Kamen /// Forgotten Feelings /// Oneshot (Sequel) Part II
They didn’t talk any more about it.
Only, when there were meetings for the whole band, the topic was discussed, but Kazuya kept in his spot, saying things would turn out okay, that they all had to give their best in what they were doing.
Jin couldn’t help but feel upset about it.
It felt, as if Kazuya actually wanted him to leave.
Jin knew that wasn’t true, and just his imagination, but still, it felt, as if he didn’t care much about whether Jin was with him or not.
They wouldn’t see each other for six long months, how could it be that easy for Kazuya, when only the thought of it made Jin lose his mind?
But everything was normal, when they were together; the teasing, the conversations, the closeness. Nothing had changed.
Kazuya threw Jin a glance, as he stood at his drawer, trying to find something to pull over. Even though it was late March already, it still was too cold, somehow.
“I am freezing, I need to put something on”, he explained, pulling a pullover over his head and his shirt then.
“You’ll spend the day indoors, don’t you?”
Kazuya shrugged a shoulder, dropped the topic. “Will we meet tonight?”
Jin looked down at his blanket. He still lay in bed, since he didn’t have to leave before noon. It wasn’t even six yet, but Kazuya had recordings and dance training. It was strange, he thought, for him to not do the same schedule as the band.
“I’m having a meeting for new songs this evening. We start to work on them, so I’ll probably work the whole night.”
Kazuya smiled. “How many more are you adding?”
Shrugging, Jin put his head back to the pillow. “A few, I guess.”
“So, I’ll go home tonight”, the younger one picked up their previous topic again.
Jin nodded slowly, listened to Kazuya getting dressed, then it went quiet and Jin closed his eyes, almost drifting into sleep again.
When he noticed the mattress dipping under a weight, he blinked his eyes open and saw Kazuya sitting by his side, at the edge of the bed.
“What’s wrong, Jin”, he asked and caressed his hair and cheek gently. “You seem a bit more quiet than usual.”
Jin shifted to his side, put his arm under his head and looked up to Kazuya’s face. “My flight is booked and everything’s set now.”
For a moment, Jin thought he saw something lit up in Kazuya’s eyes, some worry, some fear, even, but at the next glance, his features were calm, his look gentle and just nice. “So, they’ll get the news out these days, won’t they?”
Jin frowned. “Don’t you want to know, when?”
Releasing an awkward laugh, Kazuya nodded. “Ah, yes, of course I do.”
“May ninth”, Jin said dryly.
Kazuya swallowed thickly, tried not to let Jin see how much that put him off. “So, we will even start the tour, before you’ll leave.”
“Is work all you think about?”
Kazuya’s features froze, the smile on his lips fading. “Eh?”
“I mean, I was just telling you the date I would leave and you talk about work?” Jin didn’t change his position; he looked like he was going back to sleep any minute.
Trying to keep his calm, Kazuya shifted slightly in his position. “We’re scheduled for Sendai the day before; that was what worried me.”
“So, we’ll have to say goodbye the day before you leave to Sendai, I think.”
“You’ll be working then”, Kazuya noted.
“I’ll make sure to take the evening off, no matter what.” Jin still looked at him, saw Kazuya smile slightly, sadly, in a way.
“You don’t have to, I know the preparations are going to take a lot of time and I don’t want you to miss any of that, just because of me.”
Jin kept silent, just looked at Kazuya, then he rolled over, facing with his back to the younger male. “I really don’t get you.”
Kazuya looked at his lap, bit his lip to hold back from saying what was on his mind. It wouldn’t help them.
Jin was leaving, however, so there was no use in telling his true feelings.
“It’s probably easier if we don’t make it dramatic, you know?”
Jin shrugged a shoulder. “If that’s what you want, then I’ll just say goodbye to you, when saying goodbye to the others.”
Kazuya hesitated. Of course, he didn’t want that. Of course, he wanted to spend the night before Jin’s leave with him, hold him for a last time, stay awake, just to take in as much as he could. He would have to miss it for too long after that.
“That’s fine then”, he finally said.
Jin closed his eyes, held back from getting angry with Kazuya. He didn’t want to fight right now, not at a time like this. They didn’t have much of it left.
“It’ll cover the media today, so, in a way, it’s getting official.”
Kazuya nodded, knowing Jin couldn’t see it, so he forced a simple “I see".
“It starts to feel real.”
Hearing those words sent a shudder through Kazuya and he took a deep breath. It had felt so painfully real to him since the day Jin had told him already. “You’re getting more excited then.”
Jin didn’t answer and Kazuya watched his back for a while, before he reached out his hand to run a finger down the older man’s spine.
“Get some more sleep.”
There was still no reaction and Kazuya swallowed, pressed his lips together, before he got up to leave the room.
Jin’s behaviour was strange and made him feel uneasy. He didn’t quite know how to react to his words and if his support showed at all.
Kazuya always felt, as if all of it was drowned in his fear and anxiousness and as if Jin could look right through it.
Probably that was, why Jin was so cold, why he acted so distant.
“Jin”, Kazuya silently said at the door and waited for Jin to turn around to look at him. His eyes were calm and expectant. “Call me, when you have time, okay?”
A smile formed in Jin’s features and he nodded, lifting his hand to wave slightly. Kazuya waved back, smiled, as well.
“I will.”
Kazuya yawned loudly, when he came into the office and walked up to the training rooms. Just like all the other days, recently, he’d have vocal training in the morning, then dance lessons with the other four and after that, they’d have a meeting for the concert shows.
The plan was quite strict, but it was okay for him; after all, he was used to it, since he basically done those schedules a million times before, as it felt to him.
When he saw Tegoshi at the end of the corridor, he waved and called him, making the other male turn.
“Ah, Kame-kun!” Tegoshi smiled brightly, approaching him. “Long time no see.”
“It’s been a while, hasn’t it?” Kazuya nodded. “How are you doing?”
“Concert meetings and rehearsals, practicing new songs. I guess, it’s the same for you.”
“Basically”, Kazuya agreed. “We’ll have a lot to do.”
“Ah, right”, Tegoshi said then and tilted his head. “Akanishi-kun’s going overseas, isn’t he?”
Kazuya hesitated a bit, before nodding. “Right.”
“How come? What did he do?”
It made Kazuya giggle. Tegoshi was naturally competitive, but this was so typically him. “He obviously worked hard, Tegoshi.”
“Ah, sure, but, he didn’t work harder than anyone of you did, did he?” Tegoshi looked pretty serious.
“I wouldn’t say that. Just in a different direction, I guess.”
Tegoshi frowned, pulled a non-understanding face and shrugged a shoulder then. “Well, if you say so. You know him better.”
Kazuya nodded, before he shuffled his feet a bit. “How is Masuda-kun doing?”
“Oh, it’s fine. He’s still a bit mad at you, though, for saying we’d be a better team than Tegomasu.” Tegoshi grinned a bit.
Kazuya laughed at that, feeling more relaxed, when he didn’t have to talk about Jin. “That was only a joke to tease him, he shouldn’t take it serious.”
“It’s probably good he did”, the light brunette answered and then turned, as the door behind them opened.
“Yuya, are you…” Masuda fell silent and then bowed his head. “Ah, hey, Kamenashi-kun.”
Kazuya raised his hand and nodded slightly. “Well, then, Tegoshi, I better get to practice.”
“It was nice to see you”, Tegoshi said and smiled brightly again. “Oh, that reminds me”, he added then and made Kazuya turn once more. “I met Uchi earlier. We agreed on having dinner today. Do you want to come with us?”
“Yuya”, Masuda said from the door, sounding impatient.
Kazuya nodded quickly. “Send me a mail where and when, okay?”
He watched, how Tegoshi walked over and gave Masuda’s shoulder a light push, mumbling something to him and Kazuya just had to grin.
Then he hurried upstairs and to the room, they had practice in.
Ueda and Nakamaru were already there, wishing him a good morning. Kazuya greeted back and then put his bag down, getting out a bottle of water.
He frowned when he noticed that the shirt, he had put into his back his morning to change into after training, was one of Jin’s.
Tracing a finger over the fabric, he smiled slightly, thinking that it had been a while, since he had last worn any of Jin’s clothes.
His head shot up, when the others called him and he noticed Koki and Taguchi had arrived already, so he got over to join them and start rehearsals.
After they were finished with their vocal training, practicing a few songs of the new album, they changed rooms. In the huge gym room with large mirrors along one wall, Kis-my-Ft2 were already waiting for them, warming up.
Kazuya greeted all in a friendly way, having a small talk with Fujigaya, before they got started. He concentrated on his steps, working hard to get everything done well as soon as possible.
When everyone else took a break for lunch, Kazuya stood in, kept on practicing the dance they’ve just been at. He knew, if he stopped now, his thoughts would go back to that one thing he always thought about, as soon as he wasn’t busy.
Keeping himself busy, and at work, thinking about the things that were necessary to do, that kept Kazuya from drowning in self-pity and angst.
The day went by faster than he would have expected and by the time, they all got changed, he checked his mobile for the first time, finding he had received several messages.
One was from Koki, a picture of his bowl of ramen attached and the text read: It’s so delicious, you seriously miss something.
Kazuya grinned over that. The other one was from Tegoshi, telling him a time and a restaurant they would meet up.
The third one was from Jin, a picture of him a friend, one of the songwriters Kazuya knew as well, both flashing peace signs and with their hoodies up. The text was short, only saying: I’ll go out tonight; we celebrate finishing a song in one day.
Kazuya pressed a few buttons and send a reply that was just as simple: Will go out with Tegoshi and Uchi for dinner and a few drinks later.
He didn’t even know if Jin expected an answer to that, but he probably just wanted Kazuya to not feel lonely.
Checking his watch, Kazuya noticed he was quite late if he wanted to meet Uchi and Tegoshi in time, so he bid everyone goodbye and left quickly.
When he arrived at the café, the other two were already sitting at a table, having a drink.
“I’m sorry, rehearsals took a bit longer.”
“That’s fine”, Uchi said and pointed at the empty seat across from him. “We ordered a wine for you.”
“Oh, thanks”, Kazuya mumbled and put his wallet and mobile to the table. “I am surprised you’re free, actually”, he pointed out to Tegoshi then. “Don’t have soccer training, usually?”
“At the moment it suits my schedule better in the mornings”, the youngest one answered. “So, we shifted it there.”
“Are your team mates that flexible?”
He shook his head. “I play in different teams, so I train with another one at the moment than last month.”
Uchi frowned. “That’s a bit much of trouble.”
“It’s working fine. As long as I can play.”
Kazuya laughed slightly. “We should probably all be as carefree as Tegoshi-chan.”
“I’m not carefree.”
“But you just do your thing”, Kazuya countered. “The way it’s best for you.”
Tegoshi shrugged a shoulder, glanced at Uchi. “If it’s not good for me and what I want, why would I do it in the first place then?”
For a moment, Kazuya just stared at him, blinked his eyes a few times, then he cracked a smile. “Well, that’s true, I guess.”
Strangely, hearing those words, it made Kazuya wonder why exactly he went through what he went through at the moment. He definitely didn’t do that for himself, but for Jin and for what they had.
But it didn’t get himself anywhere but into a total dilemma.
To not let Uchi and Tegoshi notice his thoughts, he tried to forget about it, pretended to be in a good mood, and after a few drinks, actually, it went quite well.
It was almost one in the morning, when Tegoshi’s phone rang and he picked up with a worried look. He had had a bit too many drinks probably, since he stumbled slightly, as he got up, excusing himself.
Kazuya and Uchi were left alone and it fell silent between them for a moment, then Uchi leaned in a bit, refilling Kazuya’s glass with Sake.
“You know, I was worrying a bit, when I heard about Jin.”
Kazuya looked at him, managed a smile. “Ah, well, thanks. But he’ll be fine over there. He has an aim.”
Uchi giggled. “Not for him. Why would I worry for him?” he shook his head. “I was worried because of you.”
“Oh, well”, Kazuya answered and looked at the table. “That’s not necessary.” Uchi bit his lip, wanted to say something, but Kazuya got up then, searched his bag. “I’ll get some fresh air.”
With that he walked out of the room, taking his bag with him, but leaving his wallet and mobile.
Uchi stayed, waited for Tegoshi who seemed to had gotten lost and sighed slightly, not knowing what exactly to do.
A beeping sound let him wince and he saw Kazuya’s phone blinking, fleshing something at the display.
While that, Kazuya had left the restaurant for a small backstreet and leaned against the wall, getting out a package of cigarettes. Lazily, he tapped one out, lit it up and took a deep drag, before he tilted his head back.
It was warm for an April’s night.
Somehow, Kazuya felt completely wasted, though he only had had a couple of drinks so far. It had been nice, a funny conversation between men, and yet, he still felt so down.
He did, all the time, actually, and it started to make him upset.
When someone came around the corner, he tilted his head and looked at Uchi.
“Tegoshi left, he said something about Massu being not able to handle Tinny-chan.”
Kazuya frowned. “She is a small dog, how is he not able to handle that?”
“Massu’s afraid of dogs”, Uchi just explained and leaned next to Kazuya.
“It’s not the best base for a relationship, but it could be worse, I guess”, Kazuya commented dryly.
Uchi laughed and held out his hand, handing Kazuya his wallet and mobile. “It blinked, I guess a call?”
“Oh, thanks.” The older male checked it; found there was another mail from Jin, longer this time.
“I guess I am having a déjà-vu.”
Kazuya looked up, without having read the message. He took a drag from his cigarette and eyed Uchi for a moment.
“I don’t.”
Uchi smiled slightly. “You know, I figured this must trouble you after all. I mean the whole thing about Jin leaving. He’s not just leaving the band, is he?”
Kazuya bit his lip, fighting with himself, whether to talk up or not. “Just because he leaves doesn’t mean I forget what he means to me. I am not going to repeat any of my mistakes.”
“That’s not what I am talking about.” Uchi looked at his feet, buried his hands in his pockets. “You can’t tell me you’re completely okay with that. I mean, you told me and you made it pretty clear that you love him, didn’t you?”
“I just said that”, Kazuya pointed out to his previous comment.
“Then don’t pretend as if you’d be fine.”
“I don’t…”
“You do”, Uchi silenced him, turning to watch him. “You act as if you’d be completely okay with that.”
“What would it change?” Kazuya’s voice was quiet. “If I’d whine about how much I want him to stay? There is no way, Uchi, so I’d better be supportive and make him leave with a clear conscience that I am fine, when he’s gone.”
“You won’t be.”
“Of course not.”
Uchi sighed. “That’s no good, Kazuya.”
The older male tensed. “That doesn’t matter and it’s still Kame for you.”
Smiling, Uchi took a few steps closer. “You know, just in case that you need someone, you can always call.”
Kazuya looked up at him and in that moment, he did have a déjà-vu, after all; it sent a shudder down his spine.
“You’re too close, Uchi”, he said coldly.
His mobile started ringing, a cheerful melody breaking through the silence. Kazuya made a step back, raised it to see Jin’s name flashing at the display.
“I told you, I don’t repeat my mistakes, no matter the circumstances.” Turning around, he picked up. “Jin, you really have a perfect timing.”
“Why, where you just about to kiss Uchi”, Jin asked jokingly.
Kazuya managed a tired laugh. “Not really.”
“I just thought I’d ask where exactly you guys are? You probably want to join us?”
“Tegoshi just went home and I guess I am not in the mood, but Uchi….”
“Nah, it’s fine”, Jin stopped him and Kazuya smiled. “If you don’t come, I definitely don’t need the other two around.”
“Then, you’re just heading for one of the clubs”, Kazuya wanted to know.
“Yeah, with the guys. It’s fun.”
“I’ll see you sometime soon then.”
“I hate it, when you say that, it means you plan to avoid me.”
Kazuya chuckled. “Jin”, he asked then, his voice a bit softer.
“Hm?”
“It’s shorter from here to your place. Is it okay if I sleep there?”
Jin didn’t answer for a moment. “Since when do you ask? I gave you a key, didn’t I?”
“Yeah”, Kazuya answered, took a deep breath. “Yeah, I know.”
“I’ll see you in the morning then”, Jin said and Kazuya hummed slightly, before he hung up.
Uchi was waiting at the corner and he felt relieved for having gotten over his fears; this time he had done everything right. Even though he had been confused and had been mentally torn, he hadn’t given in and had made Jin his priority.
He took a taxi, and as he came to Jin’s flat, he looked at the key in his hand, remembered Jin’s words. It was true, he had given this to Kazuya, so he could come here anytime. Just as he had given his to Jin.
He walked in, closing the door behind him and making his way to the bedroom, changing out of his clothes and into a shirt that was tugged beneath the pillow. It was his pillow in Jin’s bed his shirt always being placed there.
He wondered, if Jin would leave the apartment just as last time. He hadn’t said anything about that so far.
It wouldn’t be the same, coming here, though, Kazuya thought, as he slid beneath the blanket. He wouldn’t come here anymore expecting Jin to lie down beside him any time at night.
Curling up beneath the blanket, Kazuya drifted into sleep, forgetting about it, while falling into some dream.
Jin found him like that, several hours later. It was almost five in the morning and he was more than tired. Even so, as he saw Kazuya cuddled up beneath the blanket, he hurried quietly to change and then lay down next to him, his head propped on his arm. He watched his lover’s features and smiled slightly.
He knew Kazuya had to be suffering from all this. He usually was just really sentimental, when he was drunk, and probably he had been drunk earlier, but Jin doubted, that it had only been that.
Slowly, Jin followed the line of Kazuya’s jaw with his finger, down to his neck and up again. He watched Kazuya’s eyes blinking open and a soft smile formed in the younger man’s face. “Hey.”
“Each time again, it’s nice finding you in my bed.”
Kazuya’s smile got wider and he shifted closer to Jin, an arm coming around his waist. “You drank too much.”
“I think so.” Jin put his head down, let Kazuya spread the blanket over him. “I’ll miss this”, he quietly said then.
Kazuya froze in his movement and his eyes got wider.
“But I can’t stay, Kazuya”, Jin added and caressed the younger male’s hair.
Freeing himself from Jin’s arms, Kazuya sat up. “What is this about, Jin?”
“I…”
“I never asked you to stay, did I?”
Jin expectantly looked at him.
“I said I’d support you”, Kazuya added. “I did support you, didn’t I?”
“Well, you did”, Jin answered and rolled over, lying on his back to look directly at Kazuya. “But you don’t even want to, do you?”
Not actually processing what Jin was talking about, Kazuya slowly shook his head. “You doubt me?”
“Well, I just feel like I want to stay more than you actually want me to stay.”
Silence lay between them after that and Kazuya shifted, tugged the heavy blanket off of himself.
“Kazuya…”
“No, Jin”, he sharply said and looked for his clothes. “You’re a selfish idiot.”
“The hell, I am selfish? You act as if you couldn’t wait for the day I am going to leave!”
Turning, Kazuya put on his shirt, looked for the scarf he had worn. “Do you think I’m stupid, Jin? Why would I ask you to stay?”
“Because you love me?”
Kazuya wanted to hit him for that retarded answer. “Oh, sure and then, when we’re on tour with the band, you would start to get depressed and for the rest of your life you’d make me responsible for your miss.”
Jin fell silent, stared.
“No way in hell, I will let you do that. If you want to stay, stay”, Kazuya said, picking up his bag. “If you want to leave, leave. It’s your decision and I won’t take any responsibility for your life, Jin.”
The older one followed him out of the bedroom, trying to hold him back. “That was not…”
“It was, Jin. You would like to stay, but you don’t want to do it for yourself. You don’t want to tell yourself one day, that it’s your fault you missed the greatest chance in your life.”
Jin let go of Kazuya’s wrist, let him get into his boots and to the door.
“I won’t be the one you can blame later on, Jin, I just don’t want to take that part, only because I have the power to make you stay.”
Jin didn’t answer, let Kazuya leave. He pressed his lips together, palmed his face and let go of a sigh.
He was afraid, Kazuya had been completely right.
They had done the first concert for the tour, just a try out, but everything had gone alright and Kazuya was satisfied.
He had been afraid, things wouldn’t go that smoothly and that that gap would be too huge, but they had made it with elegance, had perfectly played together to fill it and to even make the people forget there even was one in the first place.
The band was doing well without Jin, they had done it before and Kazuya knew they were able to pull it off again.
Yet, that gap between him and Jin, that gap Jin would leave behind for Kazuya, it was hard to take.
It was a few the days after their rehearsal concert; they were scheduled to leave for Sendai the next morning and they just had their last meeting.
Jin was there, not adding much, though. In his mind, he probably was far from all that.
“So, since we’re leaving for Sendai tomorrow morning, this will be the last time for you to work with Akanishi. His flight is scheduled for Sunday.”
The other members turned their heads to him, expectantly watching him.
Jin hated situations like this, saying goodbye and people getting all sentimental. Although, he thought it probably would only be Nakamaru getting sentimental.
He looked up, his hair tugged back in a tail, his glasses on. “I guess that means Goodbye then?”
“Already? I wasn’t prepared”, Ueda said and leaned across the table.
Jin smiled slightly. “Let’s not make this big, guys. It’s not forever.”
“But a long time, though”, Nakamaru remarked.
Koki was the first to get out of his chair. “You know, I have an appointment to keep, so I won’t take much time for this.” He patted Jin’s shoulder. “Rock them over there.”
Jin looked at him and nodded, holding out his fist for Koki to strike it slightly with his. Then, Koki turned on his heels and left the room.
“He so doesn’t have an appointment”, Taguchi pointed everyone’s thoughts out and then smiled brightly at Jin. “Give it your all. And call sometime, or just… let us know how you’re doing.”
Jin just nodded.
Ueda and Nakamaru told him basically the same, to take care, to give his best and work hard, to come back home healthy and well.
Kazuya kept still in his chair across from him all the time, keeping quiet, not obviously paying attention even.
He just stared at his hands at the table.
Nakamaru, Ueda and Taguchi left with the managers; Ueda turned at the door. “Kame, are you coming?”
Kazuya got up, smiled at him. “Yeah, sure.” He picked up his things and then took a deep breath, before he finally looked at Jin.
“I’m…” His voice trailed off.
Jin stood up and approached him. “You wish me luck, want me to take care and hope for everything to go well. I basically get the idea.”
Kazuya looked at him, unimpressed. “Drop me a message somewhere when you get there, okay? Just so I know you’re okay.”
“My mom told me the same.”
Shrugging a shoulder, Kazuya turned to the door. “She loves you quite much, that’s just natural.”
Jin smiled at that. “Kazuya”, he held the other one back then.
He turned to give Jin a last look. “Hm?”
“I’ll clear as many ways as I can for us, I promise.” Jin gave him a stern look.
It was a gentle smile he got as an answer.
Nothing more.
It felt like it had been years, since Kazuya had last cried that much. Even so, he could remember the last time quite well.
It wasn’t quite fair, he thought, that it was always Jin who made him cry. Kazuya basically didn’t cry for any other reason, it was always because of Jin.
Upset with that and how things had somehow turned out in the end, he lay in his bed, wondering, if he should take this last chance to do something about it.
But if he’d get to see Jin now, he’d probably just do exactly what Jin wanted him to do. Beg him to stay, ask him not to go, not to leave Kazuya.
The thought alone, the thought of the next six months, drove Kazuya insane.
He closed his eyes and his breath evened, he felt tiredness taking over him.
When he heard a clicking sound, his eyes flew open again, though and he tensed. He wasn’t like Jin, afraid of the dark, but unusual sounds made him feel uneasy, as well.
He sniffled slightly, when he dried his face with a hand and sat up to listen more closely.
“Kazuya.”
When he heard that voice, Kazuya tensed again, stared at the door.
“I know, we agreed on saying goodbye, when I’d tell the others goodbye”, Jin said, his voice perfectly audible through the wooden door.
Kazuya frowned, his expression puzzled. He couldn’t move.
“But somehow, it felt wrong, leaving that way.” Jin hesitated for a moment. “I don’t want to leave when I’m in a fight with you. That’s not right, is it?”
Jin looked at the door, touched the frame slightly. He wasn’t used to talk about his feelings like that, so, saying it like this, was a bit easier. Kazuya was probably sleeping, anyways.
“I won’t come in”, he said. “So, I basically don’t really break that agreement. We don’t see each other after saying goodbye anymore. It’s actually like a call, isn’t it?”
He fell silent, knowing he lost himself in unimportant details to avoid the heavy words he was about to say.
“I think you were right. With you asking me to stay, it would have been a lot easier for me.” He pressed his lips together. “And I would have blamed you. It’s good you know me that well, you know.”
Jin uncomfortably looked over his shoulder, as if to check if anyone had followed him, then he leaned against the door frame.
“I am sorry. I just… I just wanted you to at least show me that it’s not that easy for you. I mean, it hurt to see you acting as if it wouldn’t make any difference to you where I am.”
He waited again, unsure what to add.
“Don’t be mad at me, okay? I don’t want to leave knowing you’re still mad at me.”
He heard a rustling from inside and gripped the door handle, pulled it against the frame, as Kazuya took hold of it from the other side.
“You can’t, Kazuya. We had an agreement…”
“Jin.”
He silenced at that, heard that shaky undertone, that seriousness in Kazuya’s voice. His grip loosened and the door slowly opened.
Kazuya came into his sight and he remained in his spot, leaning against the door frame.
“It’s not like I don’t care where you are.”
Jin nodded simply.
“If I’d tell you that I want you to stay, it would only make both of us feel even more miserable, wouldn’t it?”
Again, he got a nod for that.
“So, isn’t it better to just support you?”
This time, Jin shrugged a shoulder, looked to the ground. “I don’t know. You made it look like you don’t care.”
Kazuya closed the distance between them, came closer, but didn’t touch Jin. “You should know better.”
Jin raised his head to look at Kazuya and held up the key in front of his face. “This. I am going to take it with me.” He shook it a bit and then let is disappear in his fist. “I’ll leave it open for me to come back anytime, and whenever I want.”
Kazuya relaxed and a smile formed in his face. “You know you always can.”
Jin smiled and leaned in, caught Kazuya’s lips with his. He cupped the younger one’s face with one hand and ran his thumb over the smooth skin.
“You cried”, he noticed.
Kazuya shook his head. “I never would.”
“I’m sorry”, Jin said, though, ignoring Kazuya’s words.
“It’s fine, just…” Kazuya pulled him closer again, into another kiss.
Jin shoved Kazuya backwards back into the room and to his bed, never breaking the kiss, when they fell to the sheets, quickly developing kisses to more.
Later, as they lay close to each other, holding each other, Kazuya closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, inhaled Jin’s scent, before saying what he had wanted to say, ever since Jin had called him to tell him he would leave.
“I’ll miss you.”
Jin smiled, pulled him closer. “I know.”
“You won’t give up your apartment, will you”, Kazuya asked.
“No, you can go there whenever you want.”
“Probably, when the tour is over.”
Jin nodded, his hand lazily caressing Kazuya’s back. “Sleeping would be quite some waste of time now, huh?”
“Go to sleep if you’re tired.”
“I have a feeling you won’t wake me up, when you leave in the morning.”
Kazuya smiled. “We’ve made enough fuss over it now, didn’t we?”
Jin felt sleep taking over him and he buried his face in Kazuya’s hair, feeling at ease and relaxed. “I guess I deserve a long and loving last kiss, don’t you think?”
Kazuya chuckled slightly. “You’ve got enough of them just now.”
As Jin didn’t answer anymore, Kazuya closed his eyes, as well, his hand at Jin’s bare back and his head comfortably bedded on Jin’s shoulder.
He was still in quite the same position, as he woke up the next morning, sleepy, but feeling a lot better.
Jin was sleeping peacefully, as always, completely ignoring the sounds of the alarm.
Kazuya carefully made his way out of bed and changed, got ready for leaving in a mere fifteen minutes.
He decided to buy coffee somewhere on his way and brought his bag to the door, before he sneaked into his bedroom again, finding Jin still in the same position.
Kazuya smiled, stroked his hair, gently shoving it out of Jin’s face and then leaned in, brushing their lips together.
He gently nipped Jin’s, pecked them a few time, before he noticed Jin returning the moves lazily.
Kazuya straightened again and held back a laugh, watching Jin with gentle eyes. After all, it probably was nothing but an instinct, but Kazuya still was happy about it.
With a last look he turned and quietly closed the door behind himself.
It was an early Monday morning and Kazuya was back in Tokyo, in his flat, feeling tired from the lack of sleep. They rehearsed a lot, since the concert hadn’t been perfect at all. A lot needed to be improved.
He stretched and filled a cup with coffee, as his mobile started making a buzzing sound.
He smiled, when he saw it was a message from Jin, opening it to read.
Everything’s fine, we arrived and I just got into my apartment. It’s not that late, but I’ll go to bed, though. It was a long trip. Wrote you even before my mom, even though I didn’t get that long and loving last kiss. By the way: good morning.
Kazuya grinned and sat down at the table, turning on the TV to watch the morning news. Then he typed in his answer, while nipping his coffee.
Did you know you actually kiss back in your sleep, too? I recently found out you do. I’m glad you’re okay, take care and enjoy your time. Work hard.
By the way: good night, Jin.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I'll leave it open for me to come back anytime, and whenever I want."
I just copy Jin here and hope you all get the hint XD
I feel like Kamen's never really going to end O_o
However, I hope you enjoyed this oneshot! Thanks to everyone who read! ♥
Only, when there were meetings for the whole band, the topic was discussed, but Kazuya kept in his spot, saying things would turn out okay, that they all had to give their best in what they were doing.
Jin couldn’t help but feel upset about it.
It felt, as if Kazuya actually wanted him to leave.
Jin knew that wasn’t true, and just his imagination, but still, it felt, as if he didn’t care much about whether Jin was with him or not.
They wouldn’t see each other for six long months, how could it be that easy for Kazuya, when only the thought of it made Jin lose his mind?
But everything was normal, when they were together; the teasing, the conversations, the closeness. Nothing had changed.
Kazuya threw Jin a glance, as he stood at his drawer, trying to find something to pull over. Even though it was late March already, it still was too cold, somehow.
“I am freezing, I need to put something on”, he explained, pulling a pullover over his head and his shirt then.
“You’ll spend the day indoors, don’t you?”
Kazuya shrugged a shoulder, dropped the topic. “Will we meet tonight?”
Jin looked down at his blanket. He still lay in bed, since he didn’t have to leave before noon. It wasn’t even six yet, but Kazuya had recordings and dance training. It was strange, he thought, for him to not do the same schedule as the band.
“I’m having a meeting for new songs this evening. We start to work on them, so I’ll probably work the whole night.”
Kazuya smiled. “How many more are you adding?”
Shrugging, Jin put his head back to the pillow. “A few, I guess.”
“So, I’ll go home tonight”, the younger one picked up their previous topic again.
Jin nodded slowly, listened to Kazuya getting dressed, then it went quiet and Jin closed his eyes, almost drifting into sleep again.
When he noticed the mattress dipping under a weight, he blinked his eyes open and saw Kazuya sitting by his side, at the edge of the bed.
“What’s wrong, Jin”, he asked and caressed his hair and cheek gently. “You seem a bit more quiet than usual.”
Jin shifted to his side, put his arm under his head and looked up to Kazuya’s face. “My flight is booked and everything’s set now.”
For a moment, Jin thought he saw something lit up in Kazuya’s eyes, some worry, some fear, even, but at the next glance, his features were calm, his look gentle and just nice. “So, they’ll get the news out these days, won’t they?”
Jin frowned. “Don’t you want to know, when?”
Releasing an awkward laugh, Kazuya nodded. “Ah, yes, of course I do.”
“May ninth”, Jin said dryly.
Kazuya swallowed thickly, tried not to let Jin see how much that put him off. “So, we will even start the tour, before you’ll leave.”
“Is work all you think about?”
Kazuya’s features froze, the smile on his lips fading. “Eh?”
“I mean, I was just telling you the date I would leave and you talk about work?” Jin didn’t change his position; he looked like he was going back to sleep any minute.
Trying to keep his calm, Kazuya shifted slightly in his position. “We’re scheduled for Sendai the day before; that was what worried me.”
“So, we’ll have to say goodbye the day before you leave to Sendai, I think.”
“You’ll be working then”, Kazuya noted.
“I’ll make sure to take the evening off, no matter what.” Jin still looked at him, saw Kazuya smile slightly, sadly, in a way.
“You don’t have to, I know the preparations are going to take a lot of time and I don’t want you to miss any of that, just because of me.”
Jin kept silent, just looked at Kazuya, then he rolled over, facing with his back to the younger male. “I really don’t get you.”
Kazuya looked at his lap, bit his lip to hold back from saying what was on his mind. It wouldn’t help them.
Jin was leaving, however, so there was no use in telling his true feelings.
“It’s probably easier if we don’t make it dramatic, you know?”
Jin shrugged a shoulder. “If that’s what you want, then I’ll just say goodbye to you, when saying goodbye to the others.”
Kazuya hesitated. Of course, he didn’t want that. Of course, he wanted to spend the night before Jin’s leave with him, hold him for a last time, stay awake, just to take in as much as he could. He would have to miss it for too long after that.
“That’s fine then”, he finally said.
Jin closed his eyes, held back from getting angry with Kazuya. He didn’t want to fight right now, not at a time like this. They didn’t have much of it left.
“It’ll cover the media today, so, in a way, it’s getting official.”
Kazuya nodded, knowing Jin couldn’t see it, so he forced a simple “I see".
“It starts to feel real.”
Hearing those words sent a shudder through Kazuya and he took a deep breath. It had felt so painfully real to him since the day Jin had told him already. “You’re getting more excited then.”
Jin didn’t answer and Kazuya watched his back for a while, before he reached out his hand to run a finger down the older man’s spine.
“Get some more sleep.”
There was still no reaction and Kazuya swallowed, pressed his lips together, before he got up to leave the room.
Jin’s behaviour was strange and made him feel uneasy. He didn’t quite know how to react to his words and if his support showed at all.
Kazuya always felt, as if all of it was drowned in his fear and anxiousness and as if Jin could look right through it.
Probably that was, why Jin was so cold, why he acted so distant.
“Jin”, Kazuya silently said at the door and waited for Jin to turn around to look at him. His eyes were calm and expectant. “Call me, when you have time, okay?”
A smile formed in Jin’s features and he nodded, lifting his hand to wave slightly. Kazuya waved back, smiled, as well.
“I will.”
Kazuya yawned loudly, when he came into the office and walked up to the training rooms. Just like all the other days, recently, he’d have vocal training in the morning, then dance lessons with the other four and after that, they’d have a meeting for the concert shows.
The plan was quite strict, but it was okay for him; after all, he was used to it, since he basically done those schedules a million times before, as it felt to him.
When he saw Tegoshi at the end of the corridor, he waved and called him, making the other male turn.
“Ah, Kame-kun!” Tegoshi smiled brightly, approaching him. “Long time no see.”
“It’s been a while, hasn’t it?” Kazuya nodded. “How are you doing?”
“Concert meetings and rehearsals, practicing new songs. I guess, it’s the same for you.”
“Basically”, Kazuya agreed. “We’ll have a lot to do.”
“Ah, right”, Tegoshi said then and tilted his head. “Akanishi-kun’s going overseas, isn’t he?”
Kazuya hesitated a bit, before nodding. “Right.”
“How come? What did he do?”
It made Kazuya giggle. Tegoshi was naturally competitive, but this was so typically him. “He obviously worked hard, Tegoshi.”
“Ah, sure, but, he didn’t work harder than anyone of you did, did he?” Tegoshi looked pretty serious.
“I wouldn’t say that. Just in a different direction, I guess.”
Tegoshi frowned, pulled a non-understanding face and shrugged a shoulder then. “Well, if you say so. You know him better.”
Kazuya nodded, before he shuffled his feet a bit. “How is Masuda-kun doing?”
“Oh, it’s fine. He’s still a bit mad at you, though, for saying we’d be a better team than Tegomasu.” Tegoshi grinned a bit.
Kazuya laughed at that, feeling more relaxed, when he didn’t have to talk about Jin. “That was only a joke to tease him, he shouldn’t take it serious.”
“It’s probably good he did”, the light brunette answered and then turned, as the door behind them opened.
“Yuya, are you…” Masuda fell silent and then bowed his head. “Ah, hey, Kamenashi-kun.”
Kazuya raised his hand and nodded slightly. “Well, then, Tegoshi, I better get to practice.”
“It was nice to see you”, Tegoshi said and smiled brightly again. “Oh, that reminds me”, he added then and made Kazuya turn once more. “I met Uchi earlier. We agreed on having dinner today. Do you want to come with us?”
“Yuya”, Masuda said from the door, sounding impatient.
Kazuya nodded quickly. “Send me a mail where and when, okay?”
He watched, how Tegoshi walked over and gave Masuda’s shoulder a light push, mumbling something to him and Kazuya just had to grin.
Then he hurried upstairs and to the room, they had practice in.
Ueda and Nakamaru were already there, wishing him a good morning. Kazuya greeted back and then put his bag down, getting out a bottle of water.
He frowned when he noticed that the shirt, he had put into his back his morning to change into after training, was one of Jin’s.
Tracing a finger over the fabric, he smiled slightly, thinking that it had been a while, since he had last worn any of Jin’s clothes.
His head shot up, when the others called him and he noticed Koki and Taguchi had arrived already, so he got over to join them and start rehearsals.
After they were finished with their vocal training, practicing a few songs of the new album, they changed rooms. In the huge gym room with large mirrors along one wall, Kis-my-Ft2 were already waiting for them, warming up.
Kazuya greeted all in a friendly way, having a small talk with Fujigaya, before they got started. He concentrated on his steps, working hard to get everything done well as soon as possible.
When everyone else took a break for lunch, Kazuya stood in, kept on practicing the dance they’ve just been at. He knew, if he stopped now, his thoughts would go back to that one thing he always thought about, as soon as he wasn’t busy.
Keeping himself busy, and at work, thinking about the things that were necessary to do, that kept Kazuya from drowning in self-pity and angst.
The day went by faster than he would have expected and by the time, they all got changed, he checked his mobile for the first time, finding he had received several messages.
One was from Koki, a picture of his bowl of ramen attached and the text read: It’s so delicious, you seriously miss something.
Kazuya grinned over that. The other one was from Tegoshi, telling him a time and a restaurant they would meet up.
The third one was from Jin, a picture of him a friend, one of the songwriters Kazuya knew as well, both flashing peace signs and with their hoodies up. The text was short, only saying: I’ll go out tonight; we celebrate finishing a song in one day.
Kazuya pressed a few buttons and send a reply that was just as simple: Will go out with Tegoshi and Uchi for dinner and a few drinks later.
He didn’t even know if Jin expected an answer to that, but he probably just wanted Kazuya to not feel lonely.
Checking his watch, Kazuya noticed he was quite late if he wanted to meet Uchi and Tegoshi in time, so he bid everyone goodbye and left quickly.
When he arrived at the café, the other two were already sitting at a table, having a drink.
“I’m sorry, rehearsals took a bit longer.”
“That’s fine”, Uchi said and pointed at the empty seat across from him. “We ordered a wine for you.”
“Oh, thanks”, Kazuya mumbled and put his wallet and mobile to the table. “I am surprised you’re free, actually”, he pointed out to Tegoshi then. “Don’t have soccer training, usually?”
“At the moment it suits my schedule better in the mornings”, the youngest one answered. “So, we shifted it there.”
“Are your team mates that flexible?”
He shook his head. “I play in different teams, so I train with another one at the moment than last month.”
Uchi frowned. “That’s a bit much of trouble.”
“It’s working fine. As long as I can play.”
Kazuya laughed slightly. “We should probably all be as carefree as Tegoshi-chan.”
“I’m not carefree.”
“But you just do your thing”, Kazuya countered. “The way it’s best for you.”
Tegoshi shrugged a shoulder, glanced at Uchi. “If it’s not good for me and what I want, why would I do it in the first place then?”
For a moment, Kazuya just stared at him, blinked his eyes a few times, then he cracked a smile. “Well, that’s true, I guess.”
Strangely, hearing those words, it made Kazuya wonder why exactly he went through what he went through at the moment. He definitely didn’t do that for himself, but for Jin and for what they had.
But it didn’t get himself anywhere but into a total dilemma.
To not let Uchi and Tegoshi notice his thoughts, he tried to forget about it, pretended to be in a good mood, and after a few drinks, actually, it went quite well.
It was almost one in the morning, when Tegoshi’s phone rang and he picked up with a worried look. He had had a bit too many drinks probably, since he stumbled slightly, as he got up, excusing himself.
Kazuya and Uchi were left alone and it fell silent between them for a moment, then Uchi leaned in a bit, refilling Kazuya’s glass with Sake.
“You know, I was worrying a bit, when I heard about Jin.”
Kazuya looked at him, managed a smile. “Ah, well, thanks. But he’ll be fine over there. He has an aim.”
Uchi giggled. “Not for him. Why would I worry for him?” he shook his head. “I was worried because of you.”
“Oh, well”, Kazuya answered and looked at the table. “That’s not necessary.” Uchi bit his lip, wanted to say something, but Kazuya got up then, searched his bag. “I’ll get some fresh air.”
With that he walked out of the room, taking his bag with him, but leaving his wallet and mobile.
Uchi stayed, waited for Tegoshi who seemed to had gotten lost and sighed slightly, not knowing what exactly to do.
A beeping sound let him wince and he saw Kazuya’s phone blinking, fleshing something at the display.
While that, Kazuya had left the restaurant for a small backstreet and leaned against the wall, getting out a package of cigarettes. Lazily, he tapped one out, lit it up and took a deep drag, before he tilted his head back.
It was warm for an April’s night.
Somehow, Kazuya felt completely wasted, though he only had had a couple of drinks so far. It had been nice, a funny conversation between men, and yet, he still felt so down.
He did, all the time, actually, and it started to make him upset.
When someone came around the corner, he tilted his head and looked at Uchi.
“Tegoshi left, he said something about Massu being not able to handle Tinny-chan.”
Kazuya frowned. “She is a small dog, how is he not able to handle that?”
“Massu’s afraid of dogs”, Uchi just explained and leaned next to Kazuya.
“It’s not the best base for a relationship, but it could be worse, I guess”, Kazuya commented dryly.
Uchi laughed and held out his hand, handing Kazuya his wallet and mobile. “It blinked, I guess a call?”
“Oh, thanks.” The older male checked it; found there was another mail from Jin, longer this time.
“I guess I am having a déjà-vu.”
Kazuya looked up, without having read the message. He took a drag from his cigarette and eyed Uchi for a moment.
“I don’t.”
Uchi smiled slightly. “You know, I figured this must trouble you after all. I mean the whole thing about Jin leaving. He’s not just leaving the band, is he?”
Kazuya bit his lip, fighting with himself, whether to talk up or not. “Just because he leaves doesn’t mean I forget what he means to me. I am not going to repeat any of my mistakes.”
“That’s not what I am talking about.” Uchi looked at his feet, buried his hands in his pockets. “You can’t tell me you’re completely okay with that. I mean, you told me and you made it pretty clear that you love him, didn’t you?”
“I just said that”, Kazuya pointed out to his previous comment.
“Then don’t pretend as if you’d be fine.”
“I don’t…”
“You do”, Uchi silenced him, turning to watch him. “You act as if you’d be completely okay with that.”
“What would it change?” Kazuya’s voice was quiet. “If I’d whine about how much I want him to stay? There is no way, Uchi, so I’d better be supportive and make him leave with a clear conscience that I am fine, when he’s gone.”
“You won’t be.”
“Of course not.”
Uchi sighed. “That’s no good, Kazuya.”
The older male tensed. “That doesn’t matter and it’s still Kame for you.”
Smiling, Uchi took a few steps closer. “You know, just in case that you need someone, you can always call.”
Kazuya looked up at him and in that moment, he did have a déjà-vu, after all; it sent a shudder down his spine.
“You’re too close, Uchi”, he said coldly.
His mobile started ringing, a cheerful melody breaking through the silence. Kazuya made a step back, raised it to see Jin’s name flashing at the display.
“I told you, I don’t repeat my mistakes, no matter the circumstances.” Turning around, he picked up. “Jin, you really have a perfect timing.”
“Why, where you just about to kiss Uchi”, Jin asked jokingly.
Kazuya managed a tired laugh. “Not really.”
“I just thought I’d ask where exactly you guys are? You probably want to join us?”
“Tegoshi just went home and I guess I am not in the mood, but Uchi….”
“Nah, it’s fine”, Jin stopped him and Kazuya smiled. “If you don’t come, I definitely don’t need the other two around.”
“Then, you’re just heading for one of the clubs”, Kazuya wanted to know.
“Yeah, with the guys. It’s fun.”
“I’ll see you sometime soon then.”
“I hate it, when you say that, it means you plan to avoid me.”
Kazuya chuckled. “Jin”, he asked then, his voice a bit softer.
“Hm?”
“It’s shorter from here to your place. Is it okay if I sleep there?”
Jin didn’t answer for a moment. “Since when do you ask? I gave you a key, didn’t I?”
“Yeah”, Kazuya answered, took a deep breath. “Yeah, I know.”
“I’ll see you in the morning then”, Jin said and Kazuya hummed slightly, before he hung up.
Uchi was waiting at the corner and he felt relieved for having gotten over his fears; this time he had done everything right. Even though he had been confused and had been mentally torn, he hadn’t given in and had made Jin his priority.
He took a taxi, and as he came to Jin’s flat, he looked at the key in his hand, remembered Jin’s words. It was true, he had given this to Kazuya, so he could come here anytime. Just as he had given his to Jin.
He walked in, closing the door behind him and making his way to the bedroom, changing out of his clothes and into a shirt that was tugged beneath the pillow. It was his pillow in Jin’s bed his shirt always being placed there.
He wondered, if Jin would leave the apartment just as last time. He hadn’t said anything about that so far.
It wouldn’t be the same, coming here, though, Kazuya thought, as he slid beneath the blanket. He wouldn’t come here anymore expecting Jin to lie down beside him any time at night.
Curling up beneath the blanket, Kazuya drifted into sleep, forgetting about it, while falling into some dream.
Jin found him like that, several hours later. It was almost five in the morning and he was more than tired. Even so, as he saw Kazuya cuddled up beneath the blanket, he hurried quietly to change and then lay down next to him, his head propped on his arm. He watched his lover’s features and smiled slightly.
He knew Kazuya had to be suffering from all this. He usually was just really sentimental, when he was drunk, and probably he had been drunk earlier, but Jin doubted, that it had only been that.
Slowly, Jin followed the line of Kazuya’s jaw with his finger, down to his neck and up again. He watched Kazuya’s eyes blinking open and a soft smile formed in the younger man’s face. “Hey.”
“Each time again, it’s nice finding you in my bed.”
Kazuya’s smile got wider and he shifted closer to Jin, an arm coming around his waist. “You drank too much.”
“I think so.” Jin put his head down, let Kazuya spread the blanket over him. “I’ll miss this”, he quietly said then.
Kazuya froze in his movement and his eyes got wider.
“But I can’t stay, Kazuya”, Jin added and caressed the younger male’s hair.
Freeing himself from Jin’s arms, Kazuya sat up. “What is this about, Jin?”
“I…”
“I never asked you to stay, did I?”
Jin expectantly looked at him.
“I said I’d support you”, Kazuya added. “I did support you, didn’t I?”
“Well, you did”, Jin answered and rolled over, lying on his back to look directly at Kazuya. “But you don’t even want to, do you?”
Not actually processing what Jin was talking about, Kazuya slowly shook his head. “You doubt me?”
“Well, I just feel like I want to stay more than you actually want me to stay.”
Silence lay between them after that and Kazuya shifted, tugged the heavy blanket off of himself.
“Kazuya…”
“No, Jin”, he sharply said and looked for his clothes. “You’re a selfish idiot.”
“The hell, I am selfish? You act as if you couldn’t wait for the day I am going to leave!”
Turning, Kazuya put on his shirt, looked for the scarf he had worn. “Do you think I’m stupid, Jin? Why would I ask you to stay?”
“Because you love me?”
Kazuya wanted to hit him for that retarded answer. “Oh, sure and then, when we’re on tour with the band, you would start to get depressed and for the rest of your life you’d make me responsible for your miss.”
Jin fell silent, stared.
“No way in hell, I will let you do that. If you want to stay, stay”, Kazuya said, picking up his bag. “If you want to leave, leave. It’s your decision and I won’t take any responsibility for your life, Jin.”
The older one followed him out of the bedroom, trying to hold him back. “That was not…”
“It was, Jin. You would like to stay, but you don’t want to do it for yourself. You don’t want to tell yourself one day, that it’s your fault you missed the greatest chance in your life.”
Jin let go of Kazuya’s wrist, let him get into his boots and to the door.
“I won’t be the one you can blame later on, Jin, I just don’t want to take that part, only because I have the power to make you stay.”
Jin didn’t answer, let Kazuya leave. He pressed his lips together, palmed his face and let go of a sigh.
He was afraid, Kazuya had been completely right.
They had done the first concert for the tour, just a try out, but everything had gone alright and Kazuya was satisfied.
He had been afraid, things wouldn’t go that smoothly and that that gap would be too huge, but they had made it with elegance, had perfectly played together to fill it and to even make the people forget there even was one in the first place.
The band was doing well without Jin, they had done it before and Kazuya knew they were able to pull it off again.
Yet, that gap between him and Jin, that gap Jin would leave behind for Kazuya, it was hard to take.
It was a few the days after their rehearsal concert; they were scheduled to leave for Sendai the next morning and they just had their last meeting.
Jin was there, not adding much, though. In his mind, he probably was far from all that.
“So, since we’re leaving for Sendai tomorrow morning, this will be the last time for you to work with Akanishi. His flight is scheduled for Sunday.”
The other members turned their heads to him, expectantly watching him.
Jin hated situations like this, saying goodbye and people getting all sentimental. Although, he thought it probably would only be Nakamaru getting sentimental.
He looked up, his hair tugged back in a tail, his glasses on. “I guess that means Goodbye then?”
“Already? I wasn’t prepared”, Ueda said and leaned across the table.
Jin smiled slightly. “Let’s not make this big, guys. It’s not forever.”
“But a long time, though”, Nakamaru remarked.
Koki was the first to get out of his chair. “You know, I have an appointment to keep, so I won’t take much time for this.” He patted Jin’s shoulder. “Rock them over there.”
Jin looked at him and nodded, holding out his fist for Koki to strike it slightly with his. Then, Koki turned on his heels and left the room.
“He so doesn’t have an appointment”, Taguchi pointed everyone’s thoughts out and then smiled brightly at Jin. “Give it your all. And call sometime, or just… let us know how you’re doing.”
Jin just nodded.
Ueda and Nakamaru told him basically the same, to take care, to give his best and work hard, to come back home healthy and well.
Kazuya kept still in his chair across from him all the time, keeping quiet, not obviously paying attention even.
He just stared at his hands at the table.
Nakamaru, Ueda and Taguchi left with the managers; Ueda turned at the door. “Kame, are you coming?”
Kazuya got up, smiled at him. “Yeah, sure.” He picked up his things and then took a deep breath, before he finally looked at Jin.
“I’m…” His voice trailed off.
Jin stood up and approached him. “You wish me luck, want me to take care and hope for everything to go well. I basically get the idea.”
Kazuya looked at him, unimpressed. “Drop me a message somewhere when you get there, okay? Just so I know you’re okay.”
“My mom told me the same.”
Shrugging a shoulder, Kazuya turned to the door. “She loves you quite much, that’s just natural.”
Jin smiled at that. “Kazuya”, he held the other one back then.
He turned to give Jin a last look. “Hm?”
“I’ll clear as many ways as I can for us, I promise.” Jin gave him a stern look.
It was a gentle smile he got as an answer.
Nothing more.
It felt like it had been years, since Kazuya had last cried that much. Even so, he could remember the last time quite well.
It wasn’t quite fair, he thought, that it was always Jin who made him cry. Kazuya basically didn’t cry for any other reason, it was always because of Jin.
Upset with that and how things had somehow turned out in the end, he lay in his bed, wondering, if he should take this last chance to do something about it.
But if he’d get to see Jin now, he’d probably just do exactly what Jin wanted him to do. Beg him to stay, ask him not to go, not to leave Kazuya.
The thought alone, the thought of the next six months, drove Kazuya insane.
He closed his eyes and his breath evened, he felt tiredness taking over him.
When he heard a clicking sound, his eyes flew open again, though and he tensed. He wasn’t like Jin, afraid of the dark, but unusual sounds made him feel uneasy, as well.
He sniffled slightly, when he dried his face with a hand and sat up to listen more closely.
“Kazuya.”
When he heard that voice, Kazuya tensed again, stared at the door.
“I know, we agreed on saying goodbye, when I’d tell the others goodbye”, Jin said, his voice perfectly audible through the wooden door.
Kazuya frowned, his expression puzzled. He couldn’t move.
“But somehow, it felt wrong, leaving that way.” Jin hesitated for a moment. “I don’t want to leave when I’m in a fight with you. That’s not right, is it?”
Jin looked at the door, touched the frame slightly. He wasn’t used to talk about his feelings like that, so, saying it like this, was a bit easier. Kazuya was probably sleeping, anyways.
“I won’t come in”, he said. “So, I basically don’t really break that agreement. We don’t see each other after saying goodbye anymore. It’s actually like a call, isn’t it?”
He fell silent, knowing he lost himself in unimportant details to avoid the heavy words he was about to say.
“I think you were right. With you asking me to stay, it would have been a lot easier for me.” He pressed his lips together. “And I would have blamed you. It’s good you know me that well, you know.”
Jin uncomfortably looked over his shoulder, as if to check if anyone had followed him, then he leaned against the door frame.
“I am sorry. I just… I just wanted you to at least show me that it’s not that easy for you. I mean, it hurt to see you acting as if it wouldn’t make any difference to you where I am.”
He waited again, unsure what to add.
“Don’t be mad at me, okay? I don’t want to leave knowing you’re still mad at me.”
He heard a rustling from inside and gripped the door handle, pulled it against the frame, as Kazuya took hold of it from the other side.
“You can’t, Kazuya. We had an agreement…”
“Jin.”
He silenced at that, heard that shaky undertone, that seriousness in Kazuya’s voice. His grip loosened and the door slowly opened.
Kazuya came into his sight and he remained in his spot, leaning against the door frame.
“It’s not like I don’t care where you are.”
Jin nodded simply.
“If I’d tell you that I want you to stay, it would only make both of us feel even more miserable, wouldn’t it?”
Again, he got a nod for that.
“So, isn’t it better to just support you?”
This time, Jin shrugged a shoulder, looked to the ground. “I don’t know. You made it look like you don’t care.”
Kazuya closed the distance between them, came closer, but didn’t touch Jin. “You should know better.”
Jin raised his head to look at Kazuya and held up the key in front of his face. “This. I am going to take it with me.” He shook it a bit and then let is disappear in his fist. “I’ll leave it open for me to come back anytime, and whenever I want.”
Kazuya relaxed and a smile formed in his face. “You know you always can.”
Jin smiled and leaned in, caught Kazuya’s lips with his. He cupped the younger one’s face with one hand and ran his thumb over the smooth skin.
“You cried”, he noticed.
Kazuya shook his head. “I never would.”
“I’m sorry”, Jin said, though, ignoring Kazuya’s words.
“It’s fine, just…” Kazuya pulled him closer again, into another kiss.
Jin shoved Kazuya backwards back into the room and to his bed, never breaking the kiss, when they fell to the sheets, quickly developing kisses to more.
Later, as they lay close to each other, holding each other, Kazuya closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, inhaled Jin’s scent, before saying what he had wanted to say, ever since Jin had called him to tell him he would leave.
“I’ll miss you.”
Jin smiled, pulled him closer. “I know.”
“You won’t give up your apartment, will you”, Kazuya asked.
“No, you can go there whenever you want.”
“Probably, when the tour is over.”
Jin nodded, his hand lazily caressing Kazuya’s back. “Sleeping would be quite some waste of time now, huh?”
“Go to sleep if you’re tired.”
“I have a feeling you won’t wake me up, when you leave in the morning.”
Kazuya smiled. “We’ve made enough fuss over it now, didn’t we?”
Jin felt sleep taking over him and he buried his face in Kazuya’s hair, feeling at ease and relaxed. “I guess I deserve a long and loving last kiss, don’t you think?”
Kazuya chuckled slightly. “You’ve got enough of them just now.”
As Jin didn’t answer anymore, Kazuya closed his eyes, as well, his hand at Jin’s bare back and his head comfortably bedded on Jin’s shoulder.
He was still in quite the same position, as he woke up the next morning, sleepy, but feeling a lot better.
Jin was sleeping peacefully, as always, completely ignoring the sounds of the alarm.
Kazuya carefully made his way out of bed and changed, got ready for leaving in a mere fifteen minutes.
He decided to buy coffee somewhere on his way and brought his bag to the door, before he sneaked into his bedroom again, finding Jin still in the same position.
Kazuya smiled, stroked his hair, gently shoving it out of Jin’s face and then leaned in, brushing their lips together.
He gently nipped Jin’s, pecked them a few time, before he noticed Jin returning the moves lazily.
Kazuya straightened again and held back a laugh, watching Jin with gentle eyes. After all, it probably was nothing but an instinct, but Kazuya still was happy about it.
With a last look he turned and quietly closed the door behind himself.
It was an early Monday morning and Kazuya was back in Tokyo, in his flat, feeling tired from the lack of sleep. They rehearsed a lot, since the concert hadn’t been perfect at all. A lot needed to be improved.
He stretched and filled a cup with coffee, as his mobile started making a buzzing sound.
He smiled, when he saw it was a message from Jin, opening it to read.
Everything’s fine, we arrived and I just got into my apartment. It’s not that late, but I’ll go to bed, though. It was a long trip. Wrote you even before my mom, even though I didn’t get that long and loving last kiss. By the way: good morning.
Kazuya grinned and sat down at the table, turning on the TV to watch the morning news. Then he typed in his answer, while nipping his coffee.
Did you know you actually kiss back in your sleep, too? I recently found out you do. I’m glad you’re okay, take care and enjoy your time. Work hard.
By the way: good night, Jin.
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"I'll leave it open for me to come back anytime, and whenever I want."
I just copy Jin here and hope you all get the hint XD
I feel like Kamen's never really going to end O_o
However, I hope you enjoyed this oneshot! Thanks to everyone who read! ♥