Through the Seasons of Love (Yuichi’s POV)
Title: Through the Seasons of Love (Yuichi’s POV)
Pairing: TaNaka
PG: 13
Genre: Angst, AU
Disclaimer: Lots of cussing. Too much hatred. Death of a character.
Summary: A glimpse of the life of the TaNaka pair.
You took-off leaving me behind, lifeless and surprisingly still sane, but still I followed you like a dog would follow his master, like a shadow would follow the man’s figure. I followed you unceasingly not because you wanted me to for I know you disliked being followed- being stalked as what you call it- but because I choose to. I followed you day and night, whether it was scorching hot or glacial cold, from the deepest part of the ocean to the unheard places of the world. I followed you even if people were advising me to end this craziness that I was doing. I followed you even if it means leaving everything that I have, everything that I am just to be able to see your fleeting back. Yes, your fleeting back because that was the only thing I can see from you for you never faced me after bidding me goodbye and officially ending whatever relationship we had.
I followed you when flowers bloomed, birds were singing, and people started going outside their homes in the hope to take advantage of the beautiful conditions outside. When people were excitedly planning on going to beaches to relax themselves just a little bit from a whole year of stress-related things, I, on the other hand, don’t know what to feel for every time beaches were talked about I could always remember your smiling face. The way your eyes glint whenever a plan of going to such place was being formulated. Your excited face when we were about to leave for such place, looking like a child who would be visiting his FUN LAND. Your non-stop chatting of things you would like to do but ended up not being done for you always do that one specific thing whenever we come here while you were driving and I was sitting beside me. Your annoyed snort whenever you noticed that the only respond I gave you was a very bright smile. Somehow you find my smile irritating and I don’t know why. I followed you in that warm time. I followed you during summer.
A couple of months passed, everything seemed to be changing colors. Green colored leaves were starting to turn reddish orange or completely brown as each of them started falling-off from their main anchor, the tree. The temperature was also starting to turn a notch lower as I could sense the chilling wind pass me from time to time. Birds were starting to migrate to warmer countries and I would sometimes here you complain on how it grew colder by each day. As an answer to your complaints, I’d buy you a scarf or sometimes a pair of gloves just to warm you whenever you feel chillier. I wanted to be your source of heat but somehow I noticed that you disliked me being near you. Even the mere act of holding your hand or wrapping the scarf that I didn’t buy- because you disliked wearing things I bought for you because you said it’s either too plain or too hideous for your taste- around your neck was enough to obtain such repulsive reactions from you. I followed you when everything was starting to fade and the feeling of something ending was near. I followed you in the sadness of fall.
I was excited. I was merry. A probable romantic scene was about to happen and I wanted to spend it with you. It was the talk of the town-at least for people who had special someone at that time- and I was getting caught up with it too. I hinted about that feasible event to you one cold night while we were sitting on that comfortable red couch in our shared apartment. You were watching some sport program on television and I was looking at you with optimism. But I didn’t get any answers from you so I decided to try it again this time hinting more specifically. Still, the result was the same. You didn’t look my way nor did I hear any noise from you. Your eyes were just fanatically directed at the program before you as I saw you clenched your fist when your favorite player ended up being strike-out of the game. The game elicited more reactions from you compared to my presence of being near you. The day of the year when the snow first fell happened. Couples were lovingly hugging each other, walking hand in hand in that busy main street at the capital and I was standing there alone on the sides, extending my hand as I saw a snow flake land on it. You were busy at that time, doing your job as a salary man. But even if you were not busy we still wouldn’t be spending this moment together for when I finally suggested this kind of thought to you, you immediately said you dislike doing mushy romantic stuffs. It was starting to become icier as I clasped my hands together to have some more heat for I gave you my one and only pair of gloves when you said you can’t find yours this morning. I followed you through the chilliness of winter.
Everything was starting to live. The vigor of every living creature was now very clear. I saw the flowers’ buds, with its breathtaking beauty and fragile appearance, coloring the park near to where our apartment was. After having the feeling of being in hibernation, we would now be freer in roaming the world. I would be suggesting to you another proposal. Let’s go to a lavender field one of these days. That was what I wanted to do with you. I somehow sensed that you were annoyed last year when you knew that I went to that kind of place together with my best friend. I’ve always suspected your jealousy with the close relationship I have with my best friend. That was why this time I decided to erase that suspicions you may have felt. I was in the kitchen, one hand grasping the pan’s handle while my other hand was holding the ladle, ready to recommend such plan when I heard you say something. You must have thought that I did not hear it when I did not give out any reply so you tried repeating it again, this time in a much louder voice and in a slower way of talking.
I wasn’t able to reply not because I did not hear it but because I can’t believe I heard it. Could I have been mistaken? This was spring. Vigor and life was in the air. I could have heard wrong. You suddenly appeared like a ghost standing at the kitchen’s entrance and looking so unmoving like an old boulder on top of the hill. Then you reiterated those words again.
Let’s break-up! I’m so tired with this relationship and I already find you too annoying.
I thought you were joking but when I examined your face, you had that serious look. That staid look you always have whenever you wanted to convey something which the others find it hard to believe in but in truth you are so dead serious about. Then and there I knew you were not joking, that you don’t want me anymore. I don’t know what happened after that or if I got to finish cooking the food that was on the pot. The only thing I can remember was that you instantly left our apartment after giving out such command and I was left drenched in tears and feeling all too hallow as I thought of reasons why you wanted to break-up with me. I tried thinking of any possible mistakes I did or times that I have neglected you but nothing seemed to come to mind. The only thing I can think about was that moment when you said you don’t want to be with me anymore and the hurtful feeling of a bleeding heart.
Now it’s summer. We would have been spending our one year anniversary if we did not break-up during spring. I never saw you after you left our apartment. You just asked someone, a girl, to pick-up the things you left behind. I heard you are usually seen partying with a group of beautiful girls, clad in their most sexy outfits. There are also rumors that you were sleeping with not one but with any girl that comes your way. You were like a gay-guy-turned-straight who got loose from the chains of homosexuality as you grabbed every opportunity of sleeping with a girl. Could you be regretting the times when you thought of yourself as a man who also loved a man or did you plainly regret being in a relationship with me?
I’ve been following you since summer two year back. Through thick and thin, I’ll be following you constantly. I will follow you eternally even if you don’t want me to. I will follow you because I love you; before, now and forever. But I believe this time I can’t do that anymore. My love, I am dying.
No, I am not asking you to pity me nor do I want you to come back to me. You are too special for me to even force you to do an act which I know you abhor the most. I want to see you happy even if it will cost my own happiness. I know that you have sensed my presence being around you. I know you hated the idea of being followed that’s why you asked a common friend of ours to rely that message: Leave or I’ll report you to the police.
I’ll be temporarily leaving you my love. You will not be able to see me soon. But remember that I will be always with you. My heart and my soul will always be where you are. In everything that happened, I don’t blame you nor do I regret loving you. I’ve always known that loving you will be quite difficult. Yes, I’ve known it the moment I realize I feel in-love with you. But those difficulties were never at par with the happiness I felt whenever you grazed your arm over my shoulder or when you panicky pulled me on the side of the road when a car was about to hit me. Even the simple act of feeding our dogs- the ones I consider as our children- is enough to make me realize that somehow I am special to you. I don’t want to linger on that thought any further, thinking whether if your definition of special is the same with mine. I am special and that is the most important thing to me.
Until we meet again my love.
(Koki's POV)