Babylon 5: Looking Back
Title: Looking Back
Genre: Babylon 5
Written: 10/11/96 (Actually, I started this one sometime in season 2. I just didn't get around to finishing it until near the end of season three)
The flag flies at half mast today, as flags everywhere on Earth have flown for the past twenty years on this day, in memory of those who died. Tomorrow we will celebrate our victory, but today is for mourning our losses and remembering those who died that we all may be saved. So many, too many, died in the war with the Shadows that ended on this date those twenty years ago. But humanity--and all the other races--had lost too much to thoughtlessly rejoice at our salvation as we once would have. So instead we put aside this day in memorial for those who gave their lives so that the galaxy would remain free. I sit here on Earth, and look up at the stars I once lived among. I think of the terrible years of the War, and mourn for what is lost.
So much was lost. So many dead. And more than just lives were taken. The war took the hopes and dreams and innocence of human and non-human, soldier and civilian with equal impartial efficiency. So many friends gone, consumed by the fire. Some lost their lives, but even worse were the ones who lost their souls.
Sometimes when I lie awake at night with the self-doubts and the uncertainties tearing at me I try to tell myself that they were all volunteers, that everyone knew the cost they might have to pay. That no one knows who will survive and who will die. But the platitudes are just platitudes, and the grief and guilt weigh heavy on my shoulders. Fortunately, when the memories of darker times cast shadows on my soul, there is always one person I can turn to. One person who will hold a light out to me and chase away the shadows.
The thought of her chases my dark reverie away, drawing my gaze to my companion. I look over at her, my beloved wife, her once dark hair now silver with age, but still as beautiful as she was the day I first laid eyes on her. It was she who had kept me sane and alive through those terrible, blood-drenched years of the war. Kept me thinking when my need for revenge would have driven me to face the darkness and the Shadows alone. To face them, and surely die. She had been my balance--calmness to my fire, certainty to my doubts, peace to my confusion--almost from the moment I met her, so long ago. Now I can not imagine life without her. Yet there was a time when I almost abandoned her, and all I had believed in, to go in search of vengeance for my dead first-love. But she called out to me, drew me from my dark despair and rage, showed me that there could be another love in my life. Showed me I didn't have to be alone anymore. Yes, I say to the stars, silently. We have all lost to the war. Lost loves and friends and family. Lost lives and dreams and hopes and a part of our innocence. But for all we lost, some of us at least, have gained.
I am once more called out of my remembering, this time by a young man in uniform who politely clears his throat. "Excuse me, general. Here are the files you requested, sir." How young he is. Was I ever that young? He hands over the reports and leaves as silently as he came. One of the few advantages of this damned rank is the fact that there are few resources unavailable to me. I had more than my fill of Shadows during the war, more than enough for a hundred lifetimes. But secrets...secrets still fascinate me.
FINI
Genre: Babylon 5
Written: 10/11/96 (Actually, I started this one sometime in season 2. I just didn't get around to finishing it until near the end of season three)
The flag flies at half mast today, as flags everywhere on Earth have flown for the past twenty years on this day, in memory of those who died. Tomorrow we will celebrate our victory, but today is for mourning our losses and remembering those who died that we all may be saved. So many, too many, died in the war with the Shadows that ended on this date those twenty years ago. But humanity--and all the other races--had lost too much to thoughtlessly rejoice at our salvation as we once would have. So instead we put aside this day in memorial for those who gave their lives so that the galaxy would remain free. I sit here on Earth, and look up at the stars I once lived among. I think of the terrible years of the War, and mourn for what is lost.
So much was lost. So many dead. And more than just lives were taken. The war took the hopes and dreams and innocence of human and non-human, soldier and civilian with equal impartial efficiency. So many friends gone, consumed by the fire. Some lost their lives, but even worse were the ones who lost their souls.
Sometimes when I lie awake at night with the self-doubts and the uncertainties tearing at me I try to tell myself that they were all volunteers, that everyone knew the cost they might have to pay. That no one knows who will survive and who will die. But the platitudes are just platitudes, and the grief and guilt weigh heavy on my shoulders. Fortunately, when the memories of darker times cast shadows on my soul, there is always one person I can turn to. One person who will hold a light out to me and chase away the shadows.
The thought of her chases my dark reverie away, drawing my gaze to my companion. I look over at her, my beloved wife, her once dark hair now silver with age, but still as beautiful as she was the day I first laid eyes on her. It was she who had kept me sane and alive through those terrible, blood-drenched years of the war. Kept me thinking when my need for revenge would have driven me to face the darkness and the Shadows alone. To face them, and surely die. She had been my balance--calmness to my fire, certainty to my doubts, peace to my confusion--almost from the moment I met her, so long ago. Now I can not imagine life without her. Yet there was a time when I almost abandoned her, and all I had believed in, to go in search of vengeance for my dead first-love. But she called out to me, drew me from my dark despair and rage, showed me that there could be another love in my life. Showed me I didn't have to be alone anymore. Yes, I say to the stars, silently. We have all lost to the war. Lost loves and friends and family. Lost lives and dreams and hopes and a part of our innocence. But for all we lost, some of us at least, have gained.
I am once more called out of my remembering, this time by a young man in uniform who politely clears his throat. "Excuse me, general. Here are the files you requested, sir." How young he is. Was I ever that young? He hands over the reports and leaves as silently as he came. One of the few advantages of this damned rank is the fact that there are few resources unavailable to me. I had more than my fill of Shadows during the war, more than enough for a hundred lifetimes. But secrets...secrets still fascinate me.
FINI