hesitate
I wrote this in my personal Blog a while ago....but it kept nagging at me. It is more personal then my usual rambles, and hence why I did not post it here. But it seems important for me to post, so....
of soul mates
Recently some people have asked me about my relationship with Tracy. Not a simple question. But I thought I would try and explain.
Once in a different time and a different city I met her. My world stopped. She knew how to bring forth my demon seed, and to embrace it as part of me. She taught me to distinguish between the different musicians in nature, and to listen to each one of their stories. She made me double take.
But as way leads on to way, and path leads to new paths....I wandered too far. And I left her. And I hurt her.
four years slip by before I would meet her again. A chance shot in the ether and hooks sink in. Dilate. After getting to know her again, she made me realize something. She is my soul mate. What does this mean?....hard to explain. Across the vast distances of the land, I always know where she is in relation to me. I always have. When we are together our edges blur. It becomes difficult to know where one of us starts and the other ends. animus and anima. Echo and Narcissus. Nietzsche's torn soul. She saw my wings the first time she saw me. She named my totem before I even know it had changed from what it use to be. She claims she knew we were soul mates the first time we met, but I have always been slower at these things then her. "I know there is strength in the difference between us, and I know there is comfort where we overlap." Also, I now know she will be in my life forever. Saying that for me is a big thing. I do not truly believe in forever, but somehow I know she will be in my life forever.
So why am I not pursuing her across time and distance? Well thus is life. I love her. Yes. But life is not that simple. For one thing we are like binary stars, orbiting each other. We seem to drift past one another only for a moment in time. And then we move on and continue our dance. I very much doubt we will ever get a chance to be in a relationship like we once were. Even then the threat of time loomed over us, as I was leaving come the end of the school year. And this helplessness suit us for some reason. As every time we meet up again we each benefit from the lessons that the other has learnt.
What more I don't know if we would make good life mates. Our orbits just move too differently, and although we have travelled the same path from time to time, to date we always diverge. We will always care for each other. We will always think of each other. And that is more then most people get in this world. Who knows what the future brings, but I hope I never take for granted what I have in the present. There are only two people in my life that I would take on ANY journey with me, be it spiritual or physical. Tracy is one of them. (The other is my mind mate. My brain squatter!:P) Not sure if this makes sense to anyone out there. People tend to think of things like love as being so simple. I love you I love you not. But everything in this world has more layers then at first glance.
Not sure if I will post this. This is far more personal of a thing then I usually like to post.
of soul mates
Recently some people have asked me about my relationship with Tracy. Not a simple question. But I thought I would try and explain.
Once in a different time and a different city I met her. My world stopped. She knew how to bring forth my demon seed, and to embrace it as part of me. She taught me to distinguish between the different musicians in nature, and to listen to each one of their stories. She made me double take.
But as way leads on to way, and path leads to new paths....I wandered too far. And I left her. And I hurt her.
four years slip by before I would meet her again. A chance shot in the ether and hooks sink in. Dilate. After getting to know her again, she made me realize something. She is my soul mate. What does this mean?....hard to explain. Across the vast distances of the land, I always know where she is in relation to me. I always have. When we are together our edges blur. It becomes difficult to know where one of us starts and the other ends. animus and anima. Echo and Narcissus. Nietzsche's torn soul. She saw my wings the first time she saw me. She named my totem before I even know it had changed from what it use to be. She claims she knew we were soul mates the first time we met, but I have always been slower at these things then her. "I know there is strength in the difference between us, and I know there is comfort where we overlap." Also, I now know she will be in my life forever. Saying that for me is a big thing. I do not truly believe in forever, but somehow I know she will be in my life forever.
So why am I not pursuing her across time and distance? Well thus is life. I love her. Yes. But life is not that simple. For one thing we are like binary stars, orbiting each other. We seem to drift past one another only for a moment in time. And then we move on and continue our dance. I very much doubt we will ever get a chance to be in a relationship like we once were. Even then the threat of time loomed over us, as I was leaving come the end of the school year. And this helplessness suit us for some reason. As every time we meet up again we each benefit from the lessons that the other has learnt.
What more I don't know if we would make good life mates. Our orbits just move too differently, and although we have travelled the same path from time to time, to date we always diverge. We will always care for each other. We will always think of each other. And that is more then most people get in this world. Who knows what the future brings, but I hope I never take for granted what I have in the present. There are only two people in my life that I would take on ANY journey with me, be it spiritual or physical. Tracy is one of them. (The other is my mind mate. My brain squatter!:P) Not sure if this makes sense to anyone out there. People tend to think of things like love as being so simple. I love you I love you not. But everything in this world has more layers then at first glance.
Not sure if I will post this. This is far more personal of a thing then I usually like to post.