What to do When Your Apartment May or May Not be on Fire

[grasshopped]

1. Put coat, hat, gloves, scarf, and boots by the door.
2. Charge cellphone.
3. Put on long underwear. Layers!
4. Pee.
5. Comb hair.
6. Pour and consume alcoholic beverage.
7. Interrogate firemen.
8. Unlock door for easy departure/rescue.
9. Twiddle thumbs.
10. Consider putting together a box of important papers.
11. Twiddle thumbs.
12. Stare out window at

Comments

[sammy_joe]

what? no running naked willy nilly into the night?

[grasshopped]

It is much to cold for willy nillying.

[grasshopped]

I occasionally twiddle my thumbs, but mostly just to be an ass. I don't think I've ever started twiddling my thumbs without consciously deciding to do it so that someone would see me twiddling my thumbs.

A metaphor that is as dead as a doornail?
(a metaphor that is a simile?)

*Aside: if you that is something is, say "Napoleonesque" to imply that it is dead, is that a simile or a metaphor? An allusion?)