Language Fail

[greek_artemis]

"All that brings you happiness
and all you're dreaming of,
all that's sure to make your smile
and fill your heart with love,
all these very special things
are wished for you today,
for you deserve the very best
that life can bring your way."'

Enumerate the issues with this passage for me.  This amused my father and I to no end.  Unfortunately, I had

Comments

[flying_squirrel]

Well, it's not a very good poem, but for what it is, it doesn't seem that bad...

I suppose you could use semi-colons in the list to illustrate parallel structure, and the comma before the 'for' is a little suspect. This is why you leave out punctuation in poetry...

[greek_artemis]

See...I noticed that on the second time through...but my father and I hiccuped on something in the wording.

[flying_squirrel]

Passive voice? o_O

[greek_artemis]

"your smile"

Every time we read it, we wanted to say "you smile"...