(no subject)
I wore a hangover outfit yesterday and I'll tell you why. Grey's Anatomy Pot Luck Night (shut up) turned into shuffling through a sweaty conga line around my coffee table with what could quite possibly be the greatest people on earth way past my bedtime.
Hangover outfit is usually the color of something that would normally come out of a coal mine. Paired with just the right purple handbags under your eyes and pair of heels you just happened to stumble into and you've got yourself into serious business attire. And by attire I mean a tire full of Miller Lite + Cheese Doodlez rolling out over your waist line.
I was a wrecking ball of awkwardness yesterday. Similar to a red snapper just after its tongue is hijacked by a "tongue louse". It clawed its way through my gills into my mouth and chewed my real tongue clear off. I was like, "EHHH HOOO HEEEEE" and he was like, "Let's get on the elevator and talk to people!"
If I could have just made it to my floor without stopping things would have been great. But the louse would not have it this way. The louse would have skinny talkative man wearing blue blockers enter halfway up. Ah, halfway! Just enough time to whip up some small talk!
him: "It's so CHILLY out today!"
louse: "I know, I didn't even dress applopliately."
Cool, I no longer know what the lettel 'r' is ol what it sounds like. We spoke not of this obvious speech trainwreck and stared forward while I made the elevator go down quickly with my mind.
Instead of just keeping my mouth shut I decided to make matters worse by sing/yelling "STAAAAAAY WAAAAARM!" as I sped off on Floor 26. I said it in the voice people use when they're on a bike with no working brakes headed for a fruit stand in a movie.
Flash forward to this morning. I burst out of bed feeling like the happy naked guy in the old Zestfully clean commercials and decide: I will put curlers in my hair and wear a nice dress suit. Heck, while I'm at it I might even remember to wear deoderant. Exxxxxxcellennnnnnt. Only I just realized I forgot that part... again.
The end result is me looking like I'm ready for business prom. Sadly this is perfect for my workitude. I may/may not be taking it to the extreme, but I feel like these people really need me today.
I've been treating tenants in need of emptied recycle bins more like 911 emergency calls.
"I'm paging the custodian, breathe, stay on the line with me, tell me where it hurts..."
If they only knew this was the face of the woman on the other end of the line.
Kirk really has a knack for glamour shots. I bet no one knew I eat like the crypt keeper.