We're All Born With a Year's Worth of Apologies [2/3]
Title: We're All Born With a Year's Worth of Apologies
Author: gothicxpianist
Pairing(s): Brendon/Ryan, Jon/Spencer
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Brendon didn't come back to Vegas to fall in love.
POV: Third Person
Beta: infrontofthesea
Disclaimer: All fake.
A/N: Just a little AU. 9,000+ words. Enjoy!
Part One
By 8:30, Brendon's showered, dressed in a pair of sweat pants and an old Journey tee shirt that's slightly too small, and bored to death.
Spencer's in his room getting ready now, and Brendon plops in front of the TV, looking for any game consoles. He finds an Xbox 360, and an old Nintendo 64. He grins and pulls out the 64, rummaging around for an old Mario Kart game.
He chooses Princess Peach, and plops back on the couch contently.
Brendon's mind wanders during the game, and he's pretty much playing on autopilot. He never really had much friends when he lived in Vegas; Spencer was his closest. Brendon makes a sharp turn on the screen, barely avoiding one of those damn turtle shells, and wonders if the old playground is still there. The one by his high school that he always met Spencer at in the middle of the night when he just couldn't take it anymore.
He makes a frustrated noise as he slides off the road, into the water. It puts him in 6th place, and Brendon pouts.
"Stupid Peach," he mutters.
He wonders if Spencer will take him to the playground sometime during his stay. He kind of wants to go back, just to remember. Even if they weren't always the fondest memories, they were still memories. Ones that Brendon likes to keep tucked away to remind himself why he left.
The door to the apartment opens suddenly, and Brendon looks up, startled. Ryan strides in, sunglasses perched on his nose and wooden bracelets knocking together as he jingles his keys in greeting. Brendon nods, and when he glances back at the screen, he sees he fell off the edge again. He grumbles dejectedly, putting the game on pause.
Ryan just smiles at him, walking over and sitting next to Brendon on the small couch. He's wearing a white button down with a brown vest over it and snug blue jeans. Brendon feels slightly self conscious in his old grey sweatpants and thin tee shirt.
Ryan leans back in the couch, toeing off his shoes, and Brendon gets a whiff of his cologne. It's sort of spicy-sweet, sharp, with just a hint of something else in there that's just Ryan. Brendon kind of wants to bury his nose in Ryan's neck or something, but blushes and shakes his head as the thought crosses his mind.
Brendon nods his head towards the other controller. "Wanna play?"
Ryan shrugs, reaching forward. "I kind of suck, but okay."
Brendon grins as he restarts the game and sees Ryan choose Luigi.
"Dork," Brendon grins, and Ryan just nudges his shoulder and says,
"You're going down, Princess."
--
Ryan, it turns out, does not suck at Mario Kart. In fact, Brendon would even go as far as to say Ryan's the Mario Kart master or something. Brendon's just sitting, mouth agape as Ryan wins yet again.
"You are a big fat liar," Brendon says pointedly, and Ryan just laughs as they start another round.
"No, you just suck at Mario Kart," he says in reply, proceeding to push Brendon off the course, into the water. Brendon pouts, and then grins, poking Ryan's side. The older boy jumps and says,
"No, that's cheating." He laughs as Brendon does it again, trying to squirm away without messing up his winning streak on the game. Brendon's controller is long forgotten, having fallen to the floor. His character is just sitting contently on the side of the road, last place.
Eventually Ryan yelps out, "Okay, you are so done," before tossing his controller to the side and turning to Brendon, pressing long fingers into the younger's sides.
Brendon squeaks and says, "No, nonono, Ryan," as the other boy grabs a hold of one of Brendon's wrists, locking it in place while he continues to press his fingers into Brendon's abdomen.
"Stop, stop okay I give up!" Brendon gasps out, arching his back and scrambling to the corner of the couch when he's finally let free. Ryan laughs and crosses his arms triumphantly.
Brendon's cheeks are flushed and his voice is still slightly tinged with laughter when he says, "You are a mean person."
Ryan gives him a fond smile and leans forward on the couch, and for a brief second Brendon thinks he's going to kiss him, but Ryan leans back just as Spencer walks into the room, hair damp and clean.
"Hey Ryan," Spencer says, coming over and squishing himself next to Brendon. Brendon finds himself pressed in the middle of the two boys, his thigh flush against Ryan's. Ryan just grabs his controller off the ground and says,
"C'mon Spencer. I'll let you be Mario."
--
They pretty much spend the whole rest of the day playing Spencer's large variety of video games, and when Jon gets home later that day they all squish together on the couch and watch movies.
They are currently watching Pretty in Pink and Brendon's practically on top of Ryan because Spencer's feet are pulled up on the couch, pushing Brendon even further towards Ryan while Spencer happily takes up all the room he likes, snuggled up against Jon.
Ryan's never seen this movie before, and when it ends he furrows his eyebrows and leans back.
"Why did she choose the douche?" he asks, confused. Brendon shrugs, his shoulder brushing against Ryan's.
"I don't know, I didn't write it."
Ryan just frowns and looks down at his lap, and then he lifts his head and tilts his head at Brendon.
"Well, I would've picked Duckie," he says quietly, and Brendon swallows.
"Me too," Brendon replies, averting his eyes. Ryan's so close, and Brendon can feel his puffs of breath against his cheek. It's warm and it smells like coffee and the spice cookies Jon brought home for them.
Suddenly Spencer stretches and groans as his joints pop. "Bed," he mumbles, and Jon laughs and helps him up into a standing position. Brendon shifts over into Spencer's now vacant space, away from Ryan, away from temptation. Ryan doesn't seem to notice, stretching his neck and yawning.
"Staying over?" Spencer asks sleepily, and Ryan grins.
"Do you even need to ask?"
Spencer laughs tiredly and says, "Okay. Night."
Jon nods once to them before ushering Spencer back to their room to pass out. Brendon scratches his neck awkwardly before standing up too.
Ryan smiles up at him. "So. Since a certain boy stole my room I have to sleep on this tiny couch."
It's a bland statement and Brendon flushes, "I - um, sorry. I mean, I could totally, like - "
Ryan cuts him off with a laugh. "I was kidding. It's cool. This couch is actually really comfortable."
Brendon shifts awkwardly on his feet, grinning at the floor. "Yeah. Um."
It quiet for a few moments, the sound of the menu screen for Pretty in Pink back up on the television. Brendon motions behind him and asks,
"You want me to turn this off for you?"
Ryan shakes his head, waving his hand. "Nah. I think I'm going to watch a little TV before I go to sleep."
Brendon nods and mumbles, "Okay. Um, goodnight then," under his breath, shuffling off to his room.
He doesn't miss the quiet, amused laugh as he walks away though.
--
Brendon's woken up by someone shaking him. He grumbles and slaps half heartedly at the hand, rolling over.
"Brendon, Breeeeeeendon," someone says, and Brendon forces his eyes halfway open, glaring.
"What."
Spencer grins at him innocently and says, "I just wanted to tell you that Jon took off work today and he's going to take me out. Is it okay if you just chill with Ryan today?"
Brendon flaps a hand at him, mumbling something about "yeah, sure, whatever, go away" into his pillow. He closes his eyes again and is already dozing off as Spencer rolls his eyes and leaves.
Brendon sighs, snuggling more comfortably into the sheets. The bed is really damn soft. And it smells nice. It kind of smells like Ryan.
Brendon breathes in deep, the scent making him even more drowsy, and before he knows it he's fallen asleep again.
--
"Okay, where are we going again?" Ryan asks, adjusting his sunglasses on his face. Brendon runs a hand through his hair and smiles.
"You'll see," he says, but then pauses. "Well. I hope you'll see. It might not be there anymore."
Ryan just raises an eyebrow and stuffs his hands in his pockets.
It's mid morning, and it's warm and bright out. There's a slight breeze, but not enough to cool them off. Brendon can feel his shirt beginning to stick to his body and he makes a face and he runs a hand across his forehead. He glances over at Ryan, who's seemingly at ease and not bothered whatsoever by the heat. He's even wearing jeans. Brendon just shakes his head in disbelief.
Eventually they turn a familiar corner and Ryan's eyes light up. "You don't happen to be taking me to a certain playground, do you?"
Brendon glances over at Ryan. "Actually, yes. I am. You've been there?"
Ryan nods happily, smiling as said playground comes into view. There are a few children climbing around, but not many.
"Me and Spencer came here a lot after classes. Our college was just a few blocks away," Ryan says, nodding to their right in the direction of said college.
Brendon feels a weird pang in his chest, because. Because this was his and Spencer's playground, not Ryan and Spencer's playground. Brendon feels like yet another part of Spencer that was his is gone now. He knows it's immature and selfish, but. He can't help it.
Brendon tries to keep a blank face, biting his lip, and Ryan looks at him questioningly as the silence continues on. Brendon blinks and forces a smile.
"Wanna go on the swings?"
Ryan grins and nods, letting Brendon lead the way to the two vacant swings on the other side.
They each settle themselves on a swing, and it feels strange with Ryan next to him instead of Spencer. Brendon hasn't been here in years, and he kind of thought the first person to come back with him would be Spencer. He doesn't mind that it's Ryan, it just feels.... different.
They gently sway in silence, watching people walk by and such. Brendon grips the chains tight, toeing the ground, Everything looks exactly the same as it did before. Brendon kind of wishes it didn't.
He feels his throat start to tighten, but he swallows it down quickly.
Ryan looks at him eventually, hesitating before saying, "I know we don't know each other that well, but. I'd really like to know," he pauses, and looks down before asking, "Why'd you leave?"
Brendon stops swaying in his swing, jerking himself by shoving his toe hard into the dirt. He looks over at Ryan and says,
"I told you at the firework thing."
Ryan blinks. "You said you 'needed to get out of here'," he points out. "But why did you need to get out of here?"
Brendon sighs and runs a hand through his hair. It's not really exciting or intense or anything. But he doesn't really see the hurt in telling Ryan. He seems like a guy someone can trust, and that won't judge you.
Brendon starts gently pushing against the ground again, swinging himself slightly. "I was suffocating here."
Ryan stays quiet, just watching him. He tilts his head to the side and Brendon keeps his eyes to his feet, continuing,
"My parents didn't support me. You know, with what I wanted to be."
"What did you want to be?" Ryan asks, pushing his sliding sunglasses back up his nose. Brendon blushes slightly when he says,
"A singer on Broadway."
Ryan just grins in response. "I think you'd be a great singer on Broadway."
Brendon huffs out a laugh. "Yeah? Why do you say that? You've never even heard me sing."
Ryan gets this glint in his eye as he says, "You're not exactly the quietest thing in the world when you shower."
Brendon flushes and rubs the back of his neck. He knows that Ryan's talking about him loudly belting out the Lion King soundtrack while showering this morning, but the second meaning in his statement is undeniably obvious.
"Sorry," Brendon says, embarrassed. Ryan shakes his head quickly, saying,
"No, I liked it. You have a gorgeous voice."
Brendon bites his lip on a smile, glancing at the boy next to him. "Thanks."
Ryan just knocks their swings together and says, "okay. Back on topic."
Brendon makes a face. it's not that it's hard for him to talk about or anything, he'd just rather not. He doesn't want to bore Ryan with his sob story, but the boy seems interested enough so Brendon goes on.
"I secretly joined the school's choir," Brendon says and laughs slightly when Ryan says, "rebel" jokingly.
"They found out eventually though," Brendon says, dragging his toe in a circle in the dirt below him. Ryan glances at him questioningly.
"What did they do?"
Brendon shrugs. "They made me quit. Took away my guitar. All of my CD's."
Ryan makes a soft noise and Brendon looks up. Ryan's sunglasses are now perched on top of his head and his eyes are sympathetic and wide, caramel irises radiating comfort. Brendon looks away.
"They really didn't want me to be a singer."
Ryan hooks his foot around Brendon's leg, pulling him close and then releasing, watching him swing away. "What did they want you to be?"
Brendon sighs and says, "A missionary." He pauses, but then says quietly, "But it would kind of be hard to preach about something that I didn't even believe in myself."
Ryan makes an understanding noise and asks, "Did you ever tell them that?"
Brendon laughs bitterly, remembering. "Yeah. Apparently that was the last straw though because not long after they arranged to send me to some Mormon boot camp thing."
Ryan makes a face. "Shit, dude. How did that go?"
Brendon grows quieter as he states, "It didn't."
Ryan stops swaying in his swing. Brendon goes on,
"That 'last straw' from me was also the last straw from them," he says. "The night before I was supposed to leave, I packed my shit and left."
"Did you, um," Ryan starts, "did you tell Spence?"
Brendon nods. "I called him while I was at the bus stop. He came right away. He didn't try to stop me, but he made me promise not to lose touch." Brendon hesitates, but then whispers,
"That was the last time I saw him for five and a half years."
A silence falls over them, the only noise being the laughing children and the cars passing by. Eventually Ryan asks,
"What about your family?"
Brendon bites his lip, feeling his throat start to tighten up again. He tries to swallow, but this time it won't go away. Ryan looks at him when he fails to answer and Brendon forces himself to speak.
"They never came looking for me," he says. "It's not like I would've been hard to find, either. I had my cellphone with me and everything. They didn't call, or send out police, or..... just. Nothing."
There was a part of Brendon that always hoped they'd come looking, but there was also a part that was glad they didn't. Eventually, about 2 months after he left, the part of him that had always hoped died off. He'd accepted the fact that his parents just... didn't care.
Brendon's chest feels tight and he feels too warm and he kind of wants to just scream. He clears his throat, momentarily loosening the lump there, and looks at Ryan.
"You want to go get something to eat?" Brendon asks, his voice cracking softly. Ryan, noticing the desperate change in topic, just nods, standing up. he offers his hand to Brendon who grabs it gratefully, letting Ryan pull him up.
Ryan proceeds to start walking to the cafe across the way and when he doesn't let go of Brendon's hand, Brendon can feel the lump in his throat shrink just the tiniest bit more.
--
After they finish eating, Ryan says he should probably head home to work a little on an article he's writing.
"Gotta pay the bills somehow," he jokes, but Brendon can tell he really does love his job.
They walk back to Spencer's place so Ryan can get his car, and he surprises Brendon by parting with a brief hug.
Brendon feels something warm run through his body that has nothing to do with the late afternoon heat, and he doesn't go back inside until he can't see Ryan's car anymore.
Brendon calls Shane when he gets back up to his room, and the familiar, trademark "Yo?" when Shane answers makes him smile.
"Hey Shane," Brendon greets, making himself comfortable on his bed and stretching out.
"Brendon! What's new, man?"
Brendon shrugs to himself, picking at his fingernail, and says, "Nothing much. It's really hot here."
Shane 'hmm's. "What'd you do today?"
"Um," Brendon says, feeling that warm sensation in his blood again. "Spencer went out, so I hung out with his friend Ryan most of the day."
Shane says, "Oh? How was that?"
Brendon blushes a little as he remembers watching Ryan licking salt off of his long fingers in the diner they ate at."It was fun. He's a really nice guy. A good replacement on Spencer's part."
Shane sighs sadly and says, "Brendon, Spencer didn't replace you. He just made a new friend. You were always a part of his life, even if you hardly spoke to him in years."
Brendon just huffs and slumps further down on the bed so he's practically laying down. "I was a horrible friend. I'd replace myself too."
"Brendon..." Shane starts, tone slightly frustrated. Brendon shakes his head and says,
"I'll call you later Shane."
Shane sighs dejectedly, hating the negativity in Brendon's voice when he says he was 'replaced'. Shane knows no one could ever replace Brendon, and he's tired of the younger boy being so hard on himself.
"Okay," Shane says eventually. "Promise?"
"Promise."
Part Three >>
Author: gothicxpianist
Pairing(s): Brendon/Ryan, Jon/Spencer
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Brendon didn't come back to Vegas to fall in love.
POV: Third Person
Beta: infrontofthesea
Disclaimer: All fake.
A/N: Just a little AU. 9,000+ words. Enjoy!
Part One
By 8:30, Brendon's showered, dressed in a pair of sweat pants and an old Journey tee shirt that's slightly too small, and bored to death.
Spencer's in his room getting ready now, and Brendon plops in front of the TV, looking for any game consoles. He finds an Xbox 360, and an old Nintendo 64. He grins and pulls out the 64, rummaging around for an old Mario Kart game.
He chooses Princess Peach, and plops back on the couch contently.
Brendon's mind wanders during the game, and he's pretty much playing on autopilot. He never really had much friends when he lived in Vegas; Spencer was his closest. Brendon makes a sharp turn on the screen, barely avoiding one of those damn turtle shells, and wonders if the old playground is still there. The one by his high school that he always met Spencer at in the middle of the night when he just couldn't take it anymore.
He makes a frustrated noise as he slides off the road, into the water. It puts him in 6th place, and Brendon pouts.
"Stupid Peach," he mutters.
He wonders if Spencer will take him to the playground sometime during his stay. He kind of wants to go back, just to remember. Even if they weren't always the fondest memories, they were still memories. Ones that Brendon likes to keep tucked away to remind himself why he left.
The door to the apartment opens suddenly, and Brendon looks up, startled. Ryan strides in, sunglasses perched on his nose and wooden bracelets knocking together as he jingles his keys in greeting. Brendon nods, and when he glances back at the screen, he sees he fell off the edge again. He grumbles dejectedly, putting the game on pause.
Ryan just smiles at him, walking over and sitting next to Brendon on the small couch. He's wearing a white button down with a brown vest over it and snug blue jeans. Brendon feels slightly self conscious in his old grey sweatpants and thin tee shirt.
Ryan leans back in the couch, toeing off his shoes, and Brendon gets a whiff of his cologne. It's sort of spicy-sweet, sharp, with just a hint of something else in there that's just Ryan. Brendon kind of wants to bury his nose in Ryan's neck or something, but blushes and shakes his head as the thought crosses his mind.
Brendon nods his head towards the other controller. "Wanna play?"
Ryan shrugs, reaching forward. "I kind of suck, but okay."
Brendon grins as he restarts the game and sees Ryan choose Luigi.
"Dork," Brendon grins, and Ryan just nudges his shoulder and says,
"You're going down, Princess."
--
Ryan, it turns out, does not suck at Mario Kart. In fact, Brendon would even go as far as to say Ryan's the Mario Kart master or something. Brendon's just sitting, mouth agape as Ryan wins yet again.
"You are a big fat liar," Brendon says pointedly, and Ryan just laughs as they start another round.
"No, you just suck at Mario Kart," he says in reply, proceeding to push Brendon off the course, into the water. Brendon pouts, and then grins, poking Ryan's side. The older boy jumps and says,
"No, that's cheating." He laughs as Brendon does it again, trying to squirm away without messing up his winning streak on the game. Brendon's controller is long forgotten, having fallen to the floor. His character is just sitting contently on the side of the road, last place.
Eventually Ryan yelps out, "Okay, you are so done," before tossing his controller to the side and turning to Brendon, pressing long fingers into the younger's sides.
Brendon squeaks and says, "No, nonono, Ryan," as the other boy grabs a hold of one of Brendon's wrists, locking it in place while he continues to press his fingers into Brendon's abdomen.
"Stop, stop okay I give up!" Brendon gasps out, arching his back and scrambling to the corner of the couch when he's finally let free. Ryan laughs and crosses his arms triumphantly.
Brendon's cheeks are flushed and his voice is still slightly tinged with laughter when he says, "You are a mean person."
Ryan gives him a fond smile and leans forward on the couch, and for a brief second Brendon thinks he's going to kiss him, but Ryan leans back just as Spencer walks into the room, hair damp and clean.
"Hey Ryan," Spencer says, coming over and squishing himself next to Brendon. Brendon finds himself pressed in the middle of the two boys, his thigh flush against Ryan's. Ryan just grabs his controller off the ground and says,
"C'mon Spencer. I'll let you be Mario."
--
They pretty much spend the whole rest of the day playing Spencer's large variety of video games, and when Jon gets home later that day they all squish together on the couch and watch movies.
They are currently watching Pretty in Pink and Brendon's practically on top of Ryan because Spencer's feet are pulled up on the couch, pushing Brendon even further towards Ryan while Spencer happily takes up all the room he likes, snuggled up against Jon.
Ryan's never seen this movie before, and when it ends he furrows his eyebrows and leans back.
"Why did she choose the douche?" he asks, confused. Brendon shrugs, his shoulder brushing against Ryan's.
"I don't know, I didn't write it."
Ryan just frowns and looks down at his lap, and then he lifts his head and tilts his head at Brendon.
"Well, I would've picked Duckie," he says quietly, and Brendon swallows.
"Me too," Brendon replies, averting his eyes. Ryan's so close, and Brendon can feel his puffs of breath against his cheek. It's warm and it smells like coffee and the spice cookies Jon brought home for them.
Suddenly Spencer stretches and groans as his joints pop. "Bed," he mumbles, and Jon laughs and helps him up into a standing position. Brendon shifts over into Spencer's now vacant space, away from Ryan, away from temptation. Ryan doesn't seem to notice, stretching his neck and yawning.
"Staying over?" Spencer asks sleepily, and Ryan grins.
"Do you even need to ask?"
Spencer laughs tiredly and says, "Okay. Night."
Jon nods once to them before ushering Spencer back to their room to pass out. Brendon scratches his neck awkwardly before standing up too.
Ryan smiles up at him. "So. Since a certain boy stole my room I have to sleep on this tiny couch."
It's a bland statement and Brendon flushes, "I - um, sorry. I mean, I could totally, like - "
Ryan cuts him off with a laugh. "I was kidding. It's cool. This couch is actually really comfortable."
Brendon shifts awkwardly on his feet, grinning at the floor. "Yeah. Um."
It quiet for a few moments, the sound of the menu screen for Pretty in Pink back up on the television. Brendon motions behind him and asks,
"You want me to turn this off for you?"
Ryan shakes his head, waving his hand. "Nah. I think I'm going to watch a little TV before I go to sleep."
Brendon nods and mumbles, "Okay. Um, goodnight then," under his breath, shuffling off to his room.
He doesn't miss the quiet, amused laugh as he walks away though.
--
Brendon's woken up by someone shaking him. He grumbles and slaps half heartedly at the hand, rolling over.
"Brendon, Breeeeeeendon," someone says, and Brendon forces his eyes halfway open, glaring.
"What."
Spencer grins at him innocently and says, "I just wanted to tell you that Jon took off work today and he's going to take me out. Is it okay if you just chill with Ryan today?"
Brendon flaps a hand at him, mumbling something about "yeah, sure, whatever, go away" into his pillow. He closes his eyes again and is already dozing off as Spencer rolls his eyes and leaves.
Brendon sighs, snuggling more comfortably into the sheets. The bed is really damn soft. And it smells nice. It kind of smells like Ryan.
Brendon breathes in deep, the scent making him even more drowsy, and before he knows it he's fallen asleep again.
--
"Okay, where are we going again?" Ryan asks, adjusting his sunglasses on his face. Brendon runs a hand through his hair and smiles.
"You'll see," he says, but then pauses. "Well. I hope you'll see. It might not be there anymore."
Ryan just raises an eyebrow and stuffs his hands in his pockets.
It's mid morning, and it's warm and bright out. There's a slight breeze, but not enough to cool them off. Brendon can feel his shirt beginning to stick to his body and he makes a face and he runs a hand across his forehead. He glances over at Ryan, who's seemingly at ease and not bothered whatsoever by the heat. He's even wearing jeans. Brendon just shakes his head in disbelief.
Eventually they turn a familiar corner and Ryan's eyes light up. "You don't happen to be taking me to a certain playground, do you?"
Brendon glances over at Ryan. "Actually, yes. I am. You've been there?"
Ryan nods happily, smiling as said playground comes into view. There are a few children climbing around, but not many.
"Me and Spencer came here a lot after classes. Our college was just a few blocks away," Ryan says, nodding to their right in the direction of said college.
Brendon feels a weird pang in his chest, because. Because this was his and Spencer's playground, not Ryan and Spencer's playground. Brendon feels like yet another part of Spencer that was his is gone now. He knows it's immature and selfish, but. He can't help it.
Brendon tries to keep a blank face, biting his lip, and Ryan looks at him questioningly as the silence continues on. Brendon blinks and forces a smile.
"Wanna go on the swings?"
Ryan grins and nods, letting Brendon lead the way to the two vacant swings on the other side.
They each settle themselves on a swing, and it feels strange with Ryan next to him instead of Spencer. Brendon hasn't been here in years, and he kind of thought the first person to come back with him would be Spencer. He doesn't mind that it's Ryan, it just feels.... different.
They gently sway in silence, watching people walk by and such. Brendon grips the chains tight, toeing the ground, Everything looks exactly the same as it did before. Brendon kind of wishes it didn't.
He feels his throat start to tighten, but he swallows it down quickly.
Ryan looks at him eventually, hesitating before saying, "I know we don't know each other that well, but. I'd really like to know," he pauses, and looks down before asking, "Why'd you leave?"
Brendon stops swaying in his swing, jerking himself by shoving his toe hard into the dirt. He looks over at Ryan and says,
"I told you at the firework thing."
Ryan blinks. "You said you 'needed to get out of here'," he points out. "But why did you need to get out of here?"
Brendon sighs and runs a hand through his hair. It's not really exciting or intense or anything. But he doesn't really see the hurt in telling Ryan. He seems like a guy someone can trust, and that won't judge you.
Brendon starts gently pushing against the ground again, swinging himself slightly. "I was suffocating here."
Ryan stays quiet, just watching him. He tilts his head to the side and Brendon keeps his eyes to his feet, continuing,
"My parents didn't support me. You know, with what I wanted to be."
"What did you want to be?" Ryan asks, pushing his sliding sunglasses back up his nose. Brendon blushes slightly when he says,
"A singer on Broadway."
Ryan just grins in response. "I think you'd be a great singer on Broadway."
Brendon huffs out a laugh. "Yeah? Why do you say that? You've never even heard me sing."
Ryan gets this glint in his eye as he says, "You're not exactly the quietest thing in the world when you shower."
Brendon flushes and rubs the back of his neck. He knows that Ryan's talking about him loudly belting out the Lion King soundtrack while showering this morning, but the second meaning in his statement is undeniably obvious.
"Sorry," Brendon says, embarrassed. Ryan shakes his head quickly, saying,
"No, I liked it. You have a gorgeous voice."
Brendon bites his lip on a smile, glancing at the boy next to him. "Thanks."
Ryan just knocks their swings together and says, "okay. Back on topic."
Brendon makes a face. it's not that it's hard for him to talk about or anything, he'd just rather not. He doesn't want to bore Ryan with his sob story, but the boy seems interested enough so Brendon goes on.
"I secretly joined the school's choir," Brendon says and laughs slightly when Ryan says, "rebel" jokingly.
"They found out eventually though," Brendon says, dragging his toe in a circle in the dirt below him. Ryan glances at him questioningly.
"What did they do?"
Brendon shrugs. "They made me quit. Took away my guitar. All of my CD's."
Ryan makes a soft noise and Brendon looks up. Ryan's sunglasses are now perched on top of his head and his eyes are sympathetic and wide, caramel irises radiating comfort. Brendon looks away.
"They really didn't want me to be a singer."
Ryan hooks his foot around Brendon's leg, pulling him close and then releasing, watching him swing away. "What did they want you to be?"
Brendon sighs and says, "A missionary." He pauses, but then says quietly, "But it would kind of be hard to preach about something that I didn't even believe in myself."
Ryan makes an understanding noise and asks, "Did you ever tell them that?"
Brendon laughs bitterly, remembering. "Yeah. Apparently that was the last straw though because not long after they arranged to send me to some Mormon boot camp thing."
Ryan makes a face. "Shit, dude. How did that go?"
Brendon grows quieter as he states, "It didn't."
Ryan stops swaying in his swing. Brendon goes on,
"That 'last straw' from me was also the last straw from them," he says. "The night before I was supposed to leave, I packed my shit and left."
"Did you, um," Ryan starts, "did you tell Spence?"
Brendon nods. "I called him while I was at the bus stop. He came right away. He didn't try to stop me, but he made me promise not to lose touch." Brendon hesitates, but then whispers,
"That was the last time I saw him for five and a half years."
A silence falls over them, the only noise being the laughing children and the cars passing by. Eventually Ryan asks,
"What about your family?"
Brendon bites his lip, feeling his throat start to tighten up again. He tries to swallow, but this time it won't go away. Ryan looks at him when he fails to answer and Brendon forces himself to speak.
"They never came looking for me," he says. "It's not like I would've been hard to find, either. I had my cellphone with me and everything. They didn't call, or send out police, or..... just. Nothing."
There was a part of Brendon that always hoped they'd come looking, but there was also a part that was glad they didn't. Eventually, about 2 months after he left, the part of him that had always hoped died off. He'd accepted the fact that his parents just... didn't care.
Brendon's chest feels tight and he feels too warm and he kind of wants to just scream. He clears his throat, momentarily loosening the lump there, and looks at Ryan.
"You want to go get something to eat?" Brendon asks, his voice cracking softly. Ryan, noticing the desperate change in topic, just nods, standing up. he offers his hand to Brendon who grabs it gratefully, letting Ryan pull him up.
Ryan proceeds to start walking to the cafe across the way and when he doesn't let go of Brendon's hand, Brendon can feel the lump in his throat shrink just the tiniest bit more.
--
After they finish eating, Ryan says he should probably head home to work a little on an article he's writing.
"Gotta pay the bills somehow," he jokes, but Brendon can tell he really does love his job.
They walk back to Spencer's place so Ryan can get his car, and he surprises Brendon by parting with a brief hug.
Brendon feels something warm run through his body that has nothing to do with the late afternoon heat, and he doesn't go back inside until he can't see Ryan's car anymore.
Brendon calls Shane when he gets back up to his room, and the familiar, trademark "Yo?" when Shane answers makes him smile.
"Hey Shane," Brendon greets, making himself comfortable on his bed and stretching out.
"Brendon! What's new, man?"
Brendon shrugs to himself, picking at his fingernail, and says, "Nothing much. It's really hot here."
Shane 'hmm's. "What'd you do today?"
"Um," Brendon says, feeling that warm sensation in his blood again. "Spencer went out, so I hung out with his friend Ryan most of the day."
Shane says, "Oh? How was that?"
Brendon blushes a little as he remembers watching Ryan licking salt off of his long fingers in the diner they ate at."It was fun. He's a really nice guy. A good replacement on Spencer's part."
Shane sighs sadly and says, "Brendon, Spencer didn't replace you. He just made a new friend. You were always a part of his life, even if you hardly spoke to him in years."
Brendon just huffs and slumps further down on the bed so he's practically laying down. "I was a horrible friend. I'd replace myself too."
"Brendon..." Shane starts, tone slightly frustrated. Brendon shakes his head and says,
"I'll call you later Shane."
Shane sighs dejectedly, hating the negativity in Brendon's voice when he says he was 'replaced'. Shane knows no one could ever replace Brendon, and he's tired of the younger boy being so hard on himself.
"Okay," Shane says eventually. "Promise?"
"Promise."
Part Three >>