Babylon 5: Walking Through Darkness
Short, introspective piece inspired by "Divided Loyalties"
Title: Walking Through Darkness
Genre: Babylon 5
Written: 7/18/96 (Mid-season three, not really canon or non-canon, since this is one of those plot threads that seems to have disappeared into the mist)
Summary: Musings of the lost...
I live in darkness now. I have no contact with the outside world, save that which I steal when my captor is unaware, or distracted. Once I was the captor, though I did not know it. Our positions are reversed now. She doesn't know I'm here. They think I'm dead. But I'm here, waiting, watching. She controls, and I must hide in the back of her mind. *My* mind, damnit.
That anger's the only thing that keep me together, in the first moment when she woke up, shredding my mind and soul in one violent rush of hate. But I managed to keep myself together, fleeing, to the place she had once lived. So deep in my own mind none of them can find me.
*She* walks through my mind now, scorning the memories I once cherished. Laughing at things I once held dear. Exposing the secrets I never told anyone to the harsh light of her scrutiny. But I managed to keep a few secrets. In those first few moments, while she raged hate at those who had exposed her, I took a few of my memories--the ones she would have used to do the most damage--and took them with me.
Hid them deep within myself, where she will never find them. They know about Jason, but they don't know about the gift he gave me. They know there was an Underground Railroad, but they don't know who ran it. They know there is a movement against the government on Babylon 5, but they don't know who is in it.
I'm sorry, Susan. I would have taken my memories of you, if I could, to keep the one who wears my body from hurting you with them, but they were so intertwined with all my other thoughts and feelings that the holes they left would have caused her to realize that something was missing. I'm so sorry. I felt your pain when she spoke to you, those evil, hateful words. They weren't true! You have to believe that. You have to...
END.
Title: Walking Through Darkness
Genre: Babylon 5
Written: 7/18/96 (Mid-season three, not really canon or non-canon, since this is one of those plot threads that seems to have disappeared into the mist)
Summary: Musings of the lost...
I live in darkness now. I have no contact with the outside world, save that which I steal when my captor is unaware, or distracted. Once I was the captor, though I did not know it. Our positions are reversed now. She doesn't know I'm here. They think I'm dead. But I'm here, waiting, watching. She controls, and I must hide in the back of her mind. *My* mind, damnit.
That anger's the only thing that keep me together, in the first moment when she woke up, shredding my mind and soul in one violent rush of hate. But I managed to keep myself together, fleeing, to the place she had once lived. So deep in my own mind none of them can find me.
*She* walks through my mind now, scorning the memories I once cherished. Laughing at things I once held dear. Exposing the secrets I never told anyone to the harsh light of her scrutiny. But I managed to keep a few secrets. In those first few moments, while she raged hate at those who had exposed her, I took a few of my memories--the ones she would have used to do the most damage--and took them with me.
Hid them deep within myself, where she will never find them. They know about Jason, but they don't know about the gift he gave me. They know there was an Underground Railroad, but they don't know who ran it. They know there is a movement against the government on Babylon 5, but they don't know who is in it.
I'm sorry, Susan. I would have taken my memories of you, if I could, to keep the one who wears my body from hurting you with them, but they were so intertwined with all my other thoughts and feelings that the holes they left would have caused her to realize that something was missing. I'm so sorry. I felt your pain when she spoke to you, those evil, hateful words. They weren't true! You have to believe that. You have to...
END.