Your wanting to have a positive influence and the timeliness plus content of your update here is simply uncanny.
I've been dreading facing-up to one of my advisors about switching my academic focus ("following my wýrd"?), so much that I've almost dropped out of my life hopes and my own way because of that. Then, reading your conclusion here, that in a moment you can really bring your all into it and see what comes of it, that really just fits into my present moment.
Awesome entry, and glad to read an update from you. :-)
And another thing. Any discussion of how you spend your time has to take into account the very impressive amount of physical activity you build into your week. I should be ashamed.
we were joking the other day how much physical labour can sometimes be involved in printing ~ moving rolls and boxes of paper around, that kind of thing ~ but also stacking up prints that are three feet by four .. we called it printercise, all the bending and lifting and twisting .. and then my walkings .. not quite bicycle season yet and bomber season doesn't start til may ..
and you know, man, but i'll say it anyways ~ the object of writing that entry was not to make you feel shame.
.. it all gets back to those two impulses ~ wanting to have a positive influence on the world around me, make some kind of difference somehow, be a net benefit, to share some some of the profound and the joyful stuff i find along the side of the road .. and at the same time wanting to disappear and erase all the evidence that i ever existed, staying well back with the intent of not makin a bad thing worse. i serve both those ends, going in opposite directions simultaneously ..
amen brother....
thank you for such a thought provoking/heart felt entry...
and the "if only game"....i try not to play that one anymore...its not easy...but not playing it seems to makes life a little easier....hippie time...remember?
"at the same time wanting to disappear and erase all the evidence that i ever existed, staying well back with the intent of not makin a bad thing worse"
Yes, I know what you mean. I can't stand the thought of having a negative infulence on anything. Yet, I know I do, sometimes extraordinarily so. I think this stems from my parents started fighting when I was born. I have become a people pleaser in life, so much so that I'm currently miserable because I can't get my boyfriend, who's ruining my life, to leave since it would ruin HIS life. Sorry, I hadn't intended this to be about myself, I was just wondering if you knew where this desire not to have a negative impact on others comes from in yourself?
I too, often choose to have NO impact rather than risk a negative one, even if there's a good chance the outcome will be positive. Although, I still view that as a negative impact, albeit, only a half one. I'd rather impact myself negatively than someone else.
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I've been dreading facing-up to one of my advisors about switching my academic focus ("following my wýrd"?), so much that I've almost dropped out of my life hopes and my own way because of that. Then, reading your conclusion here, that in a moment you can really bring your all into it and see what comes of it, that really just fits into my present moment.
Awesome entry, and glad to read an update from you. :-)
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Lack of motivation. Check.
A price for being free. Check.
The moment will somehow not be what it could have been .. nothing is lost, as such. Something to think about.
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and you know, man, but i'll say it anyways ~ the object of writing that entry was not to make you feel shame.
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amen brother....
thank you for such a thought provoking/heart felt entry...
and the "if only game"....i try not to play that one anymore...its not easy...but not playing it seems to makes life a little easier....hippie time...remember?
peace
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Yes, I know what you mean. I can't stand the thought of having a negative infulence on anything. Yet, I know I do, sometimes extraordinarily so. I think this stems from my parents started fighting when I was born. I have become a people pleaser in life, so much so that I'm currently miserable because I can't get my boyfriend, who's ruining my life, to leave since it would ruin HIS life. Sorry, I hadn't intended this to be about myself, I was just wondering if you knew where this desire not to have a negative impact on others comes from in yourself?
I too, often choose to have NO impact rather than risk a negative one, even if there's a good chance the outcome will be positive. Although, I still view that as a negative impact, albeit, only a half one. I'd rather impact myself negatively than someone else.
Reply
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