Why is this.....

[greatblondelf]

Occasoinally, you can meet someone so gorgeous they make you weak in the knees, and then find out that they think they're plain and unappealing. It makes you wonder things, like "who told this person such a lie?" or perhaps more importantly, "what made them ever believe it

Comments

[troglodyteking]

Another thing to consider is the fact that perceptions of attractiveness can be as varied as there are people. Just because you find someone gorgeous does not mean that most other people do too. I think I tend to have some particularly unusual taste (actually, probably more something like, 'a lot of the things most people find somewhat attractive I find particularly unappealing', but it mostly translates to the same thing), but I frequently find person A who most find mediocre, unremarkable, very attractive, but person B, who most people find damn hot, unappealing. So it might just be that she is particularly appealing to you, but it does not generalize much?

[greatblondelf]

So you're, like, mostly into dumb, short-haired girls who don't shower? ;)

Okay, but seriously, I do see your point. I, for instance, don't harbor the "thin fetish" that most everyone else does, so I'm in your corner there. It could be, I suppose... *thinks about that*

[troglodyteking]

More of a 'I'm not into high-heel and make-up wearing, very feminine, huge boobs' sort. But otherwise, pretty much. *smile*

It is probably more of a case of 'contributing factor' than an overriding cause, but might be part of it.

[zanfur]

She becomes remarkably attractive when she stops trying to be, I've found. It's a common theme.

[guenievre]

Perhaps some people have had past experiences that support such beliefs. Suppose a person came to this theoretical conclusion about themselves, and that little life evidence capable of thwarting such a belief came to their attention. Then, any significant amount of corroborating data could encourage the idea to stay around long enough to perhaps become (at least in said individual’s mind) a near-truth

[greatblondelf]

Now that you put it that way, I suppose I have to concede the point that self-consciousness must be more ubiquitous than I was implying with my hidden minor premise there.....That does also seem to confirm the overarching need for ostensible humility that we all have, as being with respect to the "bounds" of society, and the strong repurcussions of even faint arrogance. By the time a lot of those strong restrictions are removed, in adult society, where it's at least accepted (and adaptive) to have a good self-image, a lot of us have forgotten just what having one feels like, and it's hard to cultivate one in such a long-deserted spot as the hole in our hearts where it used to be.

Think there's any hope? I'd say maybe we all could use a little help watering that fragile thing now and then......

[greatblondelf]

Though, honestly, it's almost surreal to think things like "I'm really enjoying this conversation, but wow this person is gorgeous. Am I staring? I am staring! Okay, stop it, stop it.....but I don't want to stop..."

And then hear that person say something like "I'm just not desired by anyone," and think "oh yes you are - right this very minute, you are..."

Verbally, it comes out more like "I'll bet you are, and you just don't know it..."

[guenievre]

Well, I doubt you need worry about the first; the individual in question likely had no inkling that they were the subject of staring. Especially if said individual were engaged in the same sort of staring, themselves.

And as far as "not knowing it" is concerned, I think it's probable that you spoke quite correctly. The person you're describing seems like the sort to be blithely (or perhaps not so blithely) unaware that the statement you quoted would veil such thoughts.