Seven Days /// Tomorrow: If it's that easy (FINAL)
It had taken the whole night, but when Jin came to school the next day, he was sure that what he felt towards Kazuya was bare disgust.
Probably even hate.
He hadn’t slept at all and usually, after nights like the one he had gone through, Jin wouldn’t even think about going to school. Instead, he would sleep long, catch up on all the sleep he had missed. But today, that wasn’t an option. He had to go to school.
He had to show Kazuya that he couldn’t fool Jin.
Although he was a little late, Jin walked through the gate as usual, ignored everyone and everything around him. He would put up the act, as always on Mondays, until one of those girls would approach him and bring up the courage to talk to him.
Just why wasn’t today one of those Mondays the girl already waited for him at the gate? That would have made it a lot easier for him.
It was probably just because Jin was a little late, after all.
By lunch break, a girl would have asked him already and then he was going to show Kazuya that he couldn’t harm Jin with what he had done.
He was fine, everything was as usual, the past week hadn’t changed anything.
Kazuya hadn’t changed him.
As he walked in and to his locker to change his shoes, he gave off a completely normal image, as if everything was just as usual.
From the corner of his eye, however, Jin saw a few girls in the corridor looking at him, whispering, murmuring words behind their hands.
Why didn’t one of them just ask? It wasn’t that difficult, anyways, was it? Jin never said no, so they should just already speak up.
Frustrated, as they turned and walked off, Jin changed his shoes and walked up the stairs. On purpose, he took the longer way, just to pass Kazuya’s class room, so that probably the younger one would see him, to notice that Jin was doing all well.
But Kazuya wasn’t outside the room or near the door and Jin didn’t want to turn his head and look inside - to make it look as if he was actually looking for Kazuya.
It was pathetic, and Jin knew he was. Walking down that way, just to get Kazuya’s attention, to prove he was okay, when he actually knew himself very well that he wasn’t.
Even though Jin had told himself that he was okay and that he didn’t bother, he knew that actually, he did.
And that was probably what hurt most, what Jin could deal with least; the fact that he was in love with a person who had done something that horrible and painful to him. That he wanted to hate the person he just had started to love so much and deeply.
It felt so confusing and Jin couldn’t sort out what to feel.
Why did Kazuya have to be that way? Why did he have to change Jin’s mind and take his heart?
Why, out of all people, Kazuya?
Jin still didn’t know the answer and he was afraid he wouldn’t ever find it.
It was stuck in his head for the whole morning and even though, Jin didn’t hide in the class room and went out to go to the restroom, to get a snack in the cafeteria, even when it was lunch break and he walked out to the school yard, no one approached him.
He didn’t see Kazuya, either, but Jin figured the younger one was in his class room with his friends, as usual.
Kazuya used to have lunch together with Ueda and Koki; he’d just broken out of that habit for Jin’s sake for a few days last week.
Sighing, Jin took a bite from the sandwich he had bought and watched the people. He wasn’t really hungry and the sandwich didn’t taste that great, so he put it away again.
It was no use, standing there and watching the people, waiting for a girl to finally come over and ask him; no one would.
Jin wondered what was wrong.
Was it that obvious he was heart broken? Did they all know it had been Kazuya breaking up with him?
There was no way anyone could know, so why didn’t they just finally come over?
Sighing, he made his way back inside, deciding to go back to his class room. Jin walked down the corridor and took the stairs. A group of girls, of which he had dated already three, came from upstairs and they greeted him friendly.
He just nodded his head and expected one of them to stop, just as they usually did, to ask. But they didn’t and Jin felt it straining his nerves.
Just why didn’t they finally ask? It took too long and it made him go insane.
“Jin.”
He froze, almost at the top of the stairs. Gulping, Jin felt as if it was a déjà-vu; it had been like this with Kazuya, last week. Jin had turned around and Kazuya had taken a few steps up to get closer. To ask him.
Slowly turning, Jin saw the girl at the bottom of the stairs, smiling up at him.
She looked pretty, nice even, her face had a gentle expression. Long brown curls framed her face and her eyes were dark.
Usually, this was the moment Jin thought that for the next week he’d really have luck, dating a very pretty girl, one that seemed nice on top.
But right in that moment, he couldn’t think that way, at all.
He had hoped it would be Kazuya again. He wanted it to be Kazuya again.
The girl took a few steps and tilted her head.
“I suppose you and Kamenashi-kun broke up?”
Jin laughed slightly, maintaining his mask. “It was a joke.”
She nodded. “An interesting one, though. However, I was surprised to hear no one asked you already.”
“I am surprised myself”, Jin answered with an amused smile.
Taking the other steps to close the gap between them, she came up and stood just a few steps below Jin, still smiling sweetly.
It stroke Jin’s heart, as he immediately saw Kazuya in front of him, how they had been standing in exact those positions the day before. When Jin had turned to kiss Kazuya.
He bit his teeth together and avoided looking at her.
“I am lucky then, aren’t I?”
Jin didn’t say anything. Was she lucky? What was so lucky about dating him for just seven short days?
Cursing Kazuya silently, Jin looked up again. He shouldn’t let the younger one’s words confuse him; he should forget about it. This was his chance to pay Kazuya back. “I guess.”
She smiled genuinely and Jin knew it was wrong, so very wrong to make her believe there was anything special about dating him.
She wouldn’t like him, she wouldn’t like the one she’d find behind the mask; the one taking naps while skipping classes, the one acting childish during lunch break, wanting to be fed, the one wearing wide clothes, because it was just comfortable. The one being insecure on his first time.
Jin bit his lip and couldn’t bring himself to return that smile.
He couldn’t stop thinking about how this was wrong and that there was just one person he wanted to ask him; that there was just one person he could approve.
“I can’t”, he heard himself saying and it sounded so distant.
The girl blinked.
“It’s not your fault, not about you. I am sorry”, Jin murmured and turned his face to not look at her. “It’s just… I can’t.”
He turned on his heels and he knew he’d get into trouble with this. It was the first time he rejected someone and it would get him into nothing but trouble.
She’d take it personally; she surely would.
Even though all those things were going through his mind and even though Jin was aware he shouldn’t, he dashed down the corridor as fast as could.
He would make Kazuya see that not Jin had been wrong. He would tell him, make him see and understand right now that he himself, Kazuya, had been wrong. There was no way on earth anyone could treat Jin that way, not even if he loved the other person.
This wasn’t over yet - it would be over when Jin decided to put an end to it.
“Kazuya”, he said loudly, while opening the door to the class room. “If you thought you could get away with that so easily, you…”
He stopped, as the few people in the room stared at him.
Ueda and Koki were sitting together at one table, both giving him a confused look. Koki had his chopsticks in his mouth.
“Jin-kun”, Ueda said and got up to walk over to him. “What’s wrong?”
“Where’s Kazuya”, Jin just asked, trying to cover up his embarrassment.
Ueda shrugged a shoulder. “I don’t know.”
Koki joined them, his chopsticks still in his hands and he tipped them against his lips. “He hasn’t been here today.”
Jin frowned. “Why?”
“Don’t know. We thought you guys were skipping classes again.”
“Did he tell you that?”
Ueda shook his head. “No, we couldn’t reach him all morning. We just figured he was with you.”
The door opened in that moment and a few girls stormed in. “You guys wouldn’t believe, Akanishi-kun rejected today’s offer”, one of them said excitedly, then they noticed Jin in the room and fell silent, staring at him.
Ueda looked from them to Jin again and gave him a pitiful look. “So, I suppose there’s another reason why Kazuya’s not here today.”
Jin backed off and just shook his head, before he left the room and quickly walked down the corridor without paying attention to anyone.
They were all staring again and he knew the rumour had spread already. But all that didn’t really matter.
Jin had to talk to Kazuya first, before he’d take care about that.
He was free to reject someone, wasn’t he? What was so spectacular about that?
Angry, Jin dashed into his class room, gripping his bag and rushing out again. Everyone was just staring at him, but no one held him back or said anything.
Jin was grateful they didn’t. He didn’t think he’d be able to form any coherent words now, his thoughts were just confusing him.
Why hadn’t Kazuya come to school? Was it because of them, because of Jin?
If it was like that, if it was as Jin assumed, then he’d have a huge advantage again - then, it meant all the things Kazuya had said to him the evening before had been lies.
Leaving the school, Jin ran down the street and into the direction of Kazuya’s home. He ignored bikes and cars coming his way, crossing streets without paying attention. As long as he would get there as quickly as possible.
As he rounded a corner and Kazuya’s home came in sight, Jin remembered Kazuya’s look, when he’d been soaked and had stared up at the dark sky.
How Kazuya had looked at him, his hand over Jin’s bare skin at his chest, so very insecure, uncertain. But with trust in those eyes, trust that Jin would be the first for him.
He wouldn’t ever forget how Kazuya had whispered those words. The way he had begged Jin to not say “No” again.
How Kazuya had begged him, had trusted him.
Jin stopped, his expression blank, his breathing going heavily.
“Shit, oh God, shit”, he mumbled under his breath.
How could he not have noticed that? How could he have been that blind?
Jin palmed his face, tilted his head back and cursed again. He was stupid, he was a fool, he had fallen for the cheapest lie on earth.
He should have known it, should have read it in Kazuya’s words, in his face, in his behaviour. It had been obvious, somehow. All the despair; Jin should have seen it.
Opening the door to the shop, Jin walked in and greeted Kazuya’s parents politely.
“Ah, Akanishi-kun”, Kazuya’s mother said, as she noticed him. “It’s a surprise to see you.”
“I just…”
“I know, I know”, she interrupted his words. “Kazuya told us you’d come.”
Jin blinked. “He did?”
“He said he’d still have a few things that are yours. I didn’t get them down yet.”
“Ah, I see”, Jin answered, even though he didn’t understand a thing.
“It is a bit busy right now. Why don’t you just go up and get them? He put them on his bed.”
Jin nodded and excused himself, as he walked to the kitchen and took the stairs up to the flat the family lived in.
He went straight to Kazuya’s room, opened the door and looked a bit surprised, as he found everything just as it had looked when he’d been there last.
A window was open, letting in the sounds and scent from outside, sunshine was flooding the room.
Jin walked to the bed and looked at the few things collected there.
It was one of his sweaters; Kazuya had pulled it over the day before as he had cooked for Jin. They both hadn’t noticed he had still worn it, when he had left. On top there was a white bag; Jin recognized it as the things he had bought in Yokohama. Kazuya had carried all the things they had bought in his bag that day.
Sighing, Jin took the things and turned to leave again. But his attention was caught by something that reflected the light and blinded him. He narrowed his eyes and walked over to Kazuya’s work desk.
There was a photo and Jin took a deep breath, as he reached out to take it.
He remembered Kazuya had taken that one with his mobile, when they had been at the harbour in Yokohama. The sun was already standing low, they both had ice cream and were smiling widely.
Jin had his arm around Kazuya’s shoulders, flashing a peace sign, while Kazuya had his head tilted against Jin’s, blinking an eye.
It was a bit blurry, far from perfect and just a random shot, but Jin still couldn’t put it away again.
He couldn’t believe Kazuya had done that; had given up on them so easily, when obviously he loved Jin so much.
Kazuya had left; thinking breaking up would make it easier for both of them. How foolish of him, Jin thought and put the photo to his bag.
He’d have to tell Kazuya that; tell him that he was foolish.
Jin turned and hurried down to find out how he could make that happen.
Kazuya sighed, as he stepped out of the bathroom, wrapped in hot damp. He rubbed his hair with a towel, putting it around his nape then.
It had been an exhausting day, coming here had taken more than four hours. His brother wasn’t home, though and he had left Kazuya a note that he would stay at his girlfriend’s.
So, Kazuya assumed, as he walked into the kitchen to get something to drink, he’d only get to see his brother the next day.
He couldn’t blame him for not being here, anyways, since they had just called his brother Sunday morning to tell him Kazuya was coming on Monday already.
It had been his decision and so far, Kazuya didn’t regret it. But he knew he would.
He had been busy all day, getting his things organized, calling people while riding the train and now that he had settled down for the first time, he started to actually think again and with that, regrets came.
He missed Jin.
Of course, he missed his parents and he would miss Ueda and Koki and all the other people he had gotten to know in the few weeks he had spent there.
And even though he had known Jin for the shortest time of all of them, he was the one Kazuya missed the most.
Sitting down in his room, he looked at the plain walls, the futon he slept in, the simple desk in the middle. There wasn’t much to it yet, just a few boxes, he had brought with him today, but they’d get his things up here and buy some new stuff, so that this would become his room.
It was bigger than the one he had at home, actually. But it was loud, he could hear cars and trains and people from outside.
He had made several phone calls that day, and had arranged that he could start at the new school in a week already. It was rapid, but probably better that way.
Every time, Kazuya had switched schools, he had hated the time in between, when official things had to be sorted out.
So this time, he wanted to make sure it wouldn’t be so difficult. He would easily forget the past months at that place. The past week.
The week he had spent with Jin.
Putting down the bottle to the table, Kazuya fell back to his back and stared up the ceiling, before he closed his eyes.
Whenever he did, his heartbeat would race up and he’d have those pictures in mind, could hear the sounds, could feel it.
It was still so fresh, still just a day ago.
Kazuya couldn’t believe only a day had gone by, since that. It already felt as if it had been so long.
Opening his eyes again, he shifted, rolled to his side and sighed again. His hair was still damp, his skin heated from the hot water.
He felt sleepy and just closed his eyes, curling up, wanting to let sleep take over him, lull him into oblivion and forget everything that made him feel in pain.
It didn’t happen, though, as he heard the door bell ring, what made Kazuya sit up in confusion.
He looked at the watch, saw it was almost ten and frowned.
It was most likely his brother, because he had left Kazuya his key. Perhaps, his brother had forgotten something.
Hurrying over, Kazuya held the towel in place over his shoulders and fumbled with the lock, before he opened it.
“Welcome home, Nii-chan. I thought…” He fell silent, his lips slightly parted, as he stared at the person in front of him.
“Jin.”
The older one looked exhausted, worn out, tired. He wore his usual baggy jeans and just a light shirt and a sweater. He didn’t even carry a bag.
“I could really beat you up”, he said and gripped both ends of the towel, pulling Kazuya closer.
“What the…?” Kazuya was too puzzled to form a sentence, he could just stare.
Jin gripped the fabric tighter and pulled harder and Kazuya docked his head slightly, expecting a punch, but instead he was forced to Jin’s chest and the older one pressed his lips to Kazuya’s. He made a surprised noise, his hands coming up to grip Jin’s shoulders.
“Jin”, he murmured against the older one’s lips. “The door…”
Jin stumbled in, pushing Kazuya backwards and then reached out his hand to close the door behind him, without breaking the kiss. He fumbled with the handle, then he heard the click and leaned against the wood, let Kazuya press against him.
They both ran out of breath, but even so, they didn’t break the kiss. Instead, Jin slid down at the door, pulling Kazuya with him, until they sat on the floor, Kazuya between Jin’s legs, completely embraced by the older one.
Only then, Jin broke the kiss, panting.
“I should really beat you up”, Jin said and softly caressed Kazuya’s nape with his thumb. He noticed the wet hair, the fresh smell and pulled Kazuya closer.
“You shouldn’t be here, Jin. I don’t want you here”, the younger one said firmly, but still, his voice lacked conviction.
“You don’t expect me to ever believe any of your words again, do you?”
“I didn’t lie.” Kazuya still didn’t let go of Jin, he stayed exactly where he was and he was afraid that said too much again. But he just couldn’t pull away. “I meant what I said.”
“That’s why you just kissed me back.” Jin sighed, pushing Kazuya back a bit. “You called me an idiot and then you pull off this act. I really would say you are the idiot here.”
Shrugging a shoulder, Kazuya avoided Jin’s eyes. “I told you I’d be leaving.”
“When you said that it sounded like in a few months, probably only next year to me.”
Kazuya bit his lip. He couldn’t possibly tell Jin that he had only decided on this two days ago.
Jin apparently understood, however. “So, you really ran away, after all.”
Looking up at him, Kazuya tilted his head slightly.
“I was hoping I was wrong and you didn’t do this because of me, but it seems you did”, the older one said and finally let go of the towel around Kazuya’s neck. “You lied when you said I had to suffer meeting you every day at school.”
Kazuya smiled slightly, as he looked down again, loosening his grip around Jin’s arms and taking his hands away. “That made it easier for you, didn’t it?”
Shrugging a shoulder, Jin sat up a bit. “I rejected today’s offer, so you got what you wanted.”
“I am glad to hear that.”
Jin just looked at him and noticed that by now, they were just sitting there, facing each other, but didn’t touch anymore, at all. “Why are you?”
“As you said, it was what I wanted.”
“Why did you want it, Kazuya?”
“To teach you a lesson.” The younger one drew away completely and got up to walk back into the flat.
“That’s not it, is it?” Jin followed him. “It’s because you like me, isn’t it?”
Kazuya threw him a look over his shoulder. “I told you I don’t.”
Jin sighed and caught up on Kazuya, as he walked into his room. “Kazuya, stop that act now.”
Biting his lip, the younger one shook his head. “Listen, Jin, it’s useless. What would it bring if I told you now that I fell in love?”
“It makes me at least feel less insecure”, Jin answered, his voice sounding relieved.
“And then?”
“Kazuya”, he said calmly and took the other one’s shoulders. “Why did you let your parents force you to leave?”
“They didn’t”, Kazuya answered and looked down again. “I asked them to let me go here today already.”
Jin tilted his head forward and closed his eyes, took his hands away. “On Saturday, I suppose.”
The younger one nodded slowly. “I figured it’d be best.”
“That doesn’t really make it easier, Kazuya, if you thought that.”
He looked at Jin again and for a moment, didn’t say a word. Then Kazuya sighed. “I didn’t do that for you, Jin.”
The other boy frowned.
“It wasn’t for you or to make it easier for us to part. Sure, part of it was, since in a few months, when I would have had to leave, things would have gotten complicated.” Kazuya bit his lip. “Breaking up was the best solution.”
“But, why leaving all of a sudden?” Jin looked confused, gripped Kazuya’s shoulders tighter.
“That’s easier for me”, the younger one answered. “If I had had to see you today at school, I wouldn’t have been able to stand that.”
Jin blinked.
“You can’t know that, Jin, what it feels like to see the person you fell in love with every day, knowing you can’t have them.”
“Wait, wait”, Jin interrupted. “Wait.” He took a deep breath. “What does that mean? You had me, you still have. What are you talking about?”
“Everyone sees it as a joke. Us, I mean... the last week”, Kazuya said and fetched away from Jin. “It wouldn’t work out, there’s no way it would.”
Jin stood where he was and watched Kazuya nervously walking down the room. “I think it worked out pretty well, up until you started to say those things yesterday night.” It was difficult to maintain objectivity, to stay calm.
“You didn’t really plan to show up with me at school today, did you?” Kazuya gave him an irritated laugh. “We both know we couldn’t do that. We’re both boys.”
“You didn’t seem to care for that yesterday when you wanted to sleep with me so desperately.”
Biting his lip, Kazuya looked down, turned away again.
“That’s why you were so desperate for it…”, Jin murmured, grasping the fact himself.
“I had decided to leave today”, the younger one explained silently. “But I wanted it to be you, so… I had to force you into it.”
Jin palmed his face. “I really don’t get this, Kazuya; that makes no sense.”
“I knew you love me, so I figured you’d… well, whatever, forget it.” He still hadn’t turned back to Jin, but the older one knew Kazuya was blushing.
“You figured I’d be careful with you”, Jin ended the sentence for him and laughed slightly. “So, you used my weakness for you.”
“That’s not it”, Kazuya said quickly and turned to face Jin. “I didn’t use you; I just wanted it be with someone who loves me back.”
“So, after all, you do love me”, Jin turned Kazuya’s words and stepped closer. “Then why did you do this? Just because of our reputations? You shouldn’t care for that if you really felt the way you say you do.”
“It’s because of that; it is a problem and you know it is”, Kazuya murmured and stood in place, not moving away. “Both of us being boys, and the fact that it wouldn’t last because I was going to leave anyways.”
“So you rather ran away?”
“I didn’t run away; I made the best decision for my own good.”
Jin sighed. “What about me then?”
“You don’t know what it’s like, Jin”, Kazuya repeated, looking at him, wondering when exactly Jin had approached him again. “Have you ever been in love? Like, really in love?”
“I thought it for a few times, but I guess now I can say, I didn’t. Not before this”, Jin added.
Biting his lip, the light brunette shook his head. “I would always fall in love with the wrong people. Or at the wrong time. And now look at me; I have fallen for… you.”
“You make it sound as if I was really terrible.”
Kazuya smiled slightly at Jin’s offended tone. “That’s not it. But again, it’s the wrong person, the wrong time, and on top of that someone who changes his partner every week.”
“Just until I’d find the right one. I told you that.” Jin didn’t dare touching Kazuya.
“You said so many things, Jin. When we had lunch together for the first time”, the other boy remembered, “you said you’d easily got bored of being with just one person.”
“Kazuya…”
“Sure, right now we’re both pretty excited with this and you think you’d love me, but when would it fade?”
Jin looked at him and didn’t say anything; he couldn’t bring himself to that.
“You would get bored and then you would find that, after all, you still like girls and that this was just an experiment and you don’t even want this.” Kazuya remained calm; he had thought all that over for so many times. It was right, he had made the best decision. Slowly, he sat down at the table, took the bottle he had placed there earlier, to keep his hands busy. “In the end, I would end up heartbroken again, and if I can avoid that, then I will.”
Jin looked down at him, licked his lip and took a deep breath. “Ah”, he answered and shoved his hands into his pockets. “So, just let me repeat this, to make sure I got that right.”
Kazuya looked up at him, his hands stopping to spin the bottle.
“Instead of taking the risk to trust me and then getting your heart broken - what isn’t even certain yet - you’d rather break my heart?”
Staring, the younger one parted his lips, wanted to say something; deny it. But that was no use, he knew it wasn’t.
Jin was right.
“That’s not fair, Kazuya”, Jin murmured, looking down at him. “Especially not, after you trusted me enough to sleep with me.”
“I told you…”
“Yeah, the hell, practise.” His voice had gotten louder. “It’s wasn’t real, since we didn’t go that far; you said a lot of things, but you don’t really mean them.”
Kazuya turned his face away. “I do.”
Angry, Jin turned around, kicked a box standing close to the door. “You really are an immature kid, thinking like that. You will get your heart broken again; more than once.” Giving Kazuya a glance, he leaned against the door frame. “You won’t find a person you trust enough that they won’t. I can’t promise it, either; as much as I’d like to, Kazuya, I can’t.”
Kazuya just looked at him and Jin wanted to go over and just do something to wipe that scared look from his face; that anxiousness.
“You’re even worse than me. Rejecting everyone who tries to get closer to you, just because you’re scared.”
Kazuya looked down again. “I never said I was better than you.”
Slowly, the older one walked over and pulled something out of his pocket. He looked at Kazuya and put the photo to the table, before he leaned in and gently gripped his chin.
“You made your decision, and I won’t hold you back”, he said calmly. “I tried, I’d really want to stay with you, but this won’t work out if you don’t take another step, Kazuya.”
The younger one looked at Jin, didn’t reply. Jin was right, but they both knew Kazuya wasn’t that far to take the step. “I am sorry”, he whispered slightly, holding up to Jin’s gaze.
Jin pressed his lips together and nodded slowly, before he leaned in and caught Kazuya’s lips in a short, gentle kiss.
“Me, too”, he answered and drew back, letting go of Kazuya. Then he got up and without looking at the younger one once more, turned.
Kazuya stared at Jin, as he left the room, then he turned his head to look at the photo in front of him.
They looked happy.
A tear, one of those he had held back, since the day before, strolled down his cheek, and Kazuya bit his lip.
He should run after Jin, he should get up and hold Jin back, make him stay with him; Kazuya wanted to do it. He wanted to believe they could maintain what was between them, maintain that feeling, that bond they shared and maintain the love. He wanted to believe that they would overcome the stares, the whispers, the questions two boys their age would get.
But he couldn’t.
It was too much, there were too many things to think about, too much that spoke against them. Why had Jin even come here? Why did Jin believe he could have held Kazuya, could have made him happy?
He had, Kazuya realised and gulped, tears blurring his view. Jin had made him happy. He had understood Kazuya, had made him see so many things, had been by his side, when Kazuya had wanted him to.
He had trusted Jin enough to let him as close as no one else before.
And still, he hadn’t trusted Jin enough to let him stay exactly there.
It’s been a bit more than a month, since Kazuya had moved to Tokyo.
As usual, his brother wasn’t home in the morning, spending much more time at his girlfriend’s place than at home. But Kazuya was fine with that. He had a lot of training after school and didn’t spend much time there, either.
He was brushing his teeth, as his mobile rang and looked at the ID, smiling widely.
“Tegoshi”, he picked up, holding his tooth brush. “Why are you calling that early?”
“Kame”, the younger one said excitedly. “I got accepted, I got in!”
Kazuya made a surprised face, had to sit down on his bed. “That quickly?”
“They accepted me for the soccer team! They want me in as soon as possible.”
“That’s great”, Kazuya said honestly and smiled. “Congratulations.”
“Thank you.” Tegoshi sounded happy. “We’ll be going to school together again.”
“We’ll be in different classes, though, but I am happy you’ll be around.”
Tegoshi laughed. “That’s going to be fun. Okay, I have to leave for school. See you.”
“Take care”, Kazuya added and hang up, smiling to himself.
He looked out of the window and grinned happily, satisfied that things had worked out. After all, at least some things went the way he wanted them to.
He got up and back to the bathroom to wash his face and get dressed in his school uniform. Back in his room, he put his things together to leave.
It had been a month and Kazuya still wasn’t over it. He thought about it again and again and couldn’t forget Jin at all.
Everything made him think of the older boy, and Kazuya had figured already that it would take even longer to forget Jin than it had taken before.
Still, Kazuya believed he had done the right thing. It was hurting and he was sure not just for him, but for both of them; but eventually, they would both forget about each other.
Jin would fall back into his routine and find someone else, someone better than Kazuya, someone who could really trust Jin.
Someone, who wasn’t like Kazuya - anxious of what could happen.
Kazuya rushed to the kitchen to get his bento, looked at the box with a smile, as he packed it into his bag. Then he put his school bag to the door and went back to his room.
Gripping his mobile, his eye was caught by the photo at the pin board over his working desk and Kazuya stood still for a while, staring at it.
He regretted a lot, actually, not his final decision, not the way it had ended, but probably, he could have done so much more for Jin.
In the end, Jin had just done so much for him.
Kazuya reached out his hand to trace one finger over Jin’s figure in the photo and smiled slightly. They really had shared a good time.
It had just been a week; seven short days.
But they would remain on Kazuya’s mind for forever; as those seven days he had experienced real love for the very first time. It would always make him smile, thinking of those days.
Thinking of Jin, he had promised himself, would always only make him smile.
Seven days to fall in love, Kazuya thought and turned to leave.
That was simply too short to last forever.
----------------------------------------------------------------
........
.......
Please, please, don't hate me now.
Considering their age, the circumstances and what has happened between them, I figured this would feel most natural to me. Please, don't hate me for this, really; I hope you still enjoyed it!
However, they are young and innocent and inexperienced (especially Kazuya at this point), so ... leave them some time and they will find their Happy End for sure. I hope you get the hint. ;)
Thank you all very much for reading along, I am very grateful for all the attention this has gotten, and I hope this time around I didn't disappoint you too much!
Thank you!
Much Love,
Shai~
♥♥♥
Probably even hate.
He hadn’t slept at all and usually, after nights like the one he had gone through, Jin wouldn’t even think about going to school. Instead, he would sleep long, catch up on all the sleep he had missed. But today, that wasn’t an option. He had to go to school.
He had to show Kazuya that he couldn’t fool Jin.
Although he was a little late, Jin walked through the gate as usual, ignored everyone and everything around him. He would put up the act, as always on Mondays, until one of those girls would approach him and bring up the courage to talk to him.
Just why wasn’t today one of those Mondays the girl already waited for him at the gate? That would have made it a lot easier for him.
It was probably just because Jin was a little late, after all.
By lunch break, a girl would have asked him already and then he was going to show Kazuya that he couldn’t harm Jin with what he had done.
He was fine, everything was as usual, the past week hadn’t changed anything.
Kazuya hadn’t changed him.
As he walked in and to his locker to change his shoes, he gave off a completely normal image, as if everything was just as usual.
From the corner of his eye, however, Jin saw a few girls in the corridor looking at him, whispering, murmuring words behind their hands.
Why didn’t one of them just ask? It wasn’t that difficult, anyways, was it? Jin never said no, so they should just already speak up.
Frustrated, as they turned and walked off, Jin changed his shoes and walked up the stairs. On purpose, he took the longer way, just to pass Kazuya’s class room, so that probably the younger one would see him, to notice that Jin was doing all well.
But Kazuya wasn’t outside the room or near the door and Jin didn’t want to turn his head and look inside - to make it look as if he was actually looking for Kazuya.
It was pathetic, and Jin knew he was. Walking down that way, just to get Kazuya’s attention, to prove he was okay, when he actually knew himself very well that he wasn’t.
Even though Jin had told himself that he was okay and that he didn’t bother, he knew that actually, he did.
And that was probably what hurt most, what Jin could deal with least; the fact that he was in love with a person who had done something that horrible and painful to him. That he wanted to hate the person he just had started to love so much and deeply.
It felt so confusing and Jin couldn’t sort out what to feel.
Why did Kazuya have to be that way? Why did he have to change Jin’s mind and take his heart?
Why, out of all people, Kazuya?
Jin still didn’t know the answer and he was afraid he wouldn’t ever find it.
It was stuck in his head for the whole morning and even though, Jin didn’t hide in the class room and went out to go to the restroom, to get a snack in the cafeteria, even when it was lunch break and he walked out to the school yard, no one approached him.
He didn’t see Kazuya, either, but Jin figured the younger one was in his class room with his friends, as usual.
Kazuya used to have lunch together with Ueda and Koki; he’d just broken out of that habit for Jin’s sake for a few days last week.
Sighing, Jin took a bite from the sandwich he had bought and watched the people. He wasn’t really hungry and the sandwich didn’t taste that great, so he put it away again.
It was no use, standing there and watching the people, waiting for a girl to finally come over and ask him; no one would.
Jin wondered what was wrong.
Was it that obvious he was heart broken? Did they all know it had been Kazuya breaking up with him?
There was no way anyone could know, so why didn’t they just finally come over?
Sighing, he made his way back inside, deciding to go back to his class room. Jin walked down the corridor and took the stairs. A group of girls, of which he had dated already three, came from upstairs and they greeted him friendly.
He just nodded his head and expected one of them to stop, just as they usually did, to ask. But they didn’t and Jin felt it straining his nerves.
Just why didn’t they finally ask? It took too long and it made him go insane.
“Jin.”
He froze, almost at the top of the stairs. Gulping, Jin felt as if it was a déjà-vu; it had been like this with Kazuya, last week. Jin had turned around and Kazuya had taken a few steps up to get closer. To ask him.
Slowly turning, Jin saw the girl at the bottom of the stairs, smiling up at him.
She looked pretty, nice even, her face had a gentle expression. Long brown curls framed her face and her eyes were dark.
Usually, this was the moment Jin thought that for the next week he’d really have luck, dating a very pretty girl, one that seemed nice on top.
But right in that moment, he couldn’t think that way, at all.
He had hoped it would be Kazuya again. He wanted it to be Kazuya again.
The girl took a few steps and tilted her head.
“I suppose you and Kamenashi-kun broke up?”
Jin laughed slightly, maintaining his mask. “It was a joke.”
She nodded. “An interesting one, though. However, I was surprised to hear no one asked you already.”
“I am surprised myself”, Jin answered with an amused smile.
Taking the other steps to close the gap between them, she came up and stood just a few steps below Jin, still smiling sweetly.
It stroke Jin’s heart, as he immediately saw Kazuya in front of him, how they had been standing in exact those positions the day before. When Jin had turned to kiss Kazuya.
He bit his teeth together and avoided looking at her.
“I am lucky then, aren’t I?”
Jin didn’t say anything. Was she lucky? What was so lucky about dating him for just seven short days?
Cursing Kazuya silently, Jin looked up again. He shouldn’t let the younger one’s words confuse him; he should forget about it. This was his chance to pay Kazuya back. “I guess.”
She smiled genuinely and Jin knew it was wrong, so very wrong to make her believe there was anything special about dating him.
She wouldn’t like him, she wouldn’t like the one she’d find behind the mask; the one taking naps while skipping classes, the one acting childish during lunch break, wanting to be fed, the one wearing wide clothes, because it was just comfortable. The one being insecure on his first time.
Jin bit his lip and couldn’t bring himself to return that smile.
He couldn’t stop thinking about how this was wrong and that there was just one person he wanted to ask him; that there was just one person he could approve.
“I can’t”, he heard himself saying and it sounded so distant.
The girl blinked.
“It’s not your fault, not about you. I am sorry”, Jin murmured and turned his face to not look at her. “It’s just… I can’t.”
He turned on his heels and he knew he’d get into trouble with this. It was the first time he rejected someone and it would get him into nothing but trouble.
She’d take it personally; she surely would.
Even though all those things were going through his mind and even though Jin was aware he shouldn’t, he dashed down the corridor as fast as could.
He would make Kazuya see that not Jin had been wrong. He would tell him, make him see and understand right now that he himself, Kazuya, had been wrong. There was no way on earth anyone could treat Jin that way, not even if he loved the other person.
This wasn’t over yet - it would be over when Jin decided to put an end to it.
“Kazuya”, he said loudly, while opening the door to the class room. “If you thought you could get away with that so easily, you…”
He stopped, as the few people in the room stared at him.
Ueda and Koki were sitting together at one table, both giving him a confused look. Koki had his chopsticks in his mouth.
“Jin-kun”, Ueda said and got up to walk over to him. “What’s wrong?”
“Where’s Kazuya”, Jin just asked, trying to cover up his embarrassment.
Ueda shrugged a shoulder. “I don’t know.”
Koki joined them, his chopsticks still in his hands and he tipped them against his lips. “He hasn’t been here today.”
Jin frowned. “Why?”
“Don’t know. We thought you guys were skipping classes again.”
“Did he tell you that?”
Ueda shook his head. “No, we couldn’t reach him all morning. We just figured he was with you.”
The door opened in that moment and a few girls stormed in. “You guys wouldn’t believe, Akanishi-kun rejected today’s offer”, one of them said excitedly, then they noticed Jin in the room and fell silent, staring at him.
Ueda looked from them to Jin again and gave him a pitiful look. “So, I suppose there’s another reason why Kazuya’s not here today.”
Jin backed off and just shook his head, before he left the room and quickly walked down the corridor without paying attention to anyone.
They were all staring again and he knew the rumour had spread already. But all that didn’t really matter.
Jin had to talk to Kazuya first, before he’d take care about that.
He was free to reject someone, wasn’t he? What was so spectacular about that?
Angry, Jin dashed into his class room, gripping his bag and rushing out again. Everyone was just staring at him, but no one held him back or said anything.
Jin was grateful they didn’t. He didn’t think he’d be able to form any coherent words now, his thoughts were just confusing him.
Why hadn’t Kazuya come to school? Was it because of them, because of Jin?
If it was like that, if it was as Jin assumed, then he’d have a huge advantage again - then, it meant all the things Kazuya had said to him the evening before had been lies.
Leaving the school, Jin ran down the street and into the direction of Kazuya’s home. He ignored bikes and cars coming his way, crossing streets without paying attention. As long as he would get there as quickly as possible.
As he rounded a corner and Kazuya’s home came in sight, Jin remembered Kazuya’s look, when he’d been soaked and had stared up at the dark sky.
How Kazuya had looked at him, his hand over Jin’s bare skin at his chest, so very insecure, uncertain. But with trust in those eyes, trust that Jin would be the first for him.
He wouldn’t ever forget how Kazuya had whispered those words. The way he had begged Jin to not say “No” again.
How Kazuya had begged him, had trusted him.
Jin stopped, his expression blank, his breathing going heavily.
“Shit, oh God, shit”, he mumbled under his breath.
How could he not have noticed that? How could he have been that blind?
Jin palmed his face, tilted his head back and cursed again. He was stupid, he was a fool, he had fallen for the cheapest lie on earth.
He should have known it, should have read it in Kazuya’s words, in his face, in his behaviour. It had been obvious, somehow. All the despair; Jin should have seen it.
Opening the door to the shop, Jin walked in and greeted Kazuya’s parents politely.
“Ah, Akanishi-kun”, Kazuya’s mother said, as she noticed him. “It’s a surprise to see you.”
“I just…”
“I know, I know”, she interrupted his words. “Kazuya told us you’d come.”
Jin blinked. “He did?”
“He said he’d still have a few things that are yours. I didn’t get them down yet.”
“Ah, I see”, Jin answered, even though he didn’t understand a thing.
“It is a bit busy right now. Why don’t you just go up and get them? He put them on his bed.”
Jin nodded and excused himself, as he walked to the kitchen and took the stairs up to the flat the family lived in.
He went straight to Kazuya’s room, opened the door and looked a bit surprised, as he found everything just as it had looked when he’d been there last.
A window was open, letting in the sounds and scent from outside, sunshine was flooding the room.
Jin walked to the bed and looked at the few things collected there.
It was one of his sweaters; Kazuya had pulled it over the day before as he had cooked for Jin. They both hadn’t noticed he had still worn it, when he had left. On top there was a white bag; Jin recognized it as the things he had bought in Yokohama. Kazuya had carried all the things they had bought in his bag that day.
Sighing, Jin took the things and turned to leave again. But his attention was caught by something that reflected the light and blinded him. He narrowed his eyes and walked over to Kazuya’s work desk.
There was a photo and Jin took a deep breath, as he reached out to take it.
He remembered Kazuya had taken that one with his mobile, when they had been at the harbour in Yokohama. The sun was already standing low, they both had ice cream and were smiling widely.
Jin had his arm around Kazuya’s shoulders, flashing a peace sign, while Kazuya had his head tilted against Jin’s, blinking an eye.
It was a bit blurry, far from perfect and just a random shot, but Jin still couldn’t put it away again.
He couldn’t believe Kazuya had done that; had given up on them so easily, when obviously he loved Jin so much.
Kazuya had left; thinking breaking up would make it easier for both of them. How foolish of him, Jin thought and put the photo to his bag.
He’d have to tell Kazuya that; tell him that he was foolish.
Jin turned and hurried down to find out how he could make that happen.
Kazuya sighed, as he stepped out of the bathroom, wrapped in hot damp. He rubbed his hair with a towel, putting it around his nape then.
It had been an exhausting day, coming here had taken more than four hours. His brother wasn’t home, though and he had left Kazuya a note that he would stay at his girlfriend’s.
So, Kazuya assumed, as he walked into the kitchen to get something to drink, he’d only get to see his brother the next day.
He couldn’t blame him for not being here, anyways, since they had just called his brother Sunday morning to tell him Kazuya was coming on Monday already.
It had been his decision and so far, Kazuya didn’t regret it. But he knew he would.
He had been busy all day, getting his things organized, calling people while riding the train and now that he had settled down for the first time, he started to actually think again and with that, regrets came.
He missed Jin.
Of course, he missed his parents and he would miss Ueda and Koki and all the other people he had gotten to know in the few weeks he had spent there.
And even though he had known Jin for the shortest time of all of them, he was the one Kazuya missed the most.
Sitting down in his room, he looked at the plain walls, the futon he slept in, the simple desk in the middle. There wasn’t much to it yet, just a few boxes, he had brought with him today, but they’d get his things up here and buy some new stuff, so that this would become his room.
It was bigger than the one he had at home, actually. But it was loud, he could hear cars and trains and people from outside.
He had made several phone calls that day, and had arranged that he could start at the new school in a week already. It was rapid, but probably better that way.
Every time, Kazuya had switched schools, he had hated the time in between, when official things had to be sorted out.
So this time, he wanted to make sure it wouldn’t be so difficult. He would easily forget the past months at that place. The past week.
The week he had spent with Jin.
Putting down the bottle to the table, Kazuya fell back to his back and stared up the ceiling, before he closed his eyes.
Whenever he did, his heartbeat would race up and he’d have those pictures in mind, could hear the sounds, could feel it.
It was still so fresh, still just a day ago.
Kazuya couldn’t believe only a day had gone by, since that. It already felt as if it had been so long.
Opening his eyes again, he shifted, rolled to his side and sighed again. His hair was still damp, his skin heated from the hot water.
He felt sleepy and just closed his eyes, curling up, wanting to let sleep take over him, lull him into oblivion and forget everything that made him feel in pain.
It didn’t happen, though, as he heard the door bell ring, what made Kazuya sit up in confusion.
He looked at the watch, saw it was almost ten and frowned.
It was most likely his brother, because he had left Kazuya his key. Perhaps, his brother had forgotten something.
Hurrying over, Kazuya held the towel in place over his shoulders and fumbled with the lock, before he opened it.
“Welcome home, Nii-chan. I thought…” He fell silent, his lips slightly parted, as he stared at the person in front of him.
“Jin.”
The older one looked exhausted, worn out, tired. He wore his usual baggy jeans and just a light shirt and a sweater. He didn’t even carry a bag.
“I could really beat you up”, he said and gripped both ends of the towel, pulling Kazuya closer.
“What the…?” Kazuya was too puzzled to form a sentence, he could just stare.
Jin gripped the fabric tighter and pulled harder and Kazuya docked his head slightly, expecting a punch, but instead he was forced to Jin’s chest and the older one pressed his lips to Kazuya’s. He made a surprised noise, his hands coming up to grip Jin’s shoulders.
“Jin”, he murmured against the older one’s lips. “The door…”
Jin stumbled in, pushing Kazuya backwards and then reached out his hand to close the door behind him, without breaking the kiss. He fumbled with the handle, then he heard the click and leaned against the wood, let Kazuya press against him.
They both ran out of breath, but even so, they didn’t break the kiss. Instead, Jin slid down at the door, pulling Kazuya with him, until they sat on the floor, Kazuya between Jin’s legs, completely embraced by the older one.
Only then, Jin broke the kiss, panting.
“I should really beat you up”, Jin said and softly caressed Kazuya’s nape with his thumb. He noticed the wet hair, the fresh smell and pulled Kazuya closer.
“You shouldn’t be here, Jin. I don’t want you here”, the younger one said firmly, but still, his voice lacked conviction.
“You don’t expect me to ever believe any of your words again, do you?”
“I didn’t lie.” Kazuya still didn’t let go of Jin, he stayed exactly where he was and he was afraid that said too much again. But he just couldn’t pull away. “I meant what I said.”
“That’s why you just kissed me back.” Jin sighed, pushing Kazuya back a bit. “You called me an idiot and then you pull off this act. I really would say you are the idiot here.”
Shrugging a shoulder, Kazuya avoided Jin’s eyes. “I told you I’d be leaving.”
“When you said that it sounded like in a few months, probably only next year to me.”
Kazuya bit his lip. He couldn’t possibly tell Jin that he had only decided on this two days ago.
Jin apparently understood, however. “So, you really ran away, after all.”
Looking up at him, Kazuya tilted his head slightly.
“I was hoping I was wrong and you didn’t do this because of me, but it seems you did”, the older one said and finally let go of the towel around Kazuya’s neck. “You lied when you said I had to suffer meeting you every day at school.”
Kazuya smiled slightly, as he looked down again, loosening his grip around Jin’s arms and taking his hands away. “That made it easier for you, didn’t it?”
Shrugging a shoulder, Jin sat up a bit. “I rejected today’s offer, so you got what you wanted.”
“I am glad to hear that.”
Jin just looked at him and noticed that by now, they were just sitting there, facing each other, but didn’t touch anymore, at all. “Why are you?”
“As you said, it was what I wanted.”
“Why did you want it, Kazuya?”
“To teach you a lesson.” The younger one drew away completely and got up to walk back into the flat.
“That’s not it, is it?” Jin followed him. “It’s because you like me, isn’t it?”
Kazuya threw him a look over his shoulder. “I told you I don’t.”
Jin sighed and caught up on Kazuya, as he walked into his room. “Kazuya, stop that act now.”
Biting his lip, the younger one shook his head. “Listen, Jin, it’s useless. What would it bring if I told you now that I fell in love?”
“It makes me at least feel less insecure”, Jin answered, his voice sounding relieved.
“And then?”
“Kazuya”, he said calmly and took the other one’s shoulders. “Why did you let your parents force you to leave?”
“They didn’t”, Kazuya answered and looked down again. “I asked them to let me go here today already.”
Jin tilted his head forward and closed his eyes, took his hands away. “On Saturday, I suppose.”
The younger one nodded slowly. “I figured it’d be best.”
“That doesn’t really make it easier, Kazuya, if you thought that.”
He looked at Jin again and for a moment, didn’t say a word. Then Kazuya sighed. “I didn’t do that for you, Jin.”
The other boy frowned.
“It wasn’t for you or to make it easier for us to part. Sure, part of it was, since in a few months, when I would have had to leave, things would have gotten complicated.” Kazuya bit his lip. “Breaking up was the best solution.”
“But, why leaving all of a sudden?” Jin looked confused, gripped Kazuya’s shoulders tighter.
“That’s easier for me”, the younger one answered. “If I had had to see you today at school, I wouldn’t have been able to stand that.”
Jin blinked.
“You can’t know that, Jin, what it feels like to see the person you fell in love with every day, knowing you can’t have them.”
“Wait, wait”, Jin interrupted. “Wait.” He took a deep breath. “What does that mean? You had me, you still have. What are you talking about?”
“Everyone sees it as a joke. Us, I mean... the last week”, Kazuya said and fetched away from Jin. “It wouldn’t work out, there’s no way it would.”
Jin stood where he was and watched Kazuya nervously walking down the room. “I think it worked out pretty well, up until you started to say those things yesterday night.” It was difficult to maintain objectivity, to stay calm.
“You didn’t really plan to show up with me at school today, did you?” Kazuya gave him an irritated laugh. “We both know we couldn’t do that. We’re both boys.”
“You didn’t seem to care for that yesterday when you wanted to sleep with me so desperately.”
Biting his lip, Kazuya looked down, turned away again.
“That’s why you were so desperate for it…”, Jin murmured, grasping the fact himself.
“I had decided to leave today”, the younger one explained silently. “But I wanted it to be you, so… I had to force you into it.”
Jin palmed his face. “I really don’t get this, Kazuya; that makes no sense.”
“I knew you love me, so I figured you’d… well, whatever, forget it.” He still hadn’t turned back to Jin, but the older one knew Kazuya was blushing.
“You figured I’d be careful with you”, Jin ended the sentence for him and laughed slightly. “So, you used my weakness for you.”
“That’s not it”, Kazuya said quickly and turned to face Jin. “I didn’t use you; I just wanted it be with someone who loves me back.”
“So, after all, you do love me”, Jin turned Kazuya’s words and stepped closer. “Then why did you do this? Just because of our reputations? You shouldn’t care for that if you really felt the way you say you do.”
“It’s because of that; it is a problem and you know it is”, Kazuya murmured and stood in place, not moving away. “Both of us being boys, and the fact that it wouldn’t last because I was going to leave anyways.”
“So you rather ran away?”
“I didn’t run away; I made the best decision for my own good.”
Jin sighed. “What about me then?”
“You don’t know what it’s like, Jin”, Kazuya repeated, looking at him, wondering when exactly Jin had approached him again. “Have you ever been in love? Like, really in love?”
“I thought it for a few times, but I guess now I can say, I didn’t. Not before this”, Jin added.
Biting his lip, the light brunette shook his head. “I would always fall in love with the wrong people. Or at the wrong time. And now look at me; I have fallen for… you.”
“You make it sound as if I was really terrible.”
Kazuya smiled slightly at Jin’s offended tone. “That’s not it. But again, it’s the wrong person, the wrong time, and on top of that someone who changes his partner every week.”
“Just until I’d find the right one. I told you that.” Jin didn’t dare touching Kazuya.
“You said so many things, Jin. When we had lunch together for the first time”, the other boy remembered, “you said you’d easily got bored of being with just one person.”
“Kazuya…”
“Sure, right now we’re both pretty excited with this and you think you’d love me, but when would it fade?”
Jin looked at him and didn’t say anything; he couldn’t bring himself to that.
“You would get bored and then you would find that, after all, you still like girls and that this was just an experiment and you don’t even want this.” Kazuya remained calm; he had thought all that over for so many times. It was right, he had made the best decision. Slowly, he sat down at the table, took the bottle he had placed there earlier, to keep his hands busy. “In the end, I would end up heartbroken again, and if I can avoid that, then I will.”
Jin looked down at him, licked his lip and took a deep breath. “Ah”, he answered and shoved his hands into his pockets. “So, just let me repeat this, to make sure I got that right.”
Kazuya looked up at him, his hands stopping to spin the bottle.
“Instead of taking the risk to trust me and then getting your heart broken - what isn’t even certain yet - you’d rather break my heart?”
Staring, the younger one parted his lips, wanted to say something; deny it. But that was no use, he knew it wasn’t.
Jin was right.
“That’s not fair, Kazuya”, Jin murmured, looking down at him. “Especially not, after you trusted me enough to sleep with me.”
“I told you…”
“Yeah, the hell, practise.” His voice had gotten louder. “It’s wasn’t real, since we didn’t go that far; you said a lot of things, but you don’t really mean them.”
Kazuya turned his face away. “I do.”
Angry, Jin turned around, kicked a box standing close to the door. “You really are an immature kid, thinking like that. You will get your heart broken again; more than once.” Giving Kazuya a glance, he leaned against the door frame. “You won’t find a person you trust enough that they won’t. I can’t promise it, either; as much as I’d like to, Kazuya, I can’t.”
Kazuya just looked at him and Jin wanted to go over and just do something to wipe that scared look from his face; that anxiousness.
“You’re even worse than me. Rejecting everyone who tries to get closer to you, just because you’re scared.”
Kazuya looked down again. “I never said I was better than you.”
Slowly, the older one walked over and pulled something out of his pocket. He looked at Kazuya and put the photo to the table, before he leaned in and gently gripped his chin.
“You made your decision, and I won’t hold you back”, he said calmly. “I tried, I’d really want to stay with you, but this won’t work out if you don’t take another step, Kazuya.”
The younger one looked at Jin, didn’t reply. Jin was right, but they both knew Kazuya wasn’t that far to take the step. “I am sorry”, he whispered slightly, holding up to Jin’s gaze.
Jin pressed his lips together and nodded slowly, before he leaned in and caught Kazuya’s lips in a short, gentle kiss.
“Me, too”, he answered and drew back, letting go of Kazuya. Then he got up and without looking at the younger one once more, turned.
Kazuya stared at Jin, as he left the room, then he turned his head to look at the photo in front of him.
They looked happy.
A tear, one of those he had held back, since the day before, strolled down his cheek, and Kazuya bit his lip.
He should run after Jin, he should get up and hold Jin back, make him stay with him; Kazuya wanted to do it. He wanted to believe they could maintain what was between them, maintain that feeling, that bond they shared and maintain the love. He wanted to believe that they would overcome the stares, the whispers, the questions two boys their age would get.
But he couldn’t.
It was too much, there were too many things to think about, too much that spoke against them. Why had Jin even come here? Why did Jin believe he could have held Kazuya, could have made him happy?
He had, Kazuya realised and gulped, tears blurring his view. Jin had made him happy. He had understood Kazuya, had made him see so many things, had been by his side, when Kazuya had wanted him to.
He had trusted Jin enough to let him as close as no one else before.
And still, he hadn’t trusted Jin enough to let him stay exactly there.
It’s been a bit more than a month, since Kazuya had moved to Tokyo.
As usual, his brother wasn’t home in the morning, spending much more time at his girlfriend’s place than at home. But Kazuya was fine with that. He had a lot of training after school and didn’t spend much time there, either.
He was brushing his teeth, as his mobile rang and looked at the ID, smiling widely.
“Tegoshi”, he picked up, holding his tooth brush. “Why are you calling that early?”
“Kame”, the younger one said excitedly. “I got accepted, I got in!”
Kazuya made a surprised face, had to sit down on his bed. “That quickly?”
“They accepted me for the soccer team! They want me in as soon as possible.”
“That’s great”, Kazuya said honestly and smiled. “Congratulations.”
“Thank you.” Tegoshi sounded happy. “We’ll be going to school together again.”
“We’ll be in different classes, though, but I am happy you’ll be around.”
Tegoshi laughed. “That’s going to be fun. Okay, I have to leave for school. See you.”
“Take care”, Kazuya added and hang up, smiling to himself.
He looked out of the window and grinned happily, satisfied that things had worked out. After all, at least some things went the way he wanted them to.
He got up and back to the bathroom to wash his face and get dressed in his school uniform. Back in his room, he put his things together to leave.
It had been a month and Kazuya still wasn’t over it. He thought about it again and again and couldn’t forget Jin at all.
Everything made him think of the older boy, and Kazuya had figured already that it would take even longer to forget Jin than it had taken before.
Still, Kazuya believed he had done the right thing. It was hurting and he was sure not just for him, but for both of them; but eventually, they would both forget about each other.
Jin would fall back into his routine and find someone else, someone better than Kazuya, someone who could really trust Jin.
Someone, who wasn’t like Kazuya - anxious of what could happen.
Kazuya rushed to the kitchen to get his bento, looked at the box with a smile, as he packed it into his bag. Then he put his school bag to the door and went back to his room.
Gripping his mobile, his eye was caught by the photo at the pin board over his working desk and Kazuya stood still for a while, staring at it.
He regretted a lot, actually, not his final decision, not the way it had ended, but probably, he could have done so much more for Jin.
In the end, Jin had just done so much for him.
Kazuya reached out his hand to trace one finger over Jin’s figure in the photo and smiled slightly. They really had shared a good time.
It had just been a week; seven short days.
But they would remain on Kazuya’s mind for forever; as those seven days he had experienced real love for the very first time. It would always make him smile, thinking of those days.
Thinking of Jin, he had promised himself, would always only make him smile.
Seven days to fall in love, Kazuya thought and turned to leave.
That was simply too short to last forever.
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Please, please, don't hate me now.
Considering their age, the circumstances and what has happened between them, I figured this would feel most natural to me. Please, don't hate me for this, really; I hope you still enjoyed it!
However, they are young and innocent and inexperienced (especially Kazuya at this point), so ... leave them some time and they will find their Happy End for sure. I hope you get the hint. ;)
Thank you all very much for reading along, I am very grateful for all the attention this has gotten, and I hope this time around I didn't disappoint you too much!
Thank you!
Much Love,
Shai~
♥♥♥