I don't get it.

[grave_medicine]

Do people really put this much thought into sex, gender and relationships? Genderqueer, polygender, polyamory, bisexual, polysexual.. Sounds like a bunch of labeling to me. I'm a dominant female who finds both men and women attractive, and who just isn't terribly interested in sex beyond artistic porn. Preferably gay male stuff. So where do I

Comments

[serratia]

*shrug* I happen to like labels. Many people don't. It's a matter of personal preference whether or not to use them. The orientation(s)/behavior(s) being labeled are not static, binary data points, either. There's more than one axis-- male/female, gay/straight, hypersexual/asexual, introvert/extrovert, mono/poly, vanilla/kinky, etc.-- and an infinite number of potential points along each axis. To complicate matters further, these points often shift in the course of a person's life span.

For me, well... I spent an awful lot of my teens and early adulthood being repressed by a cultish, patriarchal religion. I wasn't asked what position I occupied on each of these scales, much less lovingly encouraged to explore and discover for myself. I was told. There is only one valid belief system, one "right" life path, and MARRRIDGE IZ BEWTEEN ONE MAAAAAN AND 1 WOOOOOOOOOOMAN!!!!!!!!!!!1111eleventy-leven.

So, *ahem*, yeah. These days, for me, it's a downright pleasure to label myself :)

[grave_medicine]

I grew up in a completely opposite environment, so I guess that's why labels don't mean much to me. :o)

[rizen]

I grew up similarly to you, but I still find value in some labels. Maybe not labeled out the ass, but some labels can be valuable.

[grave_medicine]

Well, yeah. Jerk is a good label to know and recognize. >:o)

[beansidhe]

I feel the same way as you. I think labels are an irritating way to qualify and/or pigeon hole people even further. When people ask for my sexual label I usually say "friendly" and let them infer whatever floats their boat.

[grave_medicine]

lol That's cool.

[redefining_self]

We like our classifications and ordeliness. 'We' of course being society in general. Classifications make it easier for us to determine how we're 'supposed' to respond to someone else based on their labels.

It's much easier for the typical homophobe to shut down and hate that man next to him because he's gay than to have any meaningful interaction that might lead him to think this gay man was somehow as human as he (and thus contradict his homophobia).

But labels do help us. In terms of sexuality I'd really like to know if the woman I'm interested in is a severe Dom or simply enjoys a little light bondage. But only in so far as absolute deal-breakers go in terms of such interactions (I patently refuse to bleed for someone unless I'm dying for them).

[grave_medicine]

Okay, so how would you go about finding out? Would you suggest a bondage club for fun or ask her outright or..? And how do you ask? "Hey, I like to be tied down and feathered with a crop, but nothing rough. How 'bout you?" At what point during a friendship/relationship do you want to know this information? It would make sense to me to know in advance, that way you don't waste your time and efforts, but a lot of people seem to think that's inappropriate. Sorry for the probing questions, but you volunteered the scenario! :o)

[redefining_self]

I did indeed

Odd . . .

[redefining_self]

That previous reply (I'm sure you gathered) was from me. Didn't think I'd been logged out.

[midnightmadness]

You so would never let me do the things to you I did to you in a dream the other night...

[grave_medicine]

How do you know?

[midnightmadness]

I don't, but even if you didn't the dream was nice and vivid. It's almost like it happened. ;-D

[grave_medicine]

lol Now you have to e-mail me the details.