Hello Dahlings. I am experiencing a desire to tell the computer strange things ( Read more... )

Its cute that people complain that I don't update. It reminds me there are people out there. I haven't updated because I feel it mostly is a continuation of the same bullshit forever. I have lost some more people I considered dear friends. After 8 years you think its gonna work, but maybe it might not ( Read more... )

I'm looking and looking around me.

There's stuff. Good stuff, job is good and shepherds pie in the oven. An invitation for dirty sex in P-town.

Stuff that's boring, intense mis-communications, being the one breaking up with someone, cat pee. Oh cat pee.

Fall you're here, lets kick this mother out.

With my toes in the sand I watched you march out to the waves, but I thought youd come back. Surely you'd turn, and laugh. SO I followed you, but the waves pushed me back to shore. Pushed my away from you. Pushed ( Read more... )

Tonight I am not mad, merely resigned to losing the man I thought my friend.

But to the rest, the rest who live:

Please let my love guide you home, home to me.

Every morning I have to ask myself over and over, is this a good idea? Should I not confront? Should I stop confronting? Can I please go back in time 5 weeks and make myself? Can I please stop this fucking roller coaster of dumb feelings?

And I never ever answer.

God give me strength and dancing feet ( Read more... )

My dad died this weekend from advanced Alzheimers.

I am ok, sad and relieved and lost and found.

I got really drunk. I had my second hangover.

Now I really don't have an excuse to be mediocre.

Oi.

I bought new earrings yesterday from a lovely hippie shop downtown.

They're elongated pyramids of Lapis Lazuli and quite heavy.

When I wear them I swing my head. They bounce against my cheeks and pull at my lobes.

They remind me of gravity and yearning. They are real and exist.

I like that.

I know that out there you're fine.

I know that out there you're still angry.

I know that out here I'm glad you're alive.

I know that.