Weddings
So, by popular request, my opinions on weddings in general, and my potential future wedding in particular (which, if it happens at all, will probably be nothing like I imagine it):
Ceremony: Should be Jewish. I like the tradition of having a beautiful Ketubah that you can then hang in your house. Preferably, the Rabbi would be someone who knew me/us personally and could say a few words along those lines. I'm not crazy about secular thematic readings (maybe those would go better in the toasts?). I do like the part of the Jewish wedding liturgy where they say, "Now neither shall feel rain, for each shall be a shelter to the other ... now their joys shall be doubled and their sorrows halved." OK, I'm paraphrasing, but I think it's pretty. Also I like egalitarian circling, but any complicated maneuvers like that should, if possible, be practiced with the bride's train on. I also like the tradition of the groom not seeing the bride dressed until the ceremony itself, though. (The timing of this can be complicated if you're trying to work in photographs.)
Makeup: Looking nice in pictures is good. Feeling like you're coated in plastic is not good. And French manicures do look very nice with wedding dresses.
Hair: Although hair up is good, especially with a high-necked dress, I think that I'd like to have it down (but sort of tucked back) with flowers in it.
Dress: Apparently strapless is in. I know because four consecutive brides wore strapless dresses. At one wedding, there were also bridesmaids in strapless dressess -- sort of a disaster. Some of the bridesmaids were too skinny and when they moved, their dresses didn't. But even worse were the bridesmaids who were too zaftig, and had to keep ungracefully maneuvering their dresses back up to cover up wanton cleavage. I'd probably be in the latter camp. (Plus, I'm much more comfortable when I'm wearing a bra, thank you.) So no strapless for me, thanks. Other than that, hopefully I'll be able to pick something that won't look too dated in photos. And if possible, petticoats should be the same color as the dress.
Shoes: Something comfortable but attractive -- somewhere between stiletto heels and sequinned Keds? Possibly low-heeled sandals. Should be broken in ahead of time.
Flowers: Something very colorful, preferably multicolored. Something cheerful including sunflowers, maybe? No baby pinks or lavendars.
Attendants: I like it that in modern weddings, the bride and groom can be attended by the people they're close to no matter what gender they are. After all, if he's my brother, shouldn't he be my attendant, not the groom's?
Invitations: Something at least a little bit colorful. No embossed white calla lilies! Also, I don't like the wording where the parents "request the pleasure of your presence" -- it sounds a) imperious and b) like the bride and groom are mere pawns. Which I suppose may occasionally be the case, but still ... Also, if I am going to be registered, then there is sure as heck going to be something in the invitation which tells people that. Or maybe there will be a URL with a website that will tell people where I'm registered. I won't make people guess.
Setting: I think I'd really like to get married outside. Under a chuppah held by friends or family members. Preferably nice weather :) Oh, and ideally it shouldn't be in a different place from where I'm living at the time.
Toasts: I kind of like them. After all, at how many times are people obligated to say only nice things about me? It's a good thing I like them, too, because I guarantee you that my whole family will want to get in on the act. At my synagogue, I was most certainly the only kid who had not just a parent make a little speech at my Bat Mitzvah ceremony, but both parents AND a sibling. At least, I was the only one until I had to do the same to my brother out of retribution. Good thing I've only got one sibling ...
Food: Should be good. Actually, all the weddings I went to this summer did a nice job with that. Maybe caterers are getting better.
Cake: I approve of nontraditional wedding cakes -- because I don't like cake that much. So three cheers for people who have strawberry pie or fruit tart. If there has to be a traditional cake, I prefer the ones decorated with fresh flowers. And I think it's super weird to have a non-wedding-cake dessert first and then give your guests slices of cake in boxes to take home.
Party favors: I've never really understood the concept of giving people something useless to take home with them in exchange for the honor of paying $100 a plate for their presence. But on the other hand, if it's traditional, some things are better than others. Votive candles, live flowers, wine glass bracelets, and jelly bellies are all good. CDs are good as long as the music is good -- but it'd be pretty hard to get a mix everyone can agree on. Fake flowers are bad.
Dancing: Hora medlies all around, the more the better! And I definitely want to go up in a chair. There are really only 2 times (or so) in your life when that's appropriate, and it's fun, so I wouldn't want to miss out on one of them. Also, if possible, the first dance should be a rotary waltz. That, of course, means I have to marry someone who knows (or is dextrous enough to be taught) how to lead a rotary waltz. I like the father/daughter and mother/son dance, but these things can all be a single dance. No need to draw it out by having one father/daughter dance and one mother/son dance.
Music: Preferably live. For the party, it'd be nice if there was a band that could play a versatile array of stuff like swing, horas, slow dances, etc. A band with horns would be ideal. If I have a group of musically talented friends or family members who could coordinate to play or sing something, it'd be fun if they could do a short performance (but not play all evening). After all, in the Jewish tradition the bride and groom are supposed to be treated like royalty for the day.
Seating: I think it's annoying to be seated at the tables for long periods of time without getting anything to eat. On the other hand, it's better to do any really energetic dancing before guests gorge themselves. Oh, also, I like cocktail hours where there is at least some stationary food (something you can nosh on without having to chase down a roving waiter with a tray).
Mementos: I really like letting guests write little messages to the bride and groom, especially if there are nonmessy art supplies provided. It's particularly fun if there are polaroid-type cameras so you can add photos. Having this at the guest tables can work out well if the tables aren't too crowded.
Ending: I very much like having the bride and groom leave, and then that's the end of the wedding. It makes for a party with a nice clean break. I'm fond of the custom of having the bride and groom change into travelling clothes, but only because my parents' travelling clothes were so awful. (I'm proud to say I now own my father's travelling tie.) In general, I don't really think it's necessary, especially because it seems better not to leave for the honeymoon directly from the wedding. (Maybe part of the reason for having the bride change is so that the groom doesn't have to deal with a baffling array of straps, laces, and petticoats when undressing his bride.) On the other hand, it would be nice to go to a hotel or bed and breakfast, not back home again. And it would definitely be nice to go on a honeymoon fairly soon after the wedding -- say, a day or two after.
Wow, that's pretty extensive. I think that's most of it. Just so you all know, I am NOT one of those people who's been planning my wedding since I was five. After all, I had a Bat Mitzvah, and the way we do them nowadays in the US, that's almost like a wedding. I'm just opinionated.
Well, I'm sure that now that I've written it down, my own wedding (when/if it happens) will be nothing like what I just said. And needless to say, if I've said that I prefer something different than what you chose, please don't be offended. But I have indeed been to a plethora of weddings lately -- each of them with some things I really liked and some things I'd probably do differently. Instead of a professional bridesmaid, I feel like a professional guest.
I wonder how much I've jinxed myself by writing all that down?
Ceremony: Should be Jewish. I like the tradition of having a beautiful Ketubah that you can then hang in your house. Preferably, the Rabbi would be someone who knew me/us personally and could say a few words along those lines. I'm not crazy about secular thematic readings (maybe those would go better in the toasts?). I do like the part of the Jewish wedding liturgy where they say, "Now neither shall feel rain, for each shall be a shelter to the other ... now their joys shall be doubled and their sorrows halved." OK, I'm paraphrasing, but I think it's pretty. Also I like egalitarian circling, but any complicated maneuvers like that should, if possible, be practiced with the bride's train on. I also like the tradition of the groom not seeing the bride dressed until the ceremony itself, though. (The timing of this can be complicated if you're trying to work in photographs.)
Makeup: Looking nice in pictures is good. Feeling like you're coated in plastic is not good. And French manicures do look very nice with wedding dresses.
Hair: Although hair up is good, especially with a high-necked dress, I think that I'd like to have it down (but sort of tucked back) with flowers in it.
Dress: Apparently strapless is in. I know because four consecutive brides wore strapless dresses. At one wedding, there were also bridesmaids in strapless dressess -- sort of a disaster. Some of the bridesmaids were too skinny and when they moved, their dresses didn't. But even worse were the bridesmaids who were too zaftig, and had to keep ungracefully maneuvering their dresses back up to cover up wanton cleavage. I'd probably be in the latter camp. (Plus, I'm much more comfortable when I'm wearing a bra, thank you.) So no strapless for me, thanks. Other than that, hopefully I'll be able to pick something that won't look too dated in photos. And if possible, petticoats should be the same color as the dress.
Shoes: Something comfortable but attractive -- somewhere between stiletto heels and sequinned Keds? Possibly low-heeled sandals. Should be broken in ahead of time.
Flowers: Something very colorful, preferably multicolored. Something cheerful including sunflowers, maybe? No baby pinks or lavendars.
Attendants: I like it that in modern weddings, the bride and groom can be attended by the people they're close to no matter what gender they are. After all, if he's my brother, shouldn't he be my attendant, not the groom's?
Invitations: Something at least a little bit colorful. No embossed white calla lilies! Also, I don't like the wording where the parents "request the pleasure of your presence" -- it sounds a) imperious and b) like the bride and groom are mere pawns. Which I suppose may occasionally be the case, but still ... Also, if I am going to be registered, then there is sure as heck going to be something in the invitation which tells people that. Or maybe there will be a URL with a website that will tell people where I'm registered. I won't make people guess.
Setting: I think I'd really like to get married outside. Under a chuppah held by friends or family members. Preferably nice weather :) Oh, and ideally it shouldn't be in a different place from where I'm living at the time.
Toasts: I kind of like them. After all, at how many times are people obligated to say only nice things about me? It's a good thing I like them, too, because I guarantee you that my whole family will want to get in on the act. At my synagogue, I was most certainly the only kid who had not just a parent make a little speech at my Bat Mitzvah ceremony, but both parents AND a sibling. At least, I was the only one until I had to do the same to my brother out of retribution. Good thing I've only got one sibling ...
Food: Should be good. Actually, all the weddings I went to this summer did a nice job with that. Maybe caterers are getting better.
Cake: I approve of nontraditional wedding cakes -- because I don't like cake that much. So three cheers for people who have strawberry pie or fruit tart. If there has to be a traditional cake, I prefer the ones decorated with fresh flowers. And I think it's super weird to have a non-wedding-cake dessert first and then give your guests slices of cake in boxes to take home.
Party favors: I've never really understood the concept of giving people something useless to take home with them in exchange for the honor of paying $100 a plate for their presence. But on the other hand, if it's traditional, some things are better than others. Votive candles, live flowers, wine glass bracelets, and jelly bellies are all good. CDs are good as long as the music is good -- but it'd be pretty hard to get a mix everyone can agree on. Fake flowers are bad.
Dancing: Hora medlies all around, the more the better! And I definitely want to go up in a chair. There are really only 2 times (or so) in your life when that's appropriate, and it's fun, so I wouldn't want to miss out on one of them. Also, if possible, the first dance should be a rotary waltz. That, of course, means I have to marry someone who knows (or is dextrous enough to be taught) how to lead a rotary waltz. I like the father/daughter and mother/son dance, but these things can all be a single dance. No need to draw it out by having one father/daughter dance and one mother/son dance.
Music: Preferably live. For the party, it'd be nice if there was a band that could play a versatile array of stuff like swing, horas, slow dances, etc. A band with horns would be ideal. If I have a group of musically talented friends or family members who could coordinate to play or sing something, it'd be fun if they could do a short performance (but not play all evening). After all, in the Jewish tradition the bride and groom are supposed to be treated like royalty for the day.
Seating: I think it's annoying to be seated at the tables for long periods of time without getting anything to eat. On the other hand, it's better to do any really energetic dancing before guests gorge themselves. Oh, also, I like cocktail hours where there is at least some stationary food (something you can nosh on without having to chase down a roving waiter with a tray).
Mementos: I really like letting guests write little messages to the bride and groom, especially if there are nonmessy art supplies provided. It's particularly fun if there are polaroid-type cameras so you can add photos. Having this at the guest tables can work out well if the tables aren't too crowded.
Ending: I very much like having the bride and groom leave, and then that's the end of the wedding. It makes for a party with a nice clean break. I'm fond of the custom of having the bride and groom change into travelling clothes, but only because my parents' travelling clothes were so awful. (I'm proud to say I now own my father's travelling tie.) In general, I don't really think it's necessary, especially because it seems better not to leave for the honeymoon directly from the wedding. (Maybe part of the reason for having the bride change is so that the groom doesn't have to deal with a baffling array of straps, laces, and petticoats when undressing his bride.) On the other hand, it would be nice to go to a hotel or bed and breakfast, not back home again. And it would definitely be nice to go on a honeymoon fairly soon after the wedding -- say, a day or two after.
Wow, that's pretty extensive. I think that's most of it. Just so you all know, I am NOT one of those people who's been planning my wedding since I was five. After all, I had a Bat Mitzvah, and the way we do them nowadays in the US, that's almost like a wedding. I'm just opinionated.
Well, I'm sure that now that I've written it down, my own wedding (when/if it happens) will be nothing like what I just said. And needless to say, if I've said that I prefer something different than what you chose, please don't be offended. But I have indeed been to a plethora of weddings lately -- each of them with some things I really liked and some things I'd probably do differently. Instead of a professional bridesmaid, I feel like a professional guest.
I wonder how much I've jinxed myself by writing all that down?