Kamen /// Tenth Feeling: Care
It was almost January and Kazuya felt as if he’d been like this for years already.
Since that night they had been locked up together, about a month had passed and it had been one of the worst ever.
Christmas had been awful; working with Jin at the rehearsals had been more than awkward.
They had both agreed to give up; Kazuya had struggled more with accepting it, but after all, it was Jin who was suffering more obviously than Kazuya.
Lately, his scandals had increased, and as much as Kazuya told himself, he shouldn’t, he worried for Jin. That kind of publicity wasn’t good at all and would eventually just lead to trouble with the agency.
Jin had most likely forgotten that he probably was old enough to escape the rules the company had set for them, but that he was still an idol and couldn’t be seen drunk in clubs every night.
Sighing, Kazuya sat down at a table in the café where he was supposed to meet up with Koki, before they would head over to the office.
He was early, so since he knew Koki wouldn’t arrive here within the next fifteen minutes, he ordered a coffee and gripped a magazine that was lying at the table next to him.
He shook his head as he noticed it was Jin at the cover. One of those typical gossip rags, and the picture didn’t make Jin look good at all.
His movie was coming up in just about three weeks, so Kazuya doubted that this did Jin any good.
Opening the pages, he first saw an article about other people; other faces from their company, but he didn’t have much interest in it. Of course, he had taken notice of all those stories and rumours, but those were not his problems. Kazuya told himself to keep out of that.
As he reached the pages about Jin, he stopped, though. In a way, he couldn’t keep out of this, couldn’t just ignore this; since in a way, Kazuya was involved, too.
The first picture showed Jin at the street, with friends Kazuya just knew very briefly. They were supporting Jin, so that he could walk. It looked pathetic.
The text read something about Jin being in three clubs in one night; that he was out every night recently, that he’s been spotted with various girls. None of them was popular in any case; some of them were even described as whores.
Kazuya shook his head over it. When they had still been together, he had held Jin back from acting that way. Jin wasn’t like that; Kazuya knew he just tried to drown his pain in the alcohol; tried to get over it and forget Kazuya that way.
He really wished he could do anything for Jin.
With a sigh, he turned the page and a silent gasp escaped his lips.
Staring at the page, he felt his blood rushing through his veins, into his head and down again, making him feel dizzy. He froze and stared at the picture.
It showed Jin, resting against a wall, one hand holding onto the waist of that woman, who was leaning against him, pressing her lips to Jin’s neck. Jin’s eyes were closed and he looked as if he was fully enjoying himself.
Swallowing thickly, Kazuya kept staring at the picture, at Jin’s face, at his hand, those lips that were claiming the skin of his neck.
And he felt jealousy crawling up in him. That spot she kissed, belonged to him, to Kazuya. He’d been kissing Jin’s neck whenever he could have. He knew exactly what it would taste like, what Jin would act like, how Jin would react.
Only the thought that Jin now was free to let anyone he liked kiss that spot, made Kazuya feel numb and weak.
He didn’t want that, but he had to accept it.
Jin was not his anymore.
Closing the magazine, he felt his hands shaking, noticed his coffee was cold already and frowned as he watched at his watch then. Almost half an hour had gone past and Koki hadn’t showed up yet.
Kazuya got out his mobile and just in the moment he wanted to dial Koki’s number in, it started ringing and showed the older male’s ID.
“Koki, where are you?”, Kazuya answered.
“Sorry, Kame!” Koki’s voice was breathless. “I won’t make it; something came up.”
“Oh, okay.” Kazuya frowned. “Are you alright?”
“Yeah, I just calculated my time wrong.”
“Okay, then we’ll meet in the office later.”
Koki apologized again, and then he hung up.
Putting his mobile back, Kazuya looked at the magazine again, then he shoved it over the table to the other side and got up to leave.
He paid and got into his jacket, before he stepped out. His knees still felt shaky; that image didn’t leave his head.
The café was close by the office, so he quickly made his way over the street and hurried, since it was really cold. As he almost reached the building, he saw Jin approaching it from the other direction.
They noticed each other at the same moment, so Kazuya didn’t even have the chance to turn around and hide. He didn’t think he could face Jin now.
The image popped up in his head again and clenched his heart. But he had to remind himself that it shouldn’t. They had broken up; Kazuya had no right to feel that way.
Jin was the first to move closer and greeted Kazuya by nodding his head. He looked tired and pale and was shaking; from the cold most likely, Kazuya assumed.
Kazuya nodded back and then approached the door, following Jin inside.
“You’re early”, Kazuya said.
“I was called in earlier for a talk.”
Kazuya instantly knew what that was about. Jin was in trouble. But he didn’t have a right to say anything--- it was only Jin’s life now, Kazuya didn’t have a part in it anymore.
In silence, they took the steps upstairs and in the corridor, they parted without a word.
Until Jin changed his mind and chased after Kazuya. He turned the younger one around and stood closer than he should. Kazuya looked at him with big eyes. The touch of Jin’s hand made his skin feel like it was burning; even though Jin’s hands were cold.
“Listen, Kazuya”, Jin said. “It’s not true what they write.”
Kazuya frowned at him. “What are you talking about?”
“I didn’t have anything with that woman.” Jin shook his head, tried to keep looking at Kazuya, even though it was difficult. “I didn’t want her to…”
“Jin”, Kazuya said softly and pulled his hand away. “That’s none of my business; you’re free to do what you want.”
“But I want you to know that I had nothing going on with her, or anyone else.”
Kazuya tried to swallow the lump in his throat. Why did Jin act like that? It made it so much harder. “Even if, Jin, that would have nothing to do with me.”
Jin bit his lip, nodded then. “Yeah, sure. I just wanted to say that.”
“Thanks”, Kazuya said with a gentle smile. “I’m okay with it.”
“Of course, you are”, Jin mumbled and lifted his head, trying to put on an indifferent expression. “I just wanted to make sure you wouldn’t complain about it.”
Jin turned then; not able to look at Kazuya any longer. Of course, he didn’t owe Kazuya an explanation of anything; he was free to do whatever he liked.
But only the thought of Kazuya not being hurt of those pictures had made Jin go insane. If Kazuya was not hurt, that meant he had acknowledged that the two of them were over.
Kazuya hadn’t seemed hurt just now.
Something clenched Jin’s heart, as he realized that and it made him worry a lot about himself.
He wasn’t over Kazuya in the slightest bit. He still felt attached to him and felt as if he had betrayed the younger one with letting anyone else get that close to him.
Of course, he had been drunk, he had been not his usual self, so he hadn’t had a lot defence, but as soon as her lips had touched Jin’s skin, he had pushed her away.
He was sure, Kazuya had gotten that wrong; the pictures didn’t look like Jin had disliked it at all.
He pushed those thoughts away, as he reached the meeting room, seeing his manager giving him a chiding look.
He’d have to face other problems first, before he’d be able to worry about his and Kazuya’s relationship.
Kazuya was quite early for work.
Over the years, he had found that he had more energy when he kept his sleep short, so he as he had gotten home at about two, he had just fallen into bed to have a rest and was on his way to work now; half past four in the morning.
They’d shoot some of the morning scenes for the drama today, but wouldn’t start before five, so Kazuya stopped at a convenience store to get something for breakfast.
He quickly ran inside to get some bread and as he stood in front of the choice of products, he noticed Jin’s favourite sort of bread. There was just one left and Kazuya couldn’t hold himself back.
He gripped that one and went to the cash desk to pay.
On his way outside, he glanced at it and smiled over his own foolishness, and then stopped at the newspapers to have a quick look at them.
Kazuya took longer for that than he would have thought, since after a while he lifted his head, looking confused, as he noticed a familiar voice somewhere behind him.
“I always buy that bread. How come you don’t have it?”
The voice was familiar, but definitely not as usual. Kazuya frowned. Someone seemed to be drunk.
“I’m sorry; I’ve just sold the last one.” The cashier bowed a bit.
“This is shit”, Jin growled and leaned in. “You should…”
“Oh, here you are”, Kazuya interrupted and stepped next to Jin, gripping his arm. “I was looking for him already.”
Jin threw him a short look, then he turned back again. “You better get me that damn bread now, or I will…”
“You won’t do anything, Jin.” Kazuya’s voice was sharp and he pulled Jin away from the cash desk. “Sorry”, he said to the cashier.
The man just shook his head, looking confused.
“I’m hungry”; Jin said in a grumpy tone. “Bread.”
“You just heard they don’t have it anymore.”
“Brea~head”, Jin mewled and gave Kazuya an angry look.
Embarrassed, Kazuya tried to avoid looking at the cashier and tugged Jin with him. “I bought it already; so shut up now.”
“You?” Jin followed him, having problems to walk straight, though. “Give it back.”
“Back?” Kazuya glanced at him over his shoulder. “It wasn’t yours in the first place.”
“They are all mine. I always buy that bread.”
Kazuya ruffled his own hair in frustration, releasing a painful sigh. “I can’t believe we’re having a conversation like this one.”
“Can I just have the bread now?”, Jin wanted to know.
Opening the passenger door to his car, Kazuya pointed Jin to get inside. “I’ll take you home.”
“I can walk, thanks”, Jin refused and turned. He walked a few meters; then he turned and without looking at Kazuya made his way into the right direction.
“Are you sure, you’ll find the way?”
Jin raised an eyebrow at Kazuya’s sarcastic voice. “I want the bread first.”
Kazuya sighed and turned then to walk over to the other side of the car. “Get in and you’ll get it at home.”
Jin observed Kazuya for a moment; then he gave in and made his way to the car, sitting next to Kazuya.
“You’re acting like a child.” Kazuya shook his head. “However, we don’t want anyone seeing you drunk in the streets early in the morning, right?” He started the car and turned to drive over to Jin’s apartment.
“I actually don’t really care”, Jin answered and leaned his head against the window glass, closing his eyes. “You’re listening to awful music”, he noticed then.
Kazuya didn’t even throw Jin a look. “Sorry, Timberland was not in stuck this morning.”
“You don’t even own any Timberland CDs, Kazuya.”
“I don’t? What a pity”, the younger one answered dryly.
Noticing, that Kazuya hadn’t been serious about what he had said, Jin frowned, then he shook his head, stared out of the window, shook it again.
Kazuya gave him a worried look. “What are you doing, Jin?”
“I’m trying to find out whether I have a headache or not.”
“You’ll have one later today.” Kazuya parked the car and then got out. He walked around the car and helped Jin out of it, noticing that now that he’d been sitting for a while, the older one was even less able of walking than before. “When will you have to be at work?”
“I only have the rehearsals for tomorrow”, Jin answered, leaning comfortably against Kazuya and letting him guide him.
They’d have the Countdown Live the next day, Kazuya remembered and pressed the button for the lift. He wouldn’t possibly try to get up any stairs with Jin in a condition like this one. “Then you’d better get some decent sleep until afternoon.”
“Sounds good.” Jin put his head to Kazuya’s shoulder and the younger one was temped to push him away, but for a reason, he couldn’t bring up the strength to do so. They got into the lift and as the doors closed, Jin released a sigh, nuzzling closer to Kazuya. “Will you stay?”
“I’ll be late for work because of you, so… No.” It was nerve-straining to have Jin doing what he was doing right now. His face was warm against the skin of Kazuya’s neck; Jin’s hands a bit too firm at his waist.
The doors slid open and Jin stumbled out first, Kazuya following him with an annoyed impression.
As he saw Jin walking towards the wrong door, Kazuya gripped his arm to pull Jin over to his. “How can you drink yourself that senseless?”
Jin gave him a sheepish grin.
Kazuya shook his head. “Really, didn’t they just scold you yesterday because of this?”
Letting Kazuya support him to help Jin walk to his door, he looked at the younger one. “No, that was about the women. Which I told them wasn’t like they think at all.” His expression got as serious as the expression of a drunk could be. “It’s really not.”
“It’s gossip, Jin”, was all Kazuya answered and they stopped in front of the door to Jin’s apartment.
“But, Kazuya”, Jin said and leaned against the wall “it’s really not like that. I’d never had anything going on with them.”
Kazuya turned his head, not looking at Jin. “I told you I don’t care.”
Jin made a step closer, leaned in. “I don’t want them near me, touching me or taking me home.”
“You’d be free to, Jin”, the younger one said. “Just don’t let everyone see whom you spend the night with.”
For a second it remained silent, then Jin moved too quickly for Kazuya to see it coming and in the next moment, Jin had him pressed to the wall. “I spend my nights alone.”
“I said, I don’t care.”
Jin held Kazuya’s wrists and he put his head to the brunette’s shoulder; tiredly sinking against him. “It’s you I am thinking of then.”
Kazuya got almost weak, but pulled himself together again. He didn’t answer, didn’t move.
“I’d never take anyone home”, Jin went on, his voice low. “I rather do it myself, thinking of you, Kazuya.”
Blushing, Kazuya pushed Jin away. “I don’t want to know that, Jin.”
Jin stumbled and almost lost his balance, but Kazuya gripped his arm and pulled him into a standing position. The younger one sighed and supported Jin; let him put his arm around Kazuya’s shoulders to stand firmly.
“I am really tired”, Jin said and closed his eyes.
“Don’t you dare falling asleep, Jin”, Kazuya said harshly and searched for Jin’s key in his coat, but couldn’t find it.
“I’m sorry”, Jin mumbled, and Kazuya knew the older one was drifting into another world in his head, the alcohol dazzling his mind. “I guess we’ll have to shift it to tomorrow morning, okay? I’ll make up for it twice then.”
“It is morning.” Knowing, Jin was mixing up his memories with the recent situation, Kazuya felt his heart pounding hard from those words. Of course, those had been words Jin had always said when he’d been drunk. But mostly he had remembered them in the mornings and had made them true.
Ignoring it, Kazuya opened Jin’s coat and checked the pockets of his jeans.
“You should wait with undressing me until we’re inside, babe”, Jin commented.
“I’m looking for your keys, idiot”, Kazuya growled and pulled them out of Jin’s left pocket. “And I hate you calling me that.”
Puzzled, Jin stared at Kazuya while he locked up the door. “But I always call you that.”
“Worse enough”, Kazuya said and pulled Jin into the apartment, closing the door behind them.
While Kazuya pulled off Jin’s coat, the older one stared and him, frowning. “I thought you’d like that.”
“You should have less thought, then you had probably noticed”, Kazuya answered and let the coat fall to the floor. He’d pick it up later. “However, it’s not important anymore.”
Jin shook his head as Kazuya led him to the bedroom, not protesting at all. He let the younger one push him to the bed and as Kazuya started to unbutton his shirt, he closed his eyes. “I’m too tired, Kazuya.”
Giving up on making Jin see that he was not going to sleep with him, Kazuya sighed and nodded. “I know. But you can’t sleep in your clothes.”
Only then, Jin shivered and Kazuya noticed it was not a shiver from arousal. “Are you cold, Jin?”
“If that made you warm me up, then I am.”
Ignoring Jin’s words, Kazuya put a hand to Jin’s cheek and his eyes got big; his hand skimmed down Jin’s neck to his chest. “You’re completely hot.”
“I know; people keep telling me”, Jin said, opening his eyes and smiling at Kazuya. “But it’s always good hearing you say it.”
“Idiot”, the younger one answered and pulled the shirt from beneath Jin, opening his jeans then. “I was talking about your fever.”
“Oh, it’s been like that for a few days.”
“You honestly have enough on your plate, Jin. Why do you keep going out at night?”
“It’s distracting.” Jin lifted his hips as Kazuya pulled off the denim over his thighs.
“You really are stupid, Jin. It’s going to get worse that way.”
Jin shrugged his shoulders and then curled up, as Kazuya tugged the blanket over him. The younger one gave him a sorrowful look, unable to resist stroking through Jin’s hair.
“Get some decent sleep now, okay?”
“You won’t stay?”
Kazuya shook his head. “I have no reason to.”
Jin had his eyes closed already and Kazuya knew everything Jin had said to him this morning had just been because of the alcohol. Jin was so drunk he couldn’t differ from reality and past. But, he thought, as Jin reached his hand out for his and Kazuya automatically took it, they said, drunkards always told the truth.
“But I need you, Kazuya”, Jin murmured as an answer and nuzzled deeper into his pillows.
Kazuya watched Jin for a little longer, his expression gentle, but also sad and sorrowful.
It was a truth, Kazuya already knew; but even so, it still hurt they couldn’t just follow that truth.
“Okay, thank you guys. We just need Tegomass and Arashi to stay now; the rest of you can leave.”
Koki threw his arm around Kazuya’s shoulders, sighing. “I’m tired. But it’s fun to see everyone.”
Kazuya nodded, letting Koki stay like that as they walked to their changing room. “The live tomorrow is going to be fun.”
“The year ended quite quickly”, Ueda said as he joined them and Koki nodded at his statement.
“That’s because it’s always busy.”
Kazuya agreed and they opened the door, Koki letting go of Kazuya then.
“Hey, Kame, how about I’d treat you to dinner tonight, because I let you wait last time?”
Kazuya looked up and smiled, but shook his head. “I can’t, sorry.”
“Don’t tell me you’ll have shootings for the drama tonight?”
Shaking his head, Kazuya pulled of his shirt. “No, I had some in the morning.”
“Then you are free”, Koki concluded.
“I’ve made plans already.”
Koki nodded and they both fell silent, before Nakamaru turned to Koki. “Did anyone of you hear from Akanishi? Where was he today?”
Koki shrugged his shoulders. “He was probably scheduled for something else and didn’t have time.”
Taguchi nodded. “He has the movie released soon; I bet he had some promotional work to do.”
Kazuya didn’t say anything as the others discussed it further. No one had told them, but he was sure Jin had been too sick to make it to the Countdown rehearsals.
After he had showered, he got ready to leave quite quickly, and excusing himself, he made his way out and to his car.
The way, Jin had said he needed Kazuya didn’t leave his mind at all, but Kazuya tried to ignore it. They had broken up; he wasn’t responsible in any way for Jin. He didn’t have to worry about him being sick.
Telling himself that over and over again, he stopped at a supermarket to get some groceries and ended up buying more than he actually needed.
He had known where it would lead him to; from the moment on Jin hadn’t showed up for practise, Kazuya had known he would end up in front of Jin’s door tonight.
He’d just bring him something to eat and make sure the older one was okay; then Kazuya would leave him alone again.
Knocking, he tensed a bit, trying to make up a reason to tell Jin why he’d come here, but all that left his mind, as the door opened and Jin stumbled toward him.
Kazuya reached out his hands and took Jin’s shoulders, holding him from falling to the floor. The older one could barely keep his eyes open and his face was burning red.
Alarmed, Kazuya pulled him close, noticed the cold hands and that Jin was trembling.
“Heaven, Jin, it got even worse.”
“Kazuya…”, Jin started, but his coughing was making it hard for him to talk. He clasped to Kazuya and the younger one comforted his back with gentle strokes.
He knew that Jin could be like a child in more than one way. The way he had behaved this morning when he’d been drunk had been childish, but this was different.
Jin actually was like a child when it came to care. He needed to be cared for, to have someone taking care of him and making him feel cared for.
Kazuya remained like he was for a while, holding Jin, but he noticed, the older one got heavier in his arms with every minute. He needed to be held, but Kazuya was sure like it was now, they wouldn’t keep it up for too long.
“Jin”, he murmured. “You need to go back to bed.”
Jin didn’t react at all, so Kazuya decided to just make the first step. He drew away, and carefully led Jin back to his room and into his bed.
“You need to sleep, Jin.”
The older one nodded and closed his eyes again. Kazuya wasn’t quite sure if Jin was actually aware of Kazuya being there. His fever seemed that bad, he didn’t really realize what was happening.
Kazuya quietly left the room and went over to the kitchen, putting the bags there. He looked at the contents and got out those he had bought to make something to eat for Jin.
He knew it was wrong of him to come here and care for Jin. It made it look like he was still his boyfriend; being worried for Jin being sick, but Kazuya couldn’t help it.
Even though they had broken up, he still couldn’t possibly ignore it that Jin was sick and needed someone.
No, Kazuya thought and put vegetables into the pot, not anyone but him. Jin just needed him.
As he was done and had turned off the heat, and the soup was only still slightly cooking, Kazuya made his way back to the bedroom. Jin was having his eyes closed, sleeping. He watched the older one for a while, then he got over to the bed and put one of the breads Jin like that much to the night stand.
Quietly laying it down, Kazuya noticed something that usually didn’t lay there and frowned.
His expression didn’t change at all, as he picked it up and looked at it in his palm.
It still looked unused and new, even though it’s been two years Jin had bought it. The character for Love was shining in gold and Kazuya wondered how it could, if their love was dying right now.
He got to his knees beside Jin’s bed and put his head down to it; looking at Jin’s sleeping face. It probably wasn’t dying; they had both agreed on still loving each other back then. They were just both unable to maintain it.
With that charm in his hand, Kazuya stayed like that for a while; kept looking at Jin and reached his hand out to gently run his fingers over his hair and cheek. Jin didn’t move at all; his skin was still burning hot and Kazuya wrapped the blanket around him tighter.
He would be off the next morning and he wouldn’t have to go home. No one was waiting for him, however. It would have been easy to just lay down next to Jin and hold him for a while, taking some of that heat from him, making Jin feel warmer and stop him from shivering.
Jin needed him.
Still holding the charm, Kazuya climbed into the bed and was stunned that Jin shifted to him instantly, Kazuya’s name on his lips.
He wrapped his arms around Jin and pulled him close, closing his eyes.
They lay like that for some minutes; Kazuya’s hand was gently stroking over Jin’s back and through his hair and he felt that this was only right.
No matter what they had agreed on, this was what felt right to him, while being without Jin felt so terribly wrong.
As he heard the front door falling closed, Kazuya’s head rose quickly from the pillow and he quietly listened for a moment, before he heard steps.
He pulled away, jumped out of the bed and made his way from the bedroom back to the corridor.
Ryo was just making his way over and he stopped as he saw Kazuya.
“Nishikido-kun”, Kazuya said in surprise. “How did you get in?”
Ryo gave him a puzzled look. “It was open. Since when are you here?”
“I…” Kazuya swallowed. “I was just checking if he was okay.”
Ryo shook his head and went over to the kitchen. “That’s typically him. Asking everyone to come and care for him.”
“He asked you to come?”
“He wrote me a mail that he’s sick and if I could bring him something to eat.” Ryo stepped into the room and frowned as he saw the pot at the heater, noticed the smell. “He asked you as well, I guess.”
“Oh, well…” Kazuya mumbled.
“I bet Yamapi is coming in a few minutes as well, then.”
Kazuya doubted it, but didn’t say anything about that. “I can take that with me and you leave yours here, if you want.”
Ryo looked at the wrapped bowl in his hand. “It’s fine. I’ll just give it to Ohkura then.”
Kazuya looked surprised. “Did he fall sick, as well?”
Shaking his head, Ryo got out of the room. “No, he just eats everything I’d give him.”
“In that case”, Kazuya said, not knowing what else to answer. “I think I’d better leave then.”
The raven-haired nodded and titled his head, putting the bowl to a shelf in the corridor. “Okay. I guess I’ll stay until he wakes up. Who knows what he needs then.”
Forcing a laugh, Kazuya made his way to the door and got into his boots. He remembered that Ryo knew about him and Uchi, but didn’t think Jin had ever told him about them. But he remembered quite well what Yamashita had said back then about Ryo. That evening when he had left the charm here. He clenched it in his hand.
“Nishikido-kun?”
Ryo gave him a look. “What is it?”
“Don’t tell him I’ve been here, okay?”
Looking puzzled for a moment, Ryo didn’t answer first, then he nodded. “Okay.”
Kazuya smiled and took his jacket, after he had put Jin’s up to the wardrobe. “Thanks”, he said and left then.
Ryo stayed, frowning. Then he turned and made his way to the bed room, looking at Jin curled up beneath the blankets.
He wondered what Kazuya’s words had been about, but then shrugged it off and got over to the living room.
He had fallen asleep already when someone joggled his shoulder and Ryo opened up his eyes slowly. He yawned, then he noticed Jin and sat up.
“You’re alive.”
Jin laughed dryly and sat down next to him. “How long have you been here?”
“Too long”, Ryo answered and got up. “Do you want to eat?”
Jin thought about it for a moment. “Sounds good.”
“Then get back to bed. I’ll bring it over and will leave then.”
Jin followed him to the kitchen first. He saw Ryo heating up some soup and smiled. “You even cooked for me. I am blessed having you as a friend.”
“It was you, who wrote me I am sick, you better come here and care for me, wasn’t it?”
Jin grinned and then turned to get back to his room. He curled up in his bed again and sighed slightly, feeling better than earlier that day.
He had felt like Kazuya had held him, as he had woken up, but once again he had to realize that it had been a dream. It always just was a dream.
After a while, Ryo came back and put a bowl to his night stand. “I’ll be leaving then. I’ll see you tomorrow for the live?”
Jin nodded and as he took the bowl, he noticed the bread next to it. Frowning he picked it up, looking at Ryo. “Did you bring that, too?”
Ryo shook his head. “No, it’s been here already.”
Ryo left the room and Jin remained staring at it, then he looked back to the night stand, the place it had been lying at and it took him a moment to realize something was missing. He put both the bowl and the bread back and looked at the floor for the charm, even read off the floor, but couldn’t find it.
Again, he looked at the bread, smelled that soup and still felt Kazuya’s arms holding him. He palmed his face, shut his eyes, but could only remember calling their manager and that he had been all alone when he had gone to bed.
Ryo came back and frowned at him. “Jin, are you okay? Do you have a headache?”
Jin looked up and for a moment his gaze was empty, then he shook his head slightly. “Ryo, has Kazuya been here?”
Ryo turned away and put on his gloves, not looking at Jin. “No.”
Jin took the bowl, looked at the streaming soup, before he tasted it. Then he raised his head and saw Ryo looking at him.
“I need to leave. Take care, Jin.”
“Ryo”, Jin said again and as the raven-haired stopped, Jin asked: “Did you make this soup?”
Ryo lowered his head and a smile traced his lips when he looked at Jin over his shoulder.
“No.”
Jin didn’t ask any further. He just let Ryo leave and took another sip of the soup.
It tasted as if it’s been made with love.
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Thank you so very much for reading. I guess there are not too many chapters following anymore. Probably just two or three? ^^ However, thanks for always being so patient with me :)
Since that night they had been locked up together, about a month had passed and it had been one of the worst ever.
Christmas had been awful; working with Jin at the rehearsals had been more than awkward.
They had both agreed to give up; Kazuya had struggled more with accepting it, but after all, it was Jin who was suffering more obviously than Kazuya.
Lately, his scandals had increased, and as much as Kazuya told himself, he shouldn’t, he worried for Jin. That kind of publicity wasn’t good at all and would eventually just lead to trouble with the agency.
Jin had most likely forgotten that he probably was old enough to escape the rules the company had set for them, but that he was still an idol and couldn’t be seen drunk in clubs every night.
Sighing, Kazuya sat down at a table in the café where he was supposed to meet up with Koki, before they would head over to the office.
He was early, so since he knew Koki wouldn’t arrive here within the next fifteen minutes, he ordered a coffee and gripped a magazine that was lying at the table next to him.
He shook his head as he noticed it was Jin at the cover. One of those typical gossip rags, and the picture didn’t make Jin look good at all.
His movie was coming up in just about three weeks, so Kazuya doubted that this did Jin any good.
Opening the pages, he first saw an article about other people; other faces from their company, but he didn’t have much interest in it. Of course, he had taken notice of all those stories and rumours, but those were not his problems. Kazuya told himself to keep out of that.
As he reached the pages about Jin, he stopped, though. In a way, he couldn’t keep out of this, couldn’t just ignore this; since in a way, Kazuya was involved, too.
The first picture showed Jin at the street, with friends Kazuya just knew very briefly. They were supporting Jin, so that he could walk. It looked pathetic.
The text read something about Jin being in three clubs in one night; that he was out every night recently, that he’s been spotted with various girls. None of them was popular in any case; some of them were even described as whores.
Kazuya shook his head over it. When they had still been together, he had held Jin back from acting that way. Jin wasn’t like that; Kazuya knew he just tried to drown his pain in the alcohol; tried to get over it and forget Kazuya that way.
He really wished he could do anything for Jin.
With a sigh, he turned the page and a silent gasp escaped his lips.
Staring at the page, he felt his blood rushing through his veins, into his head and down again, making him feel dizzy. He froze and stared at the picture.
It showed Jin, resting against a wall, one hand holding onto the waist of that woman, who was leaning against him, pressing her lips to Jin’s neck. Jin’s eyes were closed and he looked as if he was fully enjoying himself.
Swallowing thickly, Kazuya kept staring at the picture, at Jin’s face, at his hand, those lips that were claiming the skin of his neck.
And he felt jealousy crawling up in him. That spot she kissed, belonged to him, to Kazuya. He’d been kissing Jin’s neck whenever he could have. He knew exactly what it would taste like, what Jin would act like, how Jin would react.
Only the thought that Jin now was free to let anyone he liked kiss that spot, made Kazuya feel numb and weak.
He didn’t want that, but he had to accept it.
Jin was not his anymore.
Closing the magazine, he felt his hands shaking, noticed his coffee was cold already and frowned as he watched at his watch then. Almost half an hour had gone past and Koki hadn’t showed up yet.
Kazuya got out his mobile and just in the moment he wanted to dial Koki’s number in, it started ringing and showed the older male’s ID.
“Koki, where are you?”, Kazuya answered.
“Sorry, Kame!” Koki’s voice was breathless. “I won’t make it; something came up.”
“Oh, okay.” Kazuya frowned. “Are you alright?”
“Yeah, I just calculated my time wrong.”
“Okay, then we’ll meet in the office later.”
Koki apologized again, and then he hung up.
Putting his mobile back, Kazuya looked at the magazine again, then he shoved it over the table to the other side and got up to leave.
He paid and got into his jacket, before he stepped out. His knees still felt shaky; that image didn’t leave his head.
The café was close by the office, so he quickly made his way over the street and hurried, since it was really cold. As he almost reached the building, he saw Jin approaching it from the other direction.
They noticed each other at the same moment, so Kazuya didn’t even have the chance to turn around and hide. He didn’t think he could face Jin now.
The image popped up in his head again and clenched his heart. But he had to remind himself that it shouldn’t. They had broken up; Kazuya had no right to feel that way.
Jin was the first to move closer and greeted Kazuya by nodding his head. He looked tired and pale and was shaking; from the cold most likely, Kazuya assumed.
Kazuya nodded back and then approached the door, following Jin inside.
“You’re early”, Kazuya said.
“I was called in earlier for a talk.”
Kazuya instantly knew what that was about. Jin was in trouble. But he didn’t have a right to say anything--- it was only Jin’s life now, Kazuya didn’t have a part in it anymore.
In silence, they took the steps upstairs and in the corridor, they parted without a word.
Until Jin changed his mind and chased after Kazuya. He turned the younger one around and stood closer than he should. Kazuya looked at him with big eyes. The touch of Jin’s hand made his skin feel like it was burning; even though Jin’s hands were cold.
“Listen, Kazuya”, Jin said. “It’s not true what they write.”
Kazuya frowned at him. “What are you talking about?”
“I didn’t have anything with that woman.” Jin shook his head, tried to keep looking at Kazuya, even though it was difficult. “I didn’t want her to…”
“Jin”, Kazuya said softly and pulled his hand away. “That’s none of my business; you’re free to do what you want.”
“But I want you to know that I had nothing going on with her, or anyone else.”
Kazuya tried to swallow the lump in his throat. Why did Jin act like that? It made it so much harder. “Even if, Jin, that would have nothing to do with me.”
Jin bit his lip, nodded then. “Yeah, sure. I just wanted to say that.”
“Thanks”, Kazuya said with a gentle smile. “I’m okay with it.”
“Of course, you are”, Jin mumbled and lifted his head, trying to put on an indifferent expression. “I just wanted to make sure you wouldn’t complain about it.”
Jin turned then; not able to look at Kazuya any longer. Of course, he didn’t owe Kazuya an explanation of anything; he was free to do whatever he liked.
But only the thought of Kazuya not being hurt of those pictures had made Jin go insane. If Kazuya was not hurt, that meant he had acknowledged that the two of them were over.
Kazuya hadn’t seemed hurt just now.
Something clenched Jin’s heart, as he realized that and it made him worry a lot about himself.
He wasn’t over Kazuya in the slightest bit. He still felt attached to him and felt as if he had betrayed the younger one with letting anyone else get that close to him.
Of course, he had been drunk, he had been not his usual self, so he hadn’t had a lot defence, but as soon as her lips had touched Jin’s skin, he had pushed her away.
He was sure, Kazuya had gotten that wrong; the pictures didn’t look like Jin had disliked it at all.
He pushed those thoughts away, as he reached the meeting room, seeing his manager giving him a chiding look.
He’d have to face other problems first, before he’d be able to worry about his and Kazuya’s relationship.
Kazuya was quite early for work.
Over the years, he had found that he had more energy when he kept his sleep short, so he as he had gotten home at about two, he had just fallen into bed to have a rest and was on his way to work now; half past four in the morning.
They’d shoot some of the morning scenes for the drama today, but wouldn’t start before five, so Kazuya stopped at a convenience store to get something for breakfast.
He quickly ran inside to get some bread and as he stood in front of the choice of products, he noticed Jin’s favourite sort of bread. There was just one left and Kazuya couldn’t hold himself back.
He gripped that one and went to the cash desk to pay.
On his way outside, he glanced at it and smiled over his own foolishness, and then stopped at the newspapers to have a quick look at them.
Kazuya took longer for that than he would have thought, since after a while he lifted his head, looking confused, as he noticed a familiar voice somewhere behind him.
“I always buy that bread. How come you don’t have it?”
The voice was familiar, but definitely not as usual. Kazuya frowned. Someone seemed to be drunk.
“I’m sorry; I’ve just sold the last one.” The cashier bowed a bit.
“This is shit”, Jin growled and leaned in. “You should…”
“Oh, here you are”, Kazuya interrupted and stepped next to Jin, gripping his arm. “I was looking for him already.”
Jin threw him a short look, then he turned back again. “You better get me that damn bread now, or I will…”
“You won’t do anything, Jin.” Kazuya’s voice was sharp and he pulled Jin away from the cash desk. “Sorry”, he said to the cashier.
The man just shook his head, looking confused.
“I’m hungry”; Jin said in a grumpy tone. “Bread.”
“You just heard they don’t have it anymore.”
“Brea~head”, Jin mewled and gave Kazuya an angry look.
Embarrassed, Kazuya tried to avoid looking at the cashier and tugged Jin with him. “I bought it already; so shut up now.”
“You?” Jin followed him, having problems to walk straight, though. “Give it back.”
“Back?” Kazuya glanced at him over his shoulder. “It wasn’t yours in the first place.”
“They are all mine. I always buy that bread.”
Kazuya ruffled his own hair in frustration, releasing a painful sigh. “I can’t believe we’re having a conversation like this one.”
“Can I just have the bread now?”, Jin wanted to know.
Opening the passenger door to his car, Kazuya pointed Jin to get inside. “I’ll take you home.”
“I can walk, thanks”, Jin refused and turned. He walked a few meters; then he turned and without looking at Kazuya made his way into the right direction.
“Are you sure, you’ll find the way?”
Jin raised an eyebrow at Kazuya’s sarcastic voice. “I want the bread first.”
Kazuya sighed and turned then to walk over to the other side of the car. “Get in and you’ll get it at home.”
Jin observed Kazuya for a moment; then he gave in and made his way to the car, sitting next to Kazuya.
“You’re acting like a child.” Kazuya shook his head. “However, we don’t want anyone seeing you drunk in the streets early in the morning, right?” He started the car and turned to drive over to Jin’s apartment.
“I actually don’t really care”, Jin answered and leaned his head against the window glass, closing his eyes. “You’re listening to awful music”, he noticed then.
Kazuya didn’t even throw Jin a look. “Sorry, Timberland was not in stuck this morning.”
“You don’t even own any Timberland CDs, Kazuya.”
“I don’t? What a pity”, the younger one answered dryly.
Noticing, that Kazuya hadn’t been serious about what he had said, Jin frowned, then he shook his head, stared out of the window, shook it again.
Kazuya gave him a worried look. “What are you doing, Jin?”
“I’m trying to find out whether I have a headache or not.”
“You’ll have one later today.” Kazuya parked the car and then got out. He walked around the car and helped Jin out of it, noticing that now that he’d been sitting for a while, the older one was even less able of walking than before. “When will you have to be at work?”
“I only have the rehearsals for tomorrow”, Jin answered, leaning comfortably against Kazuya and letting him guide him.
They’d have the Countdown Live the next day, Kazuya remembered and pressed the button for the lift. He wouldn’t possibly try to get up any stairs with Jin in a condition like this one. “Then you’d better get some decent sleep until afternoon.”
“Sounds good.” Jin put his head to Kazuya’s shoulder and the younger one was temped to push him away, but for a reason, he couldn’t bring up the strength to do so. They got into the lift and as the doors closed, Jin released a sigh, nuzzling closer to Kazuya. “Will you stay?”
“I’ll be late for work because of you, so… No.” It was nerve-straining to have Jin doing what he was doing right now. His face was warm against the skin of Kazuya’s neck; Jin’s hands a bit too firm at his waist.
The doors slid open and Jin stumbled out first, Kazuya following him with an annoyed impression.
As he saw Jin walking towards the wrong door, Kazuya gripped his arm to pull Jin over to his. “How can you drink yourself that senseless?”
Jin gave him a sheepish grin.
Kazuya shook his head. “Really, didn’t they just scold you yesterday because of this?”
Letting Kazuya support him to help Jin walk to his door, he looked at the younger one. “No, that was about the women. Which I told them wasn’t like they think at all.” His expression got as serious as the expression of a drunk could be. “It’s really not.”
“It’s gossip, Jin”, was all Kazuya answered and they stopped in front of the door to Jin’s apartment.
“But, Kazuya”, Jin said and leaned against the wall “it’s really not like that. I’d never had anything going on with them.”
Kazuya turned his head, not looking at Jin. “I told you I don’t care.”
Jin made a step closer, leaned in. “I don’t want them near me, touching me or taking me home.”
“You’d be free to, Jin”, the younger one said. “Just don’t let everyone see whom you spend the night with.”
For a second it remained silent, then Jin moved too quickly for Kazuya to see it coming and in the next moment, Jin had him pressed to the wall. “I spend my nights alone.”
“I said, I don’t care.”
Jin held Kazuya’s wrists and he put his head to the brunette’s shoulder; tiredly sinking against him. “It’s you I am thinking of then.”
Kazuya got almost weak, but pulled himself together again. He didn’t answer, didn’t move.
“I’d never take anyone home”, Jin went on, his voice low. “I rather do it myself, thinking of you, Kazuya.”
Blushing, Kazuya pushed Jin away. “I don’t want to know that, Jin.”
Jin stumbled and almost lost his balance, but Kazuya gripped his arm and pulled him into a standing position. The younger one sighed and supported Jin; let him put his arm around Kazuya’s shoulders to stand firmly.
“I am really tired”, Jin said and closed his eyes.
“Don’t you dare falling asleep, Jin”, Kazuya said harshly and searched for Jin’s key in his coat, but couldn’t find it.
“I’m sorry”, Jin mumbled, and Kazuya knew the older one was drifting into another world in his head, the alcohol dazzling his mind. “I guess we’ll have to shift it to tomorrow morning, okay? I’ll make up for it twice then.”
“It is morning.” Knowing, Jin was mixing up his memories with the recent situation, Kazuya felt his heart pounding hard from those words. Of course, those had been words Jin had always said when he’d been drunk. But mostly he had remembered them in the mornings and had made them true.
Ignoring it, Kazuya opened Jin’s coat and checked the pockets of his jeans.
“You should wait with undressing me until we’re inside, babe”, Jin commented.
“I’m looking for your keys, idiot”, Kazuya growled and pulled them out of Jin’s left pocket. “And I hate you calling me that.”
Puzzled, Jin stared at Kazuya while he locked up the door. “But I always call you that.”
“Worse enough”, Kazuya said and pulled Jin into the apartment, closing the door behind them.
While Kazuya pulled off Jin’s coat, the older one stared and him, frowning. “I thought you’d like that.”
“You should have less thought, then you had probably noticed”, Kazuya answered and let the coat fall to the floor. He’d pick it up later. “However, it’s not important anymore.”
Jin shook his head as Kazuya led him to the bedroom, not protesting at all. He let the younger one push him to the bed and as Kazuya started to unbutton his shirt, he closed his eyes. “I’m too tired, Kazuya.”
Giving up on making Jin see that he was not going to sleep with him, Kazuya sighed and nodded. “I know. But you can’t sleep in your clothes.”
Only then, Jin shivered and Kazuya noticed it was not a shiver from arousal. “Are you cold, Jin?”
“If that made you warm me up, then I am.”
Ignoring Jin’s words, Kazuya put a hand to Jin’s cheek and his eyes got big; his hand skimmed down Jin’s neck to his chest. “You’re completely hot.”
“I know; people keep telling me”, Jin said, opening his eyes and smiling at Kazuya. “But it’s always good hearing you say it.”
“Idiot”, the younger one answered and pulled the shirt from beneath Jin, opening his jeans then. “I was talking about your fever.”
“Oh, it’s been like that for a few days.”
“You honestly have enough on your plate, Jin. Why do you keep going out at night?”
“It’s distracting.” Jin lifted his hips as Kazuya pulled off the denim over his thighs.
“You really are stupid, Jin. It’s going to get worse that way.”
Jin shrugged his shoulders and then curled up, as Kazuya tugged the blanket over him. The younger one gave him a sorrowful look, unable to resist stroking through Jin’s hair.
“Get some decent sleep now, okay?”
“You won’t stay?”
Kazuya shook his head. “I have no reason to.”
Jin had his eyes closed already and Kazuya knew everything Jin had said to him this morning had just been because of the alcohol. Jin was so drunk he couldn’t differ from reality and past. But, he thought, as Jin reached his hand out for his and Kazuya automatically took it, they said, drunkards always told the truth.
“But I need you, Kazuya”, Jin murmured as an answer and nuzzled deeper into his pillows.
Kazuya watched Jin for a little longer, his expression gentle, but also sad and sorrowful.
It was a truth, Kazuya already knew; but even so, it still hurt they couldn’t just follow that truth.
“Okay, thank you guys. We just need Tegomass and Arashi to stay now; the rest of you can leave.”
Koki threw his arm around Kazuya’s shoulders, sighing. “I’m tired. But it’s fun to see everyone.”
Kazuya nodded, letting Koki stay like that as they walked to their changing room. “The live tomorrow is going to be fun.”
“The year ended quite quickly”, Ueda said as he joined them and Koki nodded at his statement.
“That’s because it’s always busy.”
Kazuya agreed and they opened the door, Koki letting go of Kazuya then.
“Hey, Kame, how about I’d treat you to dinner tonight, because I let you wait last time?”
Kazuya looked up and smiled, but shook his head. “I can’t, sorry.”
“Don’t tell me you’ll have shootings for the drama tonight?”
Shaking his head, Kazuya pulled of his shirt. “No, I had some in the morning.”
“Then you are free”, Koki concluded.
“I’ve made plans already.”
Koki nodded and they both fell silent, before Nakamaru turned to Koki. “Did anyone of you hear from Akanishi? Where was he today?”
Koki shrugged his shoulders. “He was probably scheduled for something else and didn’t have time.”
Taguchi nodded. “He has the movie released soon; I bet he had some promotional work to do.”
Kazuya didn’t say anything as the others discussed it further. No one had told them, but he was sure Jin had been too sick to make it to the Countdown rehearsals.
After he had showered, he got ready to leave quite quickly, and excusing himself, he made his way out and to his car.
The way, Jin had said he needed Kazuya didn’t leave his mind at all, but Kazuya tried to ignore it. They had broken up; he wasn’t responsible in any way for Jin. He didn’t have to worry about him being sick.
Telling himself that over and over again, he stopped at a supermarket to get some groceries and ended up buying more than he actually needed.
He had known where it would lead him to; from the moment on Jin hadn’t showed up for practise, Kazuya had known he would end up in front of Jin’s door tonight.
He’d just bring him something to eat and make sure the older one was okay; then Kazuya would leave him alone again.
Knocking, he tensed a bit, trying to make up a reason to tell Jin why he’d come here, but all that left his mind, as the door opened and Jin stumbled toward him.
Kazuya reached out his hands and took Jin’s shoulders, holding him from falling to the floor. The older one could barely keep his eyes open and his face was burning red.
Alarmed, Kazuya pulled him close, noticed the cold hands and that Jin was trembling.
“Heaven, Jin, it got even worse.”
“Kazuya…”, Jin started, but his coughing was making it hard for him to talk. He clasped to Kazuya and the younger one comforted his back with gentle strokes.
He knew that Jin could be like a child in more than one way. The way he had behaved this morning when he’d been drunk had been childish, but this was different.
Jin actually was like a child when it came to care. He needed to be cared for, to have someone taking care of him and making him feel cared for.
Kazuya remained like he was for a while, holding Jin, but he noticed, the older one got heavier in his arms with every minute. He needed to be held, but Kazuya was sure like it was now, they wouldn’t keep it up for too long.
“Jin”, he murmured. “You need to go back to bed.”
Jin didn’t react at all, so Kazuya decided to just make the first step. He drew away, and carefully led Jin back to his room and into his bed.
“You need to sleep, Jin.”
The older one nodded and closed his eyes again. Kazuya wasn’t quite sure if Jin was actually aware of Kazuya being there. His fever seemed that bad, he didn’t really realize what was happening.
Kazuya quietly left the room and went over to the kitchen, putting the bags there. He looked at the contents and got out those he had bought to make something to eat for Jin.
He knew it was wrong of him to come here and care for Jin. It made it look like he was still his boyfriend; being worried for Jin being sick, but Kazuya couldn’t help it.
Even though they had broken up, he still couldn’t possibly ignore it that Jin was sick and needed someone.
No, Kazuya thought and put vegetables into the pot, not anyone but him. Jin just needed him.
As he was done and had turned off the heat, and the soup was only still slightly cooking, Kazuya made his way back to the bedroom. Jin was having his eyes closed, sleeping. He watched the older one for a while, then he got over to the bed and put one of the breads Jin like that much to the night stand.
Quietly laying it down, Kazuya noticed something that usually didn’t lay there and frowned.
His expression didn’t change at all, as he picked it up and looked at it in his palm.
It still looked unused and new, even though it’s been two years Jin had bought it. The character for Love was shining in gold and Kazuya wondered how it could, if their love was dying right now.
He got to his knees beside Jin’s bed and put his head down to it; looking at Jin’s sleeping face. It probably wasn’t dying; they had both agreed on still loving each other back then. They were just both unable to maintain it.
With that charm in his hand, Kazuya stayed like that for a while; kept looking at Jin and reached his hand out to gently run his fingers over his hair and cheek. Jin didn’t move at all; his skin was still burning hot and Kazuya wrapped the blanket around him tighter.
He would be off the next morning and he wouldn’t have to go home. No one was waiting for him, however. It would have been easy to just lay down next to Jin and hold him for a while, taking some of that heat from him, making Jin feel warmer and stop him from shivering.
Jin needed him.
Still holding the charm, Kazuya climbed into the bed and was stunned that Jin shifted to him instantly, Kazuya’s name on his lips.
He wrapped his arms around Jin and pulled him close, closing his eyes.
They lay like that for some minutes; Kazuya’s hand was gently stroking over Jin’s back and through his hair and he felt that this was only right.
No matter what they had agreed on, this was what felt right to him, while being without Jin felt so terribly wrong.
As he heard the front door falling closed, Kazuya’s head rose quickly from the pillow and he quietly listened for a moment, before he heard steps.
He pulled away, jumped out of the bed and made his way from the bedroom back to the corridor.
Ryo was just making his way over and he stopped as he saw Kazuya.
“Nishikido-kun”, Kazuya said in surprise. “How did you get in?”
Ryo gave him a puzzled look. “It was open. Since when are you here?”
“I…” Kazuya swallowed. “I was just checking if he was okay.”
Ryo shook his head and went over to the kitchen. “That’s typically him. Asking everyone to come and care for him.”
“He asked you to come?”
“He wrote me a mail that he’s sick and if I could bring him something to eat.” Ryo stepped into the room and frowned as he saw the pot at the heater, noticed the smell. “He asked you as well, I guess.”
“Oh, well…” Kazuya mumbled.
“I bet Yamapi is coming in a few minutes as well, then.”
Kazuya doubted it, but didn’t say anything about that. “I can take that with me and you leave yours here, if you want.”
Ryo looked at the wrapped bowl in his hand. “It’s fine. I’ll just give it to Ohkura then.”
Kazuya looked surprised. “Did he fall sick, as well?”
Shaking his head, Ryo got out of the room. “No, he just eats everything I’d give him.”
“In that case”, Kazuya said, not knowing what else to answer. “I think I’d better leave then.”
The raven-haired nodded and titled his head, putting the bowl to a shelf in the corridor. “Okay. I guess I’ll stay until he wakes up. Who knows what he needs then.”
Forcing a laugh, Kazuya made his way to the door and got into his boots. He remembered that Ryo knew about him and Uchi, but didn’t think Jin had ever told him about them. But he remembered quite well what Yamashita had said back then about Ryo. That evening when he had left the charm here. He clenched it in his hand.
“Nishikido-kun?”
Ryo gave him a look. “What is it?”
“Don’t tell him I’ve been here, okay?”
Looking puzzled for a moment, Ryo didn’t answer first, then he nodded. “Okay.”
Kazuya smiled and took his jacket, after he had put Jin’s up to the wardrobe. “Thanks”, he said and left then.
Ryo stayed, frowning. Then he turned and made his way to the bed room, looking at Jin curled up beneath the blankets.
He wondered what Kazuya’s words had been about, but then shrugged it off and got over to the living room.
He had fallen asleep already when someone joggled his shoulder and Ryo opened up his eyes slowly. He yawned, then he noticed Jin and sat up.
“You’re alive.”
Jin laughed dryly and sat down next to him. “How long have you been here?”
“Too long”, Ryo answered and got up. “Do you want to eat?”
Jin thought about it for a moment. “Sounds good.”
“Then get back to bed. I’ll bring it over and will leave then.”
Jin followed him to the kitchen first. He saw Ryo heating up some soup and smiled. “You even cooked for me. I am blessed having you as a friend.”
“It was you, who wrote me I am sick, you better come here and care for me, wasn’t it?”
Jin grinned and then turned to get back to his room. He curled up in his bed again and sighed slightly, feeling better than earlier that day.
He had felt like Kazuya had held him, as he had woken up, but once again he had to realize that it had been a dream. It always just was a dream.
After a while, Ryo came back and put a bowl to his night stand. “I’ll be leaving then. I’ll see you tomorrow for the live?”
Jin nodded and as he took the bowl, he noticed the bread next to it. Frowning he picked it up, looking at Ryo. “Did you bring that, too?”
Ryo shook his head. “No, it’s been here already.”
Ryo left the room and Jin remained staring at it, then he looked back to the night stand, the place it had been lying at and it took him a moment to realize something was missing. He put both the bowl and the bread back and looked at the floor for the charm, even read off the floor, but couldn’t find it.
Again, he looked at the bread, smelled that soup and still felt Kazuya’s arms holding him. He palmed his face, shut his eyes, but could only remember calling their manager and that he had been all alone when he had gone to bed.
Ryo came back and frowned at him. “Jin, are you okay? Do you have a headache?”
Jin looked up and for a moment his gaze was empty, then he shook his head slightly. “Ryo, has Kazuya been here?”
Ryo turned away and put on his gloves, not looking at Jin. “No.”
Jin took the bowl, looked at the streaming soup, before he tasted it. Then he raised his head and saw Ryo looking at him.
“I need to leave. Take care, Jin.”
“Ryo”, Jin said again and as the raven-haired stopped, Jin asked: “Did you make this soup?”
Ryo lowered his head and a smile traced his lips when he looked at Jin over his shoulder.
“No.”
Jin didn’t ask any further. He just let Ryo leave and took another sip of the soup.
It tasted as if it’s been made with love.
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Thank you so very much for reading. I guess there are not too many chapters following anymore. Probably just two or three? ^^ However, thanks for always being so patient with me :)