o33 :: like every sparrow falling, like every grain of sand

[grab_my_bells]

Gai's in a sand cocoon again, if anyone wonders where he is.

[Nothing to say here. Bell will still be going to work as usual, but he'll be spending more time around the house during his off hours, since this is the first dream-dusting Spring's had to deal with and he's a little upset.]

Comments

[QL]

[awokentospring]

[Spring would have appreciated knowing how much all his father's students and friends cared, but he wasn't in the mood to do much journal surfing. He kept it nearby, as always, but he probably wouldn't get to looking at it today. Right now, he just wanted his father back. From what he had been told about these cocoons, though, he knew it wasn't going to happen for a few days

[QL]

[grab_my_bells]

[Bell was growing worried about Spring. He knew this kind of thing would happen--Bell did it as well, and Lotus had done something similar during Gai's death--but other than the (almost) promise (no one could promise anything would happen for certain in this world) that Gai would be back, he could offer the kid no other consolation. There was nothing to do but to wait and watch, and that was exactly what the kid was doing. ...and nothing else.]

[Obviously sad to be devoid of both his green-wearing playmates, Tenzou padded over to Bell, dropping his rope-toy at Bell's feet. Bell gave his dog a good petting behind the ears, but his gaze was on Spring. Gai...hurry up. I'm not babysitting your kid while you sleep. Or maybe he was. Bell felt responsible for his partner's son, even if he didn't want to admit it. If Spring worked himself up this badly that he wasn't eating or sleeping...well, he couldn't let Spring die of starvation before Gai returned, could he

[QL]

[awokentospring]

[Spring was vaguely aware of Bell's presence in the house for much of the day. He was less conspicuous about how he moved about the house than the dogs, and they had barely attracted Spring's attention as it was. So when the plate appeared in front of him, it took considerable effort not to flinch away from the offering. Those sure were some ninja-like reflexes

[QL]

[grab_my_bells]

[Bell made no reply to the 'thank you.' If he didn't acknowledge it, maybe the gesture of the sandwich would mean nothing. He took a seat on the chair nearby, setting his plate in his lap. Picking up the sandwich...Bell put it back down. Come to think of it, he wasn't very hungry either, nor was he up for putting in the effort of hiding his face.]

[Watching Spring take a bite, he had a feeling the sandwich wasn't any good. Maybe he should have added the peppers to it after all, to make it work for the kid. Sorry, Gai.]

[He would never get used to these cocoon-coffin-things. Bell wanted to reach out and touch the smooth glass surface, stroke it with his fingertips and try to imagine Gai could somehow feel that he was there. But not in front of someone else, and certainly not in front of Gai's son. Watching would have to be enough.]

[His answer to Spring's question was automatic. Bell expected a question about how long it would be, or could he get Spring a glass of water.]

Hm?

[QL]

[awokentospring]

[Spring was sure the sandwich would have tasted fine on a normal day. He really did appreciate the gesture, but with his stomach all knotted in worry about his father, he couldn't really force himself to be enthusiastic about eating anything. Still, Spring soldiered on and took another bite. He had to eat, after all, even if he wasn't going to enjoy it.]

[For a moment, Spring just looked at his father. Youth. The person whose real name he couldn't hear from some reason or another. There were so many things Spring wanted to know about him, and there was also some doubts that had begun to gnaw at him in the past weeks as he had gotten to know both Youth and Bell.]

[One thing in particular was almost painful to think about, so he pushed that aside for an easier topic. Though this one was perhaps just as painful, but in a different way.]

Um... [Spring swallowed the dryness in his mouth and glanced back down at his sandwich, cheeks heating just a little.] When did you... that is, how did you... f-fall in love with my father?

[

[QL]

[grab_my_bells]

[Not the question Bell had been prepared for. Giving Spring a curious and surprised look, Bell then looked down at Gai's cocoon, as if he could somehow provide the correct response from wherever he was in dreamland. Gai, however, gave him no helpful hints. It was a bit annoying.]

[If he wanted to, Bell could just deny the idea that he had fallen in love with Gai at all. Keeping Gai around for the sex would be a convenient, if also untruthful and troublesome, in the long run, response. Spring would probably strangle him for that, actually. Maybe it wasn't so convenient.]

[He could distract Spring, but the kid might take that as a no, too, and be offended and tell his dad and then Bell would be sleeping outside.]

[Bell did all he could do. He shrugged.]

Huh? Are you asking how we first kissed? Or slept together? Or met ...or what? [Surely the kid didn't want details. Bell hoped not, at least. Some of those details were enough to get Bell strangled too. ...Gai and his prudishness would be so much better with a question

[QL]

[awokentospring]

[There was a slight delay in answer, though Spring didn't blame the other man for having trouble answering his question. It was rather sudden.]

[Questions, especially of that nature, were not what he expected or wanted in return, however. Feeling a bit frustrated with the onslaught of awkward questions that really were no answer at all, Spring rubbed at his face a bit with his free hand, thick brows drawing together in irritation.]

It is not a hard question! I do not need to know the... physical details.

[That was just... no. No, no, NO! Spring shook his head, trying to get the images out of his mind before he passed out from all the blood rushing to his cheeks in embarrassment.]

Just... [Taking a deep breath, Spring lifted his face from his hand and gave Bell his most serious look.] I know there is emotion there. And that is what I want to know. When did you start really caring for my father?

[QL]

[grab_my_bells]

[A small guilty chuckle.

Ah ha. In the face of that serious of a look, who could deny the kid anything? Bell looked back down at Gai and shrugged again.]

I don't know. Somewhere between the teasing and everything, I guess. [He looked back up at Spring and struggled for the words. Everything he played over in his head was too telling for Bell to admit. Too sappy. And Bell didn't know when it was either. Maybe latent memories had contributed to it. Maybe that was just how these things happened, gradually and without a single moment to look back on and go 'there, that was when the tides changed.']

There wasn't a moment, it just...you know. These things happen and he's not exactly difficult to care about.

[QL]

[awokentospring]

Oh... I see.

[It still wasn't much of an answer. No real specifics were given, but maybe expecting one day for love to just happen was too idealistic. Romance wasn't really Spring's forte either, but he had kind of hoped for something more solid. As it was, he supposed the answer wasn't bad. And an honest answer was better than a beautiful lie.]

[Bell's last words on the matter caused Spring to smile.] That is very true.

[So far, except for a few remarks made supposedly in teasing on the journals, Spring had no reason to think Bell didn't care deeply for his father. And honestly, even Spring had grown to like Bell. He didn't hate him before now and was actually very comforted by his presence. His words were few, but they were heartfelt. This time, at least. So, perhaps Spring did approve.]

[Lately, Spring had had begun to wonder, however, if he truly had the right to give his approval or not. And not just because children should not talk back to their parents. There was something deeper that troubled him.]Um, I was

[QL] /is way late

[grab_my_bells]

[Bell nodded, mostly to himself, smiling a little. It was true. Gai was easy to care about, and while he wasn't sure when the caring really started to happen, Bell was glad it did. Very glad. Especially that it turned out to be mutual, even if Gai was probably a little insane for bothering with Bell sometimes.]

[He didn't want to want Spring's approval, but Bell worried about it anyway. A kid should be able to respect and approve of his father figure's choices in life. He should not feel that Gai had chosen Bell over Spring or chosen badly or anything like that.]

[Not that Bell was the best Gai could do. Bell had a mental list of people Gai would be far better off with.]

Uh. About my age, I guess. Twenties, early thirties. [Not exactly Youthful, but not old either. It was difficult to get an exact fix on age without memories, but Bell could guess somewhat based on the condition their bodies were in.] ...Why?

[QL] you were on vacation and that is an acceptable reason to be late! <3

[awokentospring]

[Whether or not Gai could do better was of little consequence. Mostly Spring just wanted his guardian to be happy. And he was, so that was all that mattered... Right.]

[And now that he knew the guestimated age, he really couldn't back out of this. There may never be a better time to say what he needed to say. He just had to buck up and do it.]

I have been thinking since my strange memory that he is... Youth-san is a little too young to have a son of my age... [He averted his eyes and heaved a weary sigh.]. Isn't he?

[QL] <3

[grab_my_bells]

[The math was off. He had been thinking that too for a while now, especially since his own memory--that Bell wasn't old enough to die soon and to have still met Spring. Maybe if Gai had been 15 or 16 when Spring was born, then yes, Gai could have a teenage son and still be about thirty now...but that would nix the whole unicorn thing.]

[And the idea of future memories didn't make sense unless Bell and Gai both aged very, very well.]

[They couldn't tell Gai; even their doubts would break his heart.]

Probably. [What was he supposed to say to Spring? Reassure him?] Though I don't think that would change how he feels about you.

[QL] <3

[awokentospring]

[Bell's almost immediate acceptance of the situation was hard to take. Even if the words he used were vague and dismissive, it wasn't the kind of thing Spring could just as easily shove into a box and forget.]

It would possibly not change things... [He tone quite plainly expressed his uncertainty on the issue.] Perhaps everything would be fine. He is a very kind person, someone I respect very much. And love. As a father, I do not think I could ask for anyone better. Still... What am I really to Youth-san, then? A nephew? A little brother?

[He moved one bandaged hand to his forehead, fingers threading through his bangs. His closed his eyes, brows knit together in concentration.] And make no mistake, I realized this means I have even less of a right to try and come between you two than ever. I do not think I want to anyway.

[QL] <3

[grab_my_bells]

[Vague and dismissive was Bell's best means for coping with emotional, sentimental, and important (non-battle) situations.]

It wouldn't. [Bell's tone, in contrast, was somewhat confident. There were a lot of uncertainties in this world, in any world, but Bell felt in his gut that, son or not, Spring would always be the same level of importance to Gai. Maybe it was less about believing it, though, and more that Bell couldn't really imagine life any other way now. Or he didn't want to. Lotus, Spring...whatever the kid's name was...was an important fixture.] Maybe. [Cousin or brother had come to mind once and been dismissed, but it was possible.] What does he feel like he should be?

[Bell smiled, just ever so slightly at the 'I do not think I want to anyway.' He wouldn't flatter himself to think Spring liked him, or even liked him for Gai, but the words still felt oddly good to hear. Somewhere in the back of Bell's mind he still felt Spring had a right to say 'no' and that Gai would listen, and so to hear Spring wouldn't was

[QL] <3

[awokentospring]

[Bell seemed confident, but Spring couldn't quite pull off a thankful smile. His hand moved down to rub the back of his neck, eyes still averted.]

I... honestly, father does seem the most accurate, if I go by my feelings. [It wasn't the truth, he was certain. But that didn't mean it couldn't still feel right.] Perhaps he is just someone I looked upon as a father figure. Or maybe I am adopted. [That felt closer, but not exactly right.]

[Spring nodded. Okay, that step was out of the way. Now there was only one more big question, or more a request, that Spring needed to put out there while the had the chance. Spring steeled himself.]

I suppose this also means I am living here under false pretenses! That is not a good thing but... I would rather Youth-san not find out. Ever, if possible. And... [He took a deep breath, his volume lowering as he wound down.]... if you would not ask me to leave, I would be very grateful.