Drowned in Silence /// First Word: Remember
“Hey, Jin”, someone called out his name through the room and Jin turned his head to look over his shoulder and into the direction the call came from. “Let’s meet for lunch today, okay?”
Jin raised his hand slightly, giving an okay sign, before he turned again.
The day had just started and at the moment, he was sitting all by himself in the lecture room, flipping through some notes in his book, before he opened the page for today’s date and wrote down Lunch with Yuu.
“You’re busy, huh?”
Jin raised his head and smirked slightly. “Not more than usually. Join us for lunch?”
The other boy nodded, sat down next to him and took off the sunglasses he wore casually. He was about as tall as Jin, slim but well-built and had a pretty face, dark, silky hair and gentle eyes.
Somehow, over the past year, Jin had spent in university, Yamashita Tomohisa had become one of his best friends.
“Sure thing”, he answered now and flipped through his own organizer. “I have an appointment at two, though.”
Jin smirked. “What? Making some money again?”
Yamashita laughed slightly. “Don’t make me sound like I was a prostitute.”
“It’s almost the same.”
“Being a model is the same as a whore?”
Jin laughed. “You sell your face.”
“Not just that”, Yamashita answered kinkily and then leaned back. “But they only look, so it’s okay.”
“So, you have a job today?”
“Kind of.” He opened his bag and got out a magazine as well as a file. “There’s a kid who has just joined our agency. They want me to come and guide him a bit for his first shooting. We’ll probably take some photos together for a new brand.”
Jin nodded, interested and took the magazine first, looking at the clothes and accessories. “Cool stuff. A bit feminine, though, don’t you think?”
Yamashita shrugged a shoulder. “I don’t have to wear it in my private time, only for the shootings, so I don’t really care.”
Taking the file, Jin threw him a look. “Really, you always wear the clothes you wear in those shootings; it’s kind of embarrassing to walk beside you.”
“That’s the destiny of those being friends with a model.”
Laughing, Jin opened the file and read the text first, then he flipped through the photos.
They showed a small, slim boy with a face that perfectly suited those feminine touched brands they were going to wear. His face was small and delicate, big round eyes, framed by dark lashes. He had a small, straight nose and high cheekbones, perfect pouty lips. His hair was dark brunette, straight and had a stylish cut.
Somehow, Jin thought, he had seen that kid before.
“Did he work for another agency before?”
Yamashita threw a look at the picture Jin had opened and tilted his head. “His curriculum vitae says, he just finished school this April, so I don’t think so. Most agencies don’t take in high schoolers because of the policy and such.”
Jin flipped it to the first page again, read the name.
“Tegoshi Yuya.”
“He has the cute looks; it’s something we miss recently, at least since Matsumoto-kun left the agency.”
Jin tilted his head, narrowed his eyes. “I can’t say why, but I know that boy, I know that name.”
“That’s quite impossible. He’s from Yokohama, just came to Tokyo for his last year in high school.” Yamashita pointed at the information in the file.
“But here”, Jin said and tapped his finger to a point. “He plays soccer. He’s most likely in a team and that’s where I’ve seen him.”
His friend nodded. “That’s possible.”
Satisfied with that explanation, Jin closed the file and gave it back to Yamashita. “However, looks girly. Don’t fall in love with him.”
Yamashita laughed, putting both the magazine and the file back. “I surely won’t. I am still straight.”
“You’re modelling for girly brands…”
“Shut up.” Yamashita put his arms to the wooden table. “Will you invite Mirai and her friends along for lunch?”
Jin quickly threw a look to his right, saw a bunch of girls sitting together, laughing and talking.
“They’re always so loud.”
“All girls are, as soon as there are at least two of them.”
Jin grinned. “Do you want me to invite them? Which one is it, you’re interested in?”
Yamashita laughed. “All of them?”
Rolling his eyes, Jin turned back and ignored the other boy. “Spare me.”
Dropping the topic, both of them fell silent as the lecture started.
Jin opened his notebook and started to write down a few things, listening interested. He liked university. It wasn’t nearly as stressful as school, and ever since he had started, his life had changed completely.
He drifted off from the topic in his thoughts and playfully moved his pen in his hands.
When he had come to Tokyo, he had promised himself that he would start over completely. If there had been anything he had learned, then it was that he needed to change.
For the first weeks, he had walked down every street in anticipation; expecting to see Kazuya around every corner.
By now, he knew it was an illusion. This city was not like his hometown, there were simply too many people to find a single one by chance.
He knew which part Kazuya lived in, he still knew the address, but Jin didn’t dare going and see him. It just had been a year, when he had come to Tokyo. That was nothing, not enough time to change.
Now, it’s been more than two years, he’d turn twenty in a few months and somehow, everything in his life had changed.
For the most part, he had forgotten about Kazuya.
It didn’t hurt anymore to think of him - if he remembered to think of Kazuya.
Sometimes, like at this moment, he would. Remember that it had been Kazuya who had changed him to the better, who had opened Jin’s eyes.
He had a lot of friends now; no one would even expect him to have been an outsider for so long; someone avoiding contact with others.
Someone, changing his partner every week.
His eyes went back to the direction in which the group of girls sat. Ever since Kazuya, she was the first person he had showed interests in.
In April, when the term had started and he had noticed her between all those freshmen for the first time, he had just needed one look at her to know it. He had to get closer to her, get to know her. Jin hadn’t felt like that in a long time; that strong desire to get someone’s attention.
Since then, he had started to remember Kazuya more often again, because of her, because of those feelings, because of the memories.
Jin flipped open his mobile and typed in a message, showing it to Yamashita.
“Are you and Satsuki-chan in for lunch after this”, he read out in a whispered voice. “So, you picked Satsuki for me?”
Jin smirked. “Out of her friends, she is definitely the cutest, don’t you think?”
“Whatever, just invite some girls.”
Jin shook his head and sent the message, watching Mirai then, as she read it and gave him a smile and nod then.
Jin couldn’t really point out why, but Mirai just strangely reminded him of Kazuya. It wasn’t the way she looked, and neither the way she talked, moved or acted.
He couldn’t pinpoint it, but something about her just made him think of Kazuya.
It had been a while that he had thought about him that often, that memories and thoughts of Kazuya had flooded his mind, but each time Jin was with Mirai, he was reminded of the other boy.
And it completely took over him.
They hadn’t agreed on anything, but as it looked at the moment, they were going out; dating. Neither of them had confessed to the other one, it had just gone with the flow.
Yamashita had asked Jin one evening, if he was dating Mirai, if he was really serious about her.
Jin had just blinked at him. “Why?”
“You walk her home everyday, Jin. And you guys go on dates, don’t you?”
Tilting his head, Jin had thought it over for a second. “I guess.”
“She’s pretty, so I give my approval.” Yamashita had given him a thumb-up.
Jin wasn’t really sure why he needed his friend’s approval, but he didn’t really care. He liked Mirai, somehow. It was different from how he had liked Kazuya.
He had fallen in love head over heels back then, doing things, saying things, Jin had never imagined being even capable of.
With Mirai, he hadn’t even noticed he had fallen in love. He probably even hadn’t, but somehow, he had still ended up by her side, dating her.
It was subtle and both of them were quite hesitant, but they were still dating.
Jin just felt attracted to her.
“What would you like to drink, Jin?”
They had all gone to a café after lecture was over. The usual troupe, a few of the girls, a few of them boys.
Jin looked up from his mobile and looked at Ryo, who had just asked him. He had just recently joined their clique. Yamashita had picked him up in some course, because he was a good-looking guy.
Yamashita only picked up good-looking people, it crossed Jin’s mind and he shrugged a shoulder. “I’m fine with a coke.”
Yamashita ordered for them and Jin looked back at the display of his mobile, opening the message he had just received.
“Mirai’s going to be a bit late”, he informed the others. “She still has to talk to the prof; about that speech next week.”
“How is it going with her? How far have you gone?”
Ryo was a bit too straight-forward for Jin’s likings, so he just raised a brow. “None of your business.”
The black-haired grinned. “You seem like the rather quick type to me.”
Yamashita giggled and turned his head, as Satsuki tugged his sleeve, catching his attention and pointing at the magazine she was looking at.
Jin threw a quick glance at it, before he answered: “It’s pretty easy to estimate a person by their looks, isn’t it? Looking at you, I’d say you’re…” He stopped and frowned, before he glanced back, leaned over the table to have a closer look at the magazine again.
Yamashita noticed and tilted his head. “You recognize him?”
Jin threw him a look. “That boy…”
“Yes, it’s him. I showed you his profile a few weeks ago.”
Jin frowned, looked closer at the page. It showed Yamashita with two other boys. One was delicate and cute, with dark brunette hair and a rather feminine aura, while the other boy was a bit taller, brunette hair that framed a perfect, slim face, reaching his shoulders. He seemed delicate, too, but in another way.
Those eyes were just giving off a stronger expression; as if they hid a mystery no one had solved yet.
“He’s playing soccer and as I found out last time, he’s in Waseda, playing for their team, so you most likely competed against him. He’s centre forward.”
Jin looked up from the page, shook his head, as he dropped back to his seat. “Ah, I remember”, he said weakly, cracked a smile.
“Who’s the other one”, one of the girls asked and Jin pretended not to listen anymore.
“That’s Kame-chan”, Yamashita answered. “He’s a nice guy, Haruna, you’d like him.”
“Really? Invite him along, next time.”
“His friend, too!”
“They’re both not really the type for that”, Yamashita said with a slight smile. “They don’t go out often, since they’re both pretty serious about sports.”
Satsuki closed the magazine. “They’re both playing soccer?”
“Tegoshi is. The smaller one with dark hair”, he added to explain who he meant. “He plays in his university team and is pretty serious about it.” He pointed at Kazuya who was smiling at them from the cover of the magazine. “Kamenashi-kun is playing baseball. He’s in a pretty good team, too and is currently aiming for the nationals.”
“That’s cool”, the girls said in sync and Jin had to hold back a shudder. Kazuya was still popular, as it seemed.
“But thus, those two don’t ever have much time for girls. With university, work and their sport.”
Disappointed, the girls sighed and made pouting faces. “It can’t be helped then.”
“But I’ll ask”, Yamashita reassured them. “And ask, if they’d like to go out with me and some really nice friends.”
Jin looked at the cover again. So, Kazuya was still playing, aiming for the nationals, even. He was giving his best, chasing his dream.
“Sorry, I am late!”
Jin raised his head, looked at Mirai, as she came in and smiled brightly at them. She always smiled; she was good-natured and pretty, strong in a way, even though she looked like she needed protection.
“What were you talking about?” She sat down next to Jin, threw back her long, dark hair. Recently, she had started to wear it slightly curled. It suited her.
“Some friends from my job. We’ll probably invite them next time for a group date”, Yamashita explained and Jin looked at the table again, but saw the magazine was gone.
“So, not from interest for you”, Ryo added and leaned back, as the waitress placed a glass in front of him. “Since you have Jin.”
Mirai blushed slightly and shot Jin a glance, before she looked back at the table again. The other girls were laughing and Jin just nudged her knee with his, giving her a calm smile.
Ryo was right, after all.
They had not yet even kissed, but in a way, Jin wouldn’t be happy if she didn’t interpret his actions the way he meant them.
After all, finally, he was serious about a relationship.
And then, it was okay if it processed slowly. They both had time; he wouldn’t ever rush into love again like he had with Kazuya.
Not again, Jin thought and Kazuya’s face appeared in his head again, the way, he had looked in that magazine, handsome and different from Jin’s memory, somehow grown up.
Rushing into love like that was probably only working, if it was Kazuya.
It was still easy to play the perfect boyfriend.
He had practised that long enough, it ironically crossed Jin’s mind, as he stood at the entrance to Ueno Park, watching people pass by.
The weather was nice, a bit too hot already for late June, but still nice. At the stairs there were artists drawing the scenery or offering to draw pedestrians.
Of course, Jin had been early. It was rude to make a girl wait, so he had showed up about ten minutes early. She’d be late, anyways, but Jin didn’t really care too much.
He observed the people around him, there were almost only couples; it was a famous spot on a Sunday afternoon, after all.
Looking out for Mirai, his eye got caught by a familiar view and Jin frowned, narrowing his eyes.
His remaining time in High School had been filled with stories about beaver and chicken way too often, and he would recognize that face anywhere.
Jin was pretty sure it was Koki, standing at the other side, waiting at the steps. He probably had moved, too, attending university now.
Wondering, whom Koki was possibly waiting for, Jin made a few steps into his direction. It had been a year, since he last had met Koki, so he wanted to at least greet him properly.
“Jin-kun!” Mirai came from the direction Jin was just walking into, waving at him. “I am sorry, I’m late!”
Jin shook his head. “It’s fine.”
“Did you wait long?” She gave him a worried look.
“No, I didn’t”, he reassured her with a calm smile, before he looked back to Koki’s direction. The spot was empty, though, and Koki gone.
“Huh?” Mirai turned, following Jin’s line of view. “What are you looking for?”
Jin shook his head. “Nothing. I thought I saw someone familiar, but I was probably wrong.”
“Ah, I see”, she answered and then smiled again. “Shall we go? Let’s go to the temple first, okay?”
Jin followed her, feeling content with himself. Mirai looked cute; her dark, long hair curly again, wearing a short dress with a light jacket and a hat that protected her face from the burning sun.
Sometimes, he really felt a bit too plain next to her, but she had never once complained about Jin’s styling.
She bought a lucky charm at the temple, praying sincerely. It made Jin smile, appreciating her pureness.
It was already late, when they left the zoo that evening. It had been a typical date, stereotype, but Jin had enjoyed it a lot, nevertheless. He liked Mirai’s company.
“Jin-kun”, she said, as they left the park, walking down to the station. “Thanks a lot for today, it was fun.”
Jin simply nodded. He wasn’t good in mouthing his thoughts, so he left it at that.
“It’s Tanabata soon.” Mirai stopped at the platform, stepped a bit closer to Jin. “Are you planning to go to a festival?”
“Ah, right”, Jin said and tilted his head. “Sure. Is there one close by?”
Excitedly, she nodded. “There is! Shall we go together?”
“Are you going to wear a yukata?”
Mirai blushed slightly, but nodded then.
“I’m looking forward to that.”
She seemed happy, subtly brushed her hand against Jin’s. “Me, too.”
“Jin?”
Frowning, Jin froze for a second, noticing Mirai’s surprised look, before he turned.
“It’s you, isn’t it?”
Jin stared, then a smile formed in his face and he stepped forward. “Koki!”
“It’s nice to see you! How have you been doing?”
“Fine, thanks. How about you? Are you going to university now?”
Koki nodded. His head was almost bald, but he looked a lot more grown up than when Jin had last seen him.
“I’m in Keio now, how about you?”
“Meiji.” Jin threw Mirai a look, who seemed confused. “Sorry. That’s Tanaka Koki; we went to the same High School. Koki, that’s Komiyama Mirai.”
Koki nodded in a friendly way, as the train came in, drowning any words.
“I’ll see you tomorrow then, Jin-kun”, Mirai said and turned to the doors.
Jin nodded. “Take care. Good night.”
She smiled. “Good night.”
Jin waited, until the train was gone and the crowd around them had disappeared into the stair cases to get to the next trains.
“Is she your girlfriend?”
Jin nodded, after a moment. “Yes.”
“How long have you been dating”, Koki asked shamelessly.
“It’s been a while now.”
“So, it’s finally something serious, I assume?”
“You could say that.”
Koki smiled slightly. “That’s good to hear, after you played around that much in High School.”
Jin laughed. “Well…”
“You’ve been so depressed, when Kame-chan left, back then.”
Jin’s smile froze and he stared at Koki, puzzled by those words.
The younger one shrugged a shoulder. “You liked him, didn’t you? He obviously turned you around in that week you guys were dating.”
Weakly, Jin managed to laugh. “You still remember that? I had already forgotten about that joke between all those girls I dated.”
Koki ignored those words. “Well, I am happy you could find someone who can compare to Kame, at least.”
Jin gulped, brought his feet to move and walk past Koki. “I told you, it was a joke, that week. It didn’t mean anything to me.”
He didn’t turn again, as he dashed up the stairs to get to his train. He didn’t need to be reminded of Kazuya. Of course, the only real connection he had ever had to Koki had been Kazuya. He had been the reason they had become friends in the first place, but still, what he had felt towards Kazuya had always been Jin’s secret.
Koki was not supposed to know, not supposed to remind him.
No one was.
The stands were crowded and it was loud. Jin hated places like that, but yet, he had come here.
It was a usual Friday afternoon, sunny and bright and all those people around him had decided to watch the game, too.
Buying a ticket hadn’t been that difficult as Jin had thought. It had been rather easy and quite cheap, as well.
The man next to Jin was eating popcorn and Jin wondered if it really was normal like this. Eating fast food, he noticed while looking around, while watching sports - that was something completely absurd to him.
He wore a cap, his hair stuck back beneath it, watching the field.
It had only taken him a few seconds to find Kazuya. He wore a shirt with the number twenty-seven in white with black stripes. His eyes were determined.
As far as Jin knew these were elections for the national B team and thus, quite important. From the B team, it wasn’t that far anymore to get into A.
The game started and Jin leaned in to keep Kazuya in his view, to watch him. He barely got excited over sports, so he didn’t fall in the cheering around him, but whenever it was Kazuya’s turn, he tensed and concentrated on him.
Jin didn’t know why, but he felt excited seeing Kazuya working hard like that. He wanted to support him in a way, help him reach that goal he was aiming for.
As the game ended and Kazuya’s team was announced as the winners, Jin remained in his seat, smiling. He watched Kazuya cheering with the others, smiling brightly, flashing peace signs.
That cheerful, bright person was the one he had fallen in love with back then. Though, knowing he had been hurt inside, broken deep down, had made Jin feel for him even more.
But that smile, that happy and honest smile had sure captured him from the beginning.
The teams left the field, Jin’s eyes followed the twenty-seven and he only got up, as it started to get quiet around him.
For a moment, Jin hesitated at the exit. He could probably wait for the players to come out, for Kazuya to show up.
How would he react, meeting Jin after that long while?
Would there still be something of their feelings left? Would it be awkward? Would they feel insecure?
He stood like that, waiting for that moment to happen, for Kazuya turning up, noticing him. Jin looked at his watch, noticed it was almost eight.
Probably, he thought, and turned, they weren’t that far yet. Not today.
It was too much Jin had to consider. He had to find out first what he felt for Mirai, if it was comparable to what he seemed to still feel for Kazuya.
He had to find out first, if he could take meeting Kazuya. Jin couldn’t even imagine it at that point.
He would meet Kazuya another time, in another place, under different circumstances. At a time, when they’d be able to face each other and their past.
Jin wasn’t ready yet to let Kazuya back into his life.
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Thanks so much for reading, I hope you liked it ♥
Jin raised his hand slightly, giving an okay sign, before he turned again.
The day had just started and at the moment, he was sitting all by himself in the lecture room, flipping through some notes in his book, before he opened the page for today’s date and wrote down Lunch with Yuu.
“You’re busy, huh?”
Jin raised his head and smirked slightly. “Not more than usually. Join us for lunch?”
The other boy nodded, sat down next to him and took off the sunglasses he wore casually. He was about as tall as Jin, slim but well-built and had a pretty face, dark, silky hair and gentle eyes.
Somehow, over the past year, Jin had spent in university, Yamashita Tomohisa had become one of his best friends.
“Sure thing”, he answered now and flipped through his own organizer. “I have an appointment at two, though.”
Jin smirked. “What? Making some money again?”
Yamashita laughed slightly. “Don’t make me sound like I was a prostitute.”
“It’s almost the same.”
“Being a model is the same as a whore?”
Jin laughed. “You sell your face.”
“Not just that”, Yamashita answered kinkily and then leaned back. “But they only look, so it’s okay.”
“So, you have a job today?”
“Kind of.” He opened his bag and got out a magazine as well as a file. “There’s a kid who has just joined our agency. They want me to come and guide him a bit for his first shooting. We’ll probably take some photos together for a new brand.”
Jin nodded, interested and took the magazine first, looking at the clothes and accessories. “Cool stuff. A bit feminine, though, don’t you think?”
Yamashita shrugged a shoulder. “I don’t have to wear it in my private time, only for the shootings, so I don’t really care.”
Taking the file, Jin threw him a look. “Really, you always wear the clothes you wear in those shootings; it’s kind of embarrassing to walk beside you.”
“That’s the destiny of those being friends with a model.”
Laughing, Jin opened the file and read the text first, then he flipped through the photos.
They showed a small, slim boy with a face that perfectly suited those feminine touched brands they were going to wear. His face was small and delicate, big round eyes, framed by dark lashes. He had a small, straight nose and high cheekbones, perfect pouty lips. His hair was dark brunette, straight and had a stylish cut.
Somehow, Jin thought, he had seen that kid before.
“Did he work for another agency before?”
Yamashita threw a look at the picture Jin had opened and tilted his head. “His curriculum vitae says, he just finished school this April, so I don’t think so. Most agencies don’t take in high schoolers because of the policy and such.”
Jin flipped it to the first page again, read the name.
“Tegoshi Yuya.”
“He has the cute looks; it’s something we miss recently, at least since Matsumoto-kun left the agency.”
Jin tilted his head, narrowed his eyes. “I can’t say why, but I know that boy, I know that name.”
“That’s quite impossible. He’s from Yokohama, just came to Tokyo for his last year in high school.” Yamashita pointed at the information in the file.
“But here”, Jin said and tapped his finger to a point. “He plays soccer. He’s most likely in a team and that’s where I’ve seen him.”
His friend nodded. “That’s possible.”
Satisfied with that explanation, Jin closed the file and gave it back to Yamashita. “However, looks girly. Don’t fall in love with him.”
Yamashita laughed, putting both the magazine and the file back. “I surely won’t. I am still straight.”
“You’re modelling for girly brands…”
“Shut up.” Yamashita put his arms to the wooden table. “Will you invite Mirai and her friends along for lunch?”
Jin quickly threw a look to his right, saw a bunch of girls sitting together, laughing and talking.
“They’re always so loud.”
“All girls are, as soon as there are at least two of them.”
Jin grinned. “Do you want me to invite them? Which one is it, you’re interested in?”
Yamashita laughed. “All of them?”
Rolling his eyes, Jin turned back and ignored the other boy. “Spare me.”
Dropping the topic, both of them fell silent as the lecture started.
Jin opened his notebook and started to write down a few things, listening interested. He liked university. It wasn’t nearly as stressful as school, and ever since he had started, his life had changed completely.
He drifted off from the topic in his thoughts and playfully moved his pen in his hands.
When he had come to Tokyo, he had promised himself that he would start over completely. If there had been anything he had learned, then it was that he needed to change.
For the first weeks, he had walked down every street in anticipation; expecting to see Kazuya around every corner.
By now, he knew it was an illusion. This city was not like his hometown, there were simply too many people to find a single one by chance.
He knew which part Kazuya lived in, he still knew the address, but Jin didn’t dare going and see him. It just had been a year, when he had come to Tokyo. That was nothing, not enough time to change.
Now, it’s been more than two years, he’d turn twenty in a few months and somehow, everything in his life had changed.
For the most part, he had forgotten about Kazuya.
It didn’t hurt anymore to think of him - if he remembered to think of Kazuya.
Sometimes, like at this moment, he would. Remember that it had been Kazuya who had changed him to the better, who had opened Jin’s eyes.
He had a lot of friends now; no one would even expect him to have been an outsider for so long; someone avoiding contact with others.
Someone, changing his partner every week.
His eyes went back to the direction in which the group of girls sat. Ever since Kazuya, she was the first person he had showed interests in.
In April, when the term had started and he had noticed her between all those freshmen for the first time, he had just needed one look at her to know it. He had to get closer to her, get to know her. Jin hadn’t felt like that in a long time; that strong desire to get someone’s attention.
Since then, he had started to remember Kazuya more often again, because of her, because of those feelings, because of the memories.
Jin flipped open his mobile and typed in a message, showing it to Yamashita.
“Are you and Satsuki-chan in for lunch after this”, he read out in a whispered voice. “So, you picked Satsuki for me?”
Jin smirked. “Out of her friends, she is definitely the cutest, don’t you think?”
“Whatever, just invite some girls.”
Jin shook his head and sent the message, watching Mirai then, as she read it and gave him a smile and nod then.
Jin couldn’t really point out why, but Mirai just strangely reminded him of Kazuya. It wasn’t the way she looked, and neither the way she talked, moved or acted.
He couldn’t pinpoint it, but something about her just made him think of Kazuya.
It had been a while that he had thought about him that often, that memories and thoughts of Kazuya had flooded his mind, but each time Jin was with Mirai, he was reminded of the other boy.
And it completely took over him.
They hadn’t agreed on anything, but as it looked at the moment, they were going out; dating. Neither of them had confessed to the other one, it had just gone with the flow.
Yamashita had asked Jin one evening, if he was dating Mirai, if he was really serious about her.
Jin had just blinked at him. “Why?”
“You walk her home everyday, Jin. And you guys go on dates, don’t you?”
Tilting his head, Jin had thought it over for a second. “I guess.”
“She’s pretty, so I give my approval.” Yamashita had given him a thumb-up.
Jin wasn’t really sure why he needed his friend’s approval, but he didn’t really care. He liked Mirai, somehow. It was different from how he had liked Kazuya.
He had fallen in love head over heels back then, doing things, saying things, Jin had never imagined being even capable of.
With Mirai, he hadn’t even noticed he had fallen in love. He probably even hadn’t, but somehow, he had still ended up by her side, dating her.
It was subtle and both of them were quite hesitant, but they were still dating.
Jin just felt attracted to her.
“What would you like to drink, Jin?”
They had all gone to a café after lecture was over. The usual troupe, a few of the girls, a few of them boys.
Jin looked up from his mobile and looked at Ryo, who had just asked him. He had just recently joined their clique. Yamashita had picked him up in some course, because he was a good-looking guy.
Yamashita only picked up good-looking people, it crossed Jin’s mind and he shrugged a shoulder. “I’m fine with a coke.”
Yamashita ordered for them and Jin looked back at the display of his mobile, opening the message he had just received.
“Mirai’s going to be a bit late”, he informed the others. “She still has to talk to the prof; about that speech next week.”
“How is it going with her? How far have you gone?”
Ryo was a bit too straight-forward for Jin’s likings, so he just raised a brow. “None of your business.”
The black-haired grinned. “You seem like the rather quick type to me.”
Yamashita giggled and turned his head, as Satsuki tugged his sleeve, catching his attention and pointing at the magazine she was looking at.
Jin threw a quick glance at it, before he answered: “It’s pretty easy to estimate a person by their looks, isn’t it? Looking at you, I’d say you’re…” He stopped and frowned, before he glanced back, leaned over the table to have a closer look at the magazine again.
Yamashita noticed and tilted his head. “You recognize him?”
Jin threw him a look. “That boy…”
“Yes, it’s him. I showed you his profile a few weeks ago.”
Jin frowned, looked closer at the page. It showed Yamashita with two other boys. One was delicate and cute, with dark brunette hair and a rather feminine aura, while the other boy was a bit taller, brunette hair that framed a perfect, slim face, reaching his shoulders. He seemed delicate, too, but in another way.
Those eyes were just giving off a stronger expression; as if they hid a mystery no one had solved yet.
“He’s playing soccer and as I found out last time, he’s in Waseda, playing for their team, so you most likely competed against him. He’s centre forward.”
Jin looked up from the page, shook his head, as he dropped back to his seat. “Ah, I remember”, he said weakly, cracked a smile.
“Who’s the other one”, one of the girls asked and Jin pretended not to listen anymore.
“That’s Kame-chan”, Yamashita answered. “He’s a nice guy, Haruna, you’d like him.”
“Really? Invite him along, next time.”
“His friend, too!”
“They’re both not really the type for that”, Yamashita said with a slight smile. “They don’t go out often, since they’re both pretty serious about sports.”
Satsuki closed the magazine. “They’re both playing soccer?”
“Tegoshi is. The smaller one with dark hair”, he added to explain who he meant. “He plays in his university team and is pretty serious about it.” He pointed at Kazuya who was smiling at them from the cover of the magazine. “Kamenashi-kun is playing baseball. He’s in a pretty good team, too and is currently aiming for the nationals.”
“That’s cool”, the girls said in sync and Jin had to hold back a shudder. Kazuya was still popular, as it seemed.
“But thus, those two don’t ever have much time for girls. With university, work and their sport.”
Disappointed, the girls sighed and made pouting faces. “It can’t be helped then.”
“But I’ll ask”, Yamashita reassured them. “And ask, if they’d like to go out with me and some really nice friends.”
Jin looked at the cover again. So, Kazuya was still playing, aiming for the nationals, even. He was giving his best, chasing his dream.
“Sorry, I am late!”
Jin raised his head, looked at Mirai, as she came in and smiled brightly at them. She always smiled; she was good-natured and pretty, strong in a way, even though she looked like she needed protection.
“What were you talking about?” She sat down next to Jin, threw back her long, dark hair. Recently, she had started to wear it slightly curled. It suited her.
“Some friends from my job. We’ll probably invite them next time for a group date”, Yamashita explained and Jin looked at the table again, but saw the magazine was gone.
“So, not from interest for you”, Ryo added and leaned back, as the waitress placed a glass in front of him. “Since you have Jin.”
Mirai blushed slightly and shot Jin a glance, before she looked back at the table again. The other girls were laughing and Jin just nudged her knee with his, giving her a calm smile.
Ryo was right, after all.
They had not yet even kissed, but in a way, Jin wouldn’t be happy if she didn’t interpret his actions the way he meant them.
After all, finally, he was serious about a relationship.
And then, it was okay if it processed slowly. They both had time; he wouldn’t ever rush into love again like he had with Kazuya.
Not again, Jin thought and Kazuya’s face appeared in his head again, the way, he had looked in that magazine, handsome and different from Jin’s memory, somehow grown up.
Rushing into love like that was probably only working, if it was Kazuya.
It was still easy to play the perfect boyfriend.
He had practised that long enough, it ironically crossed Jin’s mind, as he stood at the entrance to Ueno Park, watching people pass by.
The weather was nice, a bit too hot already for late June, but still nice. At the stairs there were artists drawing the scenery or offering to draw pedestrians.
Of course, Jin had been early. It was rude to make a girl wait, so he had showed up about ten minutes early. She’d be late, anyways, but Jin didn’t really care too much.
He observed the people around him, there were almost only couples; it was a famous spot on a Sunday afternoon, after all.
Looking out for Mirai, his eye got caught by a familiar view and Jin frowned, narrowing his eyes.
His remaining time in High School had been filled with stories about beaver and chicken way too often, and he would recognize that face anywhere.
Jin was pretty sure it was Koki, standing at the other side, waiting at the steps. He probably had moved, too, attending university now.
Wondering, whom Koki was possibly waiting for, Jin made a few steps into his direction. It had been a year, since he last had met Koki, so he wanted to at least greet him properly.
“Jin-kun!” Mirai came from the direction Jin was just walking into, waving at him. “I am sorry, I’m late!”
Jin shook his head. “It’s fine.”
“Did you wait long?” She gave him a worried look.
“No, I didn’t”, he reassured her with a calm smile, before he looked back to Koki’s direction. The spot was empty, though, and Koki gone.
“Huh?” Mirai turned, following Jin’s line of view. “What are you looking for?”
Jin shook his head. “Nothing. I thought I saw someone familiar, but I was probably wrong.”
“Ah, I see”, she answered and then smiled again. “Shall we go? Let’s go to the temple first, okay?”
Jin followed her, feeling content with himself. Mirai looked cute; her dark, long hair curly again, wearing a short dress with a light jacket and a hat that protected her face from the burning sun.
Sometimes, he really felt a bit too plain next to her, but she had never once complained about Jin’s styling.
She bought a lucky charm at the temple, praying sincerely. It made Jin smile, appreciating her pureness.
It was already late, when they left the zoo that evening. It had been a typical date, stereotype, but Jin had enjoyed it a lot, nevertheless. He liked Mirai’s company.
“Jin-kun”, she said, as they left the park, walking down to the station. “Thanks a lot for today, it was fun.”
Jin simply nodded. He wasn’t good in mouthing his thoughts, so he left it at that.
“It’s Tanabata soon.” Mirai stopped at the platform, stepped a bit closer to Jin. “Are you planning to go to a festival?”
“Ah, right”, Jin said and tilted his head. “Sure. Is there one close by?”
Excitedly, she nodded. “There is! Shall we go together?”
“Are you going to wear a yukata?”
Mirai blushed slightly, but nodded then.
“I’m looking forward to that.”
She seemed happy, subtly brushed her hand against Jin’s. “Me, too.”
“Jin?”
Frowning, Jin froze for a second, noticing Mirai’s surprised look, before he turned.
“It’s you, isn’t it?”
Jin stared, then a smile formed in his face and he stepped forward. “Koki!”
“It’s nice to see you! How have you been doing?”
“Fine, thanks. How about you? Are you going to university now?”
Koki nodded. His head was almost bald, but he looked a lot more grown up than when Jin had last seen him.
“I’m in Keio now, how about you?”
“Meiji.” Jin threw Mirai a look, who seemed confused. “Sorry. That’s Tanaka Koki; we went to the same High School. Koki, that’s Komiyama Mirai.”
Koki nodded in a friendly way, as the train came in, drowning any words.
“I’ll see you tomorrow then, Jin-kun”, Mirai said and turned to the doors.
Jin nodded. “Take care. Good night.”
She smiled. “Good night.”
Jin waited, until the train was gone and the crowd around them had disappeared into the stair cases to get to the next trains.
“Is she your girlfriend?”
Jin nodded, after a moment. “Yes.”
“How long have you been dating”, Koki asked shamelessly.
“It’s been a while now.”
“So, it’s finally something serious, I assume?”
“You could say that.”
Koki smiled slightly. “That’s good to hear, after you played around that much in High School.”
Jin laughed. “Well…”
“You’ve been so depressed, when Kame-chan left, back then.”
Jin’s smile froze and he stared at Koki, puzzled by those words.
The younger one shrugged a shoulder. “You liked him, didn’t you? He obviously turned you around in that week you guys were dating.”
Weakly, Jin managed to laugh. “You still remember that? I had already forgotten about that joke between all those girls I dated.”
Koki ignored those words. “Well, I am happy you could find someone who can compare to Kame, at least.”
Jin gulped, brought his feet to move and walk past Koki. “I told you, it was a joke, that week. It didn’t mean anything to me.”
He didn’t turn again, as he dashed up the stairs to get to his train. He didn’t need to be reminded of Kazuya. Of course, the only real connection he had ever had to Koki had been Kazuya. He had been the reason they had become friends in the first place, but still, what he had felt towards Kazuya had always been Jin’s secret.
Koki was not supposed to know, not supposed to remind him.
No one was.
The stands were crowded and it was loud. Jin hated places like that, but yet, he had come here.
It was a usual Friday afternoon, sunny and bright and all those people around him had decided to watch the game, too.
Buying a ticket hadn’t been that difficult as Jin had thought. It had been rather easy and quite cheap, as well.
The man next to Jin was eating popcorn and Jin wondered if it really was normal like this. Eating fast food, he noticed while looking around, while watching sports - that was something completely absurd to him.
He wore a cap, his hair stuck back beneath it, watching the field.
It had only taken him a few seconds to find Kazuya. He wore a shirt with the number twenty-seven in white with black stripes. His eyes were determined.
As far as Jin knew these were elections for the national B team and thus, quite important. From the B team, it wasn’t that far anymore to get into A.
The game started and Jin leaned in to keep Kazuya in his view, to watch him. He barely got excited over sports, so he didn’t fall in the cheering around him, but whenever it was Kazuya’s turn, he tensed and concentrated on him.
Jin didn’t know why, but he felt excited seeing Kazuya working hard like that. He wanted to support him in a way, help him reach that goal he was aiming for.
As the game ended and Kazuya’s team was announced as the winners, Jin remained in his seat, smiling. He watched Kazuya cheering with the others, smiling brightly, flashing peace signs.
That cheerful, bright person was the one he had fallen in love with back then. Though, knowing he had been hurt inside, broken deep down, had made Jin feel for him even more.
But that smile, that happy and honest smile had sure captured him from the beginning.
The teams left the field, Jin’s eyes followed the twenty-seven and he only got up, as it started to get quiet around him.
For a moment, Jin hesitated at the exit. He could probably wait for the players to come out, for Kazuya to show up.
How would he react, meeting Jin after that long while?
Would there still be something of their feelings left? Would it be awkward? Would they feel insecure?
He stood like that, waiting for that moment to happen, for Kazuya turning up, noticing him. Jin looked at his watch, noticed it was almost eight.
Probably, he thought, and turned, they weren’t that far yet. Not today.
It was too much Jin had to consider. He had to find out first what he felt for Mirai, if it was comparable to what he seemed to still feel for Kazuya.
He had to find out first, if he could take meeting Kazuya. Jin couldn’t even imagine it at that point.
He would meet Kazuya another time, in another place, under different circumstances. At a time, when they’d be able to face each other and their past.
Jin wasn’t ready yet to let Kazuya back into his life.
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Thanks so much for reading, I hope you liked it ♥