Review Haikus for May

[gothpanda]

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

George Lucas now owes
me another eight dollars.
I hate him so much

rating: 2 out of 5 stiff old men in fedoras trying to relive their glory days

Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian

The lack of blood might
fool you into thinking that
this is a kids' movie.

rating: 3 out of 5 off-screen

Comments

[caerlas]

Indiana Jones was a let down for me too. But I wouldn't blame age. I would blame the break in thematic continuity. Consider this, which two movies were the best of the series? Raiders and Last Crusade right? What did they have in common? Biblical religious relics, nazis, catacombs, nazis, the eastern world, actual shooting locations, nazis.

This one was sci-fi, interdimensional beings, ancient native american tribes, green screens, cgi gophers, soviets, cold war, mccarthyism, greasers, sappy reunions, cheesy poorly made vine swinging shots, and "The Beef from God" (Actually I had no problem with Shia Lebeouf, I just like pointing out his funny name).

This will forever be known as the blunder of "When Indy went alien."

[gothpanda]

I agree. I almost wrote the haiku about how I missed the biblical stuff....but my anger at George Lucas after so many horrible films was just too overwhelming. It wasn't just that the mythology was craptacular though...the Russians could have been decent adversaries (although I came out of the movie and actually said "I missed me some Nazis!" and Ryan and I came up with a plot for the next Indy movie that involves time-travel Nazis), but the alien thing was stupid, and so was the "Come save my Mom, oh and did I happen to mention that I'm your son?" subplot that was so predictable it made me want to cry. It was just awful, top to bottom. AWFUL.

[unnamed525]

The problem with Indian Jones (and any other movie that Lucas writes and / or directs) is that Lucas wrote and / or directed it. The man's a great producer; comes up with good ideas, but he really should let other people write and direct for him.

[gothpanda]

Steven Spielberg! STEVEN SPIELBERG!!!!!! *dies*

[buschap]

You mean like how Spielberg directed this and David Koepp wrote it?

Lucas does share a story credit on this, but it's been in development for so long that there are probably piles of people who could get story and writing credit on it.

[gothpanda]

oh dude, saying that Robert Downey Jr. is hot is like, the understatement of the year. The guy is like, 40, but he has the body of a 20 year old in this movie! It's amazing!

[oddest1]

Movie review haikus RULE!

[satyagraha101]

yeah, i'm pretty much with you on those, though i'd give indiana jones 3 out of 5 myself

[gothpanda]

I couldn't give it 3 'cause Prince Caspian was better!