RP: I come bearing food... and many regrets
Date: 10 September 1998
Characters: Molly Weasley, George Weasley
Location: WWW
Status: Private
Summary: A talk between mother and son.
Completion: InComplete
Molly hadn't been able to decide between chocolate cookies, cookies with almonds, and caramel-apple cookies. She hadn't thought about it very long, though, she'd just decided to bake all three versions. She took the last of them out of the oven with gloved hands and gently removed them from the baking plate.
Her children often made fun of her, when she was in the kitchen baking or cooking, completely immersed in the task, not stopping before everything was exactly how she wanted it to be. No one had ever asked why she loved it so much, and she'd never felt the need to explain, that it was the process of creating something with love and care that would make those people she loved smile. Food was essential for body and soul, both wouldn't work properly without nutritious, savoury, regular meals. Of course she admitted that cookies didn't count as a meal, but they were food for the soul, and as such equally important.
While the cookies were cooling down in the kitchen, she put her apron back into the wardrobe and changed into some nice robes. It was later than she originally had wanted to go, but all the baking had taken more time than she'd thought.
She went back into the kitchen with a basked in her hand, filling it with leftovers from dinner and some things she'd cooked this morning. George would probably roll his eyes at her, but she couldn't help herself. She'd heard horrible stories of young wizards and witches living solely on take away food and pumpkin juice. A blend of her homemade tea joined the food in the basket. On top she put the cookies, safely wrapped up.
Taking a deep breath and telling herself that it was ridiculous to be nervous, she apparated directly to Diagon Alley and appeared in front of the brightly flashing windows of her son's shop.
As she opened the door she saw that there was a sign in the window that said he was looking for help. She was proud of him. Not only because he was successful despite his young age, but also because he'd always been too stubborn to let anything hold him down. She wondered briefly if she'd ever told him.
Finally she stepped inside and joined the customers in the shop.
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la_george
2008-02-11 12:44 am UTC (link)
There were only three customers in the shop, siblings from the look of their blond hair and matching dimples. George looked up when the horn he'd installed over the door went off. He smiled at his mother and waved before turning back to the where the youngest one was picking up a love potion.
"Hey there, little man, I think that might not be the best thing for you. Have you seen our disappearing-reappearing vomit? It's sure to make your sister scream." He smiled and flicked his wand at the sign on the door, turning it from Open to Closed. A few moments later he ushered the three out the door, all of them clutching magenta WWW bags. He flicked his wand at the door again, setting the wards, and went over to his mother.
"Hey Mum," he murmured, leaning to kiss her cheek, "sorry about that. All yours now. Can I take something? I'm glad you came." He was a wee bit self-conscious but hoped that it didn't show.
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la_molly
2008-02-11 01:09 am UTC (link)
Molly watched George talking to the boys with a smile. She clutched the basket and pursed her lips as he sold them products that would surely make their mother's life harder. It wasn't her place to say anything, and she wanted to go back being a mother for him, not scaring away his customers.
She set the basket down when he came over and kissed her cheek, pulling him into a tight hug, holding him for long moments. It had been so long. She blinked back tears, as she stepped back and looked at him. "You're looking good George, but you're too thin. I brought food," she said, sounding a bit odd. She sighed at herself and shook her head. "I've missed you, thank you for letting me come."
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la_george
2008-02-11 01:22 am UTC (link)
George heard it in her tone, felt it in the strength of her hug before he saw the sheen in her eyes when she let him go. He pulled his lower lip between his teeth and tried not to frown. George's mother hadn't been happy with him in a long time. He knew that; but he'd not meant to hurt her so much. Swallowing his moved to pick up the basket, wrapping an arm around her as he did so.
"You want to come upstairs? We have a table up there and I can make tea? Can't wait to see what you brought." He didn't know what to say to the last, so he kissed her cheek again. "Missed you too, and you don't have to thank me, yeah? Glad you wanted to."
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la_molly
2008-02-11 01:37 am UTC (link)
Molly wrapped an arm around his waist and walked with him towards the stairs. "Tea would be lovely, I have cookies," she said. "I just brought some leftovers. You know how I always cook too much." She let go and followed him up the stairs into the flat. It seemed to be deserted. "How are you, George?"
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la_george
2008-02-11 01:45 am UTC (link)
George smiled back at his mother as she mentioned cookies. "No one makes sweets the way you do, Mum." He moved to the counter to start meaking tea. "You don't make too much, your just used to cooking for nine." The moment he said it something clenched in his chest and he closed his eyes, glad his back was to her. He spent a moment fishing for things like honey and lemon and milk. He even found two clean teaspoons.
Turning back to his mother at last he shrugged. "I'm....here." It was true, he was here, and part of him was endlessly grateful, but part of him still battled guilt over that. "How are you?"
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la_molly
2008-02-11 01:54 am UTC (link)
Molly saw his shoulders tense as she felt the familiar pain in her chest. After waiting until he was ready to face her she did what she should have done months ago. She stepped closer and wrapped her arms around him, hoping that he would allow her to comfort him, that it wasn't already too late.
"I'm sorry. For not being here when you needed me." She went straight to the point, she'd wasted enough time. "I'm sorry, George. I know it's not enough, but I am. Tell me, how are you." She still held him, rubbing his back.
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la_george
2008-02-11 02:09 am UTC (link)
George had been doing well. He was lucky, in so many ways, but there was something about mother's love, something about the way she held him, like she'd done for both of them...long ago.
Arms wrapped around her without him thinking about it and George closed his against a sudden rush of tears. Breath catching in his throat he let it, holding his breath as he fought for control that he'd had just moments ago. When he couldn't hold it any longer he let out the air out in a shuddering gasp. He shook his head and did his best not to sob. "I'm sorry," he said at last, then went back to gasping, eyes still closed, though his lashes weren't as effective a dam as he'd have hoped.
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la_molly
2008-02-11 02:20 am UTC (link)
Molly held him tight as she felt him shaking and heard him gasping. If there had been a possibility to take his pain away and make it her own, she'd not hesitated for a second. One of her hands went to the back of his head, something she'd always done when he was a little boy. "I'm so sorry," she said again and kissed his neck. "But I'm here now. It will be alright, I'm here." She didn't cry. She didn't have the right to do so.
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la_george
2008-02-11 02:32 am UTC (link)
Suddenly he was six years old again, the first time Fred had gone to play with someone else, the very first time he'd left him alone. George had watched Fred run off, watched him wave a careless hand, and he'd smiled, biting the inside of his cheek until his twin was out of sight. He'd not made it back to the house, sniffling softly, before his mother picked him up, cradling him against her chest, telling him it would be okay and that she understood. He'd sobbed against her shoulder then, but she'd cheered him up, held him then offered him biscuits and cocoa and told him that it would work out. It had of course, Fred had come back smiling, bringing George a real live frog and a smile. They'd only rarely been apart, each so much a part of the other, though George had found his own playmate on occasion.
George found that he was sobbing now, on his knees somehow with his mother holding him, hand in his hair. It would never be alright again. He knew that, had known that for months, but his mother still smelled like home and comfort and he'd not realized how much he missed her until he realized that he didn't know how he'd let go.
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la_molly
2008-02-11 02:49 am UTC (link)
Molly didn't let him go, when she felt his knees give way. He was taller than her, but she wasn't a lightweight. She supported his weight until she was kneeling on the floor, sitting down and pulling him half into her lap. She whispered words of comfort into his ear, knowing well, that there were no words that could help. It broke her heart to think that she'd let him face all this alone for months. Her brilliant, strong son who hadn't lost half of himself, but half of his life. It wasn't in her power to give him anything back, though she wished it would be. She would help him built something new instead, and when she looked around she noticed that he'd already begun. "I'm so proud of you."
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la_george
2008-02-11 02:59 am UTC (link)
The storm lasted longer than it should have, but not forever it turned out. George summoned a dishtowel and wiped his eyes, embarrassed at having completely lost control. He hadn't cried like that since that morning with Da, mere days after the funeral. George was certain that he was getting better, but maybe this was just another step.
"I'm sorry." He shook his head, no longer gasping. "Didn't mean to blub all over you." How they ended up on the floor was a mystery and George was worried. "Did I hurt you?"
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la_molly
2008-02-11 03:17 am UTC (link)
Molly kissed his cheek again before letting him go. She could see how he struggled with the pain and won. "There's nothing you have to be sorry for, dear. I survived too many explosion to be hurt by sitting down." Molly held her hand out and looked at him expectantly. "Now help me up, please, I'm not getting younger."
When they were standing she opened the basked and pulled out the cookies. She found a plate in one of the cupboards and put them on it. "Let's sit down and have some tea now. And I still want to know how you are."
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la_george
2008-02-11 03:34 am UTC (link)
George appreciated the fact that she immediately gave him back his dignity. He was smiling as he helped her to her feet. The fiddling with the basket gave him time to wipe his face properly and to finish steeping the tea.
He put cups and tea things on the table and handed his mother into a chair. "Mmmm, what are you planning to eat," he teased, taking a chocolate biscuit and biting into it. He picked up the pot and poured the tea, serving his mother first.
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la_molly
2008-02-12 12:32 am UTC (link)
"Thank you." She took the cup, added some milk and wrapped her hands around it. The tea smelled nice, but was still too hot to drink. "I'll just watch and make sure that you don't eat too many of them. Too much sugar isn't good for you.
"Your father told me about the evening with you, and about the taxi. He had a great time and he said you enjoyed it, too. There will be a family dinner at The Burrow soon. Would you come? You and Lee?" She sipped the tea tentatively and added some more milk.
"Tell me something about the shop. Is it going well?"
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la_george
2008-02-12 01:11 am UTC (link)
George had another biscuit, dunking it in his tea and winking at his mother as he did so. "I'll have to talk to him, but I'm sure we can come." It was still odd to discuss Lee with his mother, even though she had known him for years.
The questions about the shop were slightly easier. "Seems to be going alright. More work than I remember, but then it never seemed like work when it was the two of us. Put up a sign because I can't seem to keep up, even with Ron and Ginny helping part-time and Percy doing the books. 's brilliant his new accounting thing. Still, sometimes I miss the random stacks of paper."
George swirled his tea and took a sip, burning his tongue in the process, but that was alright. "Tell me about you?"
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la_molly
2008-02-12 01:24 am UTC (link)
She looked sternly, because it was expected, but only very briefly. "Talk to him. I'll send you an owl as soon as we've decided when. You might want to invite Angelina, too. Just in case Percy forgets it." She still hadn't seen those two together, and she was very curious to get to know her.
"That's great, George. If I can help you with anything, you just have to tell me." She doubted that she would be very helpful in the shop. She'd probably end up lecturing the children and warning the parents, but if he needed help, there would surely be something she could do. "Percy has always been good with numbers. The two of you are closer now?"
She looked up in surprise at his question. "There's nothing about me you don't know. Not a lot has changed lately."
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la_george
2008-02-12 01:41 am UTC (link)
"I will." George wondered if his face softened when he talked about Lee, the way his mother's always had whenever she mentioned his father. Best not to dwell on it, he'd already made enough of a fool of himself for one day.
"I can't picture you helping me brew Fever Fudge or hex quills to write backwards. Of course you always were good with the explosions so maybe a bit of assistance with the Whiz-Bangs?" He was kidding. "It's going well, I'm just not used to there only being one of me. Seems the work more than doubled." Still he was trying not to complain. "Lucky, really, though, so I try not to winge overmuch."
He refilled her tea and cocked his head to one side. "You don't seem angry with me anymore, so that's good. Are things well at the Burrow? Ginny tells me she's thrilled about being able to commute."
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la_molly
2008-02-12 02:01 am UTC (link)
"I probably wouldn't be much of a help," Molly agreed. "Just think of me when you need anything."
"Yes. Ginny's doing better now that she doesn't have to sleep in the castle anymore." That wasn't quite right, though. Molly was sure that something had been bothering Ginny in the last few days. She'd wanted to talk to her about it, but whenever she'd tried, Ginny had excused herself.
She drank her tea, thinking a moment about the best way to answer the more important part. She wanted to tell him that she had never been angry with him, but she wasn't so sure about it. Maybe there had been a time when a sick part of herself had been angry, there were long periods of time she just couldn't remember, especially during the first weeks after the battle. "I'm not angry with you, George, and I never had a reason to be angry with you. There were things I've said and done... I can't take it back now, it has already happened. Just know that I'm sorry, and I hope you can forgive me."
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la_george
2008-02-14 08:27 pm UTC (link)
George picked up the plate of cookies and held it out to his mother. "Trust me, you need one. Or five. You're looking thin." He smiled softly as he said it.
"I don't think any of us were at our best. No need for forgiveness, I was never angry with you." He shrugged, "Just hated disappointing you again. Seems I've made a lifetime of that, yeah?" He set the plate down and went back to spinning his tea. "Shall we shake and call it even? Sorry I blubbed on you, but," his ears felt hot, "thanks."
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la_molly
2008-02-14 11:58 pm UTC (link)
"Don't lie to your mother, I haven't looked thin since I was at your age." Molly took a cookie anyway, she had no ambition to ever be thin again.
"There's a difference, George. I have been disappointed by some of the things you've done." She raised her hand, asking him silently to let her speak. "I'm not talking about anything that happened during the last months. I was, for instance, disappointed that you dropped out of school. I have never been, and I'll never be disappointed by you. You were never a disappointment." She took his hand and met his eyes, willing him to understand. "I'm proud of you, George. I'm proud of what you are, of what you achieved, and of what you've done in those last months."
She shook her head at his last comment. "There's no shame in feeling sad or lost sometimes. It's what mothers are for."
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la_george
2008-02-17 08:24 pm UTC (link)
"Who wants a mum who looks like a famine poster anyway?" he asked. "Seen the way Da looks at you and though I never, ever, want details, well...." He decided it was safer to leave it at that.
George looked down into his tea at the comment about his schooling. He'd known, they'd known, that she wouldn't be happy about the leaving. It hadn't been the most well thought out plan in the world, in terms of consequences, but everything had seemed possible then. "Thought about going back, about joining that boot camp thing or ..." He looked up at her and shook his head. "I can't. I can't do that without him. That leaving, rash and pretentious and likely stupid as it was, was one of the defining moments of our life. Since we can't make the decision together I'm not taking it back. I hope you can understand that." George wasn't sure he did, but the thought of sitting for his NEWTs without his twin would feel like a betrayal.
"Don't be too proud, yeah? All I've done is keep breathing, helped by a group of amazing people who got absolutely nothing in return except my friendship. As to the store, it's open because Ginny and Ron and Percy made it possible. It needs to be open, had to continue, but there's no way I could have done it without them. Not this soon at least, maybe not ever." He shrugged. "I'm just lucky, despite ... well, in other ways."
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la_molly
2008-02-19 01:01 am UTC (link)
Molly was surprised. She wouldn't have thought that George even thought of going back to school or sitting his NEWTs. She didn't think it was necessary, he'd found his place without the exams. She wouldn't exactly tell him that, because of course education was important in general. "I understand, George, and I got over being disappointed a long time ago. You can make your own decisions, and you do what you think is the right thing to do. I trust you.
She drank from her cup and put it back down. "Sometimes breathing isn't as easy as it is supposed to be, and sometimes it's a brave thing to accept help. If I asked one of your friends, I don't think they'd say that you've given them nothing in return. As for the shop, Ginny, Ron and Percy haven't done it alone."
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la_george
2008-02-24 05:13 pm UTC (link)
I trust you. "Really?" He hadn't meant to ask the question, but it slipped out. His decisions weren't always the best, honestly.
"No," he agreed, "sometimes, especially at first, it was almost more than I could do." He looked at her, eyes old in a face that was still boyish. "And for you? I'm sorry I wasn't more help. Don't imagine the losing a son thing was any more fun than losing a twin was. We'll just have to remember his smile, yeah?" George did.
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la_molly
2008-02-26 12:55 am UTC (link)
"Yes, really." She didn't hesitate to answer the question as she didn't have to think about it, though it made her sad, that he needed to ask. She'd done a lot of damage in those last weeks.
"But you did it. We all did it. None of us had a lot of fun, but I should have been here. We will remember his smile, and him." She'd do it every day for the rest of her life.
"George, how are you now?
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la_george
2008-02-26 01:25 am UTC (link)
It was good to hear that, even if he was arguably too old to worry about what his mother thought.
George shrugged. "I'm okay. Sometimes I can't look in a mirror because I see him, and sometimes I stare at myself and try to find him. Won't be able to do that for long, though." And that likely sounded entirely stupid. "I think things are getting better. Accepted that I'll miss him every day forever. Lee said that someday we'd be able to remember without it hurting."
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la_molly
2008-02-26 01:41 am UTC (link)
"He'll always be there. Whether you look into a mirror or not, whether you look like him or not. You can always come to me when you've got a hard time, or if you want to talk, or anything else. Day and night, please remember that." He hadn't come to her when he had a hard time since he'd been a little boy, but she wanted him to know that he could if he wanted to.
Molly nodded, but she knew that she would never be able to remember Fred without it hurting. She hoped and wished that George could do it. "Lee, is he good for you? Are you happy with him?"
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la_george
2008-02-26 01:50 am UTC (link)
George nodded. It was nice to know, but a man couldn't run to his mother every time he had a bad day.
His face lit up when she asked about Lee. He could feel it. "He does. He is. We...it wasn't planned. He makes me feel," he shrugged again. "wonderful."
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la_molly
2008-02-26 02:07 am UTC (link)
Oh dear, George was in love, she could see it in his face. It made her happy. "You can't plan something like this, it just happens. I'm happy for you. I haven't talked to the boy in a long time. I should do that, soon."
"Are you still all living in one room?" It wasn't her business, really. But all the boys and girls in a small room? She didn't want to think about it.
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la_george
2008-02-26 09:13 pm UTC (link)
George smiled. "You should, but promise to be nice to him, yeah? He takes good care of me and puts up with my endless idiocy."
He schooled his face to be as blank as possible when she asked about the sleeping arrangements. "Still the five of us. Katie moved out. I should do something with Fred's room, but I..... I can't bring myself to touch his stuff. Stupid, I know, but.."
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la_molly
2008-02-26 09:42 pm UTC (link)
"Of course I'll be nice, I'm always nice," Molly said, kissing his cheek. "I hope he does. He should."
Five of them in one bedroom. Three boys and two girls if she remembered correctly. The only reason she refrained from saying anything was that she knew it helped him, and maybe he even needed it. He was an adult, she reminded herself. "You don't have to force it, George, but if you need help, you can always ask me, or your Dad. We can help you."
She was torn. On one side it would perhaps help him to make a new beginning, to clear Fred's room, but on the other side she hadn't touched Fred and George's old room at The Burrow either. She couldn't bring herself to remove anything. Sometimes she sat in there for hours and just looked around.
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la_george
2008-02-26 09:57 pm UTC (link)
"I know, Mum." He could tell she was not pleased with the bedroom, but he appreciated that she was leaving it alone. He was fairly shure it wouldn't be the five of them forever, but he wasn't ready to give any of them up yet. The puppy pile had literally kept him in his skin those first few weeks when he felt like he'd fly to pieces.
"Know he's never coming back, but it seems wrong to wipe away his presence. I wear his T-shirts sometimes," he admitted, though he'd not spoken of that to anyone else. "Stupid, yeah?"
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la_molly
2008-02-26 11:29 pm UTC (link)
"I don't know. That's something you have to decide. It's stupid if it makes you feel bad, if it hurts you. If it helps you, if it's your way to remember then there's nothing wrong with it." There would probably be a lot of people who would say that sitting at the grave of her son before dawn two or three times a week was stupid, but it was none of anyone's business.
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la_george
2008-02-27 02:48 pm UTC (link)
George nodded, not trusting himself to speak suddenly. It made him feel closer to him. He the story behind every spot, behind the fraying in the sleeve of the green one, why there was a tiny hole in the back of blue... So little left to cling to and yet nearly everything he did reminded him of who they had been, because they had been one, regardless of what everyone else thought. Or maybe in spite of it. So he nodded, and he sipped his tea.
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la_molly
2008-02-27 10:28 pm UTC (link)
George didn't say anything, and she knew that he was lost in thought. She emptied her tea cup and set it back onto the table.
"Thank you for the tea, George, it was lovely to see you. I'll go back home now, you probably have some work to do." She stood up and got her basket from the kitchen.
"I will send you an owl as soon as we know the date of the dinner." She hugged him tightly and kissed his cheek. "Come to The Burrow whenever you want to. I'm always glad to see you, dear."
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la_george
2008-02-27 10:41 pm UTC (link)
George stood, feeling a bit out of his depth. He hadn't meant to chase his mother off, but at least they'd made a start at ... something. He hugged her harder than he should have, startled yet again about their height and thinking that he was not very original.
"Alright, Mum. Love you. And thanks."
Characters: Molly Weasley, George Weasley
Location: WWW
Status: Private
Summary: A talk between mother and son.
Completion: InComplete
Molly hadn't been able to decide between chocolate cookies, cookies with almonds, and caramel-apple cookies. She hadn't thought about it very long, though, she'd just decided to bake all three versions. She took the last of them out of the oven with gloved hands and gently removed them from the baking plate.
Her children often made fun of her, when she was in the kitchen baking or cooking, completely immersed in the task, not stopping before everything was exactly how she wanted it to be. No one had ever asked why she loved it so much, and she'd never felt the need to explain, that it was the process of creating something with love and care that would make those people she loved smile. Food was essential for body and soul, both wouldn't work properly without nutritious, savoury, regular meals. Of course she admitted that cookies didn't count as a meal, but they were food for the soul, and as such equally important.
While the cookies were cooling down in the kitchen, she put her apron back into the wardrobe and changed into some nice robes. It was later than she originally had wanted to go, but all the baking had taken more time than she'd thought.
She went back into the kitchen with a basked in her hand, filling it with leftovers from dinner and some things she'd cooked this morning. George would probably roll his eyes at her, but she couldn't help herself. She'd heard horrible stories of young wizards and witches living solely on take away food and pumpkin juice. A blend of her homemade tea joined the food in the basket. On top she put the cookies, safely wrapped up.
Taking a deep breath and telling herself that it was ridiculous to be nervous, she apparated directly to Diagon Alley and appeared in front of the brightly flashing windows of her son's shop.
As she opened the door she saw that there was a sign in the window that said he was looking for help. She was proud of him. Not only because he was successful despite his young age, but also because he'd always been too stubborn to let anything hold him down. She wondered briefly if she'd ever told him.
Finally she stepped inside and joined the customers in the shop.
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la_george
2008-02-11 12:44 am UTC (link)
There were only three customers in the shop, siblings from the look of their blond hair and matching dimples. George looked up when the horn he'd installed over the door went off. He smiled at his mother and waved before turning back to the where the youngest one was picking up a love potion.
"Hey there, little man, I think that might not be the best thing for you. Have you seen our disappearing-reappearing vomit? It's sure to make your sister scream." He smiled and flicked his wand at the sign on the door, turning it from Open to Closed. A few moments later he ushered the three out the door, all of them clutching magenta WWW bags. He flicked his wand at the door again, setting the wards, and went over to his mother.
"Hey Mum," he murmured, leaning to kiss her cheek, "sorry about that. All yours now. Can I take something? I'm glad you came." He was a wee bit self-conscious but hoped that it didn't show.
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la_molly
2008-02-11 01:09 am UTC (link)
Molly watched George talking to the boys with a smile. She clutched the basket and pursed her lips as he sold them products that would surely make their mother's life harder. It wasn't her place to say anything, and she wanted to go back being a mother for him, not scaring away his customers.
She set the basket down when he came over and kissed her cheek, pulling him into a tight hug, holding him for long moments. It had been so long. She blinked back tears, as she stepped back and looked at him. "You're looking good George, but you're too thin. I brought food," she said, sounding a bit odd. She sighed at herself and shook her head. "I've missed you, thank you for letting me come."
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la_george
2008-02-11 01:22 am UTC (link)
George heard it in her tone, felt it in the strength of her hug before he saw the sheen in her eyes when she let him go. He pulled his lower lip between his teeth and tried not to frown. George's mother hadn't been happy with him in a long time. He knew that; but he'd not meant to hurt her so much. Swallowing his moved to pick up the basket, wrapping an arm around her as he did so.
"You want to come upstairs? We have a table up there and I can make tea? Can't wait to see what you brought." He didn't know what to say to the last, so he kissed her cheek again. "Missed you too, and you don't have to thank me, yeah? Glad you wanted to."
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la_molly
2008-02-11 01:37 am UTC (link)
Molly wrapped an arm around his waist and walked with him towards the stairs. "Tea would be lovely, I have cookies," she said. "I just brought some leftovers. You know how I always cook too much." She let go and followed him up the stairs into the flat. It seemed to be deserted. "How are you, George?"
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la_george
2008-02-11 01:45 am UTC (link)
George smiled back at his mother as she mentioned cookies. "No one makes sweets the way you do, Mum." He moved to the counter to start meaking tea. "You don't make too much, your just used to cooking for nine." The moment he said it something clenched in his chest and he closed his eyes, glad his back was to her. He spent a moment fishing for things like honey and lemon and milk. He even found two clean teaspoons.
Turning back to his mother at last he shrugged. "I'm....here." It was true, he was here, and part of him was endlessly grateful, but part of him still battled guilt over that. "How are you?"
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la_molly
2008-02-11 01:54 am UTC (link)
Molly saw his shoulders tense as she felt the familiar pain in her chest. After waiting until he was ready to face her she did what she should have done months ago. She stepped closer and wrapped her arms around him, hoping that he would allow her to comfort him, that it wasn't already too late.
"I'm sorry. For not being here when you needed me." She went straight to the point, she'd wasted enough time. "I'm sorry, George. I know it's not enough, but I am. Tell me, how are you." She still held him, rubbing his back.
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la_george
2008-02-11 02:09 am UTC (link)
George had been doing well. He was lucky, in so many ways, but there was something about mother's love, something about the way she held him, like she'd done for both of them...long ago.
Arms wrapped around her without him thinking about it and George closed his against a sudden rush of tears. Breath catching in his throat he let it, holding his breath as he fought for control that he'd had just moments ago. When he couldn't hold it any longer he let out the air out in a shuddering gasp. He shook his head and did his best not to sob. "I'm sorry," he said at last, then went back to gasping, eyes still closed, though his lashes weren't as effective a dam as he'd have hoped.
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la_molly
2008-02-11 02:20 am UTC (link)
Molly held him tight as she felt him shaking and heard him gasping. If there had been a possibility to take his pain away and make it her own, she'd not hesitated for a second. One of her hands went to the back of his head, something she'd always done when he was a little boy. "I'm so sorry," she said again and kissed his neck. "But I'm here now. It will be alright, I'm here." She didn't cry. She didn't have the right to do so.
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la_george
2008-02-11 02:32 am UTC (link)
Suddenly he was six years old again, the first time Fred had gone to play with someone else, the very first time he'd left him alone. George had watched Fred run off, watched him wave a careless hand, and he'd smiled, biting the inside of his cheek until his twin was out of sight. He'd not made it back to the house, sniffling softly, before his mother picked him up, cradling him against her chest, telling him it would be okay and that she understood. He'd sobbed against her shoulder then, but she'd cheered him up, held him then offered him biscuits and cocoa and told him that it would work out. It had of course, Fred had come back smiling, bringing George a real live frog and a smile. They'd only rarely been apart, each so much a part of the other, though George had found his own playmate on occasion.
George found that he was sobbing now, on his knees somehow with his mother holding him, hand in his hair. It would never be alright again. He knew that, had known that for months, but his mother still smelled like home and comfort and he'd not realized how much he missed her until he realized that he didn't know how he'd let go.
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la_molly
2008-02-11 02:49 am UTC (link)
Molly didn't let him go, when she felt his knees give way. He was taller than her, but she wasn't a lightweight. She supported his weight until she was kneeling on the floor, sitting down and pulling him half into her lap. She whispered words of comfort into his ear, knowing well, that there were no words that could help. It broke her heart to think that she'd let him face all this alone for months. Her brilliant, strong son who hadn't lost half of himself, but half of his life. It wasn't in her power to give him anything back, though she wished it would be. She would help him built something new instead, and when she looked around she noticed that he'd already begun. "I'm so proud of you."
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la_george
2008-02-11 02:59 am UTC (link)
The storm lasted longer than it should have, but not forever it turned out. George summoned a dishtowel and wiped his eyes, embarrassed at having completely lost control. He hadn't cried like that since that morning with Da, mere days after the funeral. George was certain that he was getting better, but maybe this was just another step.
"I'm sorry." He shook his head, no longer gasping. "Didn't mean to blub all over you." How they ended up on the floor was a mystery and George was worried. "Did I hurt you?"
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la_molly
2008-02-11 03:17 am UTC (link)
Molly kissed his cheek again before letting him go. She could see how he struggled with the pain and won. "There's nothing you have to be sorry for, dear. I survived too many explosion to be hurt by sitting down." Molly held her hand out and looked at him expectantly. "Now help me up, please, I'm not getting younger."
When they were standing she opened the basked and pulled out the cookies. She found a plate in one of the cupboards and put them on it. "Let's sit down and have some tea now. And I still want to know how you are."
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la_george
2008-02-11 03:34 am UTC (link)
George appreciated the fact that she immediately gave him back his dignity. He was smiling as he helped her to her feet. The fiddling with the basket gave him time to wipe his face properly and to finish steeping the tea.
He put cups and tea things on the table and handed his mother into a chair. "Mmmm, what are you planning to eat," he teased, taking a chocolate biscuit and biting into it. He picked up the pot and poured the tea, serving his mother first.
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la_molly
2008-02-12 12:32 am UTC (link)
"Thank you." She took the cup, added some milk and wrapped her hands around it. The tea smelled nice, but was still too hot to drink. "I'll just watch and make sure that you don't eat too many of them. Too much sugar isn't good for you.
"Your father told me about the evening with you, and about the taxi. He had a great time and he said you enjoyed it, too. There will be a family dinner at The Burrow soon. Would you come? You and Lee?" She sipped the tea tentatively and added some more milk.
"Tell me something about the shop. Is it going well?"
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la_george
2008-02-12 01:11 am UTC (link)
George had another biscuit, dunking it in his tea and winking at his mother as he did so. "I'll have to talk to him, but I'm sure we can come." It was still odd to discuss Lee with his mother, even though she had known him for years.
The questions about the shop were slightly easier. "Seems to be going alright. More work than I remember, but then it never seemed like work when it was the two of us. Put up a sign because I can't seem to keep up, even with Ron and Ginny helping part-time and Percy doing the books. 's brilliant his new accounting thing. Still, sometimes I miss the random stacks of paper."
George swirled his tea and took a sip, burning his tongue in the process, but that was alright. "Tell me about you?"
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la_molly
2008-02-12 01:24 am UTC (link)
She looked sternly, because it was expected, but only very briefly. "Talk to him. I'll send you an owl as soon as we've decided when. You might want to invite Angelina, too. Just in case Percy forgets it." She still hadn't seen those two together, and she was very curious to get to know her.
"That's great, George. If I can help you with anything, you just have to tell me." She doubted that she would be very helpful in the shop. She'd probably end up lecturing the children and warning the parents, but if he needed help, there would surely be something she could do. "Percy has always been good with numbers. The two of you are closer now?"
She looked up in surprise at his question. "There's nothing about me you don't know. Not a lot has changed lately."
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la_george
2008-02-12 01:41 am UTC (link)
"I will." George wondered if his face softened when he talked about Lee, the way his mother's always had whenever she mentioned his father. Best not to dwell on it, he'd already made enough of a fool of himself for one day.
"I can't picture you helping me brew Fever Fudge or hex quills to write backwards. Of course you always were good with the explosions so maybe a bit of assistance with the Whiz-Bangs?" He was kidding. "It's going well, I'm just not used to there only being one of me. Seems the work more than doubled." Still he was trying not to complain. "Lucky, really, though, so I try not to winge overmuch."
He refilled her tea and cocked his head to one side. "You don't seem angry with me anymore, so that's good. Are things well at the Burrow? Ginny tells me she's thrilled about being able to commute."
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la_molly
2008-02-12 02:01 am UTC (link)
"I probably wouldn't be much of a help," Molly agreed. "Just think of me when you need anything."
"Yes. Ginny's doing better now that she doesn't have to sleep in the castle anymore." That wasn't quite right, though. Molly was sure that something had been bothering Ginny in the last few days. She'd wanted to talk to her about it, but whenever she'd tried, Ginny had excused herself.
She drank her tea, thinking a moment about the best way to answer the more important part. She wanted to tell him that she had never been angry with him, but she wasn't so sure about it. Maybe there had been a time when a sick part of herself had been angry, there were long periods of time she just couldn't remember, especially during the first weeks after the battle. "I'm not angry with you, George, and I never had a reason to be angry with you. There were things I've said and done... I can't take it back now, it has already happened. Just know that I'm sorry, and I hope you can forgive me."
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la_george
2008-02-14 08:27 pm UTC (link)
George picked up the plate of cookies and held it out to his mother. "Trust me, you need one. Or five. You're looking thin." He smiled softly as he said it.
"I don't think any of us were at our best. No need for forgiveness, I was never angry with you." He shrugged, "Just hated disappointing you again. Seems I've made a lifetime of that, yeah?" He set the plate down and went back to spinning his tea. "Shall we shake and call it even? Sorry I blubbed on you, but," his ears felt hot, "thanks."
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la_molly
2008-02-14 11:58 pm UTC (link)
"Don't lie to your mother, I haven't looked thin since I was at your age." Molly took a cookie anyway, she had no ambition to ever be thin again.
"There's a difference, George. I have been disappointed by some of the things you've done." She raised her hand, asking him silently to let her speak. "I'm not talking about anything that happened during the last months. I was, for instance, disappointed that you dropped out of school. I have never been, and I'll never be disappointed by you. You were never a disappointment." She took his hand and met his eyes, willing him to understand. "I'm proud of you, George. I'm proud of what you are, of what you achieved, and of what you've done in those last months."
She shook her head at his last comment. "There's no shame in feeling sad or lost sometimes. It's what mothers are for."
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la_george
2008-02-17 08:24 pm UTC (link)
"Who wants a mum who looks like a famine poster anyway?" he asked. "Seen the way Da looks at you and though I never, ever, want details, well...." He decided it was safer to leave it at that.
George looked down into his tea at the comment about his schooling. He'd known, they'd known, that she wouldn't be happy about the leaving. It hadn't been the most well thought out plan in the world, in terms of consequences, but everything had seemed possible then. "Thought about going back, about joining that boot camp thing or ..." He looked up at her and shook his head. "I can't. I can't do that without him. That leaving, rash and pretentious and likely stupid as it was, was one of the defining moments of our life. Since we can't make the decision together I'm not taking it back. I hope you can understand that." George wasn't sure he did, but the thought of sitting for his NEWTs without his twin would feel like a betrayal.
"Don't be too proud, yeah? All I've done is keep breathing, helped by a group of amazing people who got absolutely nothing in return except my friendship. As to the store, it's open because Ginny and Ron and Percy made it possible. It needs to be open, had to continue, but there's no way I could have done it without them. Not this soon at least, maybe not ever." He shrugged. "I'm just lucky, despite ... well, in other ways."
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la_molly
2008-02-19 01:01 am UTC (link)
Molly was surprised. She wouldn't have thought that George even thought of going back to school or sitting his NEWTs. She didn't think it was necessary, he'd found his place without the exams. She wouldn't exactly tell him that, because of course education was important in general. "I understand, George, and I got over being disappointed a long time ago. You can make your own decisions, and you do what you think is the right thing to do. I trust you.
She drank from her cup and put it back down. "Sometimes breathing isn't as easy as it is supposed to be, and sometimes it's a brave thing to accept help. If I asked one of your friends, I don't think they'd say that you've given them nothing in return. As for the shop, Ginny, Ron and Percy haven't done it alone."
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la_george
2008-02-24 05:13 pm UTC (link)
I trust you. "Really?" He hadn't meant to ask the question, but it slipped out. His decisions weren't always the best, honestly.
"No," he agreed, "sometimes, especially at first, it was almost more than I could do." He looked at her, eyes old in a face that was still boyish. "And for you? I'm sorry I wasn't more help. Don't imagine the losing a son thing was any more fun than losing a twin was. We'll just have to remember his smile, yeah?" George did.
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la_molly
2008-02-26 12:55 am UTC (link)
"Yes, really." She didn't hesitate to answer the question as she didn't have to think about it, though it made her sad, that he needed to ask. She'd done a lot of damage in those last weeks.
"But you did it. We all did it. None of us had a lot of fun, but I should have been here. We will remember his smile, and him." She'd do it every day for the rest of her life.
"George, how are you now?
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la_george
2008-02-26 01:25 am UTC (link)
It was good to hear that, even if he was arguably too old to worry about what his mother thought.
George shrugged. "I'm okay. Sometimes I can't look in a mirror because I see him, and sometimes I stare at myself and try to find him. Won't be able to do that for long, though." And that likely sounded entirely stupid. "I think things are getting better. Accepted that I'll miss him every day forever. Lee said that someday we'd be able to remember without it hurting."
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la_molly
2008-02-26 01:41 am UTC (link)
"He'll always be there. Whether you look into a mirror or not, whether you look like him or not. You can always come to me when you've got a hard time, or if you want to talk, or anything else. Day and night, please remember that." He hadn't come to her when he had a hard time since he'd been a little boy, but she wanted him to know that he could if he wanted to.
Molly nodded, but she knew that she would never be able to remember Fred without it hurting. She hoped and wished that George could do it. "Lee, is he good for you? Are you happy with him?"
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la_george
2008-02-26 01:50 am UTC (link)
George nodded. It was nice to know, but a man couldn't run to his mother every time he had a bad day.
His face lit up when she asked about Lee. He could feel it. "He does. He is. We...it wasn't planned. He makes me feel," he shrugged again. "wonderful."
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la_molly
2008-02-26 02:07 am UTC (link)
Oh dear, George was in love, she could see it in his face. It made her happy. "You can't plan something like this, it just happens. I'm happy for you. I haven't talked to the boy in a long time. I should do that, soon."
"Are you still all living in one room?" It wasn't her business, really. But all the boys and girls in a small room? She didn't want to think about it.
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la_george
2008-02-26 09:13 pm UTC (link)
George smiled. "You should, but promise to be nice to him, yeah? He takes good care of me and puts up with my endless idiocy."
He schooled his face to be as blank as possible when she asked about the sleeping arrangements. "Still the five of us. Katie moved out. I should do something with Fred's room, but I..... I can't bring myself to touch his stuff. Stupid, I know, but.."
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la_molly
2008-02-26 09:42 pm UTC (link)
"Of course I'll be nice, I'm always nice," Molly said, kissing his cheek. "I hope he does. He should."
Five of them in one bedroom. Three boys and two girls if she remembered correctly. The only reason she refrained from saying anything was that she knew it helped him, and maybe he even needed it. He was an adult, she reminded herself. "You don't have to force it, George, but if you need help, you can always ask me, or your Dad. We can help you."
She was torn. On one side it would perhaps help him to make a new beginning, to clear Fred's room, but on the other side she hadn't touched Fred and George's old room at The Burrow either. She couldn't bring herself to remove anything. Sometimes she sat in there for hours and just looked around.
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la_george
2008-02-26 09:57 pm UTC (link)
"I know, Mum." He could tell she was not pleased with the bedroom, but he appreciated that she was leaving it alone. He was fairly shure it wouldn't be the five of them forever, but he wasn't ready to give any of them up yet. The puppy pile had literally kept him in his skin those first few weeks when he felt like he'd fly to pieces.
"Know he's never coming back, but it seems wrong to wipe away his presence. I wear his T-shirts sometimes," he admitted, though he'd not spoken of that to anyone else. "Stupid, yeah?"
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la_molly
2008-02-26 11:29 pm UTC (link)
"I don't know. That's something you have to decide. It's stupid if it makes you feel bad, if it hurts you. If it helps you, if it's your way to remember then there's nothing wrong with it." There would probably be a lot of people who would say that sitting at the grave of her son before dawn two or three times a week was stupid, but it was none of anyone's business.
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la_george
2008-02-27 02:48 pm UTC (link)
George nodded, not trusting himself to speak suddenly. It made him feel closer to him. He the story behind every spot, behind the fraying in the sleeve of the green one, why there was a tiny hole in the back of blue... So little left to cling to and yet nearly everything he did reminded him of who they had been, because they had been one, regardless of what everyone else thought. Or maybe in spite of it. So he nodded, and he sipped his tea.
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la_molly
2008-02-27 10:28 pm UTC (link)
George didn't say anything, and she knew that he was lost in thought. She emptied her tea cup and set it back onto the table.
"Thank you for the tea, George, it was lovely to see you. I'll go back home now, you probably have some work to do." She stood up and got her basket from the kitchen.
"I will send you an owl as soon as we know the date of the dinner." She hugged him tightly and kissed his cheek. "Come to The Burrow whenever you want to. I'm always glad to see you, dear."
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la_george
2008-02-27 10:41 pm UTC (link)
George stood, feeling a bit out of his depth. He hadn't meant to chase his mother off, but at least they'd made a start at ... something. He hugged her harder than he should have, startled yet again about their height and thinking that he was not very original.
"Alright, Mum. Love you. And thanks."