Fic: Off the Stage (13a/14)
Title: Off the Stage (13/14)
Author: gradgirl (aka Ali)
Rating: NC-17
Due to posting size cut into 2 parts.
Chapter 13
Van woke with a start. He jumped up and regretted it almost immediately. He felt sore, and there was a shooting pain in his neck from falling asleep on his couch. As memories of the previous evening came back, Van looked around.
Eric was gone.
Again.
The burn of disappointment proceeded the pounding in his chest. Unfortunately they were becoming familiar physical reactions. Van had hoped after Eric’s promise that this time would be different. The younger man was scared as well. He didn’t know where all of this was going, but he wanted to talk to Eric about it.
But more than that, Van had been in this position too many times before, not just the other night, but years earlier. He’d wake up and realize what he wanted was unattainable, another dream, a pointless fantasy, where he and Eric were-
“Hey, you’re awake.”
The blonde jumped slightly and turned at the sound of the voice. “Eric.” He smiled.
The older man returned the grin. His hair was wet and he clutched a towel tightly around his waist. “Yeah. I took a shower…is that all right?” he checked. Eric’s eyes briefly darted to the left and then the right, not ready to see the heat in Van’s gaze. “I woke up and…” The older man’s voice tailed off. “I was a little scared, but grateful to be with you.”
Van slowly stood up. His gaze never wavered from the older man. “Thank you-for staying, for last night, for telling me the truth.”
Eric stood still watching the younger man. Van grinned and the redhead found himself smiling in return. He was glad, he had stayed. “So you don’t mind that I used your shower?”
The blonde’s grin deepened. “Only that you didn’t ask me to join you.” He wrapped his arms around Eric, and he played with the wet curls at the nape of the redhead’s neck.
“Don’t think I’m ready for that yet,” Eric admitted.
Van leaned in and gave him a brief kiss. “Whatever you want,” he assured Eric. “I’ll wait and be whatever you need.”
The older man shook his head. He felt a slight chill, drops of water running down his chest. But the proximity to Van and his warmth and understanding made everything so much better. They had always gotten along, but moving past their friendship into this new territory, Van made him feel…everything.
After his divorce, Eric didn’t know if he could ever feel this way again, and somehow, despite the person-or maybe because it was Van-Eric was doing great. He was scared. There was still so much to figure out, but knowing that Van was right there with him, it made a world of difference.
“What are you thinking about?” the younger man asked. He could feel Eric start to slip away.
“I know before…years ago when we knew each other…you wanted this…” the words were treading carefully out of Eric’s mouth.
The blonde briefly let go of Eric, before taking the older man’s hand in his and leading him to the couch. They both sat and Van gently patted Eric’s thigh.
“I had fantasies and a crush that couldn’t have gone anywhere,” Van admitted. “And I didn’t want…” He hesitated for a moment. “We couldn’t then, we both know that. And last night…”
The redhead shifted afraid of Van’s disappointment, but the younger man’s grip modified itself, sure of its trek, as Van’s hand slipped underneath the towel covering Eric’s thigh. Van kept his hand loose and didn’t dip too far, and yet Eric still felt desire pooling in his belly.
“Last night…” Van continued, “was so much more than anything I could have imagined. I don’t know what’s going to happen to us, but the fact that you stayed…gives me hope that we’ll figure it out together.” There was more to say, like Van could fall in love with Eric and that he was probably already half-way there. But he knew it was too soon and Van was scared to admit it, even to himself.
"Are you sure?” Eric checked, his voice a little husky. “I mean, this is the kind of relationship you want? Or even expected? I just want you to be happy.”
“You want me to be happy?” Van repeated Eric’s statement as a question.
“Yes,” the older man said emphatically.
“Then take me to breakfast.” Van grinned and leaned in a little closer, his forehead briefly brushing against Eric’s.
It took every ounce of willpower Eric had not to kiss Van. “Okay.”
The younger man pressed a quick kiss to Eric’s mouth and the redhead’s lips followed for a moment, not ready to let go. Van stood up and headed for the bathroom. “If you need to borrow a shirt or anything, take whatever time you need.”
“Okay,” Eric struggled to find his voice. His eyes were drawn to Van’s ass as the younger man walked away and the redhead swallowed thickly.
*
Over the next several weeks, Eric and Van spent as much time together as possible. They’d go to rehearsals and then head back to one of their apartments and work through the scenes. More than the friendship they had lost, their working relationship was something they had treasured and were so grateful to be cultivate again. The play was really started to take shape, and they were barreling toward the opening night.
In between all of that they were dating-dinners, movie nights, going to see friends of theirs doing an off-Broadway play. Van got to see some of Eric’s carpentry projects. The older man was even showing Van the basics, and the blonde loved it. He was getting to learn more and more about Eric, being inducted into Eric’s life.
But Van had yet to meet Eric’s children. They talked about it, made plans even. Eric told Jenny, and it wasn’t as difficult as he thought it would be. She was supportive and reminded him that she just wanted him to be happy. The redhead didn’t know what he’d done to deserve all of this happiness, but there was one thing missing: they hadn’t made love yet. Evenings at home, dinners, working out the scenes, heated make-out sessions on the couch. Van was true to his word, he was patient and never let Eric do anything he didn’t want or push him too far, but the patience was getting to Eric.
“So we have a long weekend coming up,” the redhead began. They were walking toward Eric’s apartment after an early dinner.
“Yeah,” Van replied. He still couldn’t get over the fact that he could walk down the street holding Eric’s hand.
“Do you want to spend it together?”
The blonde chuckled. “I just assumed that we would. I mean, my laundry’s been neglected, but-”
“No.” Eric stopped and his fingers opened and closed so he could get a firmer grip on Van’s own hand. “I meant, I’m done.”
“Oh.” The blonde felt his stomach drop.
“Waiting,” Eric clarified.
Van’s stomach then bounced a few times.
When the younger man didn’t say anything for a few moments, Eric rushed to fill the silence. “Unless…do you want to wait?” he checked. “Are you not ready-”
Van cupped Eric’s face in his hand and he brought his mouth to the redhead’s. Eric deepened the kiss, his hands coming up to hold him close, his mouth hovering over Van’s, capturing the blonde’s bottom lip between both of his own, sucking on it, pulling him in closer.
When they finally pulled apart, Van’s breath panted across Eric’s mouth, his gaze a little unfocused until he could finally speak. “I’ve been ready since the first time you kissed me,” he assured Eric. “I didn’t want to push you.”
"I know, and you’ve been amazing, so…” the older man couldn’t say it yet, needing Van and wanting to know for sure.
“Absolutely. Yes. Whatever you want,” the blonde agreed.
*
Two days later, sitting on Van’s bed, Eric tried to remember those words. He’d barely been able to concentrate on anything but him and Van. The younger man was so patient and caring. Eric always knew Van was special, but now everything was different, and that made it so much better.
Eric stood up and paced the room for a few minutes.
After rehearsal, Eric went to get his kids. It wasn’t his weekend, but he wanted to spend time with them. They had a great dinner, Eric heard about their week and made plans for when they could get together again. Afterwards, he mentioned Van and how he’d been working with him again. Both kids reiterated their desire to meet him again. Nate remembered the nice guy who came over a few times; mostly he remembered the comics. Sarah didn’t remember Van as well as her brother, but having done a quick Internet search and she found the appeal of hanging out with one of her dad’s acting friends. When they asked to meet with Van, Eric hesitated. The two of them seemed to live in this bubble, a world where they could be together and just be without the outside intruding-his family wasn’t an intrusion-Eric just didn’t want to put any undue pressure on him and Van.
“Hi.” Van walked into the bedroom and cut off Eric’s train of thought.
Eric had come over as soon as he said good-bye to his kids. They didn’t say much. Van continued to let Eric lead them, and the older man had settled for a quiet few minutes on the couch. Van talked about some of the projects he’d worked on. They were learning about the time they’d spent apart. The younger man wanted-needed-to know all that had happened since they’d lost track of each other. Van was regaling Eric with a story of the last director he worked with and the British accent that went in and out. Eric laughed so hard, and he realized he never laughed as much as he did with Van.
“You make me happy,” the redhead told him.
Van wrapped his arm around Eric and his hand found its way to the older man’s scalp. His fingers continued to be drawn to the soft curls. “I’m glad.”
Eric’s left hand bounced for a moment and then he reached over and rubbed his palm up and down Van’s thigh. He needed to touch Van; it calmed him. He’d pause at the younger man’s knee and then slide back down.
“So…” Van hesitated, watching Eric’s hand as it trekked further and further up his thigh. His breathing came out in soft pants. “You came here…”
“For you,” Eric finished and his hand stopped moving up and down Van’s leg, changing direction, Eric’s hand skimmed the inside of Van’s thigh. “Because I want you.”
The younger man swallowed thickly. “Are-are you sure?”
Eric smiled. “One of the things I love about you is that you keep asking me that.”
Van felt the blood rushing through his ears, and he was certain that he didn’t- “What?”
The older man jumped up. “I didn’t mean-”
“You didn’t mean it,” Van whispered crushed again, knowing that he shouldn’t allow himself to hope and he wondered if he would ever feel certain in his relationship with Eric.
Eric quickly shook his head. “No, I wasn’t planning to blurt it out like that. I was afraid…” He got up and paced away from Van for a moment. “I didn’t want to say it at the wrong moment and then I just did.” He sat down again next to the younger man. “Please, say something, Van.”
“Do you love me?”
“Yes,” he affirmed. “I love you.”
Van smiled and felt a million words all swim to the surface, but he couldn’t focus on one of them. “I, um…”
The familiar urge to run burned through him. Eric knew where this relationship was heading-dating, boyfriends-they didn’t say anything about more than that. Eric wondered if maybe he had misread all of this and whatever was between them was just a wish fulfillment for Van.
Eric quickly made his way past Van and went straight to the bedroom. He felt a little dizzy and the panic grew exponentially with each step. He didn’t want to run away, not again, never again could he do that to Van, but Eric wasn’t ready to face him, either.
That was where Eric had found himself with Van standing in front of him. The redhead had to stop pacing, because he would have run into Van.
“Hi,” the blonde said again. “I’m the guy who’s in love with you.”
It took the older man a few minutes to comprehend what Van had said. He moved away from the blonde and sat on the edge of Van’s bed. “You love me?” When he finally spoke, each word was said carefully, like a piece of glass on his tongue and one wrong move could crush it.
The younger man crouched down, so he was between Eric’s legs and his palms resting on the older man’s knees. “Yeah. I never imagined…”
“The crush you had on me,” the redhead noted, waiting for the acknowledgement that all of this was about some sort of wish fulfillment.
“It was a crush. I had fantasies, but I knew…” Van shook his head. “We never had a chance then. I never had a chance. That whole time was wonderful and awful all at once. But I needed all that time away. I needed to meet you again now, so I could let go of all of that. So that now, we can be together. But I have to know, what do you want?”
“You,” the redhead said simply. He was nervous and still a little scared, but he finally felt comfortable enough with Van to admit the truth. “When I’m with you… I haven’t felt this way in a long time, and I honestly didn’t know that I would ever feel this way.”
“With a man,” Van deduced.
“With you,” Eric insisted. “I want to know what kind of future we could have.”
Van nodded. “Okay.”
Eric cupped the younger man’s face in his hands. “In the meantime…”
The blonde grinned. “I can’t wait to get you out of your clothes,” he admitted, his voice a little breathless with anticipation.
Eric smiled in response and felt his insecurities begin to slip away. The nervousness was more from anticipation of Van’s next move.
Van leaned over and gave Eric a brief kiss before going over to the side of his bed. He opened the drawer and pulled out a condom and a fresh bottle of lube. Eric swallowed thickly. Theoretically, he knew what they were going to be doing, but each moment brought the realty of the situation swimming to the surface. He suddenly felt nervous, more nervous than he’d ever felt in his life. Van appeared to move in slow motion, but before Eric knew it, the younger man was standing in front of him.
Placing the supplies on the bed, Van then took both of Eric’s hands in his and the older man interlocked their fingers. “At any time…” the younger man began. “If you want to stop…just say the word.”
“I know.” Eric nodded his head and a smile tugged at his lips. “But I’m not there yet.”
Eric let go of Van’s hands and reached up, cupping the blonde’s face in his hands and kissing him. Van sighed and swayed closer. Again, they instinctively moved together, mouths pressed, seeking a better angle. The blonde sighed again, and Eric swallowed his breath.
Blindly, Van reached for Eric’s shirt. The redhead had his usual button-down shirt on over a worn tee. Van tugged on the opening, trying to pull it off. The redhead pulled away in protest, allowing Van to tug off his flannel shirt and he tried to unbutton Van’s shirt at the same time. Eric’s fingers didn’t want to work, and after a few jerks he ripped off the first couple of buttons.
“S-sorry,” Eric mumbled.
Van chuckled. “It’s all right. I like that you’re determined. Because I want you back.”
He pulled on Eric’s t-shirt and quickly yanked it off of him. Automatically, the younger man reached up, smoothing down some of Eric’s curls. The older man closed his eyes and moved his head, following Van’s hands. A smile tugged at the younger man’s lips and he pressed a kiss to Eric’s neck, at his pulse point. His lips hovered for a moment; Eric’s pulse started racing and Van kissed and sucked at the skin. Satisfied for the time being, he started to move, dragging his lips further down, kissing and nipping, licking down Eric’s torso. With each movement, the redhead panted, gasped, or groaned his approval. Finally, Eric’s knees buckled and he stumbled back onto Van’s bed. One of his hands landed on the bottle of lube.
Van stood over him, gauging the redhead’s reaction. Eric’s body was still humming and desperate for a release desperate for Van. Letting go of the bottle, Eric held out his hand. The younger man smiled and took Eric’s palm in his, bringing it up to Van’s cheek. He turned and pressed a kiss to the open palm.
With Eric’s free hand, he reached for the loop of Van’s pants and pulled the blonde close. He quickly popped the button and unzipped his pants. Pulling loose, Eric used both of his hands to pull down Van’s pants. The blonde moved taking off his shoes and pants.
Van felt a slight chill, standing in just his underwear, but meeting Eric’s gaze, the chill disappeared quickly. He moved, so he could sit on Eric’s lap and his knees rested against the older man’s thighs. Eric’s arms automatically came around, holding Van and then he ran his fingers down the ridge of the blonde’s spine.
Van’s mouth sought Eric’s again, sharing soft, languid kisses. As much as the younger man wanted Eric in the past, kissing Eric as himself and not Luke was so much better. “I love kissing you,” the blonde admitted. He shifted and the older man groaned. Van did it again, the friction of cloth against his aching cock was deliciously painful.
“V-Van,” Eric panted.
The younger man recognized the warning gasp. Eric wasn’t going to last long, and they weren’t even naked yet. He rubbed again and reached down between their bodies, trying to undo the button of Eric’s pants.
“No,” Eric insisted and his hand moved, stilling Van.
The blonde’s worried gaze met Eric’s blue eyes. “Do you want me to stop?” he asked and started to move.
“Yes, I mean, no. I want-”
Van stilled, his hand trapped underneath Eric’s.
"I want.” The redhead swallowed thickly. “I want you… I want you inside me when I come.”
The blonde almost came right then, but with a jerky head nod, he started to unbutton Eric’s pants. He tugged, pulling both of Eric’s pants and underwear and the older man lifted his hips and then hissed. The cool air provided temporary relief to his heated flesh and aching cock.
Van’s eyes roamed over Eric’s body, cataloging everything: the soft trail of hair down from his navel, a scar on the inside of his right thigh, the smooth ridges of his torso, a few freckles across his chest. Eric tried not to squirm under the scrutiny. “V-Van.”
A brief smile graced his lips. “I love you,” Van said. He climbed back to the bed and lay down next to Eric.
The redhead rolled onto his side, reaching for Van, pulling him close. The kissing continued, and Van reached around Eric, blindly reaching for the bottle of lube.
Finally, he got it and pushed Eric onto his back. The redhead’s eyes flew open and met Van’s. Eric nodded his head, reading the question in Van’s eyes.
“I love you back,” Van promised. He shifted, his body resting over Eric’s, and kissed him again. The redhead’s hand came up, holding Van’s scalp, keeping him close and then gently tugging away.
Van moved again, retracing his earlier exploration of Eric’s neck and torso. He worked down and then back up, finding one of Eric’s nipples. He sucked it into his mouth, kissing and tugging until Eric gasped and his body started to bow up; then Van moved, giving as much attention to the other one. The redhead squirmed and panted, trying to keep still. He reached for Van’s head and pulled him away.
As much as Eric enjoyed Van trying to take his time, “Van-” Eric warned.
“I want to make this last,” the younger man noted. “Our first time together needs to be-your first time-”
“Next time,” Eric vowed. “We have all weekend. But I want you. In me. Now,” he growled the last sentence.
The younger man jerkily nodded his head. Van reached for the bottle of lube again. His hands were shaking, and he had to try a couple of times before the cap finally snapped open. He drizzled a little on his hand.
Eric lay back onto the bed. He planted his feet firmly against it. He closed his eyes, listening to the rustle as Van removed his boxers. He knelt between Eric’s open legs. Van’s gaze was drawn to the older man’s leaking cock. He leaned over and brought Eric’s cock into his mouth. Eric gasped and almost dislodged Van, but the younger man was unrelenting in his goal. He hollowed his cheeks, creating suction as he bobbed up and down. While the redhead writhed underneath him, Van quickly rubbed two of his fingers into the lube on his palm. He moved, finally dragging his mouth away from Eric’s cock, nuzzling the redhead’s balls, and continuing to explore what he had only dreamed about. His tongued darted out, licking Eric’s opening, then a little nip and he continued to lap. The redhead couldn’t hold still. He thought it would be awkward or uncomfortable, but his desire was pooling and building. Van finally stopped torturing Eric with his mouth and he slipped one of his fingers inside of Eric.
They both stilled.
Van looked up, his gaze meeting Eric’s. The redhead’s pupils were almost completely blown, but Van saw the trust that Eric had in him, and Van almost came right then.
Van moved his finger in and out, making shallow turns. Eric was uncomfortable and tried to get his body to relax. Van leaned over him and pressed a kiss to the tip of the redhead’s leaking cock. Then he took Eric fully in his mouth, licking up and down the older man’s shaft. Eric’s desire began to rush back, and Van went further in with his finger, finding Eric’s nub.
Eric’s back bowed and his hips lifted up toward Van’s mouth and then slammed down further, trying to drag the blonde’s finger further in. Van hummed his approval, and then inserted a second finger. They continued in tandem, Eric trying to push further into the younger man’s mouth, while trying to get Van to find his prostate. The pain started to subside and Van scissored his fingers a few times before pulling out.
Eric lay on the bed, every nerve ending at attention.
“Okay?” Van checked. He didn’t know what he would do if Eric said no.
“Yes,” the older man whispered.
Quickly rolling on the condom, Van added more lube. He had to move fast, because he was afraid he would come as well. He honestly didn’t know how much longer he would last. His determination not to hurt Eric was the only thing slowing his movements.
Lining himself up, Van’s gaze met Eric’s. The older man’s blue eyes were still dark and unfocused. But he reached up and Van took his hand in his as he slowly entered Eric.
“Breathe,” the blonde instructed. He could feel the tension and resistance. The last thing he wanted was to hurt Eric, but Van honestly didn’t know if he could stop, either.
Eric gasped, and slowly Van inched his way in. The redhead panted, feeling every inch of Van’s cock slide into him. Finally, the blonde was completed encased in Eric’s body. The older man tightly wrapped his arms and legs around Van, his hot breath coming out in pants across Van’s face. They lay that way for a few moments, Van trying to allow Eric to get used to his girth.
“I need to move,” Van finally told him. “Okay?”
Eric jerkily nodded his head and loosened his grip.
Van pulled out and then slammed back into Eric. He needed to know Eric wouldn’t break. Their eyes met again and Eric nodded. Van slowly pulled almost all the way out, before coming back. Slow, shallow thrusts gave way to a quick snap, as Van found Eric’s prostate. The redhead gasped, overwhelmed by feeling everything.
Eric shifted, lifting his hips to meet the younger man. It was Van’s turn to lose his breath. Their gazes locked and they moved in concordance. It was the most intense moment of Van’s life, seeing the love and trust in Eric’s eyes, knowing no one had ever made love to Eric but him. Van shifted, reaching between their bodies grabbing Eric’s cock, while continuing to move inside of him. Finding Eric’s prostate, hitting it each time, the redhead groaned and squeezed around Van, trying to hold the younger man in place. Van’s grip on Eric’s cock loosened, allowing his hand to move more easily, sliding up and down. After a few quick tugs, Eric was coming. Van continued to drive into the redhead Eric clinched around him, and Van came. He collapsed on top of Eric, still inside of him.
Both men lay there, panting and gasping for breath. Eric groaned his disapproval when Van finally pulled out. He quickly dispensed with the condom, lay back down, and gathered Eric close. The redhead laid his head on Van’s chest and wrapped his arm around the younger man’s torso.
“You okay,” Van whispered when he could finally speak.
“Perfect. Was it… Did I…live up to your…expectations?” Eric’s voice was halting, his insecurities keeping the words from coming easily.
Van pulled away and winced slightly. Eric’s come had made them stick together. He rolled onto his side. “You are… You are more amazing then anyone I’ve ever been with or dreamed about.”
Eric smiled and then shuddered when he felt Van leaning over him again, kissing his chest. He found some of Eric’s come and his tongue darted out, licking and taking all of Eric in. The older man was too sated to move. He moaned gently and felt Van’s smile against his chest. The blonde licked and kissed Eric’s torso. Throughout his ministrations, Eric cock’s began to harden, surprising him, but not Van. The blonde offered that flash of a devil in his grin and he took Eric’s cock into his mouth. The slowly licked up one side and down the other, continuing in his quest to clean Eric.
The redhead’s hands came up, holding Van in place, trying to urge him on. He’d never felt this way before, he’d been addicted to Van’s mouth since their first kiss and it wasn’t about to end. The redhead gasped, his balls drawing up close.
“V-V-Van,” Eric stuttered. “I’m gonna come.”
Van took him deeper into his mouth and didn’t appear to let go. He moved up and down, hollowing his cheeks in a way that drove Eric over the edge, but Van was relentless in his actions. The older man shuddered as he came. Van didn’t pull off until the redhead finally stopped shaking.
With his fingers still tangled in Van’s hair, Eric tugged, pulling the younger man up, until he was hovering over Eric. “You’ll be the death of me,” the redhead mumbled.
Van smiled. “But what a way to go.” He closed the distance between them and pressed a few kisses to the redhead’s mouth.
Eric groaned into the kiss, tasting himself on Van’s lips. He could feel Van’s erection against his own and he blindly reached for Van.
The blonde gasped into Eric’s mouth with the first tug. Using the come at the tip of Van’s cock to ease his movements, Eric moved up and down, the blonde gasping and trying to kiss Eric, but it became too difficult. He closed his eyes and shifted his hips in concordance with Eric’s ministrations. After a few quick tugs, Van shuddered through his orgasm.
“I love you,” Van whispered, collapsing on top of the older man.
“I love you back,” Eric assured him. His voice was hoarse and his lips were a little chapped. Speaking was difficult, but Eric needed Van to know how he felt.
When Van could finally move again, he searched for a couple of tissues from a box next to his bed and wiped off his chest, then he gathered the sheets and blankets from the foot of the bed, wrapping up himself and Eric. The older man tried not to wince as he moved further down the bed. While his body ached, he was beyond content. Closing his eyes, Eric rested his head against Van’s chest. The younger man’s arms wrapped around Eric and pressed a kiss to the older man’s head.
*
Onto part 2...
Author: gradgirl (aka Ali)
Rating: NC-17
Due to posting size cut into 2 parts.
Chapter 13
Van woke with a start. He jumped up and regretted it almost immediately. He felt sore, and there was a shooting pain in his neck from falling asleep on his couch. As memories of the previous evening came back, Van looked around.
Eric was gone.
Again.
The burn of disappointment proceeded the pounding in his chest. Unfortunately they were becoming familiar physical reactions. Van had hoped after Eric’s promise that this time would be different. The younger man was scared as well. He didn’t know where all of this was going, but he wanted to talk to Eric about it.
But more than that, Van had been in this position too many times before, not just the other night, but years earlier. He’d wake up and realize what he wanted was unattainable, another dream, a pointless fantasy, where he and Eric were-
“Hey, you’re awake.”
The blonde jumped slightly and turned at the sound of the voice. “Eric.” He smiled.
The older man returned the grin. His hair was wet and he clutched a towel tightly around his waist. “Yeah. I took a shower…is that all right?” he checked. Eric’s eyes briefly darted to the left and then the right, not ready to see the heat in Van’s gaze. “I woke up and…” The older man’s voice tailed off. “I was a little scared, but grateful to be with you.”
Van slowly stood up. His gaze never wavered from the older man. “Thank you-for staying, for last night, for telling me the truth.”
Eric stood still watching the younger man. Van grinned and the redhead found himself smiling in return. He was glad, he had stayed. “So you don’t mind that I used your shower?”
The blonde’s grin deepened. “Only that you didn’t ask me to join you.” He wrapped his arms around Eric, and he played with the wet curls at the nape of the redhead’s neck.
“Don’t think I’m ready for that yet,” Eric admitted.
Van leaned in and gave him a brief kiss. “Whatever you want,” he assured Eric. “I’ll wait and be whatever you need.”
The older man shook his head. He felt a slight chill, drops of water running down his chest. But the proximity to Van and his warmth and understanding made everything so much better. They had always gotten along, but moving past their friendship into this new territory, Van made him feel…everything.
After his divorce, Eric didn’t know if he could ever feel this way again, and somehow, despite the person-or maybe because it was Van-Eric was doing great. He was scared. There was still so much to figure out, but knowing that Van was right there with him, it made a world of difference.
“What are you thinking about?” the younger man asked. He could feel Eric start to slip away.
“I know before…years ago when we knew each other…you wanted this…” the words were treading carefully out of Eric’s mouth.
The blonde briefly let go of Eric, before taking the older man’s hand in his and leading him to the couch. They both sat and Van gently patted Eric’s thigh.
“I had fantasies and a crush that couldn’t have gone anywhere,” Van admitted. “And I didn’t want…” He hesitated for a moment. “We couldn’t then, we both know that. And last night…”
The redhead shifted afraid of Van’s disappointment, but the younger man’s grip modified itself, sure of its trek, as Van’s hand slipped underneath the towel covering Eric’s thigh. Van kept his hand loose and didn’t dip too far, and yet Eric still felt desire pooling in his belly.
“Last night…” Van continued, “was so much more than anything I could have imagined. I don’t know what’s going to happen to us, but the fact that you stayed…gives me hope that we’ll figure it out together.” There was more to say, like Van could fall in love with Eric and that he was probably already half-way there. But he knew it was too soon and Van was scared to admit it, even to himself.
"Are you sure?” Eric checked, his voice a little husky. “I mean, this is the kind of relationship you want? Or even expected? I just want you to be happy.”
“You want me to be happy?” Van repeated Eric’s statement as a question.
“Yes,” the older man said emphatically.
“Then take me to breakfast.” Van grinned and leaned in a little closer, his forehead briefly brushing against Eric’s.
It took every ounce of willpower Eric had not to kiss Van. “Okay.”
The younger man pressed a quick kiss to Eric’s mouth and the redhead’s lips followed for a moment, not ready to let go. Van stood up and headed for the bathroom. “If you need to borrow a shirt or anything, take whatever time you need.”
“Okay,” Eric struggled to find his voice. His eyes were drawn to Van’s ass as the younger man walked away and the redhead swallowed thickly.
*
Over the next several weeks, Eric and Van spent as much time together as possible. They’d go to rehearsals and then head back to one of their apartments and work through the scenes. More than the friendship they had lost, their working relationship was something they had treasured and were so grateful to be cultivate again. The play was really started to take shape, and they were barreling toward the opening night.
In between all of that they were dating-dinners, movie nights, going to see friends of theirs doing an off-Broadway play. Van got to see some of Eric’s carpentry projects. The older man was even showing Van the basics, and the blonde loved it. He was getting to learn more and more about Eric, being inducted into Eric’s life.
But Van had yet to meet Eric’s children. They talked about it, made plans even. Eric told Jenny, and it wasn’t as difficult as he thought it would be. She was supportive and reminded him that she just wanted him to be happy. The redhead didn’t know what he’d done to deserve all of this happiness, but there was one thing missing: they hadn’t made love yet. Evenings at home, dinners, working out the scenes, heated make-out sessions on the couch. Van was true to his word, he was patient and never let Eric do anything he didn’t want or push him too far, but the patience was getting to Eric.
“So we have a long weekend coming up,” the redhead began. They were walking toward Eric’s apartment after an early dinner.
“Yeah,” Van replied. He still couldn’t get over the fact that he could walk down the street holding Eric’s hand.
“Do you want to spend it together?”
The blonde chuckled. “I just assumed that we would. I mean, my laundry’s been neglected, but-”
“No.” Eric stopped and his fingers opened and closed so he could get a firmer grip on Van’s own hand. “I meant, I’m done.”
“Oh.” The blonde felt his stomach drop.
“Waiting,” Eric clarified.
Van’s stomach then bounced a few times.
When the younger man didn’t say anything for a few moments, Eric rushed to fill the silence. “Unless…do you want to wait?” he checked. “Are you not ready-”
Van cupped Eric’s face in his hand and he brought his mouth to the redhead’s. Eric deepened the kiss, his hands coming up to hold him close, his mouth hovering over Van’s, capturing the blonde’s bottom lip between both of his own, sucking on it, pulling him in closer.
When they finally pulled apart, Van’s breath panted across Eric’s mouth, his gaze a little unfocused until he could finally speak. “I’ve been ready since the first time you kissed me,” he assured Eric. “I didn’t want to push you.”
"I know, and you’ve been amazing, so…” the older man couldn’t say it yet, needing Van and wanting to know for sure.
“Absolutely. Yes. Whatever you want,” the blonde agreed.
*
Two days later, sitting on Van’s bed, Eric tried to remember those words. He’d barely been able to concentrate on anything but him and Van. The younger man was so patient and caring. Eric always knew Van was special, but now everything was different, and that made it so much better.
Eric stood up and paced the room for a few minutes.
After rehearsal, Eric went to get his kids. It wasn’t his weekend, but he wanted to spend time with them. They had a great dinner, Eric heard about their week and made plans for when they could get together again. Afterwards, he mentioned Van and how he’d been working with him again. Both kids reiterated their desire to meet him again. Nate remembered the nice guy who came over a few times; mostly he remembered the comics. Sarah didn’t remember Van as well as her brother, but having done a quick Internet search and she found the appeal of hanging out with one of her dad’s acting friends. When they asked to meet with Van, Eric hesitated. The two of them seemed to live in this bubble, a world where they could be together and just be without the outside intruding-his family wasn’t an intrusion-Eric just didn’t want to put any undue pressure on him and Van.
“Hi.” Van walked into the bedroom and cut off Eric’s train of thought.
Eric had come over as soon as he said good-bye to his kids. They didn’t say much. Van continued to let Eric lead them, and the older man had settled for a quiet few minutes on the couch. Van talked about some of the projects he’d worked on. They were learning about the time they’d spent apart. The younger man wanted-needed-to know all that had happened since they’d lost track of each other. Van was regaling Eric with a story of the last director he worked with and the British accent that went in and out. Eric laughed so hard, and he realized he never laughed as much as he did with Van.
“You make me happy,” the redhead told him.
Van wrapped his arm around Eric and his hand found its way to the older man’s scalp. His fingers continued to be drawn to the soft curls. “I’m glad.”
Eric’s left hand bounced for a moment and then he reached over and rubbed his palm up and down Van’s thigh. He needed to touch Van; it calmed him. He’d pause at the younger man’s knee and then slide back down.
“So…” Van hesitated, watching Eric’s hand as it trekked further and further up his thigh. His breathing came out in soft pants. “You came here…”
“For you,” Eric finished and his hand stopped moving up and down Van’s leg, changing direction, Eric’s hand skimmed the inside of Van’s thigh. “Because I want you.”
The younger man swallowed thickly. “Are-are you sure?”
Eric smiled. “One of the things I love about you is that you keep asking me that.”
Van felt the blood rushing through his ears, and he was certain that he didn’t- “What?”
The older man jumped up. “I didn’t mean-”
“You didn’t mean it,” Van whispered crushed again, knowing that he shouldn’t allow himself to hope and he wondered if he would ever feel certain in his relationship with Eric.
Eric quickly shook his head. “No, I wasn’t planning to blurt it out like that. I was afraid…” He got up and paced away from Van for a moment. “I didn’t want to say it at the wrong moment and then I just did.” He sat down again next to the younger man. “Please, say something, Van.”
“Do you love me?”
“Yes,” he affirmed. “I love you.”
Van smiled and felt a million words all swim to the surface, but he couldn’t focus on one of them. “I, um…”
The familiar urge to run burned through him. Eric knew where this relationship was heading-dating, boyfriends-they didn’t say anything about more than that. Eric wondered if maybe he had misread all of this and whatever was between them was just a wish fulfillment for Van.
Eric quickly made his way past Van and went straight to the bedroom. He felt a little dizzy and the panic grew exponentially with each step. He didn’t want to run away, not again, never again could he do that to Van, but Eric wasn’t ready to face him, either.
That was where Eric had found himself with Van standing in front of him. The redhead had to stop pacing, because he would have run into Van.
“Hi,” the blonde said again. “I’m the guy who’s in love with you.”
It took the older man a few minutes to comprehend what Van had said. He moved away from the blonde and sat on the edge of Van’s bed. “You love me?” When he finally spoke, each word was said carefully, like a piece of glass on his tongue and one wrong move could crush it.
The younger man crouched down, so he was between Eric’s legs and his palms resting on the older man’s knees. “Yeah. I never imagined…”
“The crush you had on me,” the redhead noted, waiting for the acknowledgement that all of this was about some sort of wish fulfillment.
“It was a crush. I had fantasies, but I knew…” Van shook his head. “We never had a chance then. I never had a chance. That whole time was wonderful and awful all at once. But I needed all that time away. I needed to meet you again now, so I could let go of all of that. So that now, we can be together. But I have to know, what do you want?”
“You,” the redhead said simply. He was nervous and still a little scared, but he finally felt comfortable enough with Van to admit the truth. “When I’m with you… I haven’t felt this way in a long time, and I honestly didn’t know that I would ever feel this way.”
“With a man,” Van deduced.
“With you,” Eric insisted. “I want to know what kind of future we could have.”
Van nodded. “Okay.”
Eric cupped the younger man’s face in his hands. “In the meantime…”
The blonde grinned. “I can’t wait to get you out of your clothes,” he admitted, his voice a little breathless with anticipation.
Eric smiled in response and felt his insecurities begin to slip away. The nervousness was more from anticipation of Van’s next move.
Van leaned over and gave Eric a brief kiss before going over to the side of his bed. He opened the drawer and pulled out a condom and a fresh bottle of lube. Eric swallowed thickly. Theoretically, he knew what they were going to be doing, but each moment brought the realty of the situation swimming to the surface. He suddenly felt nervous, more nervous than he’d ever felt in his life. Van appeared to move in slow motion, but before Eric knew it, the younger man was standing in front of him.
Placing the supplies on the bed, Van then took both of Eric’s hands in his and the older man interlocked their fingers. “At any time…” the younger man began. “If you want to stop…just say the word.”
“I know.” Eric nodded his head and a smile tugged at his lips. “But I’m not there yet.”
Eric let go of Van’s hands and reached up, cupping the blonde’s face in his hands and kissing him. Van sighed and swayed closer. Again, they instinctively moved together, mouths pressed, seeking a better angle. The blonde sighed again, and Eric swallowed his breath.
Blindly, Van reached for Eric’s shirt. The redhead had his usual button-down shirt on over a worn tee. Van tugged on the opening, trying to pull it off. The redhead pulled away in protest, allowing Van to tug off his flannel shirt and he tried to unbutton Van’s shirt at the same time. Eric’s fingers didn’t want to work, and after a few jerks he ripped off the first couple of buttons.
“S-sorry,” Eric mumbled.
Van chuckled. “It’s all right. I like that you’re determined. Because I want you back.”
He pulled on Eric’s t-shirt and quickly yanked it off of him. Automatically, the younger man reached up, smoothing down some of Eric’s curls. The older man closed his eyes and moved his head, following Van’s hands. A smile tugged at the younger man’s lips and he pressed a kiss to Eric’s neck, at his pulse point. His lips hovered for a moment; Eric’s pulse started racing and Van kissed and sucked at the skin. Satisfied for the time being, he started to move, dragging his lips further down, kissing and nipping, licking down Eric’s torso. With each movement, the redhead panted, gasped, or groaned his approval. Finally, Eric’s knees buckled and he stumbled back onto Van’s bed. One of his hands landed on the bottle of lube.
Van stood over him, gauging the redhead’s reaction. Eric’s body was still humming and desperate for a release desperate for Van. Letting go of the bottle, Eric held out his hand. The younger man smiled and took Eric’s palm in his, bringing it up to Van’s cheek. He turned and pressed a kiss to the open palm.
With Eric’s free hand, he reached for the loop of Van’s pants and pulled the blonde close. He quickly popped the button and unzipped his pants. Pulling loose, Eric used both of his hands to pull down Van’s pants. The blonde moved taking off his shoes and pants.
Van felt a slight chill, standing in just his underwear, but meeting Eric’s gaze, the chill disappeared quickly. He moved, so he could sit on Eric’s lap and his knees rested against the older man’s thighs. Eric’s arms automatically came around, holding Van and then he ran his fingers down the ridge of the blonde’s spine.
Van’s mouth sought Eric’s again, sharing soft, languid kisses. As much as the younger man wanted Eric in the past, kissing Eric as himself and not Luke was so much better. “I love kissing you,” the blonde admitted. He shifted and the older man groaned. Van did it again, the friction of cloth against his aching cock was deliciously painful.
“V-Van,” Eric panted.
The younger man recognized the warning gasp. Eric wasn’t going to last long, and they weren’t even naked yet. He rubbed again and reached down between their bodies, trying to undo the button of Eric’s pants.
“No,” Eric insisted and his hand moved, stilling Van.
The blonde’s worried gaze met Eric’s blue eyes. “Do you want me to stop?” he asked and started to move.
“Yes, I mean, no. I want-”
Van stilled, his hand trapped underneath Eric’s.
"I want.” The redhead swallowed thickly. “I want you… I want you inside me when I come.”
The blonde almost came right then, but with a jerky head nod, he started to unbutton Eric’s pants. He tugged, pulling both of Eric’s pants and underwear and the older man lifted his hips and then hissed. The cool air provided temporary relief to his heated flesh and aching cock.
Van’s eyes roamed over Eric’s body, cataloging everything: the soft trail of hair down from his navel, a scar on the inside of his right thigh, the smooth ridges of his torso, a few freckles across his chest. Eric tried not to squirm under the scrutiny. “V-Van.”
A brief smile graced his lips. “I love you,” Van said. He climbed back to the bed and lay down next to Eric.
The redhead rolled onto his side, reaching for Van, pulling him close. The kissing continued, and Van reached around Eric, blindly reaching for the bottle of lube.
Finally, he got it and pushed Eric onto his back. The redhead’s eyes flew open and met Van’s. Eric nodded his head, reading the question in Van’s eyes.
“I love you back,” Van promised. He shifted, his body resting over Eric’s, and kissed him again. The redhead’s hand came up, holding Van’s scalp, keeping him close and then gently tugging away.
Van moved again, retracing his earlier exploration of Eric’s neck and torso. He worked down and then back up, finding one of Eric’s nipples. He sucked it into his mouth, kissing and tugging until Eric gasped and his body started to bow up; then Van moved, giving as much attention to the other one. The redhead squirmed and panted, trying to keep still. He reached for Van’s head and pulled him away.
As much as Eric enjoyed Van trying to take his time, “Van-” Eric warned.
“I want to make this last,” the younger man noted. “Our first time together needs to be-your first time-”
“Next time,” Eric vowed. “We have all weekend. But I want you. In me. Now,” he growled the last sentence.
The younger man jerkily nodded his head. Van reached for the bottle of lube again. His hands were shaking, and he had to try a couple of times before the cap finally snapped open. He drizzled a little on his hand.
Eric lay back onto the bed. He planted his feet firmly against it. He closed his eyes, listening to the rustle as Van removed his boxers. He knelt between Eric’s open legs. Van’s gaze was drawn to the older man’s leaking cock. He leaned over and brought Eric’s cock into his mouth. Eric gasped and almost dislodged Van, but the younger man was unrelenting in his goal. He hollowed his cheeks, creating suction as he bobbed up and down. While the redhead writhed underneath him, Van quickly rubbed two of his fingers into the lube on his palm. He moved, finally dragging his mouth away from Eric’s cock, nuzzling the redhead’s balls, and continuing to explore what he had only dreamed about. His tongued darted out, licking Eric’s opening, then a little nip and he continued to lap. The redhead couldn’t hold still. He thought it would be awkward or uncomfortable, but his desire was pooling and building. Van finally stopped torturing Eric with his mouth and he slipped one of his fingers inside of Eric.
They both stilled.
Van looked up, his gaze meeting Eric’s. The redhead’s pupils were almost completely blown, but Van saw the trust that Eric had in him, and Van almost came right then.
Van moved his finger in and out, making shallow turns. Eric was uncomfortable and tried to get his body to relax. Van leaned over him and pressed a kiss to the tip of the redhead’s leaking cock. Then he took Eric fully in his mouth, licking up and down the older man’s shaft. Eric’s desire began to rush back, and Van went further in with his finger, finding Eric’s nub.
Eric’s back bowed and his hips lifted up toward Van’s mouth and then slammed down further, trying to drag the blonde’s finger further in. Van hummed his approval, and then inserted a second finger. They continued in tandem, Eric trying to push further into the younger man’s mouth, while trying to get Van to find his prostate. The pain started to subside and Van scissored his fingers a few times before pulling out.
Eric lay on the bed, every nerve ending at attention.
“Okay?” Van checked. He didn’t know what he would do if Eric said no.
“Yes,” the older man whispered.
Quickly rolling on the condom, Van added more lube. He had to move fast, because he was afraid he would come as well. He honestly didn’t know how much longer he would last. His determination not to hurt Eric was the only thing slowing his movements.
Lining himself up, Van’s gaze met Eric’s. The older man’s blue eyes were still dark and unfocused. But he reached up and Van took his hand in his as he slowly entered Eric.
“Breathe,” the blonde instructed. He could feel the tension and resistance. The last thing he wanted was to hurt Eric, but Van honestly didn’t know if he could stop, either.
Eric gasped, and slowly Van inched his way in. The redhead panted, feeling every inch of Van’s cock slide into him. Finally, the blonde was completed encased in Eric’s body. The older man tightly wrapped his arms and legs around Van, his hot breath coming out in pants across Van’s face. They lay that way for a few moments, Van trying to allow Eric to get used to his girth.
“I need to move,” Van finally told him. “Okay?”
Eric jerkily nodded his head and loosened his grip.
Van pulled out and then slammed back into Eric. He needed to know Eric wouldn’t break. Their eyes met again and Eric nodded. Van slowly pulled almost all the way out, before coming back. Slow, shallow thrusts gave way to a quick snap, as Van found Eric’s prostate. The redhead gasped, overwhelmed by feeling everything.
Eric shifted, lifting his hips to meet the younger man. It was Van’s turn to lose his breath. Their gazes locked and they moved in concordance. It was the most intense moment of Van’s life, seeing the love and trust in Eric’s eyes, knowing no one had ever made love to Eric but him. Van shifted, reaching between their bodies grabbing Eric’s cock, while continuing to move inside of him. Finding Eric’s prostate, hitting it each time, the redhead groaned and squeezed around Van, trying to hold the younger man in place. Van’s grip on Eric’s cock loosened, allowing his hand to move more easily, sliding up and down. After a few quick tugs, Eric was coming. Van continued to drive into the redhead Eric clinched around him, and Van came. He collapsed on top of Eric, still inside of him.
Both men lay there, panting and gasping for breath. Eric groaned his disapproval when Van finally pulled out. He quickly dispensed with the condom, lay back down, and gathered Eric close. The redhead laid his head on Van’s chest and wrapped his arm around the younger man’s torso.
“You okay,” Van whispered when he could finally speak.
“Perfect. Was it… Did I…live up to your…expectations?” Eric’s voice was halting, his insecurities keeping the words from coming easily.
Van pulled away and winced slightly. Eric’s come had made them stick together. He rolled onto his side. “You are… You are more amazing then anyone I’ve ever been with or dreamed about.”
Eric smiled and then shuddered when he felt Van leaning over him again, kissing his chest. He found some of Eric’s come and his tongue darted out, licking and taking all of Eric in. The older man was too sated to move. He moaned gently and felt Van’s smile against his chest. The blonde licked and kissed Eric’s torso. Throughout his ministrations, Eric cock’s began to harden, surprising him, but not Van. The blonde offered that flash of a devil in his grin and he took Eric’s cock into his mouth. The slowly licked up one side and down the other, continuing in his quest to clean Eric.
The redhead’s hands came up, holding Van in place, trying to urge him on. He’d never felt this way before, he’d been addicted to Van’s mouth since their first kiss and it wasn’t about to end. The redhead gasped, his balls drawing up close.
“V-V-Van,” Eric stuttered. “I’m gonna come.”
Van took him deeper into his mouth and didn’t appear to let go. He moved up and down, hollowing his cheeks in a way that drove Eric over the edge, but Van was relentless in his actions. The older man shuddered as he came. Van didn’t pull off until the redhead finally stopped shaking.
With his fingers still tangled in Van’s hair, Eric tugged, pulling the younger man up, until he was hovering over Eric. “You’ll be the death of me,” the redhead mumbled.
Van smiled. “But what a way to go.” He closed the distance between them and pressed a few kisses to the redhead’s mouth.
Eric groaned into the kiss, tasting himself on Van’s lips. He could feel Van’s erection against his own and he blindly reached for Van.
The blonde gasped into Eric’s mouth with the first tug. Using the come at the tip of Van’s cock to ease his movements, Eric moved up and down, the blonde gasping and trying to kiss Eric, but it became too difficult. He closed his eyes and shifted his hips in concordance with Eric’s ministrations. After a few quick tugs, Van shuddered through his orgasm.
“I love you,” Van whispered, collapsing on top of the older man.
“I love you back,” Eric assured him. His voice was hoarse and his lips were a little chapped. Speaking was difficult, but Eric needed Van to know how he felt.
When Van could finally move again, he searched for a couple of tissues from a box next to his bed and wiped off his chest, then he gathered the sheets and blankets from the foot of the bed, wrapping up himself and Eric. The older man tried not to wince as he moved further down the bed. While his body ached, he was beyond content. Closing his eyes, Eric rested his head against Van’s chest. The younger man’s arms wrapped around Eric and pressed a kiss to the older man’s head.
*
Onto part 2...