bobby said. "And you..." he pointed at Sam, "are going to help them because they are not going in alone on this one." He opened the book onto his lap and stared at the pages. "And there came another horseman, and he rode a pale horse and all things living that were touched by this horse withered in its wake." Bobby looked up to Sam.
"You're kidding," Sam said, feeling foolish even as he spoke the words because he knew that Bobby never joked about these things.
"It's Death, and he's just a few blocks away," Bobby said. "Well, not literally a few blocks, but close by, and we have to do something about this."
"How do you plan to stop Death?" Sam asked.
"I don't know," Bobby said with a glare.
"This thing is killing every living creature in its path," Ellen said. She glared up at Sam with narrowed eyes.
"But this is Death we're talking about," Sam said, hesitant to say what he was thinking. This was insane. They couldn't possibly think that they could fight it. Death was the one horseman that he'd hoped never to come across because there was no way they could win. They hadn't even beaten War. Sam wondered if he needed to remind them of how bad that particular encounter had gone.
"We have to do something," Jo said.
Sam could see from the expression on her face that she might be just as skeptical about the whole endeavor as he was.
"I get that, but what...?" Sam said with a frown. He wished more than anything that Dean was here, but he wasn't and Sam was. Sam held his hands up in surrender. "Okay, I'll go with you."
Ellen nodded and turned to Jo. "We better start packing. This is going to be a rough ride."
"Hold on a second," Bobby said. "First we need to do some research. You're not going into this half-cocked."
"That's right, we need to be full-cocked," Sam blurted without thinking. Wide-eyed, he turned to see that Ellen didn't find his comment amusing. Sam relaxed when her frown turned into a smile.
"We'll need some food," Ellen said. "I volunteer you two for food duty." Jo looked as though she would protest, but quickly shut her mouth when her mother narrowed her eyes.
Sam followed Jo into the kitchen and left Bobby and Ellen to start the research. He knew the whole endeavor was likely pointless but, if it made them all feel better, he was willing to go along. He wasn't about to voice his opinion in front of Ellen. She was kind of scary, and Sam held a small amount of sympathy for Jo. He pulled the leftover oven roast out of the fridge and set it down on the kitchen counter. Jo stood with her arms crossed, watching him take the plates from the cupboard. He set them down on the kitchen table and waited for her to speak her mind.
"I'm trying to figure out why," Jo said. She tilted her head and narrowed her eyes at him.
Sam shrugged. "Why what?" He thought he knew what she meant, but he wasn't about to guess. There was always a chance he'd get it wrong. He still flinched a little whenever he saw her after a long absence because of that demon possession thing.
"Why would you and Dean split up?" Jo leaned against the kitchen counter and screwed her face up.
"It's complicated," Sam said. He went back to the task of preparing something to eat.
"Why does it always have to be complicated with you two?" She wasn't letting up.
Sam stopped slicing the roast. "Because he's my brother and that's just how it is," he said. "Look, I got this covered, why don't you go help with the research?" He turned his back on her and picked up the knife again.
"I didn't mean to pry."
"Yes, you did," Sam said. He didn't bother turning around. He could feel his patience start to waver. He hoped if he ignored her she'd take his advice, but that didn't seem to be an option.
"Sam!" Ellen stormed into the kitchen with both hands on her hips, her face twisted with anger. Sam looked from her to Jo and wondered what the hell he'd done this time.
"Mom." Jo stepped in between her mother and Sam.
"When were you going to tell us that you're Satan?" Ellen said. Sam looked to Bobby who was right behind Ellen. Bobby shrugged.
"Sorry, she got it out of me," Bobby said. He didn't sound sorry and Sam clenched his jaw in frustration.
Ellen was still glaring, and Jo had spun to stare at him, confused.
"I'm not Satan," Sam said.
"Let me guess," Jo said. She crossed her arms again, anger growing on her face. "It's complicated."
"Yes, it is," said Sam. He stared her down until she looked away then turned his glare on Ellen. Sam held up his hands. "Lucifer's supposed to ride in my skin, but I am not about to let him."
The room went silent. Bobby ducked his head, looking contrite. Sam felt as if his whole world were crumbling. He would have to leave. There was no way he could stay there.
Jo blinked first. "We know you'd never say yes." Jo looked to her mother, her eyes pleading. "Right, Mom?" Sam could hear the hesitation in her voice. Sam watched and Ellen didn't flinch. He could tell she didn't trust him. He knew that look. He'd seen it in Dean's eyes a few times.
Sam turned and walked out of the room, past Ellen, past Jo, and past Bobby, who turned his chair to follow Sam. Rushing up the stairs to his bedroom, he began to pack his bag thinking he could hide the bag under the bed until it got dark and be on the road before anyone knew he was missing. The door swung open on its hinges, and Sam turned to see Jo staring at him.
"It sucks to be you," she quipped.
'Yes, it does,' Sam wanted to say, but instead he stuffed his shirts into his bag and pulled the zipper shut. "I can't go with you to fight Death," he said. He sat down on the bed and Jo flopped down beside him. The old bed shook from their weight. Sam took a deep breath, his eyes focused on the wall before him.
"What are you going to do next?" Jo turned on her side and propped her head up on one hand. Sam stared down at Jo as she played with the hem of his t-shirt. Once upon a time things could have been different between them, but too much water under the bridge and too much pain between them made that impossible.
"I'm not sure," Sam said with a sigh. He seemed to do that a lot these days.
"I have an idea," Jo said. She sat up and jumped into his lap, straddling him. She held his head and mashed her mouth against his lips then pushed him down on the bed. Sam struggled and tried to pull away, but she was stronger than he remembered.
"What the hell," Sam said once he managed to pull her back. Her eyes turned black, and that's when he knew she - it - wasn't Jo. Maybe it had never been Jo. Then Sam realized too late, that they hadn't even tested Jo and Ellen for demon possession. He also realized at the exact same time that Jo's anti-possession necklace was gone.
PART 2