A tree does not think that it is a tree. A tree just is a tree.

So I just woke up from this totally funkadelic nightmare...I dreamed that they let this idiotic jerk be defense secretary for 6 years, and that no matter how times that he kept badly screwing up his job and costing thousands of American soldiers their lifes because of how inept he was, they would not get rid of him ( Read more... )

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Now that I am feeling better after my unique and rather frightening weekend, for y'alls Halloween reading pleasure, I have written out 15 moments from my life that were either my scariest in a funny way, just outright scariest, or somewhere in between. If you know any of these tales already, just skip over them if you'd like, or if you are on my ( Read more... )

Welcome to Earth, Schroder Graham Smithmier!

Schroder is the son of my cousin and closest confidant, Larry Smithmier, and his wife, Heather...at last report, all of them are doing well...

My toilet seat broke completely off this morning, sending me and my toilet seat crashing to the floor.

Apparently when I leaned to wipe, the 2 bolts that held the toilet seat on broke, and the seat just sailed off into the floor, with me still on it...

That was how my day began...

Last person who slept in your bed: Me ( Read more... )

I called my bank today to straighten out a mundane bank foul-up, and as the banker dude was explaining to me this arcane bit of Fifth Third rules mumbo-jumbo, he asked me if I was getting it. For some odd reason, I don't know why I pulled this old bit of BJ Wilsonese out of a back corner of my brain somewhere, but I just did, and I answered him ( Read more... )

I have a news flash for some of you. Thanks to someone who wishes to not be publicly named that drilled some truth through my thick skull on Sunday, I have decided to end a conflict that I have had with someone who's name means approximately follicularly devoid victory by my just giving it up and saying "screw it". I have wasted too much time and ( Read more... )

I figure that there are those of you who may need a good chuckle or three, and I figured that I could provide that with the story of the only time that I have ever been arrested...it happened to me on my weeklong fall break 3 years ago... (which is why I thought about it, because our Fall Break is Friday...only ( Read more... )