No One Expects the Westboro Inquisition

[grand_marquis]

I am confused.

Reading through the school newspaper today, I saw an op-ed article by the lovely Theresa who I haven't seen in ages. She was writing about how apparently the Westboro Baptist Church showed up to protest at the Parade of Gold? They apparently had signs that said "God Hates Michael Phelps."
Why? I don't get it. The parade was to honor

Comments

[diamond_dust06]

Possibilities:

1.) God hates Michael Phelps for stealing the cult's surname.
2.) God hates Michael Phelps for going to China and fraternizing with those damn chinks.
3.) God hates swimming because swimming is gay.
4.) God hates Michael Phelps because he's jealous of how hot he is.
5.) God hates everything and everyone.

[grand_marquis]

Ahahahahaha ALL OF THE ABOVE?
Interesting you'd point out number two, because as a part of their God Hates the World thing, they say "That's right, slant-eyed bastards, God hates you and your false gods."
Classy.

[grand_marquis]

Wouldn't that be the biggest crying shame if they were somehow distantly related?

Seriously. They're kind of the nastiest IRL trolls ever.

[honooko]

GOD HATES SPEEDOS.

DUH. >:/

(God's just jealous he couldn't pull off skintight lycra mixes and be soaking wet and glistening.)

[grand_marquis]

Ahahahahahaha OF COURSE IT'S SO CLEAR.

You know what I just realized, totally belatedly? Westboro is the Scientology of Christ. I mean, it makes so much sense. Cult-like, nonsensical to the extreme and utterly abhorrent.

[library_of_sex]

Huh? What did Phelps ever do to anyone? He's a big geek that happens to swim like a fish! I think God loves the kid, otherwise, he'd still be swimming laps at the local Y and not winning tons of shit.

[grand_marquis]

I completely agree with you. In other cases where Westboro showed up to make a scene, like soldier's funerals, the reasoning was Tragedy = God hates you.
But in this case God hates you = great success?

[whambamglambam]

I know Westboro has protested random things before because said random things had not done enough to stomp out the scourge of homosexuality.

Or maybe they don't like Michael Phelps because he's totally banging Ian Thorpe and Ryan Lochte. THERE'S PROOF. I HAVE MACROS.

[grand_marquis]

What do you know, that's EXACTLY what it was! They ended up stating that their issue with Phelps was that he hadn't spoken out against homosexuality.

SHOW THEM TO ME

[whambamglambam]

There's a whole community. icanhasmedal