Ha!
Forgive me, my friends, this is simply a pity party. you're invited to not-attend.
For no good reason, I am filled with self-loathing and anger today. I can count my blessings, acknowledge the dozens of things that I do well, but inside I feel like a week old baloney sandwich. Old, gross, ugly and not healthy (but full of fat).
In reality, I know that I am an accomplished, well-liked, friendly, beloved person. I am an excellent student, a hard-working and generally successful intern, and I have a wonderful community who at generally like me. but that is rationality. In my heart I am angry at myself for all of my failures - for gaining 30 pounds at seminary (20 of which in the LAST YEAR), for failing at two relationships in 2007, for not being an nicer person, for not being nicer to certain people, for already being the obnoxious roommate, for caring about people more than they care about me, for even writing this self-deprecating journal article!
And I recognize this self-flagellation is not always helpful, but tonight it is a big relief to just put out there my self-loathing and let go of it.
So i suck. but not I feel better. I'm just human, like the rest of you, just human and my flaws do not make me less human, just fully human.
Believe it or not, I feel better. Seriously.
For no good reason, I am filled with self-loathing and anger today. I can count my blessings, acknowledge the dozens of things that I do well, but inside I feel like a week old baloney sandwich. Old, gross, ugly and not healthy (but full of fat).
In reality, I know that I am an accomplished, well-liked, friendly, beloved person. I am an excellent student, a hard-working and generally successful intern, and I have a wonderful community who at generally like me. but that is rationality. In my heart I am angry at myself for all of my failures - for gaining 30 pounds at seminary (20 of which in the LAST YEAR), for failing at two relationships in 2007, for not being an nicer person, for not being nicer to certain people, for already being the obnoxious roommate, for caring about people more than they care about me, for even writing this self-deprecating journal article!
And I recognize this self-flagellation is not always helpful, but tonight it is a big relief to just put out there my self-loathing and let go of it.
So i suck. but not I feel better. I'm just human, like the rest of you, just human and my flaws do not make me less human, just fully human.
Believe it or not, I feel better. Seriously.