008 -The Philosopher's Stone...
As so few of you seem familiar with my fandom, I've taken the liberty of reading the first book for you. Seeing that most of you have short attention spans, I will keep the summary very brief.
Harry was a boy who lived in a cupboard because his parents were dead and he'd been put in care of some shockingly boring, verbally abusive muggles. No one liked Harry. His cupboard was full of spiders and his socks were full of holes.
One day a letter came for Harry. The muggles kept it. Many, many more letters and a half giant also came for Harry. They all said the same thing. Harry was a wizard, and was off to Hogwarts.
Harry was also incredibly famous, except to muggles, because muggles are stupid. He hadn't done anything to become famous, except for being hit with the killing curse and living anyway. As one would imagine, that doesn't often happen. Or, ever, really. The curse left Harry with an unfortunate scar. Genetics left Harry with poor depth perception and unfortunate hair.
On the train to Hogwarts Harry found a dirty, poor Weasly boy and kept him as a friend. Together they snubbed an annoying muggle witch called Granger. Harry also snubbed a cousin of mine, but he was rather annoying and I can't say he hadn't earned it.
Harry was sorted in as a Grffindork. (A singing hat does this job. Imagine.)
Naturally, when a troll entered the school Harry and his Weasley Gryffindork friend dashed off to save the Granger girl from it. This was 80% out of guilt for causing her to be in danger to begin with and 20% sheer stupidity. They all became friends.
Severus Snape grew up to be a creepy potions master. (Imagine.) Harry, the same as everyone else on the planet, did not get on with him. This leads Harry to suspect him constantly of things that he hadn't done, simply because he'd such an abrasive personality. This was never resolved.
Harry and my annoying cousin had a silly confrontation or two. Nothing much came of it, except for Harry being put into an uncanny situation that involved him successfully fetching a remembrall out of the air on his first ever broom ride. Because this is similar to catching a very stupid and wingless snitch, and because there was a convenient vacancy that year, Harry was made seeker without having to try out. This was something of a record and everyone was impressed. Even me, actually, as I also played seeker when I was at school and there really is a bit of skill involved.
An entire chapter was wasted on Harry staring into a mirror. It was the sort that shows desires. Like any orphan in popular literature, he saw his parents in it.
The muggleborn did a bit of research. In the restricted section of the library.
A small dragon was briefly kept by the mad game keeper. It's worth noting that those are illegal, and that the man lived in a small wooden shack. He isn't very bright, that one.
Then Harry had to take a detention, and the mad game keeper sent him into the bloody Forbidden Forest. Dark creatures threatened him and people were somehow surprised by it.
Harry and his friends then decided they'd not had enough trouble yet, so they made their way past a giant three headed dog and into a maze of peril. Perilous things happened, etc.
At the end of the maze Harry continued alone and melted the face off of a particularly incompetent professor cum temporary host body for the essence of the Dark Lord. He did this with his hands, because apparently he has magic famous skin that melts people's faces on occasion.
The Philosopher's Stone (which was what the Dark Lord was after, as you alchemy types will have guessed) was kept from the Dark Lord's possession as he was once again defeated by a child. The same child. Not even a particularly bright child.
As a reward, Harry was sent back to the horrible muggles to wait out the summer until school term began again.
And that's all.
If you're of my fandom, bugger off. You don't want to read this. Trust me.
Harry was a boy who lived in a cupboard because his parents were dead and he'd been put in care of some shockingly boring, verbally abusive muggles. No one liked Harry. His cupboard was full of spiders and his socks were full of holes.
One day a letter came for Harry. The muggles kept it. Many, many more letters and a half giant also came for Harry. They all said the same thing. Harry was a wizard, and was off to Hogwarts.
Harry was also incredibly famous, except to muggles, because muggles are stupid. He hadn't done anything to become famous, except for being hit with the killing curse and living anyway. As one would imagine, that doesn't often happen. Or, ever, really. The curse left Harry with an unfortunate scar. Genetics left Harry with poor depth perception and unfortunate hair.
On the train to Hogwarts Harry found a dirty, poor Weasly boy and kept him as a friend. Together they snubbed an annoying muggle witch called Granger. Harry also snubbed a cousin of mine, but he was rather annoying and I can't say he hadn't earned it.
Harry was sorted in as a Grffindork. (A singing hat does this job. Imagine.)
Naturally, when a troll entered the school Harry and his Weasley Gryffindork friend dashed off to save the Granger girl from it. This was 80% out of guilt for causing her to be in danger to begin with and 20% sheer stupidity. They all became friends.
Severus Snape grew up to be a creepy potions master. (Imagine.) Harry, the same as everyone else on the planet, did not get on with him. This leads Harry to suspect him constantly of things that he hadn't done, simply because he'd such an abrasive personality. This was never resolved.
Harry and my annoying cousin had a silly confrontation or two. Nothing much came of it, except for Harry being put into an uncanny situation that involved him successfully fetching a remembrall out of the air on his first ever broom ride. Because this is similar to catching a very stupid and wingless snitch, and because there was a convenient vacancy that year, Harry was made seeker without having to try out. This was something of a record and everyone was impressed. Even me, actually, as I also played seeker when I was at school and there really is a bit of skill involved.
An entire chapter was wasted on Harry staring into a mirror. It was the sort that shows desires. Like any orphan in popular literature, he saw his parents in it.
The muggleborn did a bit of research. In the restricted section of the library.
A small dragon was briefly kept by the mad game keeper. It's worth noting that those are illegal, and that the man lived in a small wooden shack. He isn't very bright, that one.
Then Harry had to take a detention, and the mad game keeper sent him into the bloody Forbidden Forest. Dark creatures threatened him and people were somehow surprised by it.
Harry and his friends then decided they'd not had enough trouble yet, so they made their way past a giant three headed dog and into a maze of peril. Perilous things happened, etc.
At the end of the maze Harry continued alone and melted the face off of a particularly incompetent professor cum temporary host body for the essence of the Dark Lord. He did this with his hands, because apparently he has magic famous skin that melts people's faces on occasion.
The Philosopher's Stone (which was what the Dark Lord was after, as you alchemy types will have guessed) was kept from the Dark Lord's possession as he was once again defeated by a child. The same child. Not even a particularly bright child.
As a reward, Harry was sent back to the horrible muggles to wait out the summer until school term began again.
And that's all.
If you're of my fandom, bugger off. You don't want to read this. Trust me.