Public service announcement

[grahamsleight]

If you want to friend me on Facebook but we haven't met in real life, by all means go ahead, but send me a message with your friend request saying who you are, why you're friending me, etc. Same applies if we've met in passing in the sort of context (crowded room party, etc) where names and faces tend to blur. Thanks

Comments

[andrewducker]

If I don't recognise a person trying to friend me on FB then I message them asking them to remind me who they are. Seems to have gone down perfectly well so far.

[grahamsleight]

That's what I've done too, but have not had replies to some recent messages. Hence this post.

[desayunoencama]

If people don't reply to a polite "remind me", I ignore the request. It happens.

If they later reply reminding me that we met at such and such a con/reading/event, or that they're a fan of my blog/books/whatever, or whatever, you can always friend them then.

I get a lot of just "but we're both gay" which for me is not a sufficient enough justification for friending someone.

(That said, there are sometimes strangers who friend me but we share 20 or so friends, mostly from gay activism in Spain/Madrid, who I do accept, since there's a context. It's the people-I-don't-recall--or don't actually know--where we don't share any friends in common or no obvious connection--if they say they're a writer/editor/translator/whatever in their profile--who I message asking them to remind me. Because I have some open anthology calls, I get a bunch of people from that, too, but almost always there the context is obvious from the profile or the shared friends...)

[leahbobet]

I do that too. And it usually goes down well. I've had one or two people get downright abusive after being told it's an account for people I know in person.

My FB protocol

[applez]

1. If I know you, I friend you.
2. If you are a friend of a friend who I've met, I'll probably friend you.
3. If you are a friend of a friend who I haven't met in RL, and haven't really engaged significantly in conversation, and haven't felt a camaraderie with (yet), I probably won't friend you (kindda why I haven't entered A.Hogg's FB - I feel like it's a cluster I'm not quite party to).
4. If you are someone I've never met, and you are forming some topical cluster - I may or may not friend you.
5. If you are someone I've never met, and are seeking a connection on environmental/professional grounds, I won't friend you, and refer you to my LinkedIn entity.

To anyone I don't immediately recognize, I always politely respond, requesting more info and make No. 5 references.

[ext_3059]

My protocol:

1. If i am interested in knowing about your life, i accept
2. If i know you and feel bound by social convention to accept, i accept
3. Otherwise, i decline

Mostly, point 1 is restricted to people i know, but (a) there are people i know who don't fall under it (eg people i knew at school but have happily left behind) and (b) there are people i don't know who do (eg attractive ladies).